I pulled up behind the ugly-ass, rusted-out Ford and let the engine idle. The house was a shambles, with peeling paint, shutters hanging off at an angle, an overgrown lawn, and a couple of window panes busted out and taped up with cardboard.
Oh my God, I thought to myself, but refrained from saying it aloud.
Derek looked at me, his gaze dropping down to my lips, then looking back up at my eyes. “Well…”
“…well…” I said softly, lost in his gaze.
“Wooooo-oooooo,” Shanna hooted from the backseat, exactly like a five-year-old who’d seen an exposed nipple on HBO.
I shot her an irritated look.
She just laughed. “How’s it feel to be cock-blocked, huh?”
“You’re not cock-blocking, because we’re on a Disney date,” Derek teased. “There’s no cock to block – right, Kaitlyn?”
I blushed furiously and didn’t say anything.
He just grinned. “I’d invite you ladies in to see how the other half lives, but I’m afraid I’d lose Kaitlyn entirely, so I’ll just bid you good night.”
He opened the car door –
“I could get out of the car,” Shanna groaned good-naturedly. “If you want a minute or two alone.”
“STAY IN THE CAR,” I ordered her. “I don’t want you getting shot. Or buying weed from the local thugs.”
“Doug’s a nice drug dealer,” Derek informed me. “Never shot anybody. Or so he says – ”
“Oh my GOD. Goodnight, we need to go,” I said hurriedly.
“Okay,” Derek laughed. He got out of the car – and then stuck his head back in. “Are you doing anything tomorrow?”
“You,” Shanna interjected.
“NOT,” I said, a little too loudly.
Derek just laughed harder. “Let me be more specific: do you have any plans tomorrow.”
“I need to study.”
“It’s Saturday!”
“Yeah, and I have exams starting in a week and a half, so I have to study.”
“All day?”
“…no…”
“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow then. I’ll drop by around five.”
“Don’t you have a job at the 40 Watt?” I asked, perplexed. “When do you work?”
“In about 45 minutes.”
“Do you need a ride?”
“That’s nice of you, but no, I walk there.”
“You walk through this neighborhood?!”
“Not all of us have a car,” he rebuked me mildly. “Besides, I’ve done it five nights a week for the last four months. Nobody messes with me because they know I don’t have any money.”
Or maybe because you look like you could smash their head in.
“I don’t care,” I said. “We’re giving you a ride.”
He smiled. “So you’re going to hang out here for 10 minutes while I go get ready? Or even better, you’re going to come inside? Better yet, are you going to give me a ride every night for however long I keeping working there?”
I winced. “…are you sure you’re going to be okay?”
He laughed. “I appreciate the concern, but I’ll be fine. Night, Shanna.”
“Bye, Derek.”
He gave me one last smile. “I had a fantastic time tonight.”
I smiled back. “Me, too.”
And it was absolutely, one hundred percent true.
“Bye,” he said, and then shut the car door and walked towards the house. He waved at me and made a Shoo, shoo, move along motion, and I put the car in reverse.
I watched him disappear safely into the house, though, before I pulled out into the street.
My heart was heavy the entire time.
34
It was about 9PM when Shanna and I made our way up to our dorm room. Our voices echoed through the stairwell as we talked.
“I’m just saying he’s hot. You should do him,” Shanna said.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I have a boyfriend.”
“No you don’t – you broke up!”
“We’re getting back together.”
At SOME point.
“But you’re not with him now. While you’re still single, you should totally – ”
“No.”
“Come on – it doesn’t have to be so serious. Just think of it like chocolate and indulge yourself – ”
“NO.”
“Why not?”
“Because… because I love my boyfriend,” I said feebly. “And I don’t want to do anything to hurt the relationship we have.”
“The same relationship you guys have ended, like, six times since October?”
Ouch.
“I don’t want anyone else but Kevin,” I lied through my teeth.
“Give me a break – I’m sure your EX boyfriend is great, but he’s not that great.”
I turned back to Shanna as I opened the door to the hallway.
“Yes he is! Kevin is… he’s a really good person.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” a familiar voice said.
35
Kevin.
I whirled around, saw him, and actually screamed.
Not loud, and not long, but seeing him standing there scared the hell out of me.
Probably because of what I was thinking about Derek. The scream was partially from guilt, like I was subconsciously afraid Kevin could read my thoughts.
He stepped away from the duffel bag lying on the floor next to our locked dorm room. In his hand he had a dozen wilted roses wrapped in cellophane.
“Kevin?!” I said, absolutely astounded.
“Hi,” he said sheepishly, then handed over the flowers. “Sorry they’re wilted… but I’ve been here awhile,” he said, adding in a little passive-aggressive kick at the end.
I took the roses apprehensively. “…thank you…”
Shanna bolted through the door and into the hall, eager as a little kid trying to catch a glimpse of a Christmastime mall Santa.
As soon as she saw him, though, her expression turned to shock.
I knew what she was thinking. Kevin was cute, but nowhere close to hot. He had an unruly shock of brown hair and was pretty thin. He was maybe a half-inch taller than me, which meant I didn’t wear heels around him often. It made him feel short and self-conscious.
He was a nice-looking guy.
But he was no Derek Kane.
Kevin saw Shanna and immediately his expression frosted over.
“Is this the roommate?” he asked me as he looked her over with obvious distaste.
“‘The roommate’?!” Shanna said indignantly.
It was rude referring to her in the third person like that, especially to her face. Not to mention examining her like she was a thing.
But I knew why he was reacting that way: it was all the sex and debauchery stories I’d told him at the beginning of the year… before I’d learned better.
I ignored the freeze between him and Shanna. “What are you doing here?!” I asked in astonishment.
“I… I was a jerk,” he said, and put on his best set of puppy-dog eyes. “I came to apologize.”
“You drove fifteen hours to apologize?!”
“Dude, pick up a phone,” Shanna snarked.
Kevin glared at her with unbridled hatred, then turned back to me with a self-righteous glint in his eyes. “I did. Somebody didn’t call me back.”
Shit.
He had been leaving texts and phone messages the last couple of days… but I hadn’t returned them.
Not because I was angry about the breakup, but because I was busy.
And feeling horribly guilty.
Both courtesy of a certain six-foot-tall someone who shall remain nameless.
“I’m sorry, I should have returned your calls,” I apologized, more out of habit – and my guilt over Derek – than anything else.
“Yes, you should have,” he said petulantly.
Shanna was looking at me like she could not be-lieve what
she was hearing.
Then she rounded on Kevin.
“DUDE, you broke up with her! She doesn’t owe you jack shit!”
Kevin started to lose it. “Can we go talk somewhere private without the foul-mouthed slut?”
“FOUL-MOUTHED SLUT?!” Shanna roared.
Kevin stepped back, eyes wide. He obviously had not anticipated the fury he had unleashed.
“You ball-less, dickless asshole – oh, and speaking of balls, dicks and assholes – ”
I knew exactly what she was thinking of: Derek. Her little rant had just reminded her of the whole rubber ball escapade in the grocery store.
And I knew exactly where she was going with this.
She was going to ‘out’ me .
I grabbed her arm.
“I’ll handle this,” I whispered to her.
“…okay,” she said, stunned – and then she winced. “Just – leggo, will you?”
I didn’t realize I was holding on that tight.
“Sorry,” I said as I released my fingers.
“Damn, that’s gonna bruise,” she muttered as she shook her wrist.
Kevin was looking at us like we’d been replaced by pod people. “What’s going on?”
“What’s going on is you’re going to apologize for calling her that,” I said sternly.
He smirked. “I’m not going to – ”
“Or you can go get in your car and drive back to Syracuse.”
“Yeah,” Shanna nyah-nyahed before I shushed her with a look.
Kevin stared at me. I didn’t normally take stands like this, and I’m sure it was throwing him for a loop. “Are you serious?”
“As a heart attack.”
“I left at six o’clock last night, spent $30 on a crappy hotel room, skipped all my classes today, and drove fifteen hours to see you, to be with you – ”
“And to apologize, right?” I snapped.
He looked sheepish again. “…yeah.”
“Well, you can start by apologizing to Shanna for what you called her.”
He erupted in outrage. “She called me a ball-less, dickless – ”
“Yeah, after you called her a slut.”
“A foul-mouthed slut,” Shanna added angrily.
Kevin looked unhappy about it, but he mumbled, “Sorry,” as he averted his eyes.
“What? Couldn’t hear you,” Shanna said, cupping her hand around her ear.
Kevin looked at me like Come ON.
I crossed my arms. “She couldn’t hear you.”
He gritted his teeth, and I could see he was actually considering getting back in the car.
Then he looked her dead in the eye. “I’m sorry I called you that.”
Shanna glared at him, but she seemed satisfied.
“Now can we go someplace to talk?” he asked in an irritated tone of voice.
I looked over at Shanna.
She sighed loudly, like she was the most put-upon person in the world. “Fine. It is Friday night… I could hook up with somebody and crash at their place…”
Kevin raised his eyebrows at me like WHY did I have to apologize, exactly?
“HEY!” Shanna shouted and pointed at him. “Stop judging me!”
“Judging you for being… what, exactly?” he asked snidely.
“Keep it up, asshole, and I’ll stay here all night – in my room, in my bed – and listen to the loudest, crappiest music I can find on the internet!”
His face went pale.
“Okay, sorry,” he said hastily.
Actually, I was kind of hoping she’d stay in all night and listen to loud, crappy music.
That might forestall the inevitable ‘talk’…
…and reunion…
…and sex.
“Fine,” Shanna seethed, then unlocked our room. “Let me get ready.”
The bang of the door as it slammed shut behind her was loud, brutal… and final.
36
“I missed you,” Kevin said softly as he moved in and kissed my cheek.
Despite all the unpleasantness of the last few minutes, his body against mine felt good… like home. His lips were safe and familiar.
When he put his arms around me, I melted against him and laid my head on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I was a total jerk. I’m really, really sorry.”
“…okay,” I whispered back.
We stayed like that for a long time, me nuzzling against his body, his arms wrapped around my shoulders.
He finally kissed my neck and pulled back, a big smile on his face. “I really am so glad to see you.”
I smiled back at him… though I couldn’t return his level of enthusiasm. “Me too.”
He frowned slightly. “Where were you? I was waiting for, like, two hours.”
My stomach froze. “Uh… we were eating at a friend’s of Shanna’s house.”
Technically, it wasn’t a lie.
Although calling Ryan ‘a friend of Shanna’s’ was stretching it.
Kevin’s brows knit and his eyes clouded over.
“I don’t like her,” he whispered, glaring at the shut door.
“You don’t have to, she’s not your roommate.”
“I don’t like you hanging out with her.”
That was kind of funny. Other than sleeping in the same room, Shanna and I had just ‘hung out’ more in the last four hours than we had in the previous four weeks.
But his tone of voice rubbed me the wrong way.
“Well, you don’t get to choose my friends,” I said in a clipped voice.
He gave me an unhappy look, then frowned again. “What were you talking about in the stairwell?”
Again, ice water plunged through my insides. “What?”
“What were you talking about before you came in? You said I was a great person – but it sounded like she was trying to get you to do something you didn’t want to do.”
My brain ticked through the possibilities, trying to find some way not to lie.
It failed.
“She wanted to set me up on a blind date because we broke up,” I said, my heart racing.
His expression got even darker. “Oh?” he asked, accusation in his voice.
GOD, here we go again.
“She’s just trying to look out for me – ”
“Did you want to go out on a date with… whoever it was?”
Yes.
Actually, I kind of already did.
Twice.
“NO. You heard me – you even said she was trying to talk me into something I didn’t want to do!”
“Yeah,” he relented, though I could still see the mistrust in his eyes.
I desperately wanted to get away from this topic, so I put my arms around his neck. “Did you really drive fifteen hours to come up here just so we can fight about the same crap?”
He looked into my eyes, and it was touch-and-go for just a second. I could see him searching for something, some clue, some telltale sign –
But then he visibly relaxed, and he broke out into a goofy grin. “No.”
“So let’s not fight, okay?”
“Okay,” he agreed, his smile still lingering on his face.
It disappeared completely when Shanna stepped out into the hall – although I noticed that his mouth dropped open slightly, too, as he gawked at her.
Specifically at ‘the girls.’
Shanna had changed into a push-up bra and a spaghetti-strap top, painted-on jeans, and ‘fuck me’ pumps. She was wearing ‘fuck me’ red lipstick, too.
Come to think of it, just about everything about Shanna screamed ‘fuck me.’
“Welllll, you two seem to have patched things up,” she said, not quite approvingly.
“Thanks for… you know,” I said, gesturing at her outfit.
“Aaaaah, you’re welcome. You deserve at least one Kaitlyn night. And you – ”
She clicked her fingers in front of Kevin’s nose.
“ �
�� eyes up here,” she barked, pointing to her face. “You’ve got a girlfriend, so fucking act like it.”
Kevin blushed furiously. He looked at me guiltily, expecting me to throw the kind of fit he would been having if our places were reversed and he’d caught me staring at a guy.
I could have gone postal on him… but, truthfully, I didn’t feel anything but a tiny pinprick of jealousy.
It wasn’t even one tenth as intense as when Shanna had joked about sleeping with Derek.
…which was kind of unsettling.
I suppose I could have lashed out and ripped into Kevin as payback for all the times he had done it to me – but that would have been manipulative and shitty. So I just let it go.
Besides, to paraphrase Derek: when Shanna put ‘the girls’ out there on display, it’s not like you could ignore them.
“Have fun,” I told her.
“Ohhh, I will,” she said, and added impishly, “I thought I might go by the 40 Watt – ”
“NO,” I said, surprising even myself with how quickly and insistently I’d said it.
She pulled back a little and grinned, like Aha, see? We both know the score.
“Don’t worry, I won’t,” she giggled. “Ho’s before bro’s! Ovaries before bro-varies! See ya!”
And with that, she burst through the doors and into the stairwell.
Which meant that Kevin and I were all alone.
37
I won’t go into the rest of the evening in detail. We talked a lot. It was pleasant.
The only bad moment I had was when he asked, “Why isn’t she supposed to go to the 40 Watt?”
Panic.
“Because… because the guys she picks up there are always dirt poor and want to crash here instead of their place.”
Again, not technically a lie.
If you took the first night she met Derek as your only example.
Kevin got an alarmed look on his face. “Oh, good. I’m glad you told her no, then.”
Relief flooded over me, even as cold currents of guilt pulled at me like undertow.
I fixed him some instant mac and cheese. He’d been planning to eat with me, which made me feel even more guilty, even though I reminded myself that he’d never told me he was coming in the first place.
Eventually we began to make out.
Rock Me Hard (The Rock Star's Seduction) Page 11