Jesse fires the remote at the TV, and for a few minutes we quiet down and watch a baseball game. Robin Hood keeps saying that all the players are lame, while Mark surfs some website about the history of the park and throws out little tidbits to us about our characters or where the least crowded bathrooms are. The Army Men and the Merry Men are across the room playing darts, or playing some drinking game that involves darts. The pizza box comes around again, and Robin Hood clicks around the channels until he settles on the Home Shopping Network, then he borrows Jesse’s cell phone to call the hotline and talk to the hosts. He gets through right away and tells them that he lost over 480 pounds using the Total Gym, while the rest of us try to keep from laughing behind him. Right there on the screen, the hosts are shaking their heads, telling him how amazing that is. Half an hour later he calls back and tells the new hosts that he now makes all of his family’s meals using the Solar Grill. He goes on and on about it, then, right before he hangs up, says that the Solar Grill is the greatest invention since the polio vaccination.
Jesse gets up and hands everyone another beer. “Man,” he says, “we should just go down there. Crash the party.”
“Okay, normally I would be all in for that,” Robin Hood says, “but they would be way, way pissed. You heard them.”
Mark looks up, takes a sip of his beer, and asks us if we realize that there are over twenty thousand different colors of paint used inside the park. The rest of us mutter something along the lines of Wow, that’s amazing. As much as I want to hate the guy, there is something so earnest about him that I can’t; none of us can. He always acts like some little kid who found a lizard and brought it to school for show-and-tell.
Robin Hood looks over at me. “Dude, you must be hurtin’ tonight.”
“Why?”
He shakes his head. “Cassie? Hello? Man, you’re, like, my hero, hooking up with that chick.”
I feel my face heating up. “Yeah,” I say, “she’s pretty cool.”
Robin Hood looks at Jesse, then jerks his head toward me. “Get him . . . ‘pretty cool.’ Dude, the girl is gorgeous as hell, she’s smart . . .” He shrugs. “It’s a long list.”
“Yeah, Luke,” Jesse says. “How come you and not me? It’s that mysterious middle name thing, right? Like you seem all dangerous and secret. I gotta remember that.”
“Yeah, try it,” I tell him, looking down at my beer, wanting nothing more than for this conversation to end. I feel . . . I don’t know. Fake, somehow. But Robin Hood isn’t done yet.
“You know, here’s the thing.” He lifts the remote and mutes the TV. “Like Anna, that chick is hot and all, but she’s kinda slutty and just way too girly, you know? But Cass, man . . . she could be here right now, just hanging with the boys, kicking it, you know?”
“Yeah, I know,” I say. And I do know. Everything he says about her. She seems perfect. But it’s that word seems, like I have to see her from the outside, I have to realize she’s perfect.
“Now, I’ll tell you who I don’t get,” Robin Hood says, and leans in so just me and Jesse can hear him talk. “Ella. Ella comma Cinder. I do not understand the wavelength involved there.”
When he says her name, I feel like I can’t breathe, and I want to think that she is downstairs right now, on a similar couch, not breathing because someone has said my name, but I know that’s not how it is. She’s downstairs wondering if it’s time yet to meet Mark under the clock tower.
“I don’t know,” I say. “She’s cool. I mean, she’s pretty funny.”
“Yeah, like she gets off a good line, then five minutes later looks like she’s headed to a funeral. We were fine the first day, then later I tried to talk to her and it was like I had leprosy or something. I mean, I was just talking, dude, you know?”
I nod.
“She likes you, though,” Jesse whispers. “I don’t know your secret, man. If you got rid of Prince Doofus, you could have your pick. Maybe you should stage a coup.”
“Yeah, like that choice would take all of a nanosecond,” Robin Hood says. “Really, man, major props.” He raises his beer can. “Here’s to you, dude.” Jesse raises his as well, and I have no choice but to do the same. We drink to me, to how lucky and happy I am. By now the beer is warm, and I swallow hard to get it down.
7
Ella
God, another meeting. That makes four this week. I have the urge to remind management about “The Boy Who Cried ‘Wolf.’” What if there is a real emergency, like a total power outage or maybe a hurricane? It’s all because Mr. “Call me Bill” Tubbs got promoted to Vice President for Vendor Relations, which sounds flashy but apparently is pretty much about making sure they have enough hot dogs before a big weekend and that the cost of glow-in-the-dark necklaces stays below five dollars.
“I wonder what Estrogen wants this time?” Robin Hood asks, sitting down on the other side of Amy. I raise my eyebrows at him. “That’s what the Army Men started calling her after the last meeting,” he says. Evelyn “Don’t call me anything but Ms. Burrows” Burrows came down on them pretty hard about their marching songs, telling them to at least keep them PG rated. Whether right or whether wrong/ Army men are really hung.
“I am so tired,” Anna says, stretching her arms over her head in front of us.
“Man,” Amy says, leaning into me. “Could she be any more slutty?”
“I hope so,” Robin Hood says. Amy gives him an elbow, making him laugh. “What, are you jealous?”
“Ew,” Amy says.
“There’s plenty of me to go around.”
“I said ew.”
“I’ll second that,” Cassie says, sitting down in front of her. Luke follows her, smiling slightly at me before he sits down.
“Ladies, please,” Robin Hood says, leaning back and stretching his legs out in front of him, so they are nearly all the way under Cassie’s chair. “No fighting.” Amy rolls her eyes in my direction.
Evelyn walks in carrying a large cardboard box and sets it on the table at the front of the room. “Okay, people,” she says, looking up at us. “Let’s settle down.” She pulls several packets out of the box and lines them up on the edge of the table. “We have recently had some complaints.”
“Uh-oh,” Jesse says, leaning forward in an attempt to hide behind Luke.
“What did you do?” Robin Hood whispers, but Jesse just shakes his head.
“In the past three days we have received seventeen guest comment cards regarding lack of park knowledge on the part of the cast.”
Jesse sits up again and smiles. “Whew,” he whispers, looking over at us.
“What did you do?” Amy asks.
“Tell you later,” Jesse says, winking at her. I waggle my eyebrows at her when she looks at me, making her blush. Evelyn clears her throat from the front of the room, looking over at our section.
She shuffles some cards in her hand. “Just a sampling,” she says. “On Friday a family of four missed Cinderella’s wedding after they were told it was at four instead of three. On Saturday evening two children were told that Ariel is a fish.” Evelyn shuffles the cards again, apparently searching for one in particular. “Sunday morning a tour group from Japan was told that Mickey was not at breakfast, because he’d had a hard night and needed to—quote—sleep it off.” She delivered this last one without taking her eyes off Robin Hood. “People, this is not the image that we want to present here. Normally, I would tell you to read your employee manuals more carefully or attend one of our cast orientation seminars, but as we all know . . . these are not normal circumstances.” I see Mark nodding like mad beside me. “So after consulting with my staff, I believe we have reached a solution.” She lifts one of the packets from a stack in front of her. “We have decided that there are two main problems.”
“The heat and the heat,” Jesse whispers. I see Amy nodding in his direction. He looks over at her again and smiles.
“It seems that we have a general lack of staff cohesion.”
“That sounds like an STD,” Robin Hood whispers before Amy shushes him. Evelyn looks over in our direction, and Robin Hood sits forward slightly, as if hanging on her every word. She raises an eyebrow at him before continuing.
“I have devised a solution that will tackle both the lack of morale and the apparent lack of Disney knowledge.” Evelyn takes off her glasses and lays them on the table in front of her.
“All the better to see you with,” Robin Hood whispers.
“Starting today and continuing over the next three weeks until Cinderellabration, we will be having a cast member scavenger hunt. The grand prize is two days off with pay.” Everyone begins murmuring at once. “And two nights in the guest accommodations of your choice anywhere in the park. Epcot included.”
“Sweet,” Robin Hood says, lifting his hand in Jesse’s direction for a high five.
“However, there are some rules.” Everyone quiets down as she puts her glasses back on. “First rule, you will be competing in pairs.” Cassie stands and actually knocks over her chair.
“Holy shit, Cass,” Robin Hood says, pushing her chair back upright and out of his lap.
Cassie leans down and says something in Luke’s ear. He grabs her arm, but she shakes it off and turns to push past me to where Mark is sitting.
“Competitive much?” Robin Hood asks.
“What do you say, Mark?” Cassie asks. He looks at me, but I just shrug. “Okay?” Cassie is almost breathless, making me cut my eyes at Amy.
“Nice girlfriend you got there, Luke,” Robin Hood says, slapping him on the back. Luke ignores him, but I can tell he’s mad.
“Up to you,” I say to Mark. He looks at me for a moment before nodding. I turn toward Amy. “Want to be my partner?” I ask.
“I think you’re already spoken for,” she says, smiling at me.
“By who?” I ask, but Luke is looking right at me. He tilts his head slightly in my direction.
“You sure?” I say to Amy.
“Totally,” she says, squeezing my hand. I nod at Luke, and he goes to the front of the room to retrieve our packet.
“So, who’re you going to be with?” I ask. “Jeff?” I look over to where he is sitting with Mowgli, but he isn’t looking our way.
“Yeah, remember how I kept telling you that he was always such a gentleman when we did things together?” I nod, still watching as Jeff gets up to walk to the front of the room, too. “Well,” she says, lowering her voice, “let’s just say that Jeff is a lot more interested in princes than princesses.”
I raise my eyebrows at her. “Sorry,” I say.
“No big. It’s not like I had ordered the invitations or anything.” She smiles at me.
“So, darlin’,” Jesse says, leaning across Robin Hood’s lap, “you and me?” Amy nods and I see her blush again.
Evelyn claps from the front of the room, lowering the volume slightly. “We are providing each team with a digital camera, courtesy of the marketing staff. You will be responsible for the care of this equipment, and any damages or loss will be taken out of your paycheck.”
“Anna,” Robin Hood says, pushing Jesse away and leaning forward, “what do you say you and I pair up?” She just giggles and nods at him.
“Since winning’s out of the question,” he says, leaning back and stretching his arms across the backs of the chairs, “might as well have some fun.”
“Yo, Robin,” one of the Army Men yells. “The camera’s for the scavenger hunt, not to fill your website with naked pictures.”
“I resent thine comment,” he says, still lounging back in his chair, leaving Anna to go retrieve their packet and their camera.
“More like you resemble it,” Jesse says, making the whole room laugh. Luke comes back from the front of the room and takes the chair that Mark has vacated. He and Cassie have relocated to the front of the room, right in front of Evelyn.
“Once you have your packet, please take a seat so that I can go over the rest of the rules,” Evelyn says. We all wait several more minutes while the last remaining people pair up and get their stuff. “Okay, then,” Evelyn says, picking up one of the packets left in the messy heap on the table. “First, the grand prize will be given to each member of the team. That means that each person will receive the two-night stay for her and the guest of her choice. Or his choice,” she finishes, looking directly at Mark. “Furthermore, if you are thinking that you can just halve the list, letting each of you work independently, listen up.” I watch Cassie stop pulling apart her packet. “In order to get credit for an item, you must not only take a picture of the item but both of you must also be in the photo.” A couple of people groan from the back of the room. “This is to ensure that all of you do the work.” She looks significantly at Robin Hood when she says this. Mark raises his hand.
“Yes?” Evelyn says, looking at him over the top of her glasses.
“What if we find everything on the list before the time is up?”
“Well, seeing as how the list has over seven hundred items on it, I don’t think that is very likely.” She smiles slightly at him, the most emotion she has shown since she took this position. “Now, some of the items are intentionally vague, giving you the chance to be creative. For instance, say the list says ‘Lion’s Head’—this isn’t actually on your list,” she says, making Cassie stop shuffling her pages. “There are many possibilities. You might choose to take a photo of one of the plush Simba toys in the gift shop, or a picture of the dancer in the Lion King show, or maybe even the animatronic lion in the Jungle Cruise ride. Does that make sense? The idea is to make you more familiar with your surroundings, and that will benefit our guests.” She looks around the room. I glance over at Luke, who’s fiddling with our camera. He manages to take a picture of his foot.
“I think we’re in trouble,” I whisper, elbowing him.
“Hush,” he says, smiling at me.
“The deadline is midnight after the final Cinderellabration Electrical Parade. All searching should be done during your off-hours, and never in costume. You will turn in your cameras directly to me. My staff and I will go through them, checking off your lists. When we have a winner, we will call a meeting to announce it.”
“What does second place get?” Robin Hood asks.
Evelyn takes off her glasses and looks directly at him. “There is no prize for second place.”
“Whoa,” Jesse whispers. “She’s intense.” Robin Hood is actually quiet for a moment, then he smiles.
“I know,” he says, leaning back in his chair again. “That’s hot.”
“All right, if there aren’t any other questions . . .” She looks around the room again. “Good luck.”
“Yeah, like they’re going to need it,” Robin Hood says, looking over at Cassie and Mark already heading out the door. “Mr. Disney.” He stands and stretches his arms over his head before sliding past us. “Sorry, dude,” he says, clapping Luke on the shoulder as he passes. We watch him slide his arm around Anna’s waist and lead her out the door.
“I’m not,” Luke says, without looking at me. Me neither, I say, but only to myself.
“You sure you’re not mad?” Mark asks. I shake my head. “What, then?” he asks, pointing over to a bench. We’ve been wandering along the Main Street for the last hour or so, trying to stay out of the sun by ducking into the shops.
“I don’t know,” I say, but the truth is, I do, and it has nothing to do with Mark or Cassie or the scavenger hunt.
“It just happened so fast,” Mark says. I take a sip of my lemonade and watch as Rabbit attempts to pull the honey-pot off Winnie the Pooh’s head. “I just think Cassie wants to win,” he says. “I mean, if it weren’t for the fact that she had to work, we’d already be at it.”
“I guess,” I say. Rabbit succeeds in pulling the pot from Pooh’s head, making the crowd cheer. “I just don’t understand why you didn’t think we could win.”
“I think it was more that she didn’t think Luke could win. I mean, he’s n
ot the most motivated person in the world.” I can tell from his voice that Mark is just making an observation and isn’t trying to be petty or mean, but it makes me bristle all the same.
“Why do you say that?” I ask, but it comes out a little harsher than I intend.
“He just doesn’t seem to care about his job all that much.” I sigh loudly, making Mark shift a little. He’s not much for confrontations.
“Want to walk again?” he asks. I shrug. I was thinking that a walk around the park would be better than staying in my room and reading the letter from my parents again, but I’m beginning to have second thoughts. We walk in silence for a few minutes, passing the quartet performing in front of the barbershop and the Gibson Girl Ice Cream Parlor. Mark stops in the shade of a tree.
“My father used to bring me here when I was little,” he says, pointing at the store in front of us. “Of course, that was when it was the House of Magic and not the Main Street Athletic Shop.” We watch as a man comes out of the shop carrying two baseball caps and leading a crying boy. “There was this magician who used to do his act outside.”
I think about not answering, but realize I’m being nasty to Mark for no reason. “Like the disappearing ball and the taking coins out of kids’ ears?” I ask.
“Exactly.” Mark smiles at me. Confrontation averted. “He’d do the same tricks every time we came, but I never got tired of watching him. My favorite one was when he’d make flowers grow from a cone of paper.” I turn and look at Mark. Somehow, hearing him talk about when he was young makes me really look at him for the first time. There’s something in his eyes that is so genuine, so there, that it’s sometimes hard to look at. Like at any moment someone is going to come along and try to take that away from him. I take another sip of my lemonade, draining the cup. Mark keeps looking at the front of the shop. “There was just something about it, you know,” he says, looking over at me. “He made it look so real.”
“Sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s real and what’s not,” I say, stirring the ice with my straw. I look up at Mark to find him staring at me.
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