by Lucy Langton
Tears began to roll down the eyes of Lady Beatrice. She knew her friend was right. What more encouragement did she need?”
She wiped her face before Isabel could notice. However, she noticed and stopped talking, allowing her to breathe in and expel the warm air. Then, to her surprise, Beatrice said, “I shall write about you, Isabel. You are a great friend.” The statement was laden with emotion. They both got up and embraced each other, feeling the warmth of the other spread blissfully through their bodies.
It was the moment her healing process began.
***
It was autumn again, the season Lady Beatrice loved so much. The weather was warm and dry, together with the sun blessing the day. The leaves of the trees were characterised by yellow and orange colours, giving the country a beautiful outlook. It was a period lovers enjoyed the most for they could sit out under the trees in the parks or at the meadow, enjoying each other’s company.
Beatrice was so particular about this season because of so many beautiful memories attached to it. Gradually, she had begun to appreciate the beauty of life, though yet to fully grasp the concept of having to walk around or enjoy a horse ride as her friend did. From her window, she could look far into the forest and watch as some animals displayed their natural characteristics without any disturbance and interference. Sometimes, she would smile at them, as if telling them that she was seeing them. There was a particular time she was lucky to find two foxes courting. It was such a wonderful moment as she thought about what it felt like to have a male companion who would hold your hand, touch your forehead, tuck in your hair, and even kiss your lips passionately and make you moan. She could not remember where and when, but she had heard about women moaning while the men kissed their full lips and caressed their bodies. She hadn’t known what it meant to have sex, and she tried her best to avert her mind from wandering into that region. It was sacred and reminded her much about the past. Not just the past, but the reason for her disintegration from her brother, an act she was gradually getting to forgive herself for. Not as one would think, but her past always came haunting her, reminding her that she was not supposed to live. What if her brother died that day? How would she have interpreted the situation? Howbeit, it was not her fault. She was out there to have fun, just like her mates, but unable to mark the territory termed ‘out of bounds’.
That was in the past now. Here she was, admiring the beauty of autumn and the colouration of the leaves. Just the previous month, the trees were green with beautiful leaves. Now, they were more beautiful than the previous month. She used to have a friend back then named Lilian, who loved the green leaves. Several times, she got lost and was found among the trees, tucking into the leaves and making beautiful designs on them. They stopped being friends after that horrible night the incident happened. She wondered where Lilian could be. Probably, attending the London season in search of a husband. Probably, married. Lady Beatrice thought so because of how hyperactive her friend used to be. She loved attending the balls and enjoyed it when boys told her how beautiful she was. Lilian was indeed beautiful, but not as beautiful as Lady Beatrice, the girl that got the best attention from the boys. She sighed as she reminisced about the past. Thank goodness, she had a sharp memory and could vividly recollect so many events that happened.
The only event she never remembered was the death of her mum. She sighed, wondering what it felt like to have a mother. She retired to the bed, waiting for Isabel to come so that she could ask her so many questions bothering her mind. As if reading her mind, Isabel knocked silently on the door, and Beatrice let her in.
“My Lady, still on the bed?” Isabel asked.
“Not what you think, my dear. I have been up since, just relaxing now. Do sit down, please.”
Isabel sat on the chair, facing her. The rays of sunshine were gradually entering the room, which showed that the morning was folding up and giving way for the afternoon. It was hot out there, and inside, Isabel picked up a hand fan, cooling the room with each stroke of her hand.
“What does it look like to enjoy a mother’s care and love?” Lady Beatrice asked Isabel, smiling because Isabel was taken aback by the question. She never expected such a question from her.
Isabel smiled back, revealing her beautiful dentition, and she said, “It felt good to have a mother, and not just a mother, but a caring one.”
“Perhaps, I would not have been in this condition had there been a mother figure in my life,” Beatrice said, scratching her eyebrow.
“Perhaps not. That was why I added a caring one.”
“Definitely, mine was caring. I knew because Father never stopped talking about her before he joined her. William still says good things about her once in a while.”
At the mention of Lord William, Isabel shuddered as cold chills passed through her spine. Was she falling for him? She brushed the thought aside, for that was not her reason for coming to live in the estate. Her business was to tend to the lady sitting opposite her. She smiled, enjoying the fact that her friend was gradually getting back to life and opening up to her as well.
“What are you thinking about?” Lady Beatrice brought her back to reality.
“Nothing, My Lady,” Isabel replied, still smiling. She placed her right hand to touch Beatrice lightly on the knee.
“But you were smiling?” Beatrice accused her.
“Was I? I never knew,” Isabel tried to cover up; however, she was silenced by another question from Beatrice.
“Tell me, are you in love with any young man?”
“Young man? No!” Isabel replied sharply, not ready to be defeated by her friend.
“You are, My Lady. I could see it in your eyes. Would you not like to tell me, for truly, we are friends now?”
“My Lady, we are more than friends now, we are sisters. You are the sister I never had.”
“Then, I pray, tell me who the young man is. Is it my brother? Does he know you love him?”
“My Lady!” Isabel screamed, blushing heavily. “Stop it!”
They both laughed and talked about other things like horse riding and tree climbing, the hobbies Isabel enjoyed as a child. She still did, only that she had gradually given up on tree climbing.
Later in the day, Lady Beatrice, with mixed feelings, got up and walked towards the windows, fondling the drapes. She faced the outside, from where she could see far into the forest. It was a beautiful sight. Focusing on the beauty of the nature, she had so many things going on in her mind. Her mind first strayed to her childhood days. She could remember when her father would put her on the horse, and they would ride around the city, while she laughed and leaned back against her father’s body. She enjoyed the horse riding, especially every weekend.
Sometimes, the whole family could go sightseeing and picnicking, and they would use the woods or the meadows as their location. With her on her father’s back and him holding little William’s hand. She could chatter about anything, asking some hilarious questions, making everyone laugh. She was a very lively girl.
“Father, why do we have to pass out the feces in the toilet?”
Her father would have to think deeply before giving his response. “My little girl, that’s because we are human beings. Human beings make use of the restrooms, while animals could do it anywhere.”
“How lucky the animals are!” Without much ado, she would add, “Father, I want to be an animal.”
Her brother, flabbergasted by the manner his sister always asked questions would ask her, “Why do you choose to be an animal, instead of a human being. Don’t you think it’s kind of weird?”
“Yes, daughter. It sounds weird to say so. But, I pray thee, what reason could my beautiful girl have for preferring to be an animal?” her father would ask, supporting his son’s viewpoint.
“Father, animals are free. Can’t you see? Look at the birds chirping to the merriment of our souls,” she said, pointing to a little hummingbird on a tree that was scratching its body. “They can do anything they like.”
> “Don’t you do anything you like as well?”
“Nay, Father. I am sometimes silenced when I talk too much. If I went to bed and wanted to sleep throughout the day, the maids would come to my chamber to remind me it’s morning. Oh, how I hate mornings!” she would say.
“That’s because you are lazy!” her brother would tease her.
Her face would change to that of a sad girl. “I am not lazy. I want freedom!”
Tears trickled down her face as she remembered how she loved freedom, just to float around and do nothing all day, except that which her soul longed to do. She wondered what happened, though she knew why things never remained the same after that fateful night. The night that saw her fall into nervousness, a sickness that had made her become the shadow of her real self. She backed into the room properly to avoid Isabel noticing that she was shedding tears.
She remembered how her brother could be on her nerves whenever she chose to ask silly but funny questions, yet, she could feel the love in his voice. She knew he loved her. But he changed. He stopped caring and left her alone in her own world, one of the reasons she chose not to be friendly anymore. She still didn’t understand how Isabel managed to get into her innermost chamber, the chamber of her heart where she stored all the pains and debris of life. The chamber that had become too heavy from the kind of weird thoughts going on in it. The chamber that she longed to relieve of its contents but didn’t know how to. She would remain grateful to Isabel for coming into her life.
Now, she was feeling better, especially, as the tears rolled down in balls without any inhibition. She felt like someone being released from the prison of her life, a self-imposed prison. She could see the sky bright and beautiful with different shades of blue and grey. It was indeed smiling. “Could I smile like the sky?” she questioned herself.
“Yes, you could, My Lady. That is if you choose to.” It was Isabel.
Beatrice spoke aloud, and Isabel could hear her vividly enough to know that she had been sobbing. She had decided to leave her alone to herself because she knew how much it helped to relieve one of the restrictions one imposed on himself or herself. She had learnt how to break free from self-restrictions and would be the happiest person to see her new friend do so.
She helped her to wipe her face with a piece of kerchief on the bed. Beatrice didn’t stop her; rather she adjusted her face for Isabel to have a glimpse of and wipe it properly.
“Do you want to waste all day crying, My Lady?” Isabel asked her.
She shook her head.
“Why, then, should we not go out there and have a great time among the trees and shrubs? Can’t you hear Mother Nature beckoning us to come and have a great chat with her and feel the cool breeze against our bodies? Do we have to stay indoors all day, knitting patterns and embroidery? Do not forget that you promised to write about me. I would like you to write about me while you are outside, instead of being in this secluded room.”
Lady Beatrice nodded.
“Why don’t you go to the bathroom, wash your face and come, let’s go out and be free?” Isabel suggested.
As soon as she heard the word, free, her countenance brightened up like that of the morning sun and knew that that was exactly what she needed.
Chapter 16
Lady Beatrice was at the closet, confused about what dress to wear. She was at sea over what to wear despite having so many of them. She brought out a brown gown with cream embroidery at the hem. It looked beautiful and fitted her paleness, but not so much brightness glistened from it. She wanted something striking and spot on. She searched through the cluster of dresses and still couldn’t find something that struck her fancy.
She was not to be blamed for her inability to select a befitting dress despite how much effort she had put. She was used to the maid selecting her dress and getting her dressed up. But since the emergence of Isabel in the estate, she had been doing it herself. It never mattered what she put on because she was not going to any balls or occasions that required special dressing to attend.
As Beatrice stood there, not knowing what to select, Isabel who was seated on the chair, head relaxed back and humming a song, realised that it had taken much more time than necessary for her to appear in the room. Isabel sat up, caressed her face with her slender fingers, called out to Lady Beatrice. When she couldn’t hear any response, she became apprehensive, jumped up from her seat, and headed towards the closet. She got there and found her friend resting on the door frame, lost in her own little world.
“My Lady, what have you been up to?” she asked.
“Nothing, Isabel.”
“Then, why have you not put on something?”
“To be sincere, I’m lost. I’m confused about what to put on. Can you help me make a better choice? I trust your judgement.”
“Whatever makes My Lady happy,” Isabel said. Beatrice shifted for her to have a clearer view of the closet. She randomly selected two different gowns. As she brought them out, she separately placed them on Beatrice’s body and checked out their fittings.
Finally, they selected a green satin gown with flowery designs at the bust. It had a round neck with about five buttons in a row at the back. At the waist, it curved a little, thereby, exposing the shape of her derriere. The buttons were separated, and Beatrice slid into it. Her radiance glittered as she smiled at the mirror, admiring herself. She applied some blush at her cheeks and a glossy liquid on her lips. Isabel helped her to arrange her hair. It was made into a ponytail, and she held it with a clip.
Beatrice blushed as they stepped down the stairs. Her confidence was raised, and she thanked her friend for coming to her rescue.
“Anything for My Lady,” Isabel replied.
They held hands as they stepped into the large courtyard.
“Good afternoon, My Lady,” greeted Rachel with a curtsy.
“Afternoon to you. Did you perchance have a glimpse of the Baron today.”
“Yes, My Lady. He is resting at the balcony,” the maid replied.
“That is good. Please, tell him that his attention is needed by us.”
“What for My Lady?” Isabel who had been watching with sealed lips asked as Rachel stood momentarily, just to ensure that they reached a consensus.
“Probably, to act as a chaperone to us,” Beatrice replied with a smile.
“I would have preferred both of us to walk alone.”
“It doesn’t make any difference.”
“If you say so,” Isabel replied, not wanting to argue with her.
The maid quickly left to deliver her message, while both of them stood there, silently waiting for her response.
“I guess she doesn’t like you,” Beatrice said, breaking the silence.
“Why do you think so?” surprised, Isabel asked her.
“It was written in her eyes. I feel she sees you as competition.”
“Why should she think so? I am not a member of this home,” Isabel said, creasing her face. “As a matter of fact, I will leave very soon, and she will still continue to enjoy her master and mistress.”
Beatrice’s countenance changed to that of sadness when Isabel mentioned her leaving soon. “Can I come visiting once in a while?” she asked.
“Why not? Like I said before...” While the statement still hung in Isabel’s mouth, she heard the Baron’s baritone voice as he spoke from behind.
It was obviously possible that he was drunk for his speech betrayed him. He hadn’t returned early the previous night, and Isabel was awake the major part of the night thinking about him and curious about his safety. When he finally got home, she could sense that he was drunk because his voice was slurry, and one could barely hear him. She prayed fervently for his sister not to hear his voice, especially for the fact that she no longer found him so interesting as a brother. One of the reasons she was astonished when Lady Beatrice talked about his accompanying them on their little voyage. Though Isabel did not see anything wrong with it, notwithstanding, she would have preferr
ed an all girls’ walk out.