Delph, Harry Two and I had to duck down as a wall of out-of-control flying objects shot over our heads.
I raised my wand once more. “Paralycto.”
The explosion of whizzing things froze in midair.
We all slowly rose. I pointed my wand at Petra at the same time as I said to Delph, “Get ready.”
I shouted, “Unlassado.”
A light shot out from the point of my wand and hit the ceiling next to Petra’s feet.
She was freed, and plummeted to the floor.
Or she would have if Delph had not been there to catch her.
I watched, a bit unhappily, as she wrapped her arms around Delph’s thick neck and buried her weeping face in his massive chest.
“ ’Tis okay,” he murmured to her. “ ’Tis all right now, Pet.”
Delph looked over at me. Then his gaze drifted behind me and I saw his eyes widen in terror.
I whirled around, my wand at the ready.
The breath caught in my throat.
In the doorway stood the suit of armor that had been in the entrance hallway. Even as I watched, a gloved hand rose and opened the metal visor.
I staggered back because there was no face behind the visor, only darkness.
A voice boomed out as the gloved hand pointed straight at Petra.
“She is a Maladon! She must die the death of a thousand wounds.”
I kept my wand raised even as I thought how best to respond to this accusation, which I knew to be, in part, true.
I turned to look at Petra. Her face was no longer buried in Delph’s chest.
She was staring at the suit of armor.
“I’m … I’m not a Maladon,” she said weakly.
“Liar,” roared the armor. “We know. We always know when one is in our midst. And we are never wrong. We waited until she was alone, lest she try to hurt the two of you.” Now the helmeted head turned in my direction. “You are obviously a sorceress and not a Maladon. Thus, you must kill her. She is your sworn enemy.”
“No,” I said. “She’s not my enemy. She’s my friend.”
“Kill her!” The suit of armor screamed so loudly that I thought for a moment my eardrums had shattered.
“No,” I yelled back.
“Then you leave me no choice.”
He drew out his long sword and raised it up high in preparation for the killing stroke.
I backed away until I was standing between the armor and Petra.
“To kill her, you have to kill me. And I’m, well, I’m a bloody handful, I am,” I finished awkwardly.
The armor stared at me, if a faceless thing can stare, that is.
For a moment I thought he was going to attack me.
“You turn against your own people?” said the armor accusingly.
“I turn against no one, uh, what is your name?” I asked, trying to calm matters. I had no idea whether my wand would be enough to defeat this thing. And since it appeared that he really was on my side, I didn’t want to hurt the metal bloke if I didn’t have to.
“Lord Unctuous of Pillsbury,” he announced in a dignified voice.
“Okay, Lord, um, is it Lord Unctuous, or Lord Pillsbury, or do I have to say all the words when addressing you?”
He took a moment to consider this. “Lord Pillsbury will suffice,” he said, his metal chest puffing out a bit.
“Right. Okay, Lord Pillsbury. Petra here has helped me fight and defeat a number of Maladons already. And we managed to escape a bloke calling himself Mr. Endemen, right beyond the trees that surround this place.”
When I said the name Endemen, I saw Lord Pillsbury flinch. Or at least his metal body did.
He said gruffly, “Endemen? Endemen, did you say?”
“Yes, I do say. Who is he?”
“A Maladon,” barked Pillsbury. “A horrible, mad, evil, ruthless, disgusting —”
“Right,” I said, interrupting. “Well, that one I’d figured out on my own.”
“He is very dangerous,” Lord Pillsbury said more soberly.
“I saw him kill two blokes and smile about it.”
Lord Pillsbury shivered in his armored hide. “Most distasteful.”
I had a sudden idea. “But he couldn’t see this place, could he?”
“Obviously not. Else he would be inside now attempting to murder us all. The enchantments around this structure are designed to make it totally invisible to Maladons.”
“So true Maladons can’t see this place at all?”
“Precisely.”
I pointed at Petra. “But she can see this place, obviously. She’s inside it. So logically speaking she can’t be a Maladon.”
Again, Pillsbury seemed to flinch. His visor swiveled around to Petra. He looked her up and down. A moment later he swiveled back to stare at me.
“I think you might have a point,” he conceded.
“I think I might,” I said smoothly.
He lowered his sword. “ ’Tis a bit delicate, though. Our anti-Maladon warning enchantments are normally quite accurate.”
“Your best one being that this place is hidden from them?” I said.
All the combativeness seemed to drain from him. “Quite right. Well, absolutely no sense in allies fighting among themselves.”
I relaxed and lowered my wand. Now something he’d said made me curious.
“Lord Pillsbury, you said you had never been wrong about Maladons being in your midst.”
“Absolutely.”
“But if they can’t see this place, how could a true Maladon ever come to be here?”
“Ah, well, that was before, wasn’t it?”
“Before what?”
“Before the war. Before they started calling themselves the Maladons actually,” he added derisively.
I still didn’t completely understand, but I was curious about something else. “And you’re … what, exactly?”
“I’m part of the rear guard, left behind to do our best to prevent the Maladons from finding any of our kind or what they left behind. And also to do whatever we can to wreak havoc on the blasted creatures. We’ve been quite successful with the first part.”
“And the wreaking havoc on the Maladons part?” I inquired.
“No luck at all, I’m afraid. But it’s early days yet,” he added confidently.
“Early days!” Delph blurted out. “It’s been about eight hundred bloody years, mate.”
Lord Pillsbury stiffened once more. “Has it really? Well, that obviously shines a different light on things, I suppose.”
“Uh, Vega Jane?”
This came from Delph, who was still holding Petra in his big arms, much to my annoyance.
“Yes, Delph?”
“She’s bleedin’ and all,” he said, indicating Petra.
“Holy Steeples,” I cried out. I ran past Lord Pillsbury, dashed down the hall, grabbed the Adder Stone from my cloak, ran back and waved it over Petra, thinking good thoughts. Her cuts and gashes instantly vanished, along with the blood.
I looked at Delph. “I think you can let her down now, Delph,” I said, trying to sound as casual as possible, though part of me wanted to rip her out of his arms.
“Right.”
He nearly dropped poor Petra on the floor.
I tried not so very hard to hide my smile.
I turned back to Lord Pillsbury, who was staring at me closely.
“Did … did this young gentleman call you Vega Jane?”
“Well, that is my name.”
“Do you mean to say that you’re a Jane?”
“Yes. And this is Delph Delphia and Petra Sonnet and my canine, Harry Two. We were in the town of True; do you know it?”
His helmeted head swiveled back and forth. “No. But then again, we never leave this place.”
“Which might be why you haven’t managed to wreak havoc on the Maladons,” I replied gently.
“Once more, I believe you have a point, milady.”
“How many more of you a
re there?”
“Oh, about four dozen, if you count the outside staff and the lads in the cellar.”
“Are you all suits of armor?”
“Oh, no. I’m the only one of those. The majordomo, as it were. The rest are a mishmash of lamps, the odd bit of furniture, various household instruments, that sort of thing. Oh, and some portraits, though they don’t get around much, being hung on a wall and all, but they do add a bit of style, I’ve always thought. And five marble statues, three rakes, two wheelbarrows and a scythe that take care of the grounds. All good blokes.”
Petra said in a contemptuous tone, “Well, the grounds are in pretty bad shape. Maybe you should spend more time tending them rather than trying to kill your bloody guests!”
“Petra,” admonished Delph. “They didn’t know.”
“They bloody well didn’t ask either. They just stormed in here and commenced attacking me!”
Lord Pillsbury nodded his visor. “I do apologize for our, well, our unseemly behavior. Now, in answer to your observation about the grounds, there’s been no real reason to keep them up, having no one staying here who can enjoy them.”
“How did you all come to be?” I asked.
“Our masters bewitched us long ago. Long before the war. We served them faithfully.” He added somberly, “Right up until the end.”
“When I mentioned the Endemen bloke, you seemed to know who he is.”
“Yes.”
“How can that be if you never leave this place and he can’t see that it’s here?”
“We’ve seen him lurking outside. I reckon he knows something is here, he just doesn’t know what. And I’ve heard some of his men refer to him by that name, Mr. Endemen.” He paused.
“And what?” I said, sensing there was something else.
“And we’ve also seen him kill.”
“Kill; kill what?”
“Folks he brings around here. And animals. He kills animals for pleasure,” he added disgustedly.
I had hated Endemen up to this point. Now I positively loathed the foul man. I automatically put out a hand and scratched Harry Two’s one remaining ear.
“What would you do if he finally overcame the enchantment and was able to see this place?”
“We would of course fight to the death. Those were our instructions. We would gladly give our lives — well, whatever it is we actually have, to defend this place.”
I looked around. “And this place? What exactly is it?”
“Why, if you’re truly a Jane, you should know.”
“Know what?”
“Empyrean is your ancestral home, Mistress Vega.”
M-MY AN … cestral h-home?” I spluttered.
Lord Pillsbury nodded. “Absolutely.”
“Wait a mo’. I saw a brass plate by the front door with the name you just mentioned. Empyrean.”
“Yes. That is the name of our home. And now yours.”
“Do you know which Janes lived here?” I said excitedly.
“Well, at the very end of course it was Mistress Alice Adronis.”
“But her last name wasn’t Jane,” I countered.
“Her maiden name was Jane. She married Gunther Adronis and he came to live here with her. You might have seen his portrait. He was quite bighearted, was Master Gunther.” He added sadly, “Perhaps too bighearted.”
I was dazed by these revelations.
“So you knew them?” I asked.
If a suit of armor could show emotion, Lord Pillsbury had just accomplished it. The metal seemed to shimmer with some strong feeling.
“I had the honor of serving them, yes.”
“What were they like?” I asked. I well remembered the dying Alice Adronis. She had seemed noble and brave and all those good things. But I also knew that Alice was one of the fiercest warriors our side had, killing Maladons left and right.
“They were very kind, Mistress Vega. Very kind indeed. They wanted no part of a war. But they fought because, well, they had to.”
It was as though the metal bloke had read my mind.
“That’s good to know, Lord Pillsbury.”
“Please, make it merely Pillsbury. Since you are a Jane, I am but your humble servant. The lord part is just for, uh, show to certain … persons.” He cleared his throat in an embarrassed fashion.
I felt myself blush a bit. “You don’t have to serve me. I’m used to doing things on my own.”
“Please,” he said in a pained voice. “We’ve really had nothing to do for the longest time. It would bring all of us much joy to be able to once more serve the House of Jane. The outside staff is champing at the bit to get the grounds up to snuff, I can tell you that. And now they have proper reason.”
I glanced at Delph and Petra. They were standing there openmouthed, no doubt as gobsmacked as I was by this development.
I turned back to Pillsbury. “Well, all right, Lo — um, I mean, Pillsbury. If you’re sure?”
He clicked his metallic heels. “Quite sure, milady. Quite, quite sure. Now, as it is rather late, I would suggest that you all return to your bedchambers. That will give us time to spruce up the place. Bit of dust everywhere. We were not expecting company, you see. Would you like to convey your breakfast orders now, or shall I receive them after you’ve awoken?”
“You’ll prepare our meals?” I said, rather stunned by this.
“Of course. That is one of the chief roles of a household staff. And you will find that Mrs. Jolly is a very fine cook.”
“Mrs. Jolly?” I said. “We made ourselves dinner, but we didn’t see anyone in the kitchen.”
“Well, the fact is, Mistress Vega, we couldn’t see you! Gave us quite a turn when doors started opening and pans, knives and plates started floating through the air. Thus, Mrs. Jolly was quite naturally hiding in the broom closet half frightened out of her twigs. And then when we could see you, we of course showed ourselves.”
“You mean you attacked me!” blurted out Petra.
“Well, that’s all water under the bridge now,” said Pillsbury cheerfully.
I said, “You said she was half frightened out of her twigs. What exactly is Mrs. Jolly?”
“She exactly is a broom, hence the broom cupboard. But she does a steak and kidney pudding that is, well, if I required food, I’m sure I would enjoy it very much. Now, your orders? Or shall you prefer to wait?”
Delph spoke up at once. “I’ll have, well, pretty much everything.”
Pillsbury swept a long quill from the inside of his visor and wrote this down on the metal palm of his hand. “Full-on breakfast, outstanding.” He looked up at the enormous Delph. “Yes,” he said appraisingly. “I would imagine it takes quite a lot of wood to keep your chimney hot, young sir.”
His visor came to rest on Petra. She scowled back at him.
Petra said tightly, “So when we separated into our bedrooms and then you could see us, you decided I was the dangerous Maladon?”
Pillsbury, perhaps noting this — it was quite hard to tell without a face — said in an apologetic voice, “That is just what happened, miss, yes. Ever so sorry that we got off on the wrong foot. Now, what can we arrange for your breakfast?”
She suddenly looked uncertain. “Well, um, I guess a spot of tea and some biscuits would be nice.”
I added quietly, “I’m sure Petra is just being polite so as not to overtax Mrs. Jolly, Pillsbury. None of us have had much to eat lately, and I know that Petra has a wonderful appetite, so perhaps you might suggest some things for her, and for me too. I’m not sure what to ask for either.”
Petra shot me a glance, her features full of surprise at my words.
Pillsbury said delightedly, “Oh, absolutely, milady. Some eggs, perhaps? Mrs. Jolly does a wonderful omelette with bacon and tomato with just a touch of the freshest basil. I do love a good pesto fragrance in the morning,” he added enthusiastically.
“Yes, thanks,” said Petra, bravely attempting a grin.
“And of course Mr
s. Jolly prides herself on her croissants; perhaps a couple of those. And then there’s the porridge, piping hot and so filling. And what would breakfast be without some plump sausages, eh?”
“That … that sounds wonderful,” said Petra.
“Smashing,” said Pillsbury, before turning to me. “And you, Mistress Vega?”
“I’ll have what Petra’s having,” I replied, glancing surreptitiously at Delph. “We like the same things, apparently.”
Pillsbury wrote all this on his palm. “Excellent. Well.” He looked at the pulverized door and then at me. “Mistress Vega, would you care to do the honors with your wand? Or would you rather I summoned one of the lads to clean this up?”
“What? Oh, right, I’ll fix it.”
I pointed my wand at the shards of wood, recalled the proper incantation Astrea had taught me and said, “Assemblage.”
The pieces of wood flew back together into a door that hung itself neatly back on the hinges.
“And may I say very nicely done, Mistress Vega,” said Pillsbury.
“You don’t have to call me that, you know.”
“Oh, but we do. As a Jane, you are now the mistress of this house. And we are here to serve you.”
“Okay. But how do you know I really am a Jane? I just said I was. I could be lying.”
He pointed a metal hand at my wand. “That is Mistress Alice’s wand. I will never forget it. It was also her —”
“Elemental,” I said, cutting in.
“Precisely so. Only a true Jane could wield magic with it.”
I glanced at the re-formed door. “So that was a test, then?”
“I do apologize. But one can never be too careful in such troubled times, milady. Now I’m off. I hope you sleep well. If at any time you need anything, you only need to say my name and I shall appear.”
And with that remark he turned and lumbered out of the room.
We all looked at one another.
Delph gasped, “Pretty bloody unbelievable.”
Petra was looking around in awe. “Of all the bleeding luck. You walk in here and you’re the ‘milady’ of the place.”
“I had no idea it was my family’s house when I got here,” I reminded her.
“I know. It’s just …” Her voice trailed off, and she looked away.
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