She settled for leaning against the cool porcelain of the bathtub, one hand pressed gently to her stomach.
Adam was home.
So much for one more week to finish the work on his home and to find a way to tell him he was going to be a father.
How could she tell him about the baby?
Soon the changes in her body would be visible—to him, to everyone—and it wouldn’t take Adam long to figure out when she’d gotten pregnant. Not that she’d even think of passing this child off as anyone else’s.
No, this baby was his, and despite all the lunacy her body was going through, she was already so in love with their child. After giving up any hope of experiencing this kind of miracle herself, she planned to enjoy every minute.
Even the not-so-pleasant ones like this.
A quick knock on the door sent Fay’s heart racing. She wasn’t ready yet. Adam had returned earlier than scheduled and she needed more time. Time to think, to plan, to figure what she was going to do about her business, the apartment, her in-laws, her parents…
About him.
The door opened, but only Adam’s hand appeared, a large glass of ice water in his grasp. He set it down on the sink and retreated, but then a sealed toothbrush and small tube of toothpaste joined the glass.
The door closed again with a quiet click and Fay released the breath she wasn’t even aware she’d been holding.
The nausea mostly gone, she rose and quickly rinsed out her mouth, brushed her teeth and splashed water on her face. Her reflection in the mirror had her yanking out her ponytail and redoing it, trying to tame her curls in a messy knot on top of her head.
She drank the ice water, its coolness bathing her throat as she strained to hear anything on the other side of the door.
Was he still there?
Of course he was still here. He lived here. And he had every right to know why she was in his home, breaking dishes and tossing her cookies in his bathroom.
She took a deep breath and threw back her shoulders to fake confidence she wished she felt. If only she knew what to say when she walked back into the living room.
She opened the door and froze.
Adam leaned casually against the far wall, all six feet plus of him, arms crossed over his naked chest, bare feet crossed at his ankles. At least he’d pulled on a pair of jeans, even if they did ride low enough on his hips for those dark briefs to peek out over the waistband.
Her stomach clenched again. Tingling sensations danced over her skin from head to toe, and her throat went dry.
This she couldn’t blame on the pregnancy.
No, the blame was squarely on him. The reaction echoed those uncontrollable feelings the night she’d landed in his arms. Instead of continuing to rant against what his advice to his best friend had cost her, she had given in as he’d lowered his mouth and gently brushed his lips over hers.
Then she’d kissed him back.
“You feeling better?”
Fay’s gaze jerked to his face, and she realized he’d been watching her gawk. She swallowed hard and forced herself to move past him as she replied, “Yes, thank you.”
“Was it something you ate?”
“No.”
“Was it the sight of me?”
Her footsteps faltered at his question. “N-no, of course not.”
“So what?” Adam pushed, following her. “Some sort of bug or the flu?”
Yes, the nine-month flu, only she prayed the books were right and this awful morning sickness would ease after the first trimester.
“I’m just…not feeling well.” Back in the dining area, Fay saw he hadn’t cleaned up her mess. Thankful for the excuse, she knelt down and started gathering the broken fronds of the potted fern. “Sorry about this. I’ll get this picked up—”
“Fay, what’s going on?” Adam moved to stand directly in front of her. “What are you doing here?”
“Get back, there are sharp pieces here and you’re barefoot.” She brushed at his jean-clad leg before reaching for the plant itself.
Rising, she scooted around him into the kitchen and placed it back inside the empty cardboard box on the counter. Hopefully she could save the pretty asparagus fern. “What are you doing here? I mean, this is your house, but your unit isn’t scheduled to return until June—ohmigod.”
Suddenly the dizziness returned. The only possible reason for Adam being here… The same reason he’d come back to Destiny a year ago.
Two months ago.
She spun around and grabbed for the granite countertop to keep upright. “Are you here as an official escort again? Please tell me you aren’t responsible for another—”
Fay cut off her outburst, capturing her bottom lip with her teeth, but it was too late. As soon as the unfinished sentence left her mouth, she wished she could take it back.
She’d hurled a similar awful accusation at him eight weeks ago. To go there again, to make them both relive her resentment and hurt, would be of no use to anyone.
Besides, she couldn’t say for certain whom she was mad at anymore. Whom she blamed.
Adam’s eyes widened in surprise, before a flicker of hurt passed over them. Then with a blink, the emotions vanished.
“Responsible for what, Fay?” His features hardened as he slowly walked toward her. “For another member of my unit getting killed?”
“I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” Fay forced herself to look him in the eye. “That was wrong. I shouldn’t have said that.”
The stiffness in Adam’s posture eased. “You showed up two months ago determined to say what was on your mind. I listened, but that doesn’t mean I agreed with you. Your words were coming from a place of anger and grief. I understood that.”
“I wasn’t looking for your understanding.” The pain flared to life again inside her. “I was looking for—”
“Someone to blame. Yeah, I figured that out…afterward.”
After they’d made love.
He didn’t say the words aloud, but Fay knew exactly what he meant.
“It’s been a rough year,” he continued, his voice softer, “for you and the Coggens. You lost your husband, they lost their only son. And I lost my best friend.”
Fay thought back to the first couple of weeks after Scott’s funeral. She’d just begun to crawl out of her haze. She had to. Bills had to be paid, her business required her attention and Scott’s parents, devastated at the loss of their only child, needed care. Finally needed her.
Then the house of cards Scott had so carefully constructed over the years to hide his misuse of their personal finances started to collapse. The second mortgages on their house, credit cards she never knew he had.
Not to mention what he’d done to his family’s business.
A wave of exhaustion washed over Fay. A sudden desire to lean against Adam’s chest, to feel the strength of his arms, filled her. To have someone take care of her for once.
Instead, she moved past him and sank into a chair at the dining room table. “You have no idea what we— What I’ve been through.”
“You’re right. I don’t.” He turned and faced her. “But somewhere between blame and the next morning, we found— Dammit, I don’t know what we found.”
She could feel him staring at her. Don’t ask me, please, don’t ask.
“Do you?”
She closed her eyes, and despite the silence, knew he’d walked to the table as a crisp clean scent that clung to his skin teased her nose. “Do I what?”
“Do you know what happened between us?”
Fay didn’t have any idea how she was supposed to view those wonderful hours she’s spent in Adam’s arms. Guilt swamped her, and she swayed between remorse and pleasure rememberi
ng what they shared that night.
What they created that night.
How often she’d dreamed of that night happening again.
“It was an escape.” Again, the words rushed past her lips before she could stop them. “A break from the real world, a moment we took…to block out our grief.”
Stillness filled the air. She opened her eyes and found Adam’s hands curled tight around the back of the chair he stood behind.
“Do you still blame me?” he asked.
Fay opened her mouth, but the words wouldn’t come. Even now, she struggled to comprehend what Scott had done. Laying blame on her husband didn’t do any good. The rationale she’d held on to for months was if Scott had never joined the service, he never would’ve been in Afghanistan, he wouldn’t have died and…
And what?
Her life would’ve gone on as before? Is that what she really wanted?
Fay didn’t know, but it didn’t matter. Being this close to Adam was so confusing. Blaming him had been the constant she’d clung to as her world fell apart. Confronting him had seemed right. But since then, even before she found out she was carrying his child, the lines between right and wrong, blame and acceptance, had blurred.
She needed to get out of here.
“Fine, whatever. I guess we both should move forward.” He released the chair and stepped away. “So, to totally switch gears, you never did tell me what you’re doing in my house and how you got my security code.”
“I’m here to clean.”
His eyes widened. He was surprised. As surprised as she’d been when she’d answered the phone that morning at her shop to find out why Elise Murphy had called. “Your mother hired me to spruce up your place, from the cobwebs in the rafters downward, before your homecoming. Next week.”
“My mother’s been dragging my dad on a tour of the western half of the U.S. for the past two months.”
“Yes, and because she wasn’t here to do it herself, she asked me.” Fay stood, dug the set of keys from her pocket and laid them on the table. “She gave me the code and told me to get the keys from Laurie, which I did. Good thing for you I’m just about done, except for that mess.”
He reached for her when she started to turn, taking her arm. His hand, big and strong, yet gentle in its hold, slowly slid downward.
It was the first time he’d touched her since…
His thumb swept across the inside of her wrist, and she wondered if he could feel the pounding in her pulse. She raised her gaze to his.
His eyes darkened. “You’ve really been coming here and cleaning?”
“Considering the condition you left this place in, it was needed.” She pulled from his grasp. “You’re lucky you have such great parents.”
“I didn’t have time to clean up before I left. Remember?”
Oh, she remembered.
Walking in that first day had taken her breath away. Seeing the blankets still on the floor caused the memories of their lovemaking to rush back to her.
Waking in his arms, the emotional onslaught of shame over what they’d done and the unrelenting truth of how much she wanted him again. Grabbing her clothes. Racing to the bathroom to get dressed. Adam stepping out of his bedroom in his camouflage battle dress uniform.
The regret she could read on his face.
She’d tried to put the memories out of her mind as she worked, reminding herself she was getting paid for this job. More than that, she was doing a favor for Alastair and Elise Murphy. Adam’s parents had been so nice to her over the last six months. There’d been no way she could’ve said no.
“Well, I guess your mom’s idea worked for both of us.” Fay crossed the kitchen and pulled out a broom and dustpan from the pantry. “You’ve got a sparkling home, and I got some much-needed cash.”
“My mom is paying you?”
Fay didn’t look at him as she bent to sweep up the remains of the pot. “What’s wrong with that?”
“What about your shop? Are you still open for business?”
Six days a week. The pregnancy was making her more tired than she’d ever been in her life, but taking it easy wasn’t something she could afford at the moment. “My shop is just fine, but a little extra money never hurts.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Are you strapped for cash?”
“No.” Surprised at how easy the second lie she’d told today fell from her lips, she dumped the broken pieces into the trash. “This was just a side job, and now that you’re home, there’s no need for me to come back.”
“Fay—”
“I need to go.” Her control over her wayward emotions faded fast. She had to get out of here before she burst into tears. Or worse. Walking past him, she gave him a wide berth, pausing to grab her purse and keys from the table. “I have to get back to the shop.”
“No one knows I’m home yet.”
She paused, her hand on the handle, not turning around.
“I arrived yesterday, ahead of everyone else,” Adam continued, his voice carrying across the room, “but just so you know, the return date for the entire unit has been moved up. You should be getting notified.”
Tears burned at the back of her eyes. Why would she be called about the new date? It wasn’t like she had anyone coming home.
“I’m trying to lay low,” Adam went on, “get used to being home before I see…anyone.”
“Don’t worry.” A sob caused her breath to hitch as she yanked open the door. “Your secret is safe with me.”
* * *
Adam waited until late Saturday afternoon before heading to the Murphy family compound. There was no sign of his parents’ RV camper even though they’d emailed everyone this morning to say they’d be home by dinnertime.
He pulled his pickup truck into the parking area at the rear of the sprawling two-story log home that also served as the corporate office for Murphy Mountain Log Homes, and cut the engine.
He sat for a moment and took in the buildings and grounds. A feeling of peace filled him.
The first person he saw was his niece, Abby.
Nolan’s oldest child, she sat in the gazebo that was a thirtieth-anniversary gift from him and his brothers to their parents a decade ago. Head bent, her long blond hair hid her face as she concentrated on whatever she held in her hands.
He got out of his truck and headed up the path toward her. The sun was warm through the cotton material of his short-sleeved shirt. Boy, it felt good to be in civilian clothes again, to be wearing cowboy boots instead of combat boots.
Abby evidently didn’t hear him approach. As soon as he saw her fingers flying over the smooth keyboard of her cell phone he knew why. So he leaned against the open door frame. “Hey, is this the Murphy place?”
Her head shot up. “Yeah?”
He tugged down his mirrored sunglasses and peeked at her over the rim. A wide smile came over her face.
“Uncle Adam!”
Jumping into his arms, she gave him a big hug. Abby and her brothers were visiting their mother in Boston when he was last home in April, so it’d been eleven months since he’d seen them. What a difference a year made.
“Boy, have you gotten tall.” He returned her hug, set her down and righted his sunglasses. “And even prettier, if that’s possible. Where are the twins?”
Abby grinned at his compliment and rolled her eyes. “You mean Tweedledum and Tweedledumber? Probably inside playing video games on Uncle Dev’s computer.”
Adam laughed. “Is that any way to talk about your brothers?”
“I’ve heard you all calling each other worse names than that,” she shot back. “Most of which I’m not allowed to repeat.”
“Hey, those weren’t meant for young ears.”
>
She tucked her phone into her pocket. “My ears turned sixteen last winter.”
“Something I’m sure your father is thrilled about.” Adam laid an arm across her shoulders. “Where is everyone?”
She gestured toward the main house. “Having their usual Saturday afternoon wrap-up before a family barbeque. Nana and Pop are coming home today. Aren’t you supposed to be overseas?”
“Yep, so let’s surprise them.” Adam headed up the walkway, his niece tucked in close next to him. “Glad school is out?”
He listened as Abby chattered about her summer plans, his gaze moving around the family’s property that bordered a lake with an official Indian name too difficult to pronounce so everyone just called it “the lake.” There were two smaller log homes that sat nestled in the surrounding trees and the skeletal framing of a third that stood closer to the water near the boathouse.
Nolan had moved into the larger home with his three kids after they’d moved back to Destiny a couple of years ago. According to an email from his mother, the newlyweds, Bryant and Laurie, occupied the one-bedroom cabin where he’d lived for a few years. What he couldn’t see was the log chapel situated deeper in the woods his family had built and where Bryant and Laurie were married last fall.
They entered the main house through his mother’s kitchen, right off the oversize deck. The large and sunny room, like the rest of the place, had grown and changed over the years as the family and the business had. Back here, and the two wings on either side, was where his three single brothers still lived along with his folks.
The front of the house was comprised of offices, conference rooms, a wide staircase that led to the second-story guest quarters and a reception area that doubled as a gathering spot for clients, staff and, on the weekends, family.
A hard kick of anticipation landed in Adam’s stomach. This past year had been tough, especially with his unit losing two of its own during this last tour. Escorting the body of his best friend home the previous summer had been the hardest duty Adam had ever done during his twenty years of service.
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