“How did I let myself get like this? How? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“I know you are. Shh.” She kissed him again.
“El, I ...” Frank let out an audible sound of his gut turning inside out and with that he lifted himself suddenly, throwing his head over the toilet.
Joe heard the voices and the sound of sickness coming from the bathroom. With concern, he knocked on the bathroom door and opened it. “Is everything all right?” He was stunned to see Ellen struggling to hold up his son. “Dear God.”
“Please get out, Joe.” Ellen looked at him, holding Frank’s head.
“He looks awful. Maybe we should get Dean.”
“No!” Ellen snapped. “He’ll be fine.” She kissed Frank, feeling the vibration of his body struggling to bring up contents of an empty stomach. “He’ll be fine.”
Frank spoke through his dry heaving. “Please ...” another heave, “please tell him to leave, El. Please.”
Running her hand over Frank’s head, she whispered to him, “I’ll be back.” Stepping from Frank, she grabbed Joe’s arm and pulled him from the bathroom and from his stares at Frank. “Joe.”
“What’s wrong with him?”
“He’s just sick, Joe. He’s really sick.” She leaned against the closed bathroom door.
“If he’s that sick, he should be in the clinic. He shouldn’t be up here away from everything and everybody. What if he gets worse? You got him locked ...” Joe’s eyes went to the bathroom again. “Locked in here.” He walked to the door of the holding room. “I’ll let you alone.”
“Joe.” Ellen rushed to him.
“Take care of my son.” Joe opened up the Holding door. “El, I know you can’t tell him this because I guess I’m not supposed to know, but I’ll be thinking of him. I’ll really be thinking of him.”
“I know you will.”
“Good luck.” Joe walked from the Holding room, closing his eyes as she shut the door. He was shielded from the truth, but Joe supposed if he were in Frank’s position, he too would want no one to know. Unfortunately, Joe did know, and though he left Holding, he left behind a piece of him. The part that felt for his son, feared for his son, and the struggle that his son had just taken on.
Being the head of Security, even the temporary one, had its disadvantages as well as advantages. Robbie knew that when he took on the responsibility of filling in for Frank while he was out with tuberculosis. But Robbie never imagined that the head of Security position carried over even when he was off duty, especially in the hall. Everyone looked to Robbie to take care of the most recent situation. Half-way through his first drink, Robbie himself needed to take care of it. There was nothing more irritating to Robbie then an obnoxious drunk. One that was loud, boisterous and one who just didn’t know when to stop or keep their mouth shut. So Robbie did what he had to do and what everyone requested of him. He ejected Josephine from the hall, taking her home, and informing her if she didn’t stay put she would be thrown in Holding.
Doing his job and ignoring her crying, shutting out her bitching, and spurning her drunken old lady sexual advances, Robbie headed back to the hall. He was surprised that another had come in and sat at the bar, Henry. A glass of water rested in his hand as he slumped at the bar looking like a nightmare patron from the sitcom Cheers.
“Henry.” Robbie gave him a swift pat to the back and sat next to him. “This is odd. We don’t usually see you in here unless you’re fixing things or trying to get laid.”
Henry shifted his eyes sideways.
“Sorry, bad joke but why are you here.”
“Taking a break.”
“From what?”
“Running,” Henry answered him.
“Running?” Robbie was shocked. “Why were you running?”
“To get away from the women.”
“Do they all want you now, Henry?”
Again, Henry shifted his eyes.
“Sorry.” Robbie hid his laugh. “So why were you running from the women?”
“I got a little testy with Ben and the next thing I knew, these woman are calling my name and following me. I think I lost them around the field house.”
“Why were they ...” Robbie didn’t get to finish his sentence. The screaming ‘there he is’ made him hunch and he looked at the frightened expression on Henry’s face. “Want me to get rid of them?” he whispered to Henry.
“Please.”
Just as Robbie stood up, Andrea, Jenny, and five other women approached.
“Ladies.” Robbie held up his hands. “Henry wishes to be alone.”
Jenny stepped forward. “I don’t care. We need to speak to Henry. Henry, look at me.”
“No,” Henry answered.
“Henry, I will spin that stool and make you vomit. I know how easily you do that,” Jenny insisted. “Turn around. We have a proposition for you.”
“I hope it isn’t anything kinky.” Henry turned around.
“Henry,” Jenny still continued. “We need a favor from you. You know how we’re having this big gala on Saturday? You know, the one that was supposed to be your wedding? Well, we were wondering, and we’ll pay whatever it takes, since you are the big reprogramming guy, and since you have that butler program Ellen told us about. We were wondering if perhaps, as Council and inventive guy, you could reprogram the twelve new SUTs to be our servants at the party.”
“Oh my God.” Henry stood up. “You chased me around for that? For that. That is so stupid. I can’t believe you’d chase me for that. I’m leaving. Bye, Robbie.”
“Henry,” Jenny called out to him. “Will you think about it? We’ll help you with Ellen.”
Henry paused before going out. “Oh.” He groaned. “I’ll think about and talk to Joe.” Reaching for the door and pummeled with thoughts of how grateful he was that what the women wanted had nothing to do with his bad luck, Henry was pummeled by something else ... the door to the Social Hall. Screaming, “You suck!” at Hap, the clueless culprit who hit him, Henry, rubbing his arm, charged out the door.
After Henry left, Robbie heard the pleased, excited chatter coming from the small group. When he turned to look at them, he saw they all stared at him, like a group of hungry vultures. And knowing how he had to be the secret desire of at least one of those women and how he feared being accosted by them, Robbie hurried from the bar and hid by the dart machine.
<><><><>
Ellen didn’t know what to do, or what to say. She felt at a total loss, pacing around that small Holding room, watching Frank struggle. Every time she would watch him come from the bathroom, holding tightly to himself, wanting to scream out, Ellen, wanted to cry.
He had yelled at her, telling her to leave. Frank had slammed his fist into the wall so many times Ellen feared his hand was broken. His skin on his arms was scratched and red from his pulling at it. Ellen kept her distance. She had learned over the past hours stepping too close to him was not good. He’d swing out in his move from her, yelling, saying things that Ellen would never put a thought into.
Turning out to be the longest night of their lives, Ellen hoped that the rising sun that would be rising soon beyond their closed in walls, would help bring some relief to Frank. But a part of her knew it wouldn’t. Frank had gotten worse since they had dinner. He looked worse, he sounded worse.
Five a.m. neared, Ellen knew this because she had checked her watch when Frank sprang from the sleep he finally fell into less than thirty minutes earlier, and fled to the bathroom. His pain filled cry out went right through Ellen. She jolted at his every bang he made in that bathroom. His every yell. She even jumped back when he flung open the bathroom door.
“I can’t do this.” Frank swayed, speaking weakly, crossing his arms over his stomach and falling backwards into the wall. “I can’t take it anymore, El.” His head flung back and a long, loud grunt came from his gut as his body shook and he banged his head several times. “El.” Frank stumbled to his left, rolling slowly about the wall as
if for some sort of support. First his shoulder, to his face, then laying his arms and cheek against it finding a soothing effect from the coldness of it. Rolling one more time he found his back into a corner. “El.” His bare feet moved out and Frank slid slowly down the wall, bringing his knees up to him, hovering his long arms across them and burying his head. “Help me, Ellen.”
So scared to reach out for him, so scared of what his mental state could do, Ellen apprehensively walked toward Frank. Her heart pounded as he huddled there. “Frank,” she whispered and took another step to him. “I’m right here.” She held out her trembling hand close to his lowered head.
Slowly Frank lifted his head only enough to expose his eyes. Seeing her hand, he tossed out his arm, grasping tightly to her wrist and pulling at her as he pulled himself to his knees and with such desperation, tugged at her until she dropped with him to the floor.
The moment Ellen reached the floor was the moment Frank fell over into her. His head dug deep into her chest, his arms held tight around her as his legs cradled in a fold against hers.
Ellen swallowed her emotions and wrapped her arms fully around him bracing his head close to her, planting her lips to him, rubbing her cheek against his hair and becoming drenched with the sweat of his body.
“Take it away, El,” Frank spoke so raspy. “Please.”
“I wish I could. I really wish I could.”
“Talk to me, El. Talk to me. Tell ... tell me.” He sniffed loudly, his voice shaking as much as his body. “Tell me a story. Anything. Keep talking to me.”
Words of encouragement was not what Frank needed at that moment and Ellen was aware of that. His mind needed to be sent elsewhere, away from his body and what he was experiencing. He called out to be taken, maybe somewhere within the deep hypnotic effect of Ellen’s voice. Somewhere. Anywhere.
“I remember, Frank,” Ellen spoke so soft to him. “I remember the first time I danced with you. We were just kids. And we were in our apartment, it was snowing out. We couldn’t go anywhere. We were stuck. And you, Frank, you and your one track mind back then only wanted to fool around. And I kept telling you ...”
“... after we finish our anatomy.”
“That’s right.” Ellen kissed him. “And then you said that fooling around was part of anatomy. I didn’t fall for it. And my song came on the radio. I asked you to dance. You made fun of me for liking such an old song. But you danced with me. You were so tall compared to me, not as tall as you are now. But it was a reach for me to dance with you. I guess now, I’m used to dancing with you. And we laughed during that dance. You called me old because of the song. But that became our song. And do you know when that dance became one of my favorite moments with you?”
Frank shook his head ‘no’.
“It was when you bought the tape of that song and you used to play it. You didn’t think I knew. I did.”
“That’s because ...” Frank spoke breathy. “It made me feel you.”
Ellen felt his hands grip tighter to her back. “I loved you back then. Nowhere near as much as I love you now. I should never have given up on you. I should never have given you up. Never. If we had stayed together, imagine where we’d be.”
“Beginnings.”
Ellen snickered. “True.” She kissed him again. “Frank, I want you to know. There wasn’t a day in my life that went by where I didn’t regret not having you. Every single day I thought of you. Every single day I wished I hadn’t ended us. I started to fear growing old, because I didn’t want to grow old with Pete. All those times you and I, as kids, talked about how we would be the only ones who would put up with each other. All those times we said that when we were eighty we’d be stuck together and sitting on the front porch of some house, drinking coffee when it was a hundred degrees. Being the old people that the kids on the block would annoy by playing loudly in front of the house. Stepping on our perfect lawn. But you know what, Frank? We’re gonna have that. We’re gonna be eighty years old together. We may only have steps to sit on and we probably will never have a yard, but we’ll sit together, Frank. We’ll sit together.”
“Just don’t become Josephine.”
Ellen laughed and ran her hand down to his arm, pulling it some from her and grabbing his hand, she leaned more into the wall, Frank’s body weight still against her. “We did it, Frank. We stood the test of time. And we still love each other. We’ve become what use to amaze us when we were younger. Remember going to the park or to the mall and walking around? We used to get so amazed at the older couples, the old people there. We also used to gross ourselves out ...” She chuckled. “When we would talk about them having sex.” She felt Frank snicker. “But through all those stories, they still amazed us. How they still loved each other through all those years. I never thought that was possible. I thought they just got used to each other. But they held hands, and that gave it away. They still held hands. And though I firmly believed and was quite adamant about how you really didn’t love me, how if you were with me, it was out of habit, you knew. You knew, Frank, didn’t you? You knew ...”
“... I would never stop holding your hand.” Frank lifted their joined hands and smiled slightly at them, bringing her fingers to his lips and kissing them. “Never.”
Frank didn’t shake as bad, he had calmed some giving his little interjections here and there into Ellen’s stories. Long stories, some she had recanted more than a dozen times. But that was to be expected. He knew Ellen too many years not have a repeat of tales. But he didn’t mind, he wanted her to talk. It helped. And he listened.
Ellen continued talking throughout the rest of the night to Frank, and probably well into the next morning. It was difficult. It was the first time Ellen had seen someone go through this. It was hard enough for her to watch, let alone watch someone she loved battle an illness they brought upon themselves. And Frank battled it like he did with all his fights. He battled with everything he had, but only this time, he battled with Ellen by his side.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
AUGUST 14
He was moving into his day with only two hours sleep, but Frank didn’t mind. He was moving into his first full day back into Beginnings. He tucked in his white tee shirt and strapped on his shoulder harness. So early he was going to start this day, he had to. Frank had so much to catch up on, and he knew well without checking, that Robbie didn’t do one of those stupid reports. But even the stupid reports were a welcome.
Standing before his dresser mirror getting ready to go, Frank felt different. For the first time in a long time he stood in his bedroom and he didn’t dread the evening that would come. He knew it would be difficult, part of him told him it always will. But he was stronger. And there was one big difference in his life. He had Ellen back—sort of.
His eyes drifted to the photograph of Ellen he had on the corner of his mirror. A Polaroid taken in the cryo-lab when they just uncovered it. How annoyed she looked in the picture. How Ellen hated the picture. But Frank, he loved it. Though Ellen would argue, it was a perfect picture of how she always looked. He picked it up running his fingers over it missing her already even though she had just left a few hours earlier. And Ellen’s leaving was something Frank was going to work on. If Frank had his way, she would have stayed. But he had her all week and most of that day and night. Sharing the evening with the kids since Dean wouldn’t let him work. Catching up on Alexandra gossip. Both of them walking the kids back to Dean’s, putting them in bed, annoying Dean. Then going back to Frank’s, both of them saying it was to talk. But both of them knowing it was to ease Frank’s slight nervousness over being home his first night dry.
Alone was not what they got, which was good to Frank. Robbie stopped by along with Joe and the four of them, like they use to, lost track of time deep their conversation. Staying up most of the night reminiscing. An unwritten Slagel tradition that spanned decades, only this time the Slagel tradition happened less the alcohol.
Setting down the picture, Frank knew it was tim
e for him to head to work, early but head off there. Making his way from his home to town, walking and enjoying the cool morning, Frank realized how early he was when he ran into Henry.
Henry was startled when he saw the dark shadow jump out at him. He grabbed his chest. “You scared me, Frank.”
“Why?”
“I thought you were the grim reaper or something finally coming after me.” Henry kept his pace up to Frank’s. “Heading in already?”
“Yep.” Frank looked ahead. “Where were you last night?”
“What do you mean?”
“I thought for sure you would have come over and visited. I haven’t seen you in a while.”
“Well, Frank, by the time you got out, I had already started getting engrossed in the tracking system. We’re putting it up today. And ...”
“Excuses.”
“No-no.” Henry shook his head. “I was busy.”
“I had all the kids, I thought for sure you would have stopped to see them or at least ... Ellen.”
Henry stopped walking. “No. I don’t want to see Ellen. Not yet.”
“Henry.” Frank faced him. “Stop this. You guys were such good friends. Why are you doing this?”
“I just can’t face her Frank. Not until I face what happened.”
“But what about facing it with her?” Frank gripped Henry’s arm. “Of all people. Out of anyone. Ellen is the one who knows what you’re going through. She is the one that can help you the most.”
“I thought of that. And I justified that in my mind.” Henry raised his shoulder and rubbed his ear with it. “But ... what if I bring it up. She finally told me about that after all this time. What if she thinks I’m comparing the two occurrences. Frank, by doing that I may insult her. What happened to her is far worse than what happened to me.”
“Henry, just because the final outcome isn’t the same doesn’t make what happen to you any less severe. Talk to her.”
“No.” Henry shook his head. “What if I tell her? She’ll see me like that forever. She’ll picture that in her mind and I don’t want her to look at me like that. Weak.”
Blink of an Eye: Beginnings Series Book 8 Page 53