by Pratt, Lulu
“Jude, this is Savannah we’re talking about. Besides, what am I gonna do? Hide it forever?” I asked the questions I’d refused to face over the course of the past year.
Jude pulled me into his arms, hugging me tightly as he spoke without words. We both knew I was right. There was no way I could continue to hide the truth. My decision meant Jude had to miss so much of Chris’ life, and I didn’t want him to miss any more.
“I wasn’t sure how my mom would react either, but look how happy she is,” Jude offered, rubbing my back.
I didn’t have the heart to tell him my mother’s words earlier in the day, or how she refused to speak of his parents nowadays. While the Hatches seemed to still care for my parents, my mother was still upset with Jude’s mom over whatever had happened all those years ago.
“I just want to get this over with,” I said, dropping my shoulders as I pulled away from Jude, instantly missing his protective layer.
“Do you want me to go with you?” he asked, stepping forward.
“No,” I stepped backwards, afraid of being caught in his spell. “I need to go without you.”
Leaving Jude’s was a blur. I can still remember his mom whispering softly to me about how happy she was, and his father’s warm hug. Jude strapped Chris into his car seat before sending me on my way, but I don’t remember anything about the ride to my parents’ home.
I walked into the chatter that usually accompanied a family night together. Carrying Chris into the kitchen, I greeted my family, all gathered around the kitchen island. It was a photograph, a glimpse of a life I’d never have again.
Before I opened my mouth, I knew I was about to change the course of history, destroying one way of doing things forever. As always, they all rushed to Chris, spoiling him with love and affection as they had without question since he was born.
In a way, my family got the short end of the stick. They weren’t privy to my life decisions, and I’d forced them to participate without ever knowing the full story. It was actually shocking that they’d allowed me to hide the identity of Chris’ father, the more I thought about it. How someone could be so selfless, putting their own desires and curiosities to the side, choosing to instead focus on love, was beyond me at the moment.
“Let me see my little man,” Dylan took the car seat from me, as he always did.
Lifting the seat to the island, I watched as my parents met Dylan on either side, all clamoring to see Chris. Overjoyed with the attention, Chris kicked his arms and legs enthusiastically as he screeched, his squeaky voice growing louder by the day.
“Wow! You’ve got a lot to tell Grandma, huh?” My mom smiled, bullying both my brother and father as she pushed them aside before lifting Chris from the car seat.
“Actually, I have a lot to tell you,” I said, my voice much weaker than I intended.
Dylan glanced up, but both my parents continued as if I hadn’t spoken a word.
“I said I need to say something.”
They all turned to me, and I realized I was louder than I’d intended. Even Chris was stunned to silence. With all the attention focused on me, I took a deep breath, blinking slowly before I began.
“I really want to thank all three of you. It never occurred to me how much you’d taken on with my pregnancy, and now raising Chris. Not that I expected anything, but ya’ll have just accepted me, and him, with open arms,” I paused, struggling to swallow as my mouth dried up.
No one looked away or said a word. All four of them, including Chris, were watching with anticipation and I scanned their eyes, hoping I could see the understanding that they knew all along, a relief that could let me out of my misery. But there was nothing.
Dylan looked more confused than anything, his eyebrows bushing together as he watched me closely. My father appeared unamused, twisting his lips to the side with curiosity. And then there was my mother, holding Chris tightly against her chest, like she needed to protect him from something. I’d never know if she knew in that moment, but I knew for a fact she was far from clueless.
“I never considered how it might have made you feel to be left in the dark about so many important decisions in my life. I just wanted to do what I thought was best for me… and Chris.”
At the sound of his name, my mother gasped, bringing her hand to her mouth while my brother and father continued to watch me with confusion in their eyes.
“I didn’t want to tell you who Chris’ father is because I didn’t ever want to cause any problems. But I don’t want to continue with this secret between us,” I paused one last time, swallowing slowly.
“Jude is Chris’ father,” I heard myself like an announcement at the grocery store. They weren’t my words, but more like a siren.
Dylan’s face transformed from interest to fury, his jaw tightening as he made his way around the counter. For her part, my mother was at least responsible, carefully placing Chris in his car seat before she turned to me. My father was the only one who seemed okay with the news, pulling out a bar stool before slowly sitting down.
“You have a lot of nerve. You know that, Holly?” my mother started, but I couldn’t focus. Dylan was heading to the front door, and I reached for his arm, knowing just where he was going.
“Dylan, please!” I begged him.
“This is between me and Jude,” he growled, throwing my arms off him as he stormed out the door.
“Holly, how could you?!” my mother’s cry jolted me as I watched Dylan run across the front lawn before hopping into his truck and zooming down the street.
Chapter Thirty-Two
JUDE
ALONE IN THE front room, I felt deserted on an island waiting to hear from Holly. Trying to give her space, I clenched my jaw impatiently, pacing the room. As more time passed, I began to believe my own assumptions, imagining Holly surrounded by her family with support.
She was most worried about her mother’s reaction, but I just knew it wouldn’t be as bad as she expected. Women were usually thrilled about babies, especially when they were like our mothers. My mom had been asking me about grandchildren since I graduated college, and Dylan used to tell me his mother did the same to him.
I thought Mrs. Foster would be happy to know Chris’ other half was a good family. For as long as I had known her, Mrs. Foster had always supported everything her children did. When Dylan decided to quit the football team in the middle of the season, she didn’t even bat an eye, while Mr. Foster was clear about his disappointment.
It was difficult for me to imagine a scenario where she didn’t support Holly’s decision, but regardless, I knew nothing could come between the bond I had developed with her. Over the past few days, I’d begun to re-imagine my future, adding Holly and Chris to every dream, every plan. There was no longer a path that didn’t include them, so the idea that Mrs. Foster wouldn’t accept me just didn’t seem plausible.
Besides, she had loved me since childhood. Mrs. Foster was the main reason for the formation of Dylan’s and my friendship, always pushing him to hang out with me because she thought I would be a good influence. She knew I was responsible and raised with morals, which she must want for Chris’ dad.
Despite what had happened between her and my mother, Mrs. Foster never displayed anything but warmth to me, welcoming me to every family function with open arms. Of all the people in the world Holly could have chosen, I had to believe Mrs. Foster would be happy it was me her daughter had picked.
My thoughts were flowing so fast I almost didn’t hear it. The engine roared slightly when the car turned so sharply down the driveway, but it was the sound of the brakes that jolted me. Looking through the screen door, I saw what looked to be Dylan’s truck. It was hard to make out anything with the dust cloud surrounding the vehicle, so I stepped onto the porch to investigate.
Climbing down the steps, I was just about to reach the car when out of nowhere Dylan charged up to me, knocking me to the ground as he pulled the collar of my shirt, struggling to wrap his hands around my
neck.
Acting fast, I moved my torso, freeing my legs before kneeing Dylan in his side. From the sound he made, and the way his body bent, I knew I’d hurt him, so I moved to flip him onto his back, but Dylan was still too strong.
Grunting loudly, he fought me hard before pinning my right arm to the ground as he landed a clean punch to my left eye. The pain was so intense, I gasped, leaping into survival mode just in time to dodge his next punch.
“You fucking liar!” Dylan growled right before I wrapped my arms around his body, pulling with all my might to roll him over.
“I never lied to you!” I argued as Dylan overpowered me again, rolling back on top of me.
“My sister? Are you fucking joking?!” Dylan yelled before cocking back and landing another punch, this one more on my jaw, with less of a sting.
My instinct was to fight back, but I couldn’t do more than defend myself. Dylan was my best friend and I had betrayed him. There were some lines you don’t cross, and I had to admit I’d gone over a boundary. But that was lost on me under the barrage of his blows.
“Dylan! I would never hurt Holly!” I argued, though I doubted he could hear me. Holding my arms in front of my face, I tried to block his punches, though a few hit the side of my head, leaving a loud ringing in my ear.
“You fucking left her!” he growled, his anger sounding more like hurt as he pounded his fists as hard as he could.
I could feel him tiring, his breath heavy as the blows slowed. There was no way I could get reason across to him while he was so worked up, so I let him get his aggression out, just blocking my face.
This was exactly what I had feared since the day I saw Chris, knowing the truth without a word of admission from Holly. It was clear he was my child, and I knew I would one day have to face Dylan and explain myself. While this wasn’t exactly how I envisioned it going, it was fair, in my opinion.
“Boys! Boys!” My mom’s panicked cry brought me back to reality. Glancing up between punches, I saw her running to Dylan, waving her hands as if they were a white flag of surrender.
When Dylan glanced in her direction briefly, I capitalized, flipping him before he knew what was happening. Quickly, I jumped to my feet, holding my hands out defensively in case he wanted more. On unsteady feet, I blinked quickly, trying to regain my senses.
“Dylan, you’ve got to hear me out. I had no idea Holly was pregnant,” I rushed the words, pleading with my eyes for him to believe me.
“That’s why you asked me that shit when you saw me. You knew Chris could be yours,” Dylan alleged, his eyes narrowing with suspicion.
“No,” I shook my head, lowering my hands before I continued, “I swear. I had no idea until I saw him. But from the minute I laid eyes on him, I knew he was my son.”
The smile was inevitable, spreading across my face just as it did any other time I thought of Chris. He was the light of my life, always able to bring me back to a positive outlook. In the end, it didn’t matter if Dylan or Mrs. Foster understood, they would have to accept that I was Chris’ father.
From the look on Dylan’s face, I could see he was much calmer, shaking his head as he tried to process everything. “This whole time, I thought she got caught up with some loser who broke her heart and wanted nothing to do with her or the baby, and it’s you.”
I could see the hurt in his eyes, the anger he’d burdened for his sister, thinking this was a battle of hers he might one day be able to fight for her.
“Dylan, it’s not what you think. He loves Holly. We all do,” my mom added. I’d forgotten she was there, standing so still and quiet.
“Mom, can you give us a minute?” I asked, and she quickly nodded, excusing herself.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Hatch,” Dylan said as she walked off, and I knew things between us would be okay.
“It’s okay. But you boys are like brothers, don’t you forget it,” she said sternly before walking into the house, closing the front door behind her.
“That’s what makes this so fucked up. I looked at you like my brother,” Dylan scoffed as he shook his shoulders out, wiping dust from his sleeve.
“You are my brother, Dylan. You know that,” I offered, watching him closely.
With only two feet separating us, I could feel the betrayal lingering in the air. There was no way I could ever take back what I’d done, but what I wanted Dylan to know was that I didn’t want to. His sister was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I wouldn’t apologize for my feelings.
“I love her, Dylan.”
He shook his head, refusing to look up into my eyes as he aimlessly kicked away at the dirt driveway. When Dylan finally raised his eyes to mine, it was only for a brief moment before again kicking the ground.
“I’m serious, Dylan. I would have never left if I knew what happened. She didn’t tell me either. I didn’t know she’d had a baby. I’ve been in the dark, but I want to make it all up to her,” I explained the dilemma I’d wanted my best friend’s advice on for the past week.
Dylan stood silent, still avoiding eye contact. It was a long pause as I searched for the perfect thing to say before deciding there wasn’t one. There was nothing left to do but wait, for forgiveness, for closure, for the next chapter.
“You missed a lot, Jude.”
When he finally spoke, Dylan’s words were a mystery. I had to replay them in my mind twice before I could decipher the muffled sounds into words.
“I know. You were here,” I finally responded.
Dylan looked up, this time locking eyes with me in a way that let me know he was demanding my attention. “What you did was fucked up, regardless of what role you had in it. My sister went through a pregnancy and a hard birth alone, like some knocked-up mistress. You left her through all of that, and she doesn’t deserve that.”
It was the most serious I’d ever seen Dylan in our decades-long friendship. He was always very protective of his sister, but thankfully I’d never had to get between the two. Now, to see how far he was willing to go to protect her, I was grateful for him, imagining he was part of the reason Holly turned out to be such an angel.
“Had I known, I wouldn’t have missed a moment. She deserves the world, Dylan. And I’m gonna give it to her, and Chris,” I said without blinking, our stare-down growing tiresome.
“This is like the fucking Twilight Zone,” Dylan sighed, shaking his head again.
“You have no idea,” I chuckled, stretching my mouth as I cradled my jaw in my hand.
“Yeah, sorry about that,” he winced.
“I guess I deserved it,” I shrugged, lifting the latch on his truck bed before sitting down.
Dylan joined me, his breathing layered as he climbed into the truck. “When Holly came to the house today, I just knew something was different. I don’t know what it was, I could just see it in her eyes.”
“She had just left here. I brought Chris over to introduce him to my mom. I wasn’t supposed to say anything because Holly wasn’t ready to share, but I had to see if my mom would have the same reaction as me,” I began, thinking back to my impromptu decision while catching my breath. “Before I could even tell her anything she was crying,” I recalled, watching the small smile appear on Dylan’s face as he listened.
“It’s crazy. Now that I know the truth, I can’t unsee it. He looks just like Jessie,” Dylan chuckled, shaking his head.
“Right?! That’s what I thought,” I laughed.
“This is crazy,” he said, still in shock.
“I know. For everyone,” I added. “How did your mom respond?” I asked the question that was burning me up.
“Uh, not well from what I gathered. I stormed out of there before I could see what happened, but I know that’s going to be a tall mountain to climb,” he admitted, looking away as he avoided eye contact again.
“Yeah, I figured,” I sighed, slightly defeated.
From Dylan’s response, I figured I was in for a surprise from Holly’s family. While I might have thought
things were fine between us, if my best friend wasn’t happy to hear the news, I doubted anyone would be. I just hoped it wasn’t too much for her to forget the fire that burned between us.
“But we’re still brothers,” Dylan said after a long pause of silence.
“I honestly couldn’t ask for more, man. All I can ask for is time — you’ll see I’m serious.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
HOLLY
“HOLLY, OF ALL the people in the world, there wasn’t anyone else?” my mom asked, her head in her hands.
“Don’t be dramatic, Mom. I already had to deal with this when I wouldn’t tell you who the father was,” I reminded her.
After months of hiding it, I was forced to reveal my pregnancy to my parents when the baggiest of my clothes were no longer enough to hide my growing belly. As I expected, my mother was both excited and confused. I wasn’t dating anyone, so there weren’t even the quietest whispers of a wedding in my horizon.
In the south, you didn’t have a baby before the church wedding. Everything had a time and a place, and a baby without a father was not in the story my mother had written for me.
She was devastated.
After Christina’s untimely death, my mother put more pressure on me. It was like I was her only shot, and she looked after me twice as much just to make sure I didn’t let her down.
Until the day Chris was born, my mother made me feel as if the baby’s existence was a mistake I would regret for the rest of my life. She made my life so unbearable, I moved out of her house in an attempt to avoid the harshness of her tone and the sharpness of her glares.
It was Chris who had changed her mind, softening her with his first breath. Those blue eyes melted her heart, repairing and intensifying our bond overnight. We’d grown so close in the past months that I often missed living with my parents, but the memories were still clear, and I was not interested in reliving them.
“Holly, I just don’t think you understand,” she spoke carefully, taking time to choose her words.