“Nat…” I plead, but the line is dead. “Shit,” I mutter, letting my phone drop to my lap. “Shit,” I mutter again as I take my face out of my hand and open my eyes. Paxton is sitting in one of the chairs across from me. “How long have you been sitting there?”
He’s leaned forward in his chair, his elbows resting on his knees. His face full of concern. “Since you told Nat you weren’t going to fuck up my show for her. I told you, Jessa, we don’t gotta do that show. We haven’t signed anything. It’s nothing I can’t get out of. Call her back and tell her we’re going to River Bluff.”
I smile at him. Paxton’s hard exterior and harsh words are misleading. He’s always willing to disregard the importance of his own life for the people he cares about. Which I now find shocking after I got to see firsthand the way he grew up. Clearly, his mom never gave up anything she wanted for Paxton. In fact, she went out of her way to make sure he was miserable. Pax never says anything bad about Gabriel but as far as I can tell his dad never went out of his way for Paxton either. He just let Paxton live his life with him. He was never really a parent. Paxton’s never had anyone willing to put him and his needs before their own. Not until me. I want to do that for him. I want to be there for him like his parents should have been. “It’s not a big deal, Pax. I’ll make it home eventually- she’ll live.”
“It’s not a big deal?” he says, his face all twisted. “Your best friend’s wedding is a bigger deal then some stupid show we’re playing. Call her back and tell her you’ll be there.”
“No,” I tell him, crossing my left leg over my right, causing my skirt to open up and reveal my leg up to my mid-thigh. “I’m staying here with you,” I tell him, thinking about the way he ran his hands up the slit this morning, suggesting that it was not appropriate for class even though it’s so long it covers my boots. I am fully aware that I’m trying to distract him and I don’t feel bad. He doesn’t need to be worrying about Nat’s bridesmaid dress shopping plans right now.
His nostrils flare as he takes in my bare flesh, but his eyes eventually make their way back to mine. “You can’t just give everything up for me, beso. If she needs you, you need to be there.”
“Drop it, Paxton. We’re staying here.”
He shakes his head at me. “We’ll talk about it later. You’re late for class.”
“I might as well just skip it,” I tell him, grabbing my skirt and pulling it off both of my legs, uncrossing them and opening them up to him.
Paxton’s eyes are back on my legs. I smile, watching his breaths quicken as he runs his hand through his hair, the conflict clear in his eyes.
He stands and comes to me, propping one of his hands on the wall, the other one gripping down on my upper thigh. His intense eyes bore into mine and I can hear the breaths coming out of his clenched teeth. His hand pushes up my thigh until it is wrapped around my crotch. I suck in a hard breath and fist his shirt. His lips move to mine and my tongue tastes them. “You can’t blow off everything that’s important to you for me. Get to fucking class,” he rasps against my lips before removing his hand and standing before walking away.
“What the hell,” I mutter through my ragged breaths. Did he really just walk away from me? I laugh to myself, shaking my head. My body is totally agitated, assuming I had Paxton, that he was going to be inside of me. “Asshole,” I mutter, covering my legs back up and standing. Jesus, I guess I’m going to class.
I head down the hallway and into the classroom. I can feel the majority of eyes focused on me and I wonder if everyone can see how turned on I am. Heat is still coursing through my body and it’s painful to walk. “Have a seat, Miss Fairfield,” Professor Hunt tells me and only then do I realize I’m paused at the back of the room. I take the nearest desk and I can feel someone staring at me. I turn my annoyed eyes their way, but smile when I see Darin’s shit eating grin. He wags his brows at me and I roll my eyes, turning back to the front of the classroom.
Darin’s the first real friend I’ve made outside of Paxton’s friends. Maybe friend is not the right word. I mean, we don’t hang out outside of class but we always seem to gravitate towards each other. He’s a fashion design major, like me, and three out of my four classes this quarter are with him.
As Professor Hunt speaks, my mind wanders back to Paxton and Natalie, so when he claps his hands loudly and tells us to “Get to it,” I have no idea what he’s talking about.
“Are you going to be my partner?” Darin asks me.
“Partner for what?”
He gives me a disappointed look before letting out a long breath. “Don’t worry about it. Just sit there and look pretty, I got this covered,” he says before getting out of his desk and heading to the front of the room. When he comes back he pushes his desk into mine and throws down a plastic bag full of fabric swatches. “Are you a little distracted this afternoon?” he asks with a playful smile.
“Why would you say that?”
“I was running late for class too… legs. So I will categorize the fabric swatches. You just sit back and tell me what had that boy of yours looking so intense.”
I grab a handful of swatches and the sheet of labels from Darin’s hand. “Why don’t I categorize and you talk.”
“Because, Jessa, I haven’t gotten any action for a month- I have nothing to talk about. You, on the other hand, are dating the hottest guy I’ve ever seen and I want to know what that look on his face was about.”
I chew on the inside of my lip, trying to stop myself from smiling. Paxton’s charms are not limited to women- Darin’s developed a little crush on him.
“Are you two fighting? And if you are, do you think there is a chance your man is bisexual because I think he’s got something going for me.” Last week Darin took it upon himself to meet Paxton, and to run his hand over the back of Paxton’s head, admiring his undercut. Paxton didn’t flinch, but Darin broke out into a full on blush.
“I’m pretty sure Paxton is not bisexual. And no, we’re not fighting.” I tell him, focusing on the fabrics in front of me. “We may have had a disagreement.”
“What about?”
“My best friend from home is getting married and I was supposed to go home for spring break, but Paxton’s band has a gig that week that we can’t miss. He wanted to blow it off so we could be there for her.”
“He’s in a band?” Darin practically pants. “What instrument does he play?”
“I don’t know if you can handle this…” I tell him, pausing to enjoy the anticipation on his face, “he plays a long, sleek, black, guitar.” I smile as Darin’s eyes go big with excitement. “And he’s the lead singer. And yes, his voice is deep and raspy and sexy as hell.”
“Are you kidding me? God, I am in love with him. What’s the name of his band?”
“Polly.”
Darin’s hand clamps down on my arm. “Polly? He is Polly’s lead singer?”
“You’ve heard of them.”
“Oh my god. Everyone’s heard of them. I can’t believe you are dating the lead singer from Polly. Holy shit.”
I grab another handful of fabric, hoping Darin will do the same. It’s strange to me that people get so worked up just ‘cause he’s in a band. I mean, I obviously get it, but it’s bad enough that I have to deal with the random girls on the streets throwing themselves at him and telling him they love him, but now my male friend is obsessed too.
“Sorry,” he tells me, picking up on my annoyed vibe. “This is not about me. We were talking about your friend and her wedding. Did you know, Jessa, that women outlive men by an average of five years?”
I look at Darin with confusion on my face. “What?”
“Someday Paxton will be dead and all you are going to have is your girlfriends.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m saying, don’t let yourself forget about everyone in your life besides him. Especially your friends. I’ve seen it happen too many times. My sister, for instance. She got married w
hen she was nineteen. She dropped out of college and gave everything up for that asshole. Totally abandoned all her friends, all her interests – her entire life – so she could devote herself to that piece of trash man. She’s spent the last eighteen years of her life cooking and cleaning and raising his kids and then… he left her. I mean, I’ve known him my whole life and he was always a total scum bag. I could have told her when I was five that he didn’t really give a shit about her. And yet she gave up everything for him. Her kids are pretty much grown, she has no education or useful skills, and guess who her one friend is? My mom. And that is just pathetic. It’s a sad, sad situation. I’m not saying your man is scum, I’m just saying, even if you live happily ever after, one day he will die and you will need someone to play bridge with. Are you pretty good friends with you mom?”
All I can do is stare at Darin and let out a crazy sounding laugh. The kid just hit on every issue I have with trust and commitment with his stupid little rant. He’s right. Nat’s right. Shit, even Paxton’s right. Maybe I shouldn’t give everything up for him. I mean… I’m not giving everything up for him. I’m going to school. I still have Emily, hopefully I still have Nat. And yes, most of my friends in Chicago are Paxton’s friends and my life here pretty much revolves around him, but that’s what happens when you share your life with someone. It all just kind of becomes morphed together – it’s normal, right?
I zone out through the rest of class on autopilot as I label fabrics and listen to Darin prattle on about relationships, then music and whatever other random stuff spews out of his mind.
When Darin and I walk out of the classroom I expect Paxton to be there, but he’s not. Maybe he really is mad at me. But as we walk out of the building I see him sitting on the curb and I start to breathe again. “I can’t believe the lead singer of Polly just waits outside of buildings for you all day. You are one lucky bitch,” Darin says under his breath.
Paxton turns and sees us, he stands and my breath hitches. Darin is right. Paxton is the most desirable man that has ever lived. It’s strange that he is willing to wait around outside of buildings for me. When I’m close enough Paxton reaches out and pulls me into his arms, staring down at me with desire in his eyes.
“How’s it going?” Darin asks him.
Paxton pulls his eyes off me and looks at him like he didn’t realize he was standing there. “Hey, man,” he says before turning his attention back to me.
“I love your band. I didn’t realize the other day when I met you who you were but, man… I love you,” Darin tells him with appreciation in his voice and I can’t help but smirk.
Pax lets out a breath and releases me, turning his attention, which Darin is pining for, to my friend. “I appreciate that.”
“No problem,” Darin says with a big smile on his face as he stares at Paxton.
Paxton nods his head and shoves his hands in his pockets.
“Okay, well, I’ll catch you guys later,” Darin says, snapping out of his daze and walking away from us.
I look up at Paxton, not able to keep the smile off my face. “I think someone’s got a crush on you.”
Paxton raises his eyebrows at me. “As long as it’s me he wants and not you, I’m cool with it.”
“It’s definitely you he wants.” I bring my hand to Paxton’s face, running my fingers over his lips. “Everybody wants you,” I whisper.
“That shit you pulled before class was not cool, beso.”
“I can’t believe you walked away from me.”
“I can’t believe I had to jerk off in the bathroom just so I could get out of that fucking building without breaking my dick.”
“Does that mean you don’t need me anymore?”
“I always need you. But it means I can make it until tonight when I can have you.”
“Tonight?” I ask him, my body sinking. I figured he waited around here so he could drive me home.
He pulls my body into his and leans over me. “Yeah, tonight. Don’t do that shit to me anymore, opening your legs to me, showing me shit I can’t have. That I can smell, that I can taste, but that I can’t have.”
I nip at his lip and drag my nails through the short hairs on the base of his head. “Pax..”
“Nah, nah, nah. Don’t start that shit with me again, beso. I’m already forty five minutes late for practice, standing outside this fucking building waiting for you. Don’t start this shit.”
“Fine,” I breathe, taking my hands off him. “I’ll see you tonight. In bed.”
“You’re not coming with me?”
“No. I should probably head to the library and study for my finals,” I tell him, which is true. No nap and no Pax for me.
“Okay.” He pulls me back to him and gives me a quick kiss. “Call Natalie back,” he tells me.
“I will, but not to tell her we’re going there over spring break.”
“I think I should tell the guys we need to reschedule. You need to be home for her, kid.”
“If I have to go home, I’ll go home. But either way, you need to be here. Don’t worry about it.”
“No, Jessa. I already told you I’m not staying in this city without you. We both stay here or we both go home. Don’t start making plans to leave without me – that’s not happening.”
“We’re staying. Go to practice before I drag you to the library with me.”
He puts his mouth back on mine and opens me up, dragging his tongue over mine. I let myself get lost in his mouth for a few moments before pushing him away. “Go,” I tell him with a sad smile.
“I’ll try to make it quick so I can get home to you,” he tells me.
“Shit, Pax,” I mutter, realizing what day it is. “It’s Fucking Wednesday.” Fucking Wednesday is movie night with Vi and Jimmy. Damn it.
“We’ll get out of it, beso. Don’t worry.”
“Yeah, like Vi’s gonna let that happen. It’s her one night with you. She’s not gonna give that up.”
“I should have let you skip class, huh?”
“It’s too late for that,” I mutter, releasing my hold on Paxton and heading for the library.
“I love you, beso.”
“Love you too, Pax,” I call over my shoulder.
Chapter 3 - Paxton
Since the minute Jessa left me this morning all I’ve wanted was to get back to her and keep her close, but that hasn’t happened all fucking day. That might be the reason I’ve felt off all day. Or, could be thoughts of Gabriel… worries about the way his grip on life seems to be slipping. The fact that rehearsal was a waste of time and we got nothing done didn’t help my piss mood either.
Who fucking knows why I’ve been shifty all day long. But I’m home now and with my girl, even if it is Fucking Wednesday. Jessa’s right about movie night – Vi’s not gonna let us blow it off. Now that we’re playing and I’m trying to stay out of the bars, away from strangers and generally becoming a hermit and forcing Jessa to be one too, Violet felt the need to set this shit up so we can ‘hang out’. So now every Wednesday has become Fucking Wednesday, according to Jessa. She’s still opposed to having ‘couple friends,’ which is just some lingering bullshit from her relationship with Dylan. Which is stupid – we used to hang out with Vi and Jimmy all the time and it was no big deal, but now that it’s a thing with a title, Jessa has issues. Whatever. As long as her issues aren’t with me, I don’t really give a shit.
“Let’s hope the movie’s short,” Jessa says, heading over to the recliner where she and I are relegated to when watching movies with Jimmy and Vi. I follow her and sit down before pulling her on top of me. I run my hand up her shirt and over her stomach. Movie night ain’t all bad. It makes me feel like a teenager who makes out under blankets in his parents basement. All this shit with Jessa makes me feel like the kid I never got to be.
Vi comes bouncing into the room then and says, “Change of plans!”
“I’m not playing board games, babe,” Jimmy complains from the couch.
�
��Don’t give her any ideas,” I grumble. Been down that road before on couple’s night and having to draw pictures like I’m in preschool in order to get Jessa to say some random fucking word was not fun.
“We could do that,” Vi says, “but I have a better idea.” She pauses with a big smile on her face before pulling out a bag of weed from behind her back.
“You want to get high?” Jimmy asks with a smile on his face. Vi doesn’t touch drugs – not even weed.
“Yeah, I mean, I figured with the big show around the corner and Jessa about to enter final’s week, we could all use a night to just chill out and forget about everything. It’ll be fun.”
“Sounds better than movie night,” I concede. “What do you think, beso? What happens to you when you smoke?” I ask her.
“I laugh at everything. And I get really touchy,” she says, running her hands over my chest. “Like I’m going to need your hands on me at all times.”
“Yeah… you’re getting high.”
“No, Pax, I’m serious. Like I would probably mount you in the middle of the living room in front of Vi.”
“Lets do it,” I tell Vi.
“Yay!” she squeals.
Jimmy rolls a couple of joints and Vi puts her iPhone on the doc and Etta James fills the room. Not Vi’s regular go to, but the woman’s voice is smoky and sensual and it’s all good. Jimmy sparks a joint and passes it to me. I hold it to Jessa’s mouth and she inhales deeply, blowing it back out into my mouth. I take my own hit and return the favor.
“Get down here, we’re supposed to be getting high together,” Vi says from the carpet.
Inside of You (Jessa & Paxton #2) Page 3