by Dahlia Kent
I stared at the bench. The light added a dull shine to its surface. It was larger than I thought. It looked like it would make a comfortable resting place. I awkwardly sat on it, crossing one leg over the other. I wrapped my hands over my breasts. Then looked at Maddix.
“Is this OK?”
“That’s good. You won’t stay that way during the shoot. You will drop your guard and you will move without realizing it.” The light above me made it harder to see his face properly. His voice, deep and gentle, floated over to me. “Look into the camera, Angela.”
I shifted my gaze from his face to the camera’s lens. It was just a piece of equipment. An inanimate object. But it was the object’s potential that scared me. That camera would hold a vulnerable side of me. Naked pictures of me.
I stared into that dark circle, some of the light reflected in its eye. I want you to show me your real self, Maddix said. And it was through that camera he’d see it.
At first, I resisted. Then I let myself return to the past. To that memory from a year ago of me and Patrick in the back of his van. He had cocaine and I’d never done it before. I’d only snorted one line before the cop showed up asking what we were up to.
Before I knew it, Patrick’s van was being searched. Then we were getting arrested. Charged with cocaine possession because Patrick had over thirty thousand dollars’ worth of the stuff. All along he’d been a drug dealer and I’d never known.
My father had already warned me to stop seeing Patrick. But I’d disobeyed him. Just like I’d disobeyed him on what college courses to take. He’d wanted me to be a lawyer like him, like Mom, like Adrianne. But I’d never felt like being a lawyer was the right fit for me.
I loved to create. I wanted to paint. He didn’t support that decision. Told me I’d have to pay my way on my own. So I did. I took the loans and I worked the part time job at EI8HT to follow my dream.
But it all came falling down when I got in trouble with Patrick. My father worked to keep the news out of the leading papers in Melbrooke. And a major fire that took out an orphanage had stolen the attention of many of the city residents.
He made sure I spent the ninety days I would have spent in prison in house arrest instead. I had to attend a substance abuse program which was where I met Julia. The day my parole officer cut the bracelet off my ankle, my father called me into his office.
You’re a liability, Angela. I won’t let you destroy all I’ve worked for. You need to leave. If you ever find yourself in trouble like this again, I won’t help you. You’re on your own.
And my mother supported this decision, believing this was the best course for me to ‘grow up’. And my sister supported this decision because it further strengthened her status as the model child of the Ellis family.
As the memories came rushing in, I moved without realizing it. I sank to the leather bench, lying on my side. I stared into the camera, confessing everything without words. When it became too much, I looked away. Until I felt the need to confess more. I stood then sank to my knees. I no longer felt entirely in control. I was no longer aware that Maddix was witnessing this too. I heard the soft clicks as he took the pictures, but I didn’t care.
I sat on the cool floor and leaned my shoulder against the bench. Hot tears burned my cheeks as I pounded my fist angrily on the sofa repeatedly. I kept hitting it until Maddix was kneeling by my side, catching my wrist.
My breathing was fast and deep. I looked at him through a bleary gaze, forcing myself to return to the present.
“That was wonderful, Angela. Exceptional.”
My voice came out just a notch above a whisper.
“Is it over?”
“No.” His gaze darkened. He gently brushed away my tears with his fingers. My pulse raced at his touch. “There’s one more part of you I need to see.”
“What part?”
“Shame.”
He moved to his feet, helping me to mine.
I gazed up at him, confused. “How?”
“Lie face down on the bench.”
I climbed up onto the bench and pressed my front to the cool material. Twisting my face to the left, I met Maddix’s gaze. He stared down at me, a darkening hunger flashing in his gaze. There one moment, then hidden away by an inscrutable expression.
A thrill raced up my spine. I was suddenly aware of my nakedness once more.
“Move your arms up instead of by your sides,” he said, moving to the front of the bench.
I followed his direction. Maddix squatted and grabbed my left wrist tight as he brought one strap appended to the bench up and around my wrist. In a few quick movements, he’d buckled my hand into the strap.
“What are you doing?” I said in alarm. I tried to undo the strap with my free hand, but Maddix grabbed my free hand and buckled it down too. I moved up onto my knees, tugging on the straps but they were secure. Maddix stood and I glared up at him. “What the hell, Maddix? Take these off!”
“Not until I get what I want.” He smiled but there was no warmth to it. “You gave me your pain and your anger. But what I want most of all is your shame.”
Fear and dread crawled down my spine and formed an unpleasant sensation in my stomach. I should have known not to trust him. I should have known he was dangerous.
My heart thudded in my chest as if it wanted to escape my body.
“Please, Maddix. Please… don’t hurt me.”
He stepped away from in front of me and moved to the side of the bench. When I felt his big hands on my ankle, I cried out and tried to pull it away. But it was no use. With my hands strapped down, I was at his mercy.
He effortlessly secured both of my ankles in straps. I was on my hands and knees, strapped down, my thighs spread wide open. I was bared to him. Totally exposed.
Shame filled me, just like he wanted. When he didn’t answer, I twisted my head to see him. He moved away from the bench out of my line of sight.
I heard him open one drawer. Then he shut it with a slam that made me flinch. His footsteps padded over toward me and the closer he got, the more I trembled.
He came around to my front again. He held something out for me to see lying flat in his palms. It was a paddle made of fawn coloured wood.
“This is what I will use to bring out your shame,” he said. My trembling worsened. “I can’t promise it won’t hurt, but I know you will enjoy it.”
“Why would anyone enjoy being beaten?” I spat. I had to lean my head back to meet his gaze. “Why are you doing this, Maddix? You said all you wanted was pictures!”
“I am doing this to bring all the hidden parts of yourself into the light. To scrutinize them so you can learn and grow from your experiences.”
“You don’t need to do that. You’re not my therapist.”
“But I am a doctor. You asked if I could make an ugly life beautiful. This needs to be done.” He let his hands fall to his sides, his gaze fixed on me. “Your anger and sense of injustice clouds your empathy. Inhibits your ability to consider how your actions have affected others. But the paddle,” he held it up for me to see. Although I tried to recoil from it, there was no give to the straps, “it will cut away that anger to reveal the shame and the guilt. And it’s your tears of remorse that will make your ugly life beautiful again, Angela.”
He moved away from in front of me again, sauntering alongside me. When his big warm hand settled on my backside, I flinched.
“Please… please… let me go, Maddix…”
He ignored me. “Every time I use the paddle, you will say ‘thank you, sir’. Do you understand?”
“Fuck you, asshole.”
His response was the paddle on my ass.
Stinging pain flared out, pulsing, increasing with each wave. A strangled sob escaped me and I would have reared up if my hands weren’t strapped down. The pain came with a persistent heat like if he held a lighter to my skin.
“Every time I use the paddle, what will you say, Angela?”
“T-thank you, sir.”<
br />
“Very good.”
And he spanked me with the paddle again on my other butt cheek. Even though I tightened in preparation for the hit, the sting was just as bad as the first. I bit out a swear and shook my head as if a part of me refused to believe this was actually happening.
“Angela.” Maddix palmed my tender flesh, caressing it, soothing it. “It will only get worse if you continue to disobey me, if you continue to resist. Accept what is happening. Allow yourself to feel the pain. Welcome it because there is no growth without it.”
Tears burned in my eyes.
“Thank you, sir.” Which earned me another swat from the paddle.
The pain was intense, the crack of the paddle on my skin echoing through the room. I hated Maddix, hated him for doing this to me. I bowed my head and gritted my teeth, my tears sprinkling the leather bench.
Thank you, sir, followed every pulse of pain.
I gradually let my body relax and did as he instructed. I allowed myself to feel the pain. I deserved it. I deserved all of this. It was so easy to be angry because I didn’t have to focus on what I did wrong to others. Only the wrongs they did to me.
But I wasn’t blameless. I’d been selfish. My father had warned me to stay away from Patrick, and I didn’t. I knew I should have never contacted Eva, should have never stolen that artist’s work, but I still did.
I should be ashamed of myself.
The more I accepted the truth, the less the paddles hurt. The more I developed strange feelings… the tingling was no longer just where the paddle struck me. It spread out along with the heat to between my legs.
And my shame took a different shape. One that encouraged me to raise my hips as Maddix brought the paddle down on my skin. I grew moist between my legs. With my legs spread wide and my ass in the air, there was no way Maddix couldn’t see that shameful truth too.
“Thank you, sir,” I gasped out on another hit. My breathing was ragged. I waited for another spank but it never came. Maddix breathed hard as well, a soft whistle whenever he exhaled.
He moved away from me and went to the tripod. He took down the camera and brought it with him. I heard the soft clicks as he took more pictures of me. Shame scorched my face and neck he was capturing my arousal on camera. That I’d gotten turned on from him paddling me.
He returned to the tripod and set the camera back on its seat. When he came to me, he unbuckled my hands and feet. I sat up, but my skin was still too tender for me to sit.
He loomed over me and I gazed up at him not knowing what to say. What could I say to this man who’d learned more about me in a short space of time than anyone else in my life?
I searched for the hate and indignation. Things I could say to hurt him the way he’d hurt me with the paddle. But instead of me finding the words, he did first.
He smiled in dark amusement.
“Maybe now is a good time to tell you that there was never any recording.”
Eight
—
“You tricked me.”
I glared at Maddix as the anger I’d almost thought I’d lost resurfaced. Fury rose inside me, pushing me off the bench to my feet.
“I did.” There was no remorse in his voice. He smiled, pleased with what he’d done.
I hoped he could feel my disgust when I looked at him.
“You really are the worst. I wish I’d never met you.”
I tried to storm off to get to my clothes, but he stepped around the bench and grabbed my arm. I shook my arm. He stepped in front of me, pushing me until the backs of my thighs hit the bench.
I let out a sound of frustration. Tired of him manhandling me. Tired of him constantly having the upper hand. Tired of wanting him nevertheless. He was way too close now. And I’d have to be blind not to recognize that dark hunger in his eyes and what it meant.
“That’s a lie, Angela.” His voice was silk wrapping around my name. “Meeting me and being here today is the most memorable experience you’ll have in your life.”
He leaned down and kissed me, stifling the razor sharp retort on my tongue. I beat my hand against his chest and twisted my face away from him. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in close against him. This way my fists made little impact against his muscular chest.
He slid a hand up to tangle his fingers in my hair. He held me still, staring into my eyes. Then he bent his head, his intent clear. I was too restricted to move when his firm lips touched mine. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to move either.
He pulled my lower lip into his warm mouth, sucking it. His tongue slipped past into my mouth and whatever fight I had in me left on a whimper.
He loosened his hold on me, dragging his hand down my back to cup my butt. My skin was still so sensitive from the paddle, but I shivered in pleasure feeling his hand on me.
I’d stopped trying to push him away. My fingers bunched into the material of his shirt, pulling him closer as Maddix kissed me. The scratchy feel of his shaved jaw and his delicious, clean scent made me giddy.
This was insane. One moment I was in a blind rage from the things he’d done. The next moment I wanted him more than anything. More than my next breath.
Maddix moved his hands between my legs where I burned for him. Where I was wet just for him. He found my clit and rubbed it in slow lazy circles.
“Open your legs,” he ordered in a gruff voice. And I did as he asked. He sank his hand lower, parting my slit, pushing a finger deep inside me.
I moaned into his mouth, rising up on my toes when he pushed a second finger into me. I dug my fingernails into his shirt. As soon as he moved his fingers in me, I knew I would come soon.
His fingers still coiled in my hair, he pulled my head back, exposing my neck to his greedy kisses. He dragged his lips down my neck, the feathery touch making me tremble as he fucked me with his fingers. His lips covered where my pulse beat erratically and sucked. His moist tongue lapped there.
I didn’t realize he was pushing me back onto the bench until I felt the press of the leather. He pulled his fingers from me to lift my legs properly on the bench. Then he climbed up onto it, bent over me.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he murmured. He dragged his hand down over my waist and hip. He slipped his hand back between my legs and plunged his fingers into my wet heat.
I took immense pleasure in his reverent tone. His mouth came down on my breast, lapping and twirling a tongue over my nipple. My hands flew to his head, holding him there. I writhed as my orgasm came closer and closer.
He moved his mouth up over mine, our lips not quite touching. He stroked me faster. I lifted my hips, a long moan escaping me as I came on his fingers.
Maddix pulled his fingers from me and stuck them in his mouth, licking off my juices. He bent and pressed a kiss to my chest, between my breasts. He moved down my body, planting a hot kiss along the way, his gaze fixed on mine.
When he was between my legs, he spread them wider, opening me to him. His greedy gaze made my breath falter. I sucked in a deep breath when he pressed his mouth to my pussy.
I cried out and raised my hips for more.
“Maddix…”
I shut my eyes, but I felt his gaze on me. His sinuous tongue parted me and found my clit. He covered that tight bead with his hot, wet mouth and sucked it. I ground my hips against his mouth, reaching down to fist his hair.
“Oh god…”
“Pinch your nipples for me, Angela,” he ordered.
I lifted my hand away from his hair and did as he said. I pulled and pinched the hard nubs in time with every one of Maddix’s licks. Heat swept through me, a tightening sensation right where Maddix’s mouth tasted me.
“Maddix… Maddix…” I cried out as I came, gasping and breathless.
He straightened, watching me with satisfaction.
“Sit up and undress me.”
I sat up and moved to my knees, shuffling toward the edge of the bench where he stood. The insides of my thighs were wet from my come and eve
n though I was lightheaded from bliss, I still ached for him. Still wanted his cock inside me.
My hands shook as I undid the buttons on his shirt. Not out of fear, but out of eagerness to have him. He peeled his shirt from his body, revealing a rock hard torso with mouth watering definition. He looked like if he were lovingly sculpted by a patient artist from stone.
He let out a harsh breath when I dragged my hands over his defined abdomen, down to his belt. I quickly undid it and the button and zipper on his jeans. They fell from his hips, leaving him in just his black boxers.
The front of his boxers had a noticeable tent. I reached for it, stroking his length through the material. He groaned and sank his fingers into my hair. I pulled his underwear off his hips and they slid to the floor, revealing him.
Fuck. He was huge. Long and thick, so hard, the veins curling along his length stood out. I coiled my fingers around his impossible girth, loving the soft hiss he made when I stroked him.
I wanted to taste him. I bent when he tugged on my hair to stop me. He slipped a hand under my chin and tilted my face to meet his gaze.
He smiled. “Another time. What I want to do is sink into you, Angela. I need to fuck you. Turn around and bend over.”
I needed him to fuck me too. So badly that I didn’t hesitate following his order. I turned and leaned down, presenting myself for Maddix. For him to take me however he wanted.
He moved a hand between my leg, rubbing my pussy, parting my slit. Then he slid his hand up to that pucker between my cheeks, circling it with the wetness he’d collected from my pussy. I reared up in shock. I’d never let any guy there. And what surprised me the most was how good just that bit of contact felt.
“Wait… Maddix!”
He chuckled, pressing a kiss against my neck.
“That’s for another time as well.”
He pushed me back down onto my hands and knees. I felt the press of the head of his cock against my entrance. Moaning, I wiggled, pushing it in me a little. Maddix grabbed my hips and rammed into me with a grunt, shoving me forward. I made a choking gasp sound. I’d never been entered so violently. Never knew I’d love the feeling of being entirely filled so suddenly with cock.