by A. R. Perry
And I have no one to blame but myself.
For the first time in my life when my alarm goes off for school, I say screw it and silence the thing. I rarely skip school. Not just because of football but because my dad will freak the hell out if I’m not on death’s door for fear I might miss something that will affect my GPA.
Today, though, today I couldn’t care less. He’s at work now and my mom had to open the bakery at five this morning, leaving the house empty. I’ll just head out before either of them gets home and pop into the bakery for my shift. They’ll be none the wiser.
Only it’s not any other day.
I woke up with a deep ache in my heart from the knife Piper plunged into my chest. As mad as I am, I should have seen it coming. From the start, I knew this was a terrible idea. The moment I fell for her, I should have run. Girls like Piper don’t go for guys like me. No money. A future that is set without my consent. I don’t have anything to give beyond the random sarcastic comment and my ability to handle a football.
Yet, I can’t help being masochistic and reaching for my phone to see if she’s called or texted me. Nope. Not a word. And why would she? Her plan didn’t work out the way she wanted, what with her ex hooking up with her friend, but she has no use for me anymore.
I roll out of bed with a groan. Here I am sounding ridiculous even to myself. It’s not as if she’s the mysterious one that I’ll spend the rest of my life with. For crying out loud, there’s a little less than a year and a half left in high school before we ship off to different colleges.
It’s better this way.
There will be no time for girls next year anyway, and when I hit college, forget about it. My dad will have me so loaded down with coursework there won’t be time to sleep, let alone have a girlfriend.
I pour myself a cup of coffee and snag a banana off the table as my phone chimes in my pocket.
My heart skips and my self-loathing intensifies.
No point in lying to myself. Even after a mental pep talk, I’m hoping Piper will text me.
It’s not, though. It’s Jordan, wondering where I am. No doubt he’s heard about what happened yesterday. I swear he’s worse than the gossiping cheerleaders.
I shoot off a quick text telling him I’m under the weather and that I’m staying home today. Then I turn my phone off. No point in torturing myself all day whenever it goes off.
Not that anything besides moping is on the schedule.
Summer can’t come soon enough. Three months with no Piper should give my bloody heart time to heal.
I plop down on the couch intending to watch mindless TV, but I land on the remote and it brings up the last movie I played.
Of course.
Several images of the night with Piper on my couch bombard my head, and I stand and turn it off. I gotta get out of here. Throwing the remote at the wall, I make my way to the front door. Dressed in workout shorts and a loose T-shirt already, I take it as a sign and pull on my running shoes.
That’s what I need right now. A long hard run should burn off all this extra energy and uneasiness crawling around my insides like angry fire ants.
With my phone off, I’ll need to do this without music, but that’s okay. Pushing myself to the limit until I can focus only on my breathing should do the trick.
Maybe by the time I’m done, I’ll realize this isn’t a big deal. Piper is just a girl. There will be plenty of them.
I toss muffins into the case without looking.
This whole afternoon has been a bust. All the run did was make me tired, so when I got home and fell asleep, my mind drifted back to Piper without my permission. Long red hair and sparkling blue eyes chased me all over my dreams until I was tossing and turning and no better off than I was when I woke up.
Homework proved to be of little help. It’s easy to zone out and think about other things when you’re reading about the industrial revolution.
So now I’m at work and it’s slow, which is again giving me way too much time to think. I would turn on my phone and mindlessly play games or something, but I don’t want to find out if Piper texted me. Or worse yet, didn’t text me.
Ugh. I sound like a whiny little bitch.
I toss another muffin in and it ricochets off the glass, landing in a crumbly mess on the floor.
“Easy there, killer.”
The sickly sweet voice coming from the door fills my veins with ice. I’m so not in the mood to deal with this.
“What do you want, Cristy?”
“I came to check on you. You were a no-show to school.”
After throwing the destroyed muffin into the trash, I stand. “And clearly that meant I wanted to be left alone.”
“Hey. Don’t get mad at me when I didn’t do anything. I was worried after what went down. I did try to warn you, though.”
“Yeah.” That she did. Although I’m not sure if it was for my benefit or hers.
“I was thinking I could come back to work.”
My head snaps up and I level her with a glare. “Why would you do that?” It’s not even the fact that I don’t want her around, but my mom can’t afford her salary.
“I miss spending my afternoons with you.” She rounds the counter, taking careful steps so her ridiculous heels don’t get caught in the rubber floor mat.
“What is all this?” I motion to her outfit—a mix of club and girly. The pink lacy top shouldn’t mix with the tight leather skirt, but somehow it does. “I told you, we’re over. But in case you need to hear it in words you’ll understand, we are never, ever, ever getting back together.” I hate that I even know the lyrics to a T-Swift song, but Cristy made me listen to her albums at least a thousand times.
“Is it because of that loser you’ve been hanging with?” Her sweet demeanor slips as she props her hands on her hips. “If you don’t remember, she humiliated you in front of the entire school.”
“I don’t recall such a big audience, which makes me wonder how you even found out.”
Her pink, glossy mouth pops open then slams shut.
Yeah. That’s what I thought. She probably dragged the info out of that bottom-feeder John, then spilled to the whole school without caring who it would hurt.
I can’t imagine the crap Piper got today.
Not that I should care. She did bring this on herself.
“Word travels fast, and I might have let it slip to one of the girls. But don’t be mad, I was just telling her how terrible that loser is and how her using you hurts me here.” She lays her hand flat against my chest.
At the contact, my heart races, but not because I’m excited or in the least bit happy that she’s touching me. Fire courses through my veins because I have the worst judge of character. Never once in the entire time we were dating did I realize how manipulative Cristy is. And Piper…well, she’s just as bad.
I grip her hips and shove her back a few inches before she tries to mount me.
“This isn’t happening. So, do us both a favor and give up on whatever else you planned. Go back to jersey chasing. You seemed to be happy with that after dumping me.”
“That’s not fair.” Her lower lip pouts out in what I’m sure she thinks is cute. “I only broke up with you because I wanted you to fight for us. For weeks you were distant and always spending all your time here or on classwork. I missed the guy who would sneak out of his house to come see me at midnight.”
Yeah. That guy disappeared the moment my dad started inserting himself into my life on a daily basis. He’s gotten so much worse this year. But maybe that’s because I started pushing back.
“If you had a problem with how much time I was spending with you then you should have put your big-girl pants on and talked to me about it instead of throwing a dramatic fit. But we’re over now and nothing you say can change that.”
“Because of her?” She has the audacity to appear hurt.
As much as I want to say it has nothing to do with Piper, I would be lying to myself. And doing that wo
uld make me just like her.
“Yes. Not that it’s any of your business.”
“Carter, come on, you can’t be serious.” Cristy digs her nails into my shirt, pulling me closer. “She’s a loser. A cling-on. A nobody. Why would you waste even a second on her?”
“Because despite her faults, she’s one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. She’s sweet and down-to-earth and funny. She screwed up in a moment of weakness after her heart was broken. But none of us are perfect. And if I forgive her, then that’s my choice. But don’t go after her. If you ever cared about me, then you’ll give me this one thing.”
“Wow. You really like her, don’t you?”
My throat cramps as I swallow, but I nod anyway. Admitting this to Cristy of all people is a risky move. She might try to sabotage me or spin this but it kinda feels nice to admit. I may be a long way from forgiving her, but dang it, I can’t shake these feelings.
“Well, you might as well tell her now.”
My eyes follow Cristy’s finger to the window. Somehow my heart stops and speeds up all at once.
PIPER
I’ve been pacing on the side of Jackson Bakery for a good twenty minutes, clutching the white envelope I sealed before driving over. When Carter didn’t show up to school today, I knew I had no choice but to come down here and talk to him. Even if he tells me to get the hell out and that he never wants to speak to me. Again. He has to hear the complete truth. Not that it’s much better than the twisted version he heard, but as far as he understands, even our short and doomed-to-fail relationship was a play.
Which it wasn’t.
For a minute there, I let myself get lost in the idea of Carter and me together. Rookie move. One should never count their eggs before they hatch, and I was sitting there with a basket full of rotten ones. A fact I was well aware of.
No relationship can flourish when built on lies. Even when those lies are the white variety, it’s still dishonest.
Now, even if we regain a semblance of friendship, he will always be wondering if I’m being truthful.
I shake out my limbs a final time and round the corner with a hornet’s nest buzzing around in my tummy like I’ve soaked their home in water in a vain attempt to scare them away. They’re pissed and I’m trembling more with every step.
Jordan informed me at lunch that Carter should be here alone. He doesn’t have all the details about what went down, only the twisted version that’s circulating. But when Carter skipped school, something he never does, he said I needed to talk to him.
I guess it should excite me that his friend hasn’t completed disowned me.
I can’t say the same about my friends. John was full of piss and vinegar today, using every opportunity to slide in a snide comment. Claire just plain avoided me. If it weren’t for Blythe—who swore up and down she had no idea about Claire and John—I have no clue if I would have made it through the day.
The female population at Center High isn’t too thrilled that I’ve hurt the golden boy.
When I reach the large windows that overlook the parking lot, I stop dead in my tracks. Carter is here all right, but he’s not alone.
Heat pools in my cheeks, but I can’t seem to look away. A strange numbness spreads throughout my limbs, grounding me and turning me into some kind of weird voyeur.
Guess he wasn’t lying when he said all this was an act.
Betrayal, envy, and disgust at myself mix into a volatile combo in the pit of my stomach. Cristy is wrapped around him as if she’s trying to climb to the top to take up residence on his face. His hands are resting on her hips, his fingers flexing into the shiny pink fabric of her shirt.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
I whirl around at the sound of someone’s voice saying exactly what I was thinking and find Nash and Jordan staring at the scene with disgust. Jordan’s gaze lands on me first, and I cringe, fighting hard to keep the tears at bay when all I see is pity.
“Did you talk to him?” Jordan asks.
I shake my head, biting down on my lower lip when it quivers. No way in hell will I let Carter’s two best friends see me shed a tear over him. Once I let them go it will be another snot riot repeat of yesterday.
“I should go.” I take a step backward. Jordan is still giving me puppy eyes, but Nash is an unreadable book. I guess I wouldn’t blame him if he’s mad I tried to use him. “I’m sorry for dragging you into this, Nash. For what it’s worth, I do think you’re an awesome guy. Just not for me.” I cringe at my words and how they come off. “Not that you would want me, especially after all of this, but even before I’m totally not your type, which is why I figured it was safe to say I liked you because nothing would come of it and—”
“It’s fine,” he chuckles, “I’ve been used for way less than a spot at the popular table. Though you could have, you know, asked to join us and avoided this mess.”
Right. And then my heart wouldn’t be in tatters.
“Lesson learned, I suppose. Here.” I hold out the sealed envelope to Jordan. “I better go before Carter notices us creeping out here. Pretty sure his girlfriend won’t take too kindly to me being here and I’d prefer not have my tires slashed.”
“Too late, Red.” Jordan motions to the bakery with his chin.
I’m in a horror movie right now. I’m the girl who shouldn’t turn around and confirm the monster is behind her, but I do it anyway, with my heart beating a mile a minute.
Both Carter and Cristy are staring at the three of us. Well, Cristy is trying to kill me with her eyes while Carter focuses on his two best friends with a glare of his own.
Great. Now I’ve caused problems between the three of them.
“Yeah. Definitely time to go.” I shove the letter into Jordan’s hand. “Make sure he gets that but don’t open it or I’ll sic Blythe on you.”
His lips tip up as he fights a smile. “Who says that’s not exactly what I want?”
Rolling my eyes, I turn to Nash. He’s been silent this whole time, which leads me to believe he’s not as cool with my whole play as he leads on. “Again, I’m really sorry. I hope one day you forgive me, but in the meantime you won’t be seeing much of me. Now, I’m going to go slither back to my unpopular hole and hope this blows over quickly.”
Not waiting for them to reply or for Cristy to jump me in the back alley, I hustle to my car, locking the doors the second I’m inside.
As cool as everyone is acting, I have a strong feeling I won’t hear the end of this until at least summer.
I mean, what was I thinking, dragging the two most popular guys in the school into my drama?
Summer break has never looked so good and been so far away.
As I complete the last lap on the track my legs begin to burn. Pushing so hard yesterday is biting me in the butt today. Coach wasn’t too happy I missed practice and didn’t believe for one second that I was sick.
So now, he’s making me pay with extra laps. And we haven’t gotten to the nitty-gritty of the drills yet.
By the time we’re done, I’ll be lucky if I can walk.
Guess this is a perfect way to end a craptastic day.
Even in a school of this size, avoiding Piper is impossible. For one thing, we share a class. Though we’ve kinda been on the same page. There’s been little eye contact and we pass each other in the halls with a wide berth.
I’d like to say that makes me happy, but it’s frustrating more than anything. What she did sucked, and she hasn’t tried to talk to me. Not even a single text.
It’s making me wonder if she’s the girl I’ve built her to be in my head.
I slide to a stop and brace my hands on my knees, dragging in ragged breaths. Everyone else is on the field, not even bothering to wait. Not that I blame them. Who wants to be out here sweating for any longer than necessary?
Coach needs to chill before people quit. There won’t be any championship wins with half a team.
“Hey.” Jordan fist bumps me as he ch
ugs half a bottle of water. “Feeling better?” He smirks and I clench my jaw. He’s not buying the whole sick lie either.
“One of those twenty-four-hour bugs.”
“Yeah, something is going around. It’s called being a lovesick wuss.”
“Oh, so you know about it? ‘Cause Blythe asked what crawled up your butt and died.”
“Are you two done gossiping?” Coach yells from a few feet away.
Jordan smothers a laugh when I groan.
If these drills weren’t going to be brutal before, they are now.
The rest of practice goes about as well as expected. Coach almost kills most of us. The new kids are pale. A few of the linemen throw up. My body is vibrating from every muscle expressing displeasure. Even Jordan has been oddly quiet. If I weren’t in so much pain, I would relish in it.
“Man, I need an ice bath,” Nash groans, struggling to get his shirt off.
“If he’s gonna keep pushing this hard in the offseason, I don’t even want to see what he has planned for next year.” Jordan winces, rubbing a spot on his ribs where he took an accidental hit as we walk inside the locker room.
No-contact drills were planned for today, but the newbs didn’t receive the memo.
“Down for tacos? I’m starving,” Nash asks, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist.
Tacos.
I wince, hiding it by turning behind the locker door. Might be a while before I can step foot in that place again without replaying the day with Piper over and over in my head.
“I’ve got a test to study for,” I mumble, tossing my running shoes inside the locker.
“What he means is he’s a giant baby who wants to mope around, pouting over Piper,” Jordan says form behind me.
Like everyone else in the school, Jordan heard about the blowout with her ex. The one where I was a casualty of revenge.
Pity is always fun.
If looks could kill, Jordan would drop dead from the glare I throw over my shoulder. Unfortunately, they can’t, so all he does is laugh.