Long Slow Second Look

by Marilyn Lee

  I opened my mouth to remind him that I was not in love with her but closed it without speaking. What was the point? In love or not, I didn’t envision anything but a miserable and lonely existence without her.

  I walked away from him, in the opposite direction from the one Amber and my competition had taken. I was aware that Shane shadowed me but was thankful that he knew enough not to join me. I wasn’t in the mood for company or anymore of his attempts to make me see reason.

  Two hours later, I returned to my room and called my son and daughter. After an annoying conversation with each of them, I arranged a visit to my grandparents who lived in Delaware.

  * * *

  Amber

  Sherlyn and I left Atlantic City early on Monday morning. She drove. After a few attempts at conversation, she fell silent. That gave me time to wrestle with my emotions. John’s failure to make contact with me again after we’d made love disheartened and hurt me. Even though I knew he wasn’t in love with me, I’d felt sure he cared enough to want to pursue me. Apparently, I’d overestimated his interest in me. Or maybe he was no longer interested because I’d insisted he use a condom.

  I called Darkwater after I arrived at work and we agreed to meet for lunch that day.

  "How are you?" he asked, after we were seated at a restaurant two blocks away from the clinic.

  "Hopelessly in love with a man whose only interest in me is physical."

  He reached across the table to brush his hand against mine. "He might not be in love with you but I doubt very much if his interest is strictly sexual."

  "I think it is. Each time I'm foolish enough to give him what he wants he moves on until he wants it again."

  "Then why keep giving it to him?"

  "Because I love him!"

  "There can be a vast divide between love and sexual attraction. He might not love you but I'm sure his interest isn't strictly physical."

  "But I want him to love me!"

  He squeezed my hand in silent sympathy.

  I sighed. "I have to move on. Don’t I?"

  He shrugged. "I’m not sure, but I’m still willing and able to kick his dumb ass at a moment’s notice."

  I looked at him and then laughed. Don’t ask me why or how but I suddenly felt better. Maybe it was knowing that I could talk to him without a lecture or fearing he thought I was easy that helped.

  "Let’s talk about something else."

  "Okay. Pick a topic," he said.

  I shook my head. "Your choice."

  He hesitated, glanced down at his hand, and then shrugged. "How’s your friend doing? Who did she spend her time with in Atlantic City?"

  "My friend?" I frowned. "What friend?" I paused and then widened my gaze. "You mean Sher?"

  He nodded, allowing his lashes to sweep down to conceal his expression.

  To say I was surprised was putting it mildly. He’d never shown much interest in her. "She had dinner Sunday night with a man she met at the slot machines," I said.

  "Did she? I wouldn’t have thought she was the type to allow strange men to pick her up."

  I decided there was no need to tell him the man in question had been forty years older and that the dinner had included his wife. "You know how crazy things can get in AC."

  "I see."

  "You seem a little more interested in her private life than usual."

  "Just passing the time."

  "Why don’t you ask her out?"

  He shook his head. "She’d only end up hurt."

  "Not if you didn’t hurt her. Are you interested in her, Thomas?"

  "Not in the way either of you would want me to be."

  "She's a wonderful person."

  "I'm sure she is. I'm at a loose end at the moment. Why don't you both have dinner with me Friday night?"

  "What happened to your island woman?"

  "Nothing happened. She's just a friend. A married one at that."

  "Oh. Too bad. I thought you'd finally come out of the dark where only skinny white women need apply for your attention."

  He laughed and shook his head. "I can handle my own sex life, Am. What about Friday night? Are you interested?"

  I nodded. "Sure."

  "And your friend?"

  "I'll ask her."

  "Good."

  I arched a brow. "If she's not interested or available, am I still invited?"

  He laughed. "I'll let you know. Would you like anything else?"

  "No thanks."

  He glanced at his watch. "Then I should get back to work." He signaled for the waiter. He walked me back to my office building. "Call me if you need me, Am."

  "I will." I smiled up at him. "Call me if you come to your senses and want a date with Sher that doesn't include me for a smoke screen."

  He laughed and walked away.

  Back at work, I called Sher to ask if she wanted to have dinner Friday night with Darkwater and me.

  "I think I'll pass," she said, surprising me.

  "I'm glad to hear you have other plans," I said.

  "I don't, but I'm sure he only agreed to my coming to please you and it would make for a long, uncomfortable night for us both."

  "Why not come? It's not like you'll be alone with him or are trying to run him down. And he's the one who suggested you come, not me. "

  "He did? Why?"

  "Presumably because he wants to see you."

  "How likely is that?"

  "I'm not sure but if you have nothing better to do, why not come and find out?"

  "I don't think so."

  "Oh come. Please. For me."

  She sighed. "Okay. Fine. I'll come for you. Not because I want to see him."

  "Great. Now I have to try to get some work done. I'll talk to you later."

  When I called Darkwater later to tell him Sher had reluctantly agreed to join us for dinner on Friday he was silent for several moments.

  "I see. I'll see you both Friday night. Would you tell her I'll pick her up at seven? I'll pick you up at about seven-thirty provided she's ready when I arrive and doesn't keep me waiting."

  "Why don’t you call and tell her yourself, Thomas?"

  "Because I just asked you to tell her, Amber," he said in the cool, authoritative voice I'd so often rebelled against in the past.

  "Consider her told," I said. "See you Friday."

  "Love you, Am."

  "And I you, Thomas," I said and hung up.

  My thoughts turned to John again. Forgetting him would have been easier if I hadn’t burned my bridges with Deandre. But I had and he was decidedly cool when we encountered each other that afternoon and I knew that ship had sailed for him as well.

  I left work feeling totally depressed. The evening dragged on. I lay sleepless for hours before finally drifting into a fitful slumber. The next morning I slept through my alarm and had to scramble to get to work on time.

  Once there, I watched Deandre flirting with a slender brunette who seemed only too happy to be the object of his attention.

  In an effort to keep from sinking into a deep depression, I fought to keep from thinking about John by thinking about Sher. Things were over between us, but maybe some good would come out of it. I'd keep my fingers crossed that Darkwater had finally seen the light and was now willing to get to know Sher.

  I arrived home on Wednesday night to find a beautiful bouquet of roses outside my door.

  I kicked off my heels in my small foyer and called Darkwater to thank him.

  "I'm delighted they cheered you up, Am, but they're not from me."

  I sank down onto the chair by the telephone. "They're not?"

  "No. Must be from dumb ass."

  I caught my breath and bit my lip. "You think?"

  "Unless you have a secret admirer, I think it's safe to assume he sent them."

  "He's probably ready for another easy lay."

  "Don't say things like that or you're really going to piss me off so much I'm going to kick his ass."

  "No."

 
He sighed. "What's his phone number?"

  "Why?"

  "I think it's long past time we had a talk and I made it crystal clear to him that he's not going to screw you over."

  "No!"

  "Amber—"

  "No, Thomas! I'm an adult. I can make my own decisions."

  "I know you can, but I'm not going to allow him to treat you like a—"

  "I said he was probably ready for another easy lay. I didn't say I was going to accommodate him."

  "But you will. Won't you?"

  I shook my head. "I want to, but I won't. I love him but I do have a measure of pride left. He's made it clear he's only interested in one thing and I've made it clear that I have no interest in a strictly physical relationship. It's over between us."

  "Do you need me to come over?"

  I wanted him to but I didn't need him to. I knew I had his support and that was enough to help me do the right thing for the sake of my self-esteem. "Thanks, Thomas. I'm okay."

  "Are you sure?"

  I nodded. "Yes."

  "If you change your mind, call me and I'll come."

  "I know. I'll see you Friday night."

  "Okay, Am."

  I toyed with the idea of calling John, but decided against it. He'd only try to sweet talk me into his bed and I couldn't afford to allow that to happen again.

  I spent the night rereading several pages of a romance I no longer had much heart to finish. At some point, I knew I'd enjoy reading happy ever after books again but with my own romantic life in such turmoil, I teared up every time I read the turning point when it was clear the hero did love the heroine after all because I knew I'd never experience such a moment with John.

  To keep my mind off John's failure to contact me, I decided to throw all my energies into trying to engineer a relationship between Sher and Darkwater, who I was increasingly convinced was open to the possibility of dating her.

  She and I spend most of Thursday after work deciding what she should wear. We settled on a pretty cream-colored dress that emphasized her breasts, while managing to slim her belly a little before falling into folds around her calves.

  "You'll look wonderful in this. Thomas won't know where to put his eyes when he picks you up."

  She laughed. "Don't I wish?"

  "Do you, Sher? Do you still have a thing for him?"

  She slowly shook her head. "No. He's sexy and attractive, but he's made it plain he has no romantic interest in me and I have no desire to beat my head against a wall wishing for something with him that will never happen."

  If only I could be half as sensible about my relationship or lack thereof with John.

  Chapter Twelve

  Amber

  On Friday night, I was so anxious about how things had gone when Darkwater picked Sher up that I was dressed early and waiting in my apartment building lobby for them to arrive.

  Seconds after Sher and Darkwater walked into the lobby looking at ease in each other's company, I glanced up to see John walk in after them.

  Seeing the look on my face, both Sher and Darkwater turned to look behind them.

  I tensed as John and Darkwater traded cold, unfriendly looks before I walked forward to place a hand on Darkwater's arm.

  Although I longed to toss myself into John's embrace, I remained silent, as did Darkwater.

  John finally looked at me. When he did, his gaze softened and he smiled. "I need to talk to you, cher. Please."

  Hearing the timbre in his deep voice when he used the endearment, I knew my days and nights of misery were over. I stepped forward and leaned against him.

  His arms closed around me and he held me tight and chanted that lovely endearment against my ear. "Cher…cher…cher."

  I felt a hand on my shoulder. "I suppose this means you're not having dinner with us after all, Am."

  I lifted my head from John's shoulder to look up at Darkwater. "Do you mind?"

  "Not if he treats you right." He looked at John. "I'm warning you, dumb ass, hurt her again and you're going to have not only my foot but the feet of my four brothers shoved so far up your ass, you'll have difficulty walking for years…if you can walk at all."

  John inhaled and narrowed his gaze. "I won't hurt her again, not because I fear your threats, but because…"

  "Because what, you dumb ass?"

  "Darkwater!" I protested.

  A painfully long silence followed before John responded in a low, but clear voice. "Because I love her."

  Because I love her. I kind of lost my grip on reality after hearing those sweet, sweet words. I was only vaguely aware of Sher and Darkwater kissing my cheek and then leaving me in the lobby with John. Somehow, the next thing I knew we were in my apartment. We were both naked and on the verge of making love just as I liked it: with me pressed against the wall.

  After sucking my neck with enough gusto to leave a hickey and grinding his cock against my pussy with an increasing vigor, he pulled away from me long enough to reach in his wallet and pull out a condom.

  Pressing it into my hand, he bent to finger my pussy and kiss and nip my breasts.

  I considered tossing the condom aside and impaling myself on his shaft, but only briefly. Yes, he'd finally said he loved me and yes I wanted to have his baby, but I wanted some time to savor and enjoy knowing he was in love with me. And I wanted to be married before I got pregnant.

  I tore open the foil package, rolled the condom over his long, thick, honey stick, and then leaned back against the wall with my legs parted. "Fuck me, lover."

  After sucking the side of my neck, he paused with his big, thick cock throbbing against my entrance. "I need you," he whispered.

  "I've been yours for the taking since the night we met, my handsome Johnny. Take me."

  "Even though I was too stupid to realize and admit it for months, I've been yours since then too, cher." Bending his knees, he pressed his hips forward.

  Oh, Lord. Yes! The first few inches felt like the sweetest invasion imaginable.

  When our genitals were locked together, he lifted his head and gazed down into my eyes. "I love you," he whispered.

  I wanted to say I loved him too, but my throat muscles locked with emotion and several tears trickled down my face.

  He wiped them away. "Don't cry. I think I fell for you the night we met. I'm sorry it took me so long to admit, but I've never been in love before and it took me awhile to realize what had happened to me. But I do love you, cher."

  Cher. What a lovely word. "I love you too," I whispered. "You've told me you love me, now show me."

  He bent to press his warm, insistent mouth against mine.

  As I parted my lips in open invitation to his tongue, he slid his big hands down my back to my ass.

  I arched into him and moaned encouragement against his lips.

  Keeping his hands on my ass, he slid his cock in and out of my pussy with a maddening leisure that sent jolts of need and desire sizzling through every part of me that could feel. And with the man I loved locked inside me, every inch of my body felt like a deliciously exposed nerve eager to be touched, stroked, and pushed to the brink of implosion under his masterful sensual manipulation.

  John dragged his mouth away from mine and buried his lips against my ear. "Love you, sha…love you."

  Yes, yes, and hell yes!

  I delighted in hearing his words of desire, need, and love. In response, I dug my nails in his tight ass, and moaned my way to my release.

  He lifted my left leg and thrust deep into me with rapid, hard movements that I swear I felt in every inch of my flooded pussy. And when I knew he was coming, I held him close and whispered, "I love you and only you."

  He leaned against me, trapping my body between his and the wall. "Oh, shit, cher, the feeling is so mutual, I feel as if I'm drowning in my need and love for you," he said and finally pulled out of me.

  We both leaned against the wall in silence before he took my hand and led me to my bedroom. After he removed and discarded the u
sed condom, we tumbled into bed together, ending up with me sprawled on top of him.

  "Where have you been since you walked out on me in Atlantic City?"

  He stroked a hand down my ass. "You're sweet, but delusional, Amber. You're the one who walked out on me and straight into Dr. Don't Know Shit's arms."

  "No, I didn't. We had dinner, John."

  "And kissed and—"

  "We did not!" I pulled away from him and sat against the pillow and the headboard.

  He rearranged his pillow and sat up with his shoulder pressing against me. "The hell you didn't. I saw you kissing him."

  About to deny it, I remembered that meaningless kiss we'd shared on the boardwalk. "It was a brief, ain't- nothing-happening-here-with-you-goodbye peck," I said.

  "You walked off with him arm and arm, Amber."

  "He walked me back to my hotel and left me there. I didn't see him again until work on Monday morning. Why didn't I see you, John?"

  "I thought you needed some time to get him out of your system."

  "That happened the night we met."

  "I saw you kiss him and thought I'd lost you…if not for my brother, I would have stormed after you and ram my foot so deep up his ass he would have been neutered. After seeing you kiss him only hours after sleeping with me, I knew I had to give you the opportunity to sleep with him a few times—even if it killed me. And it nearly drove me mad thinking of you two together. I have the emotional scars to prove it."

  Hearing the angst in his voice, I shook my head and leaned over to kiss him. "Any wounds you have are self-inflicted. I've been yours from the night we met. The peck you saw us share on the boardwalk was the one and only time our lips touched. Once I slept with you, no other man was on my radar."

  "Damn. Had I known that, I would have saved myself several miserable weeks."

  I slipped my arm through his. "So you're in love with me?"

  He nodded. "There's no doubt about that, Amber."

  "What are you prepared to do about it?"