“Not Payton,” Teddy said. “He’s really wired into things.”
Everyone looked at Teddy. A flush crept up his neck. “Well, someone has to keep the faith.”
“Well, I guess we know which group you’re going with,” Casey quipped.
Teddy shrugged.
Alix got up and went into the kitchen. Dar followed her. “Is it true, Dar? Are you really finished with the Movement?”
He went to her. “The whole time I was at the Coliseum, all I could think about was you and Billy. Casey told me you went to the hospital. I should have been there.”
Alix told him about the ER: the wait; how the doctors didn’t know one patient from another; how they gave Billy antibiotics but never did a chest X-ray. Her eyes started to fill. “I can see why Billy hates doctors.” She shook her head. “If he doesn’t get better, I don’t know what we’ll do.”
Dar cupped her face in his hands. “We’ll get him the help he needs. Together.”
She allowed herself a weak smile.
THIRTY–THREE
Bobby, the owner of Up Against the Wall, lived above the shop in a small apartment and owned something they didn’t: a TV. Rain hadn’t watched in months and didn’t miss it, but today was an exception. This was the day the astronauts were supposed to land on the moon. She’d wheedled and pleaded with Bobby to have a ‘moon party’; eventually, he agreed. Casey brought food from the Moon Palace, which was only appropriate. Rain brought soda and wine. Teddy brought weed.
By afternoon all of them, except Payton, were on Bobby’s living room floor, watching a blurry, black-and-white telecast of what looked like two Michelin men hopping around a rocky terrain.
“This is FFO.” Casey’s eyes narrowed into slits. He’d already finished off a joint.
“Two hundred thousand miles far fucking out,” Bobby said in a gravelly voice.
Rain lowered her camera and squinted at the TV. She’d been snapping pictures of the telecast as well as shots of them watching it. “They look like they’re on pogo sticks.”
Dar laughed. Billy, who had come with them, did too. Despite the frustrations at Fullerton Hospital, the antibiotics seemed to have worked, and Billy’s cough had subsided.
Alix looked more carefree than she had in weeks. “It’s so amazing to see pictures … live … from the moon. How do they do that?”
“The miracle of progress.” Casey glanced at Teddy and Dar.
“Progress, eh?” Dar smiled at Casey. “Where’s Payton when we need him?”
Teddy frowned. “What?”
“Remember our discussion in Wisconsin about ‘progress’?” Casey said. “Payton tried to convince your father that progress wasn’t in the best interests of society.”
Teddy shook his wrist. His ID bracelet clinked as it settled. “Yeah, well, answer me this. How do we know it’s really happening?” He motioned toward the TV.
“Huh?” Casey asked.
“What if that’s just a Hollywood set we’re watching? A TV show they created to make us think they’re on the moon?”
“Why would anyone do that?” Alix asked.
“To divert attention from the war,” Teddy said.
“How do you figure?” Rain asked.
“The government doesn’t want us to question the war, so they create this TV show that purports to show astronauts landing on the moon. But in reality, it’s just a bunch of actors and props on some back lot in Hollywood. We don’t know that, of course, so we’re all excited about our ‘progress’ …, ” he said, glancing at Casey, “ … conveniently forgetting all the killing and bombing and repression.”
“You’re saying this is all just a big conspiracy?”
“It could be.”
Rain rolled her eyes. “You know what, Teddy? You’re right. In fact, I’ll bet the Kennedys produced it. You know, to take the pressure off your namesake and Mary Jo Kopechne.” The girl’s body had been discovered in the senator’s car near Chappaquiddick two days earlier.
Teddy nodded solemnly. “I was wondering about that myself.”
Rain stared. “Jesus, Teddy. You’re serious!”
He shrugged and pulled out a Marlboro. Rain watched him strike a match, light the cigarette, and take a drag.
She took a shot of him exhaling smoke. “You’re getting weird, you know?”
“You’ve been hanging out with the wrong people, Markham,” Casey added. “Your mind is turning to mush.”
Bobby reached for an egg roll, broke it in half, and popped one half in his mouth. “Do you think it’s gonna be the end of his career?”
“Kennedy’s?” Dar asked. “Don’t know. But I guarantee you won’t see him running for president.”
“That’s probably not a bad thing,” Casey said. “They say he’s the stupid brother.”
“Which is why he’ll survive in the Senate,” Dar said.
Teddy kept his mouth shut but jangled his bracelet.
A knock on Bobby’s door interrupted them. “Oh. I forgot to tell you. I invited a few other people.” He got up and went to the door.
“Linda and Donna?” Alix asked.
Bobby shook his head, but something in his expression made Rain’s antenna go on alert. Meanwhile, Bobby opened the door to a guy in a t-shirt, cut-offs, and sandals. Bobby introduced him, but Rain didn’t catch his name. He got a plate and loaded it with sweet and sour chicken, an egg roll, and rice. Rain waited for Bobby to settle back on the floor.
“So, Bobby,” Rain said. “How are Donna and Linda? Everything okay?”
This time the head shop owner’s face reddened, and he looked everywhere except at Rain.
“What happened? Did they break up?”
“Not exactly.”
Sensing a story, Rain leaned forward. “Well?”
“It’s … it’s complicated,” Bobby said. And looked at Billy.
Dar stood up. “Hey, Billy,” he said, “come into the kitchen with me. I need your help.”
“Wait. This is gonna be good,” Billy said.
“Billy …,” Dar’s voice was stern.
“You never let me hear the good stuff.” Everyone laughed, but Billy reluctantly got up and followed Dar out.
“So?” Rain asked when they’d gone.
“You know how Linda and Donna were … lovers, right?” Rain nodded. “Well, it wasn’t always that way.” Bobby grabbed his legs and rocked back on the floor. “See, Donna used to be Don.”
Rain gasped. Alix’s mouth opened.
“He was on his way to becoming a woman. Had the hormone shots. Started dressing and acting the part. The only thing left was the surgery.” Bobby hesitated. “But then he/she met Linda.”
“Oh, god!” Alix said. “Don’t tell me. He decided he’d rather be a man after all?”
“That’s right. They went someplace in California so Donna can turn back into Don.”
Now Rain’s mouth dropped open. For a moment neither she nor Alix spoke.
Alix recovered first. “Wait a minute. How does Linda feel about it? She’s the one who’s gay.”
“She’s okay with it.” Bobby flipped up a palm. “They’re in love.”
Rain covered her face with her hands and shook her head. Alix looked blank. Then a huge smile broke over her face, and she started to giggle. Rain started to laugh, too. Bobby glanced over, then joined in, too. Before long the three of them were roaring. Casey, Teddy, and Bobby’s friend offered polite smiles but mostly looked bewildered. Even Dar poked his head out from the kitchen.
“Everything okay?”
Alix was laughing too hard to speak, but Rain waved a hand to signal they were fine. “Help! I can’t breathe!”
“Me either,” Alix wheezed.
Billy appeared briefly, threw them a scowl, then returned to the kitchen.
Eventually, their laughter subsided, and they sat exhausted, but happy, the way friends do after they’ve shared something that’s brought them closer. Bobby lifted his chin towards the kitchen. “
How’s the kid doing?”
“He’s a lot better. I guess it was just bronchitis,” Alix said.
Bobby’s friend looked up from his plate. “What was wrong?”
“He was coughing up blood. I took him to Fullerton Hospital a few weeks ago, and they gave him antibiotics.”
“Blood?” When Alix nodded, he asked, “Did they do a chest X-ray? Or a TB test?”
“No. Why?”
“There’s a high rate of TB on Indian reservations.”
Concern flared on Alix’s face. “I thought it had been wiped out.”
The guy shook his head. “The government wants you to think that, but in some places it’s still rampant. Nobody talks about it, of course.”
“TB’s contagious, isn’t it?” Rain asked.
He nodded.
“Billy doesn’t have TB,” Alix said. “Look at him. He’s fine.”
“Sometimes you can have the infection, but if it’s not in an acute phase, you might not know it.”
“How do you know so much?” Alix ran a nervous hand through her hair.
“I’m in med school.” He went back to his plate. “Hey, don’t worry about it. It’s probably nothing. But if it happens again, make sure a doctor sees him.”
Billy bounced back into the living room, all smiles. “Hey, Casey, I told Dar you had a new Fritz the Cat. He said I could read it.”
“It’s back at the apartment,” Casey said.
“Can I go back to get it?” Billy pleaded. “Please?”
Alix smiled at Billy, then turned to Bobby’s friend. “Thanks for the advice. But I doubt we’ll need any more help.”
Rain lay on the sofa reading. Alix was already in bed, Casey was at work, and Teddy was off somewhere with Payton. Dar swept the kitchen. Of the four men, he was the most willing to help out with “women’s work.” When he was done, he put the broom and dustpan away and went out to the living room. Rain made room for him on the couch.
He laced his hands behind his head and closed his eyes.
“Tired?” Rain asked.
“Not really. Just thinking.”
“About what?”
“Life. Love. The universe. You know, everything.” He opened his eyes.
Rain closed her book. “It’s all changing, isn’t it?”
Dar tilted his head.
“Everything’s getting fucked up,” Rain said, “and ugly.”
“How do you mean?”
“Nothing’s the same. You’ve changed. Casey too. And now Teddy’s getting weird.”
“I noticed.”
“He’s been hanging around Payton too long.”
“Maybe he’s just more committed. People find themselves at different times.”
Rain twirled a lock of hair. “I don’t know. Teddy and I went to high school together, remember? He was … well … he moved in all the right circles. Tennis team. Debate Club. He was part of the ‘in’ crowd. Concern for the oppressed wasn’t a priority.”
“That doesn’t mean anything. Abbie Hoffman graduated from Worcester, and Kathy Boudin went to prep school. Sometimes the privileged develop the keenest sense of justice.”
“Or guilt.”
Dar gave her a sharp look.
“Rich, white America exploited plenty of people over the years,” she said.
“Guilt might be the reason why you got involved in the Movement, but that’s not the case for me. Or from what I can tell, Teddy.”
“So why did he get involved?”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s my point … , ” she persisted, “we don’t know. By now, though, we should. Tell me—what happened when you went to his house in Wisconsin?”
“What happened? Nothing. Why?”
“That’s when he started to change.” Rain stopped twirling her hair. “Look … I don’t want to get paranoid, but do you think he might be an informant?”
Dar gave her another sharp look. “You mean for the FBI?”
“Something like that.”
“You’re kidding, of course.”
Rain shook her head. “His father is a judge. He has a lot of connections. Maybe he got talked into it.”
“It makes no sense. Why?”
“I don’t know,” Rain said. “Why does anyone turn? Maybe … ”
Dar cut her off. “No. You can’t do this, Rain. You can’t go around accusing people. Especially without evidence.”
“I’ve been watching him, Dar. There are things that … well … are really weird. Like his whole rap today about the moon landing conspiracy.”
“You think he’s covering for himself?”
“Maybe. There are all these times he just disappears, sometimes for hours. No one knows where he’s gone. And he never volunteers a thing.”
Dar was quiet for a minute. “Don’t do this Rain,” he said softly.
She felt a stab of resentment. “I’m just trying to protect us. In case … ” She saw his expression. “Oh, never mind.” She picked up her camera and went to the window. Sliding onto the window ledge, she looked at the fat shadows squeezed between pools of light from the lampposts. “July 8th was Ringo’s birthday, you know.”
“Huh?”
She framed a shot and took a picture. “When I was in junior high, I used to talk about the Beatles with my best friend for hours. We were … oh … about fourteen, and we’d spend hours on the phone. She loved Paul. I liked Ringo. We read about them in trashy magazines, books, anything we could get our hands on. We knew everything—Paul’s birthday was June 18th, Ringo’s was July 8th.” She took another shot out the window. “We used to fantasize about going to a concert. We would be the only girls who weren’t screaming. Of course, the Beatles would notice, and they’d send us a note to meet them backstage after the concert.”
She turned around to face Dar. “We were so innocent back then. Maybe even silly. But now the Beatles might break up, Payton and Teddy are doing God knows what, and you and Alix are … ” Her voice trailed off.
Dar lowered his chin. “Alix and I are what?”
“You’re all caught up with Billy … pretending you’re a family.”
“Is something wrong with that?”
Rain slid off the window ledge, put the camera down, and came back to the couch. “I just don’t … Let me ask you something.” She sat down. “Are you sure Alix loves you as much as you love her? Is she always going to be there for you?”
“Of course I’m sure.” Anger flashed in Dar’s eyes. “Why? What are you getting at?”
“I don’t know. Her background … her values … they’re so different from yours.”
“That’s not true. We agree on a lot. Anyway, it’s what’s in here that’s important.” He tapped his chest. “Not here.” He tapped his forehead.
Rain angled her head. “You know, of course, that Casey’s in love with her.”
“What?”
“Haven’t you seen the way he looks at her when he doesn’t think anyone’s watching? How he’s always doing things for her? Like taking Billy to the hospital when you weren’t around. Making sure she has all her jewelry supplies. Buying Billy comic books. It’s almost sad how grateful he looks when she doles out a smile. Like a dog waiting for a bone.”
Dar crossed his arms. “Casey is my closet friend. And Alix is … my soul mate. That will never change.”
“Are you sure, Dar? Are you sure she’ll always be there for you?”
Dar narrowed his eyes.
“I would,” Rain said softly.
Dar looked at Rain. Then his face took on a knowing expression. He looked like he was groping for a response.
Rain immediately regretted what she said. She’d always sworn to hide her true feelings, and she wasn’t sure why she’d blurted them out. To make things worse, the length of time it was taking Dar to reply confirmed her worst fears. She’d been stupid. She tried to backpedal. “As your friend, of course.”
Dar didn’t say anything, but there was a catch i
n his eyes.
“Never mind.” Rain got up, went to the radio, and snapped it on. The announcer was still talking about the men on the moon. “Let’s listen to more of those giant steps for mankind, okay? ’Course, he should have said ‘humankind’, don’t you think? At least ‘men and women.’”
THIRTY–FOUR
Billy’s cough came back in August, worse than a smoker’s hack. He was coughing up blood again, and this time the Kleenex turned red. He seemed tired, and he was losing weight. At night, he sometimes ran a fever.
Alix went to the health food store on Wells Street. The owner recommended a combination of echinacea, garlic, licorice, and eucalyptus, all of which would fight respiratory infections. He also told her about something called Arsenicum album for cough and chest pain. He didn’t have any but could get some. She put in an order.
She took the bus to another health food store in Lincoln Park. The woman behind the counter suggested Calcarea carbonica for chills, sleepiness, and night sweats. She also suggested Alix talk to a homeopathic doctor who would prescribe something tailored exactly to Billy. Alix wrote down the doctor’s name.
Despite the remedies, Billy didn’t get better. He was still bringing up blood and sputum, his chest hurt, and he was hardly able to get out of bed. Alix got a used mattress from Goodwill and moved him from the boarding house into a corner of their bedroom. She told Dar they needed a doctor.
“How are we going to pay for it?” he asked. The bill for their visit to Fullerton Hospital came to over two hundred dollars. It would take months to pay it off. “And what will they do? Make us wait another four hours for a vial of antibiotics?”
“We have to find a doctor who will see him for free.”
Alix and Dar combed through the phone book and, through a stroke of good luck, found the American Indian Center on Wilson Avenue. The organization had sprung up more than ten years before to help Indians who’d relocated from reservations. The center referred them to a doctor in Uptown who, when they showed up at his storefront office, looked a little like Robert Young from Father Knows Best.
He examined Billy in a small cramped room, took a chest X-ray, and after studying it, called Alix and Dar into another cramped room for a consultation. Billy had TB, he told them. It was a difficult disease to diagnose conclusively because it was tricky—and took too much time—to culture the bacteria in the lab. But he pointed out what looked like tiny bubbles on Billy’s x-ray that he said were incidences of cavitation—little holes—in his lungs.
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