“Please?”
I exhaled loudly and wheeled around to look at him, like, Well?
“I don’t,” he said with utter sincerity. “I don’t see you that way. If I only cared about sex, I wouldn’t be here. I don’t work this hard to get girls into bed.”
UGH.
“Oh, aren’t you Mr. – ”
“Stop it,” he said firmly. “Stop being sarcastic and pushing me away, because I’m serious. Yeah, girls jump into bed with me right away. If they don’t, I usually walk away and find another one who will. But you’re different. The second I saw you, I thought, I WANT her. And not just sex – the whole package. And yeah, while I really, REALLY want to sleep with you, I want you in my life even more. To the point where fuck sleeping with you if I’m going to lose you over it. I’d rather be with you than just sleep with you and then lose you. I want you – ALL of you. I do, I swear to God that’s the truth.”
That took my breath away.
My heart was thudding in my chest.
Nobody had ever said anything like that to me before.
Nobody had made me feel that wanted, that desired – and yet let me know that they respected me above all else.
“I don’t believe you,” I said, though most of the anger was gone from my voice.
“Then give me a chance to prove it.”
“…how?”
“Let me be around you. No more talk about sex, no more trying to get into your pants. Let me hang out with you. Let me prove to you that I’m really, really interested in you. Let me get to know you.”
He sounded totally sincere.
It sounded amazing, and lovely, and romantic.
Though I secretly still wanted him to try to get in my pants.
But it wasn’t going to work.
I couldn’t let it work.
“I have a boyfriend.”
“Who broke up with you,” he said evenly. “And you don’t seem so upset about that, so stop using it as an excuse.”
Dammit…
But other than Kevin, there was the slightly more pressing issue of time.
I shook my head. “We’ve only got two weeks. And I’ve got finals to study for.”
“When’s your last final?”
“Thursday morning.”
“And what happens after that?”
“I go home for the summer.”
“Then I’m going to need as much of that two weeks as you can give me.”
I hugged my arms around my body like I was cold – but I wasn’t.
It was because I could feel temptation creeping in on me, using such logical words… and I so wanted to give in.
“…I need to think about it,” I whispered.
“Okay, you think about it tonight – but the flip side of the coin is I need you to get to know me, too. And you can’t know me without knowing about my music. So I want you to come meet my best friend and listen to us play.”
Oh God.
“What, at a club?” I asked dubiously.
“No. I want you to come to a practice, just me and him. We write songs together. You want to get to know the real me, then I need you to come hang out with us.”
I hesitated and chewed on my lip. “…when?”
“Tomorrow afternoon, about 3PM.”
I sighed and gave in – sort of. “Okay. Give me your number and I’ll let you know tomorrow what I decide.”
“Don’t have a cell phone,” he reminded me.
“Oh, yeah… where’s the practice?”
“Don’t worry about that. You got a car?”
“Yeah.” A clunker, but I did happen to have a car.
“Good, you can drive us.” And with that, he walked away – but backwards, so that he was still facing me as he left. “See you tomorrow around 2:30.”
“I thought you were going to take me out,” I taunted him.
“I am. You’re just driving, that’s all. I think it suits you, you being a control freak and all.”
I stuck my tongue out at him, but he just grinned and kept walking.
“I didn’t say I was going to go out with you yet,” I yelled.
“You will.”
Then he turned and walked around the corner, out of sight.
The last thing I saw was that playful, utterly confident smile.
22
I thought about it all night and all the next morning.
Spending any more time with Derek was a bad idea. I knew this. That was not in question.
But Kevin was still pouting and hadn’t called me back – so technically, whatever I did wouldn’t be cheating.
For the record, I knew that was a total copout. I didn’t even think it held water as an excuse.
…but it was, technically, correct.
And it gave me a certain amount of psychological cover to play ‘What If.’
At the end of the day, I could always scream like Ross on Friends, “We were on a BREAK!”
But I still knew I was getting back together with Kevin. I was, there was no question in my mind of that.
And anything I did with Derek would be cheating, technicality or not.
But…
…if we never kissed…
…and we never touched…
…and we never had sex…
…was it really cheating?
Of course it was. It was ‘emotional’ cheating.
But since Kevin and I were broken up, ‘emotional’ cheating seemed like it wasn’t really cheating at all.
And if I kept things in control… which I was totally sure I could do… then what was wrong with going to his stupid band thing? Why, it was probably a great idea for me to go – his band probably sucked! His friend was probably a douchebag! They were probably talentless, deluded fuck-ups who would never amount to anything! If I went and saw all that, the spell would be broken! Derek would just be an insanely hot guy with no future, no talent, and nothing going for him beyond looks!
And charm.
And charisma.
And smarts.
But ultimately that was the deciding factor in my decision: if I went, I was only going so that I could wreck my daydreamy vision of him. I was going to uncover the facts, like all good reporters should. I was going to find out the Truth.
So I decided to go.
It didn’t quite turned out like I’d planned.
23
Shanna was back in our dorm room at 2:20 the next afternoon, giving me more Go fuck yourself and die looks. I watched my phone nervously until it was 2:26, then said, “Bye,” and left. I fake-opened the stairwell and let the door close, and then crept back and started my stake-out. My room was the last one on the hall, right by the stairwell. It was also thirty feet away from the intersection with another hall, which is where I set up camp. I wasn’t sure what direction Derek would show up from, so I wanted to cover all the bases.
Unfortunately, he came out of the stairwell and saw me just as I saw him – and before I could put a finger to my lips.
“Well, aren’t you rarin’ to go,” he said happily – and loudly – two feet away from my dorm room door.
SHIT.
“Shhh,” I whispered, and hustled over to him.
He frowned at me. “What’s wrong?” he whispered back.
“Nothing, let’s just – ”
My door swung open, and there stood Shanna in all her righteously outraged glory.
I swear, if her rain-of-death looks hadn’t made me wilt, her next words surely would have.
“Ohhhh,” she sneered, “the cock-blocker and the man-whore, together again. Just like old times.”
My stomach felt like it was going to turn inside-out. “Shanna, it’s not like that – ”
“Riiight, it’s not like that at all, otherwise why would you be out here sneaking around and whispering and running away?!”
Derek had been watching the whole scene with amused surprise. But at this point, he got a resolute look on his face and stepped towards my r
oommate.
“Shanna, I got something I gotta say to you.”
There was a second’s worth of uncertainty on Shanna’s part, and then the acid was back in her voice. She crossed her arms judgmentally. “What.”
“I’m in love with your roommate.”
Shanna’s eyes bugged out of her skull.
I know I felt like somebody had sucker-punched me, that was for sure. All the air rushed out of my lungs, and my knees buckled.
Derek had his back to me and couldn’t see my expression. I think that was by design.
“I didn’t plan it, and I don’t really know if she likes me,” he continued in utmost sincerity, “but I fell in love with her as soon as I saw her.”
Shanna looked at me, her expression caught somewhere between You BITCH and Oh my god this is freaking me out, what the fuck is going on?!
He kept going. “I’m sorry if I was a dick to you. No – not ‘if ’ – I was a dick to you. And I’m sorry. But I don’t want there to be any hard feelings between you and her. You don’t have anything to be jealous of, anyway – we haven’t kissed, she totally doesn’t trust me, and basically all we’re doing is going on a bunch of Disney dates where nothing’s gonna happen. So – you wanna come along?”
I about yelled WHAT?! when he said the last part about inviting her. I managed to keep my mouth shut… though I think my expression gave me away.
Shanna was totally and completely flabbergasted. “I… I, uh…”
Derek pressed right on ahead.
“Look, my best friend is the bassist. It’s just going to be me, him, and Kaitlyn. He’s a really good guy, he’s pretty good-looking – not as good as me, but, hey, who is?” he added, cocky as hell. I could hear him grinning as he said it. “He’s taller than me, and he’s kind of shy, and you two might hit it off. I don’t know – and you won’t, either, unless you try. So do you wanna come or not?”
Shanna looked over at me. All the anger was gone; she was just completely bewildered at this point.
Derek looked back at me for the first time since he’d started. Funnily enough, he was totally nonchalant – not like a regular dude who had just bared his heart and soul in front of a girl on their second date.
“You don’t care, right?” he asked me. “I mean, we’re not going to do anything, so – the more, the merrier, right?”
Despite all my previous promises to myself that nothing would happen, now that I had absolute assurance that nothing would happen… I was kind of pissed.
Plus, I saw the irony in it. I had cock-blocked Shanna… and now Shanna was going to be cock-blocking me. At Derek’s invitation, no less.
Karma’s a bitch.
“…I guess,” I muttered.
“Cool.” He grinned at me, then turned back to Shanna. “So, you comin’?”
All of Shanna’s usual confidence was gone, completely blasted to bits by Derek’s full-on niceness assault.
“…yeah… okay…”
Derek held up a finger. “But if you come, you’ve got to promise me one thing.”
She narrowed her eyes distrustfully. “What?”
“You’ve gotta forgive Kaitlyn, because she had nothing to do with it. She’s totally not in love with me, but I’m in love with her, and you can’t control that, right?”
Jesus, there he went again.
And there went my heart, slamming against the inside of my ribs.
“…I guess…” she agreed reluctantly.
“So are you going to forgive her?”
Memories of our feud came rushing back, and she gave me a mini-glare. “Yes.”
“No, I mean it.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, okay.”
“Tell her.”
Shanna stared at him like Are you for real? Then she turned to me and said with overblown theatricality, “I forgive you.”
My face felt scorching hot. GOD this was humiliating.
“You don’t have to forgive me for anything – I’m the one who was a bitch. I’m sorry.”
Derek turned and pointed at me like, HEY, no speaking out of turn. “Don’t be sorry – it was all me. You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” Then he turned back to Shanna. “Okay, cool, go get your stuff.”
Shanna turned around, then hesitated. “Can I change first?”
“Just make it quick.” He tapped his watch-less wrist. “We’re running late.”
“Okay, okay, just give me a couple of minutes,” she huffed, and shut the door.
When he turned back to me, he was completely calm and blasé. I, meanwhile, had my arms wrapped around me tightly again. I couldn’t have verbalized it at the time, but it was probably to protect myself against the psychological onslaught of what he’d said.
About… being in love with me.
“Hope you don’t mind I invited her like that – I just don’t want to see you two fi– ”
“Why’d you say that?” I interrupted.
He frowned slightly. “What, about inviting her?”
“No. About… being…”
“In love with you?”
“…yes.”
“Because it’s true.” He said it like ‘the sky is blue’ or ‘what goes up must go down’ – like it was a purely factual statement. More than that, he said it in a totally, completely unashamed and unreserved way. He wasn’t embarrassed at all. “I’m totally in love with you. Don’t say anything back, because I know you don’t feel that way. But I do.”
My heart was going a million miles an hour, and I felt like I might swoon.
“If this is some kind of a trick – ” I started.
He smiled. “It’s not.”
I paused and just drank in those emerald green eyes.
“You don’t even know me,” I finally protested – albeit feebly.
“That’s what these dates are for, right? So I can get to know you, and you can get to know me.”
“You can’t love somebody if you don’t know them.”
“Wrong. Well, maybe you can’t LOVE somebody if you don’t know them, but you can definitely fall in love. You know how I know?”
“…how?” I asked in a tiny mouse voice.
He stared and me and said confidently but quietly, “Because I’ve already fallen in love with you.”
Ohhhhhh sweet baby Jesus.
Maybe he really was a gentleman, because he didn’t make a move to kiss me, or touch me, or anything. And I’m pretty sure at that moment he could have whisked me into my dorm room and had his way with me.
The sexual tension was thick, and my emotions were raging like a swollen river –
And then Shanna came out in tight jeans and a low-cut halter top that showed off her boobs.
“I’m ready!” she announced happily.
As soon as she appeared, she could tell something was up. It was probably like walking into an invisible wall.
“Uh… is everything okay?” she asked.
“Definitely,” Derek smiled. “Let’s go.”
He gestured to me, and I walked past him towards the stairwell. As I went, he put his hand on the small of my back – just the lightest of touches, and then it was gone.
My knees buckled and I about lost my mind… but somehow I made it down the stairs to the parking lot.
24
I was expecting our destination to be a nasty, old rundown shack sandwiched in between crack houses. And I was expecting Derek’s bandmate to be a drugged-out, long-haired scuz that we would wake up when we got there.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
As I drove my beat-up Toyota, Derek directed me out to the suburbs. That is, when he wasn’t chatting with a newly friendly Shanna.
We finally turned into a very pretty, upper-middle-class neighborhood with manicured lawns and kids playing out in the street.
We pulled up in front of a brick McMansion with a long driveway that ended on the side of the house.
“Whoa, your bassist lives here?” Shanna asked.
/>
“Yeah. Nice, huh?” Derek agreed.
There was a new Honda sitting in front of a basketball hoop. I started to park beside it when Derek stopped me.
“Park behind it – his parents aren’t home from work yet, and we don’t want to get blocked in.”
His parents aren’t home from work yet?
“He lives with his parents?” Shanna asked, once again voicing the questions I wasn’t sure were polite.
“Yeah, he’s still a senior in high school,” Derek said.
High school?!
I realized that I’d never found out Derek’s age.
“How old are you?” I asked.
“Eighteen.”
Holy SHIT. He was a year younger than me.
“Oh my GOD, you’re a baby!” Shanna cackled.
Which was ridiculous – she and I were both 19.
And he was definitely no baby. Not at six feet tall with that astounding body.
But I had thought he was 24 or 25, so the truth was a shock.
Once I got out of the car, I started towards the front of the house – and again, Derek intervened.
“We’re actually going in the back,” he said.
Shanna and I followed him into a backyard full of azalea bushes and dogwood trees. There was even a goldfish pond complete with a tiny stone waterfall. It was a suburban paradise.
Derek led us around to a patio in the rear and knocked on a sliding glass door with vertical blinds.
It opened a few seconds later. A lanky, baby-faced giant poked his head out and looked down at Derek crossly. “You’re late.”
“I brought that girl I was telling you about. Ryan, Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn, this is my bandmate Ryan.”
I stared at him.
Not what I’d been expecting at all.
He was a clean-cut kid who looked like he belonged in cross-country instead of in a band. He had short brown hair – not quite a military buzzcut, but only a few weeks of growth removed from one. Clean shaven, no piercings, no tattoos. He had the angelic features of a complete innocent. He wore stiff blue jeans – new and not yet broken in – and bright white sneakers. The only hint about his musical leanings was his t-shirt, which was from a Foo Fighters concert tour a couple of years ago.
Rock Me Hard (The Rock Star's Seduction) Page 7