I roll my eyes. “I didn’t kiss Chase. He kissed me.”
“He said he heard you tell Chase you needed him,” she continues.
“Oh son of a mother lover. Matty should know better. He didn’t hear me say those exact words. Can you get Ty? I wanna go home.” The tears are threatening to break free and I want to get out of here before I cause a scene, or a scandal. I can just see the headlines at work on Monday. No thank you.
I can’t believe Matty is choosing now to act like a punk. I didn’t say I needed Chase. He needs to clean out his ears. He doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about. He just took off and didn’t give me a chance to explain. Un-fucking-believable. I thought he had confidence in me. In us.
What bullshit?
He just ran away.
By the time I get home, I’m seething mad. I don’t allow myself to be sad and weepy about Matty leaving me hanging. I’m just pissed he left me hanging. I could ring his stupid gorgeous neck right now.
I toss around in bed, which seems like a sea of never ending space without him here. I look at the clock and it’s only been about fifteen minutes since I’ve been lying her. It feels like time is standing still. The minutes on the clock can’t seem to turn fast enough. It’s just after one and the Lady Antebellum booty call song starts playing in my head. I fight the urge to sing it aloud, knowing I’ll probably start crying if I do.
Sure, I’m all alone and I’m drunk and I want to call him. But I’m not going to. Fuck him. I’m not going to go out in the middle of the night and look for him. I did once already, only to find he left my ass there. Without a single word. He just left.
But I am going to text him.
Well I guess it was only a matter of time before you left me too.
I wait. Five minutes. Ten minutes. No texts back.
So I send another:
It’s just too bad you didn’t stick around long enough for me to tell you what I figured out tonight.
I wait again.
Nothing.
Last text:
I guess you’ll never know.
Fucker.
I love you …
I stare at the text on my screen for a long time. But instead of sending it, I back space thirteen times and erase the whole damn thing.
Chapter Nineteen
The first day back after winter break always sucks ass. Nobody ever wants to be here. Not the kids, and not even the teachers. It almost feels like the first day all over again. It takes a while to get back in the groove of things. To remember old routines, and for some students, I have to remember their names.
Even worse is the fact I still haven’t spoken to Matty. I went from absolutely pissed off to painfully sad, and now I’m just completely irritated he’s being such a baby. He has no idea what he saw and he’s not even taking the time to figure it out.
I thought maybe he’d meet me in the parking lot as usual and we’d talk on our way to class. But nothing. Then, I thought maybe he’d stop by during lunch. But nothing. I even stayed after school for an extra thirty minutes in hopes he’d visit once all the students went home. Yet, nothing.
On my way to my car, I hear a student whisper to another, “Did you hear the Ms. Gelson and Mr. Marino are back together?” I want to stop and set them straight, but I don’t. This is really the talk on campus?
Mel comes over to watch me drag ass all night, wondering how I’m going to fix this. Or if I even want to. She’s dragging ass just as much as I am. She misses my brother, and so do I.
“Want another beer?” she asks.
“Do you have to ask?” I try sarcasm, hoping it will snap me out of my funk.
She brings me another bottle and plops herself down next to me.
“See, I told you this wouldn’t work. I should have never got involved with him in the first place. I knew this was gonna happen. Now, not only do I not have him as a whatever he was, but I don’t have him as a friend either. Matty sucks.”
“Don’t be such a pussy, Shel. First, things are gonna work out. He just needs a minute to understand what happened. Second, if he’s gonna be a pussy too, then you don’t need him. As a ... whatever it is he was ... or as a friend. Screw ‘em.”
This doesn’t make me feel any better.
It’s Tuesday morning. I arrive and walk to my classroom alone, again. His car was in the parking lot already, which makes me a little bitchy since he didn’t wait. Thankfully, being a teacher is like being an actor. From bell to bell, I can put on a smiley face and pretend I’m in another world. But those seven minutes in between classes really suck when I check my messages, and there’s nothing. Or when I check my email, and the only message I have is from my department chair talking about Friday’s meeting. I take a quick glance at my cell. One message from Mel checking to see if I’ve made contact yet. Nope.
Nothing.
I meet Mel in the staff lounge for lunch. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised to find Matty’s not here.
“I’m gonna kick his ass to Sunday when I see him,” I tell her when I reach the table.
She shoves a handful of Doritos in her mouth. “No doubt. I thought for sure he’d be here.”
I start to gnaw on some carrots in frustration. “Wanna come over again tonight?” I ask her.
“Girl, we need to chill. This past year of man trouble has really done me in. My party liver can’t keep up. I’m like a case of wine away from AA, and you’re probably even closer than I am.”
For the first time since the new year, I laugh. Out loud.
“You’re so right. I was brushing my teeth this morning and I was still burping beer.”
“Maybe he’ll call tonight,” she says, with a weak smile.
But he doesn’t.
I’m getting sad.
Wednesday. Rinse, wash, and repeat from the day before.
In the morning, he’s not waiting for me.
At lunch, he’s MIA.
After school, I wait like a dumb ass again.
In the evening, still no Matty.
I’m even more sad.
Thursday. The same. And now …
I’m fucking mad as hell.
When Friday morning rolls around and Matty’s car is not in the parking lot when I get to work, I wonder if I should wait for him. I decide against it. Instead, I sneak into his classroom. I leave a large mocha latte and a supersized Rice Krispie Treat on his desk, along with a sticky note that reads:
If you don’t come and see me TODAY, your ass is gonna be sorry when I find you myself.
He doesn’t show to our staff meeting. Or at lunch.
My student aide tells me, “My friend told me Mr. Fuller has a picture of you on his desk and he’s been staring at it all week. He’ll come around.” She squeezes my hand on the way out and it amazes me the kids are so in tune with what’s going on around here. He has a picture of me. And he’s been looking at it. Should be a good sign, right?
Okay buddy, it’s after school. Now or never. Well, not never. If he doesn’t show, it just means I have to go looking for his dumb ass. He doesn’t get to say all those wonderful things to me and make me feel the way I do, and then just walk away when he thinks he sees something he really didn’t. Sure, it probably wasn’t the best idea to let Chase kiss me, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. It just solidified my already disappearing feelings for Chase and gave me the closure I needed to move forward. Now, if Matty would just let me explain.
I’m sitting at my computer entering in grades when I hear the door screech open. A giddy smile spreads over my face, as I swivel my chair around to see him.
Son of a bizatch. It’s Chase.
My smile extinguishes.
“Sorry to interrupt,” he says, taking a step forward.
“Don’t worry about it. I was just expecting someone,” I say, waving him off. It’s been over an hour since school’s been out. He’s not coming.
“Fuller didn’t show?” he asks. How does he know? Damn it. The whole e
ffing school probably knows he’s not talking to me.
“Nope,” I tell him, but I’m not interested in talking about it with him. The sooner I get rid of him, the better. “What’s up, Chase?”
“I was thinking about New Year’s Eve, and I realized I screwed things up for you.” He pauses. “You were trying to tell me something and I didn’t get it then, but I do now.” He sits on one of the student desks. “You were saying goodbye, weren’t you?”
I amble toward him slowly and sit on my desk facing him. I nod my head in agreement. “I wasn’t absolutely sure I was ready to move on until then. But when you kissed me, I knew.”
“I guess I knew, too.” He scratches his head. “Summer and I are back together.” Surprisingly, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest to hear this. “She kept on telling me I wasn’t over you. And even though I tried to reassure her, maybe I didn’t believe it myself. But then we kissed, and it wasn’t like it used to be. It was just … ”
“Blah,” I finish his thought. He smiles. “I know. It was weird. I didn’t feel anything.” Then I realize how bad it sounds. “No offense,” I quickly say.
“Shelly, I don’t want us to hate each other anymore. I think we had a great relationship all those years, but it just wasn’t meant to be forever.”
“I could never hate you, Chase. I’m grateful for the time we had together,” I say. “I've known you my whole life. We grew up together. I think we’ve finally come to the point where we’re really ready to move on. I’m assuming you explained this to Summer?”
He nods. “I had to email her because she wouldn’t talk to me. But she understands now.” He grins at me mischievously. “I think you and Mel would really like her, if you gave her a chance.”
“I think you’d like Matty too, if you gave him a chance,” I flash the same grin right back.
“I do like Fuller. I always have. He’s cool. Maybe he just rubbed me the wrong way because I kinda knew you’d end up with him. You two are perfect for each other. I’ll be totally cool with him from now on. You’ll see.”
“Now, if I could just get him to be in the same room with me, I could fix all this. He saw you kiss me, and he took it the wrong way. I haven’t talked to him since.” My eyes well up and I put my head down to try to calm my emotions.
“Don’t worry about it, Shel,” he stands, and gives me a hug. “Summer and I are proof things will work themselves out.”
“I hope so,” I sniffle into his chest.
My door flings open and I really must have the worst luck in the entire fucking world. Once again, Matty catches me in Chase’s arms.
He puts his hands up like WTF. “You know, I was already in my car and I decided to come back. I guess I was right in thinking I should have just gone home,” he practically spits the words out.
“Oh son of a beeyotch, Matty, you have the worst timing ever,” I say, rolling my eyes for good measure.
He turns to leave but Chase shouts, “Fuller, don’t leave. Stay here and talk to her. I think you’ll want to hear what she has to say.”
Just then, my door opens for the third time and the familiar sound of heels comes tapping in.
“Well hello, everyone,” Summer says.
“Hi, Summer,” I say, as I hop off my desk and start to move toward her. “Nice to see you. I’m really happy everything worked out for you two.”
She smiles and I have this overwhelming urge to hug her. So I do. Thankfully, she doesn’t punch me. She hugs me back and says, “I’m sure things will work out for you too.”
We back away from each other, and I run my fingers through my hair. I glance at Matty and he looks so confused, it’s adorable.
Summer gestures to the door. “You ready, Chase?”
“Sure am,” he says. He bends down and kisses my cheek. “Good luck.” Then he sticks out his hand to Matty, who still looks puzzled but shakes Chase’s hand anyway.
“Bye, guys, see ya later,” I say as they leave.
Matty points at the door, “What the hell was that?”
I smile at him. “What are you talking about?” I ask, facetiously.
“You just hugged Summer McGallian.” He’s still pointing at the door.
I shrug. “We’re friends.”
“Since when?” He puts his hand to my forehead. “Are you feeling okay? Is it the flu?” Thank you Jesus, he’s joking. This is going to work.
“Since she discovered I’m not in love with her boyfriend.” He runs his fingertips along the side of my face and brushes my hair back. “And since Chase explained to her I’ve moved on just like he has.”
“But what about the party?” he asks, putting his hands to his sides.
“Chase and I kissed, briefly and it was just a peck. But I think it was more out of curiosity. For both of us. To see if there was something still between us. And we both figured out what we already knew. Our feelings for each other no longer exist. I didn’t feel one thing when he kissed me. He may as well have been a stranger. There was nothing.”
“And what about what you said? You needed him.”
I roll my eyes in frustration. “You need to use Q-tips, Matty. What I said was ‘I needed that.’ Meaning, I needed that to move on, to say goodbye to him. And he understood, but you just left and didn’t give me the chance to explain. You bailed on me.”
Matty runs his fingers through his hair, and then puts his hands on his hips. “You scared me, Shel. When you went out with the other guys, I wasn’t worried in the slightest. There was never a doubt in my mind you’d come back to me. But with Chase, it was different. When I saw you guys together, I was crushed. I assumed the worst. I guess I always felt like I couldn’t compete with him and the history you have together.”
I shake my head, and can’t help but laugh.
“What’s so funny?”
“You!” I shout. “You don’t get it Mr. Fuller. There’s no competition. And if there was, you’d win every time.”
He tilts his head, still looking perplexed.
“For you being such a smart ass, you sure are dumb.” I stretch my arms up and clasp my hands around his neck. “Matt Fuller, I love you. Now kiss me, you fool.”
He cups my face in his hands and touches his lips to mine. Our lips lock together several times, before our tongues slide against each other rekindling the fire that had gone out for a week. Matty traces his tongue across my top lip and catches my bottom lip between his, sucking softly and playfully, and sending tingles all over my body. Then he lifts me in a tight squeeze, as my feet dangle in the air, and he plants quick smooches all over my face and throat. He nuzzles his face in my neck and the feel of his warm breath on my skin is so great I let out a hushed moan.
“You really love me, huh?” he asks, grinning.
“Yes, I do.” I smile at him, my feet still off the ground.
“It’s a good thing I wasn’t drinking a Bud Light at the bar that night,” he tries to say with the utmost seriousness, but it doesn’t work.
“It wouldn’t have mattered.” I peck at his lips again. “You could’ve been drinking a Lucky Lager and I’d still love you.”
“What about a wine cooler?” he laughs.
“Now, let’s not get crazy.” I giggle.
He sets me down and brushes my hair away from my face with his finger tips.
“You know what this means, don’t you?” I ask.
He knows exactly what this means.
“Getting naked and having my way with you on your desk is probably out of the question, huh?”
I rest my palms on his strong chest. “Probably.” We grin at each other.
“The car?”
“Why don’t you just shut up and take me home, Mr. Fuller,” I say to him.
“One thing,” he pauses. I gaze up at him, and he gently brushes his lips against mine for a few seconds. “I love you too.”
Chapter Twenty
It’s date night.
Again.
But this time I reall
y want to go. I’m not going to pout as I get dressed. I’m not second guessing my motives. The idea of going out on a real date with my new boyfriend couldn’t make me feel any happier.
It’s funny, really. Since last week when Matty and I finally confessed our love for each other—well, I finally told him I loved him, he’s been telling me he loves me for months—he hasn’t gone home. But this morning, after breakfast, he kissed me goodbye and was out the door. What a goof. He wants to pick me up and that won’t work if we both get ready at my house. So he went home.
The radio is blaring a mix of dance music, slow songs, and country throughout my house. I love setting the player to random picks and just being surprised by what comes through the speakers. After spending over an hour in the shower washing, exfoliating, moisturizing, my body feels silky smooth. It helps I shaved my legs from the tops of my thighs all the way down to my toes. I’d been doing this already, but I took special care today so I wouldn’t miss a spot. If Matty decides tonight is the night, I’m going to be ready for him.
Now that I’m in love with him, I thought we would have been screwing like horny teenagers whose parents were on vacation, but my boyfriend—I like saying it—has this odd sense of honor and thinks we should continue to wait awhile longer. He wants to show me how much he respects me by taking things slowly. I’ve never wanted anyone to respect me less. He’s really driving me crazy. I thought it was always the woman who wouldn’t give it up.
In Matty’s case, I think his reluctance might also have something to do with my house and my bed. While it was okay for us to do everything but make love in my bed before, I’m not so sure he wants to take our relationship to the next level in the same bed I slept in with Chase for so many years. Understandable, I know. But I refuse to do it at his place with three roommates roaming around, two of them being other teachers who work with us. His place reminds me of a frat house, except for his room which is all tidy and neat. I should have suspected considering the way he cleans my house and clears the table within minutes of us finishing a meal.
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