by Mary Monroe
“You’re going to the Bahamas before you get married?”
Darla rolled her eyes. “He’d already made the arrangements before he decided he wanted to get married next month. I guess you could say we’re going on the honeymoon before the wedding. He’s so thoughtful, and not just with me. Since he’d already made the travel arrangements, he didn’t want to disappointment his travel agent by changing our itinerary.”
“I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time. Have fun! And don’t let that dude get away!” I yelled.
“Oh, he won’t. I’ve got him right where I want him.”
“Are your blind? That’s a size six dress you’re holding,” Paulette snickered. She had invited herself to join me at Marie’s Bridal Shoppe in downtown Berkeley, a couple of blocks from Dino’s, where we had just had dinner Saturday evening. “I think we need to be checking out dresses in the plus-size section.”
“Speak for yourself. This is the one I’m going to purchase. I’ll be a size six by the time I get married.” Paulette followed as I wandered over to another rack and glanced at a few more dresses.
“By the way, I hardly see Seth anymore these days. I haven’t seen him in church in months.”
“I haven’t seen that much of him myself. He left for Sacramento this morning.”
“Oh? What for? His brother Damon lives up there, but they don’t get along.”
“I don’t think he’s going to visit Damon. He said something about attending some kind of retreat he found out about from one of his colleagues.”
“What do you mean by ‘some kind of retreat’? Is that all he told you?”
“Yeah. Why? I don’t ask for details for something like that. But he did say that he and several other businessmen would be attending workshops that will help them hone their management skills, which sounds pretty boring to me. Poor Seth. He’s still getting used to being in business, so I’m sure this retreat will help him relax more in his new role. Being your own boss is not as easy as we think it is, I guess. Poor Seth. He’s been working so hard, but it’s really paying off. And I’m glad. Me paying most of our living expenses is really shrinking my funds.”
“I hope it pays off.”
“Meaning what?”
“You should watch Judge Judy more. She’s always handling cases with women who foot most of the bills in their relationships and end up regretting it. Men love to take advantage of women when it comes to finances. I thought you were smarter than that. . . .”
“Come on, Paulette. Get off my case. Patrice rides my back enough. I don’t need you doing it, too. I am not going to regret anything. Seth is not taking advantage of me.”
“For his sake, I hope not. You’re kind of scary when you get mad.”
I didn’t purchase a dress, after all. Since I still didn’t know the date of my wedding, I decided it would make more sense to wait a few more weeks.
Chapter 12
Rachel
I DIDN’T HEAR FROM SETH THE WHOLE TIME HE WAS AT HIS RETREAT. I thought he’d be gone only five days. He didn’t return the following Thursday, like he had told me he would, so naturally I got worried.
I didn’t like to call up his family, and I didn’t like to bother the people at his office by asking nosy questions about him, but in this case I felt I had to. Something could have happened to him, for all I knew.
When I hadn’t heard from him by Friday, I decided to call his parents’ house. I felt more at ease with his father, and I hoped he’d be the one to answer the phone. I was disappointed when Seth’s mother answered on the first ring.
“Hello, Vivian. This is Rachel. I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you’d heard from Seth?” Vivian had answered the telephone with a cheerful, upbeat greeting. When she realized it was me calling, her tone changed immediately.
“No. I have not heard from my son,” she snapped.
“Is he still at the retreat in Sacramento?”
“I don’t know.” I could almost feel the chill in her voice.
“I thought he’d be back yesterday. At least that’s what he told me,” I sniffed. “Maybe I misunderstood him.”
“Maybe you did.”
“Anyway, I’m worried about him.”
“I’m not.”
It seemed like the more I prolonged this conversation, the more abrupt and indifferent Vivian sounded. I was just as anxious to end this call as she was. “Well, if you hear from Seth, will you tell him to call me? I’ll let you go now.”
“Yeah.” Vivian wasted no time hanging up.
Since early August, almost a whole month ago, I had noticed that Seth’s mother, as well as almost everybody else he knew, had begun to treat me differently when I talked to them on the phone and when I saw them in person, which was not nearly as frequently as it used to be. September was just around the corner, and Seth’s parents had not invited me to the house in two weeks, whereas before, they used to invite me two or three times in the same week.
I knew that Seth still had a few issues with various folks, whom he didn’t like to talk about, including his parents. Had I done or said something to upset all these people? I wondered. I had tried on more than one occasion to get Seth to open up to me, but that had been like trying to pull teeth with a set of tweezers. Each time he’d given me an evasive response about his parents having marital problems. That didn’t explain why other people in his circle had begun to treat me in such a mysterious manner. I had even asked him if I had done or said something to his associates that had offended them, and he had assured me that I had not.
Two more days went by before I heard from Seth. He didn’t call to let me know he had returned, so when he showed up at my door the following Sunday night, I was surprised but happy to see that he was all right.
“I was getting real worried,” I yelled at him when he entered my living room, with a tan, I noticed. I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed him. It was like kissing a piece of wood, but I kept my arms around him, anyway. “Like I just said, I was worried. Especially when your mama told me she hadn’t heard from you. And I couldn’t get any information from your secretary or your business partner when I called your office.”
“One of the workshop facilitators had to cancel, and I was asked to take his place,” he told me, squirming in my embrace. “It was so busy and hectic, I just didn’t get around to letting anybody but Howard know that I’d be gone longer than I’d expected.”
“I think I annoyed your mother when I called and tried to get information from her. She’s the last person I want to upset. So far, she and I have had a wonderful relationship, and I want it to continue. After we get married, I plan to spend a lot of time with her. After all, she’ll be my ‘other’ mother, so I want to stay on her good side.”
“Mother’s getting on in age. She was probably having a bad day when you talked to her. You know how women get when that menopause thing kicks in.”
“You’re right. I don’t know why I hadn’t considered that. I guess those other people I called were just having a bad day, too, huh?”
“I guess.”
“I didn’t realize Sacramento got that hot.”
“What do you mean?”
I removed my arms from around Seth’s waist and grabbed his hand and held it up. “You got a lot of sun. We were the same shade when you left here. . . .”
“Oh, yeah, I got a little darker. After each session, a couple of the other participants and I hung out by the hotel pool for a couple of hours each day. The last day, the temperature was in the nineties.”
“Anyway, I’m glad you’re back, and I’ll show you how glad I am before you leave here tonight. But before we get too, uh, cozy, I wanted to run a couple of things by you.”
He gently removed his hand from mine. “Can you fix me a drink first?”
“Sure, baby.”
I scurried into the kitchen and poured him a glass of Chianti and myself a glass of mineral water. By the time I got back to the living room, Se
th had sat down on the couch, removed his shoes, and propped his feet up on the coffee table. His hand was trembling when I handed him his drink. I sat down next to him.
“I’m allowing myself only one glass of wine a week these days.” I took a sip of my water and touched his knee. He still had not drunk any of his wine. “I’ve been walking my ass off on that treadmill, literally! I’ve lost an inch and a half off my butt since I joined the gym. I would like to be closer to my goal weight when I buy the dress I’m going to be married in. Now, about the wedding announcements, everybody knows we’re getting married, so I don’t think we should send out announcements again until we set the date. And when we do, I hope it’s the final date. I don’t want people to think we’re not sure we want to get married. What do you think?”
“You’re right.” Seth took a long drink.
“Baby, you sound kind of distant.”
He sounded more than “kind of distant.” The tone of his voice was so weak and indifferent, it was almost like I was talking to a stranger.
“Huh? I just have a lot on my mind.”
“You’ve been working too hard, for one thing. Oh! Uncle Albert told me to tell you to give him a call so he can get you in touch with his friend at that real estate agency. We can look at some of the properties when you’re available.” Lately it seemed like whenever Seth and I were alone together, I did most of the talking. Just as I was about to ask him again if something was bothering him, he spoke.
“That’s fine, honey.”
“Seth, you need to talk to me. I can tell that something is bothering you, and whatever it is, I need to know.”
“Rachel, I’m fine.”
He silenced me with a firm kiss. A few seconds later, he lifted me off the couch and carried me to the bedroom, where we made love like we’d never made love before. I forgot all about the mysterious behavior of all the people I’d called, trying to get information about Seth. Being in his arms had an amazing effect on me.
I had no idea that Seth and I were making love for the last time.
Chapter 13
Seth
I STILL HAD FEELINGS FOR RACHEL, EVEN THOUGH I KNEW WE HAD no future together. And I knew she loved me more than ever now. Making love to her one last time was as much for my pleasure as hers.
I knew she would be disappointed if I didn’t spend the night. That was why I encouraged her to drink three glasses of wine. Shortly after she drained the third glass, she was snoozing like a baby. I eased out of bed, got dressed in the dark, and left.
I decided to call Darla as soon as I got back to my parents’ house. I had taken her to the Bahamas to celebrate her twenty-ninth birthday. We had just returned the day before yesterday. I had told everybody the same bogus story about a retreat in Sacramento that I had signed up to attend. But I’d got busted, anyway.
My father had taken me aside yesterday and had told me, “Boy, I have a lot of friends, and they all travel extensively. Robert Strauss, my former law partner, called me when he returned from Nassau yesterday. He told me he saw you dancing up a storm in the nightclub at the same hotel that he and his, uh, lady friend were at. You and Darla . . .”
“Oh.” I had given my father a sheepish look and had told him, “Please don’t tell Mother or anybody else. I . . . I . . . I’m sure you know how it is.” My father was still involved with his mistress, so he knew that it was best for him to keep his mouth shut.
“Pffft! You know I won’t do that. You just better watch your step and hope that somebody who knows Rachel doesn’t spill the beans about you and Darla. Rachel is going to be upset enough when you break up with her.”
“I know, Father. Don’t worry about her. I have everything under control.”
“When are you going to get rid of her?”
“Real soon, Father. As soon as I feel she’s stable enough to deal with it.”
On one hand, I felt like a low-down dog. On the other hand, I felt like the victim, not Rachel. I just could not get over her not telling me about her family! She had betrayed and deceived me. A woman had to be evil to do that! Her deception and betrayal were more than enough for me to maintain my level of anger and not feel guilty about using her for her money. In some strange way, I wanted to hurt her. I wanted a family of my own, and since that was not going to happen with her, I had been forced to go out and find somebody else.
I now loved Darla almost as much as I had once loved Rachel. I was very eager to marry Darla and start my family. And I wanted to do it fast so I could get over my feelings for Rachel sooner and more completely. Darla was not nearly as good in bed as Rachel. I told myself that if I could put up with a woman who had hurt me as much as Rachel had, I could put up with Darla’s mediocre bedroom performance.
I was glad that I’d ended my relationship with Rachel with one last bedroom romp....
Both my parents had already turned in for the night by the time I got home, and the house was eerily quiet. Despite the privacy I would have had, I felt safer using the telephone in my bedroom instead of one of the extensions. For some reason, my hand was shaking as I dialed Darla’s number.
“It’s me, baby,” I said in a low voice when she answered on the third ring.
“Honey, I’m so glad you called. I got the sample wedding invitations, and I want you to take a look at them before I send them out. I know it’s late, but can you come over?”
“Now?”
“Yes, now. I’m so anxious to see you, I don’t think I can get to sleep until I do.”
“Well, I am a little tired, so . . .”
“So you need to stay only for a few minutes. Please, come over here, honey. I’ll make it worth your while,” Darla said, prodding.
“I’ll be there in a few minutes. Leave the door unlocked.”
Darla met me in front of the elevator across the hall from the front door of her loft. She was naked to the world. I had no choice but to scoop her up in my arms and carry her to the sofa bed in the middle of the huge room that was her loft, which she had decorated so lavishly with antique furniture and brightly colored pictures on every wall. I didn’t know how I managed, but I made love to her for hours, too.
I ignored Rachel’s phone calls over the next few days, but the messages she left each time began to sound kind of frantic. I decided that it was in my best interest to talk to her. The last thing I wanted was for her to show up at my office and make a scene.
I called her back the following Tuesday morning. It was a few minutes before ten. I had chosen this day and time because I knew this was when she had to attend her weekly staff meeting.
“Baby, I’m so glad you called! I’ve left you so many messages,” she said, sounding out of breath. “I really would like to talk to you now, but I’m about to go into our staff meeting in a few minutes. Can I call you back after lunch?”
“Rachel, we really need to talk as soon as possible.” I held my breath and mentally began to count to ten. I had made it only up to four when she spoke again.
“Is it about the wedding, Seth?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Did your mama talk you into us having a big church wedding?”
“No.”
“Is it that you want to delay the wedding a little longer?”
“Something like that,” I muttered.
“Hmm. Well, we’ve delayed it more than once already. I don’t have a problem doing it again—as long as we don’t push it too far into the future. We’re not teenagers, you know.” Rachel laughed. “I don’t want to qualify for the senior citizen discount rate for our marriage license, if there is such a thing.”
“Rachel, shut up!”
“Huh? Baby, what the hell—”
“I can’t marry you,” I blurted. “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this over the telephone.”
It took about ten seconds for her to respond. During that time, she breathed so loudly, I thought she was having an asthma attack. When she finally spoke again, her voice was low and raspy. “Seth, what th
e hell is going on? What happened between the last time I saw you, which was just last week, and now for you to decide you don’t want to marry me?”
“I just don’t think it’s the right thing to do right now.”
“Right now? Well, like I just asked, do you want to delay the wedding a little longer?”
“Rachel, there won’t be a wedding at all.”
“And you can’t tell me why?”
I heard some muffled voices in the background on her end.
“I have to go now,” she told me. Her voice sounded stiff and weak. “Our staff meeting is about to start, and I’m facilitating this one. I . . . I want to talk to you face-to-face. I think I deserve more than a phone call and this vague answer as to why you’ve changed your mind about us getting married. If you’re telling me that marriage is too big of a step for you and that you want only to date me, I can live with that. But I want to hear you say that. I am sure we can work out an arrangement that’s agreeable to us both.”
“Look, I’ll come over this evening around seven and we can talk. All right?”
“All right,” she muttered.
I didn’t give Rachel time to say anything else. I couldn’t end the conversation fast enough. I knew it was going to be a long day for me, and for her, too, for that matter. My chest felt tight, and my head was throbbing, as if somebody had pounded it with a baseball bat. I had been experiencing these symptoms for a while now. As a matter of fact, I had not felt the same since I’d met Rachel’s family.
Chapter 14
Seth
LOOKING BACK ON THAT TRIP TO ALABAMA, I THINK THAT IF I HAD ended my relationship with Rachel shortly after that, it would have been better for everyone involved. Yes, I had stayed on with her for financial reasons mostly, but now I wished I had not done that. Guilt was kicking my ass like nobody’s business.
I had all day to come up with a reason, or reasons, to give her as to why I couldn’t marry her. One thing was for sure. I couldn’t tell her that the main reason was the mental illness issue and that her family’s class status was almost as serious a concern.