by Banks, R. R.
I run my hand over my face. I shouldn’t be having these thoughts. I know I shouldn’t. More layered than I originally thought or not, Knox is dangerous. He’s got a rough edge to him, and I know getting involved with him will only end up with me getting hurt.
“What’s really going on here, Felicity?”
“What do you mean?”
She pauses for a moment. “Are you – you’re not interested in him, are you?”
“What? No,” I object. “You’re crazy.”
“Am I?” she presses.
“Yes, you’re nuts,” I tell her. “I only want to stay out here because I know I’ll be safe. I know he’s not going to find me out here.”
“Uh huh.”
If Maura weren’t so dead set on disliking Knox, I might discuss what’s running through my mind. I might try to help her see the different side of Knox that I’m seeing and talk through with her what it is I’m feeling. But this is a piece of my life that I can’t share with her just to keep the peace. Just to keep her from lecturing me. I don’t really want to hear it anyway.
“Listen, everything is going to be fine. I’m just a little freaked out right now,” I say. “Just – give me a little time to sort it all out.”
“It’s not like I have much of a choice,” she retorts.
I sigh. I’ve seen Maura be belligerent before. I’ve seen her be demanding and snippy. I’ve never seen her like this before, though. It’s almost like she’s jealous or is somehow threatened by Knox. She’s kind of acting like a scorned lover or something. Either that, or she’s afraid of me spending time with Knox – though I don’t know why she’d feel that way. It’s not like he’s going to replace her in my life.
“Until they are able to lock this guy up, I’m going to need Knox and his security team to watch my back,” I feel like I’m confessing some horrible sin.
“Do you really think that’s necessary?” she presses. “I mean, it’s not like he’s done anything violent or –”
“Yet, Maura. Yet,” I gasp. “He broke into my house tonight.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing from Maura. It almost sounds like she’s willing to put my life in jeopardy just to keep me away from Knox. It’s insane – she’s insane. I mean, I understand that the two don’t like each other and probably never will, but to put me in harm’s way just because they butt heads when they’re in the same room? It’s ridiculous and I don’t understand it.
“Everything’s going to be fine, Maura.”
“I hope so, Felicity. I really hope you know what you’re doing here.”
“I do. Trust me,” I respond. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
I disconnect the call, feeling more than a bit upset and even a sliver of resentment that I’m the one having to reassure Maura. Shaking my head, I look at my book sitting on Knox’s table one last time, that smile returning to my face before I wander off to find him.
Knox
“If you feel that strongly about it, we’ll trade Maynard and Marvez,” I concede.
“We’ll be lucky to get a ham sandwich for the both of them.”
Haley goes on a rant about how terrible the both of them are and how their poor playing is costing the Reign dearly – and has put their trade value straight in the crapper. I can’t really disagree, so I pace back and forth on the front porch, the phone pressed to my ear, a bemused grin on my face.
After calling Peter to update him, I’d returned Haley’s call – or rather, one of the two dozen calls she’d made, most of them just to tell me how bad my team is and how badly my scouting skills suck. We’ve talked about giving her a role in the front office – something that really excited her. Ever since I started protecting Felicity, though, I haven’t been able to follow up on it with her. Hence, the ten thousand phone calls and text messages. Haley, being the tenacious woman she is, isn’t going to let it go until she’s got an office of her own.
“When are you going to be back in the office?” she questions. “I want to talk about this.”
“I’m on a job right now, so let’s do it this way for now,” I start, “I am empowering you to set up the framework for a trade. Contact the other general managers in the league and see what you can get for them. If anybody questions you, have them call me directly.”
“Oh my God. Seriously?”
The shock in her voice makes me laugh and I find myself nodding – then feeling like an idiot since it’s not like she can see me. Truth be told, given everything going on with Felicity, I’m pretty distracted. And because I’m so distracted at the moment, my interest in running my team has waned. Besides, Haley knows her shit, and I trust her to make the best decisions for the Reign in my absence. Based on the performances of the guys I chose; she would probably be an upgrade.
The front door opens a bit, and I see Felicity peeking out at me. I wave her out onto the porch. Slowly and hesitantly, she steps out and crosses her arms over her chest to ward off the chill in the air.
“Yeah seriously,” I tell Haley. “Get the framework for the trade put together and call me. We’ll talk about it.”
She’s still squealing excitedly when I disconnect the line and laugh. Felicity gives me a curious look as I slip the phone into my pocket.
“Fantasy football league,” I tell her with a small shrug.
There’s no real reason for me to not tell her who I really am. But I sort of like her thinking I’m just a regular guy. Nothing more than a standard, run of the mill, garden variety bodyguard. In my experience, when people find out that I’m disgustingly wealthy, things tend to get weird. People look at me differently. Treat me differently.
And that’s a best-case scenario.
The worst case of course is that when people find out I’ve got a lot of money; they try to scam me for it. They insert themselves into my life for the sole purpose of getting at my bank account. It’s one reason I haven’t dated for a long while – I have a bad habit of picking out the ones who are basically willing to trade sex for a comfortable lifestyle.
“So – how long are we going to be here?” she wonders.
“Not sure,” I respond. “Once we figure out what’s going on with your wannabe boyfriend, we can figure out the rest from there. I’ll call Detective Reid tomorrow and see what he says.”
Felicity looks off into the distance, her eyes focused on the deep, thick shadows of the forest. Night birds cry out, and there’s a rustling of branches as they flit from tree to tree. Somewhere in the distance, an owl hoots, its low, almost mournful call eerily echoing through the darkness.
She purses her lips. “Yeah, I’m not expecting them to be a lot of help.”
“Yeah, probably best to keep your expectations low,” my voice is grim. “They can’t do a whole lot until this guy really crosses a line.”
“And by then, it might be too late.”
“Well, we’re not going to let that happen. I’ll figure it out and find some way to make this guy go away,” I reassure her. “Trust me, Felicity. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
“I believe you,” she replies, her voice barely more than a whisper.
She turns to me, her gaze locked on mine, and I see something just beneath the surface of those sparkling green eyes. That sense of anticipation saturates the air once more, and in that moment, it feels like there’s a connection building between us. It feels like pieces of some puzzle I never knew existed are falling into place. And I realize I don’t want that moment to end.
Felicity is a gorgeous woman. But I am only now just realizing exactly how physically attracted I am to her. Powerfully so. Just looking at her sends a wave of longing running straight from my chest to my groin. Has since the first day I met her.
I realize too that there’s more to it than that. As I look into her eyes, I feel something below the surface. Something deeper. I don’t know what it is and can’t even come close to defining it but as we stand there, I know that the feeling isn’t just physical longing. Sh
e’s not simply a woman I see as a conquest. It’s been a very long time since I’ve felt this way. The fact that I’m feeling it now leaves me feeling shaken.
Emotions are tricky, complicated, and altogether messy things best left handled by the professionals – and I am most assuredly not one of those.
I clear my throat and look away. “We should probably go inside.”
“Yeah,” she replies softly. “It’s getting chilly.”
I follow her into the cabin and shut the door behind me. Stepping over to a small computer terminal in an alcove near the doorway, I key in the commands to set the locks and alarms.
“What’s that?” she asks from behind me.
“Security system – it secures all of the doors and windows. I’m also setting the perimeter guard – it’s the same sort of laser tripwires we used to secure our camps when I served,” I explain. “If anybody cuts the beams, it sounds an alarm and they’ll wind up getting a nasty surprise.”
“You’re not going to tell me you have like, bombs and missiles, are you?”
I grin. “Would you want to know if I did?”
When the system blinks green, I turn around to find Felicity standing just a few feet behind me. She’s looking at me intently, a curious expression on her face. The tension that had thickened the air outside hangs heavily between us again, her eyes boring into mine as if she’s trying to look directly into my soul.
Her gaze is so direct and penetrating, I find it a little discomforting. It’s almost like I fear she’ll be able to reach in and pull out my secrets. I guard my secrets and play my genuine emotions close to the vest. I don’t allow anybody behind the high walls I’ve constructed around myself. And yet somehow, it feels like she’s tearing them all down with nothing more than a glance.
Feeling a bit off-kilter, I walk over to the fireplace in the sunken living room and start tossing logs in to get a fire going. The nights are still cool out here, even in springtime. From the corner of my eye, I see Felicity take a seat on one of the couches. I turn and give her a smile as I try to gather my wits about me again.
“Can’t have you catching a cold now,” I tell her. “Your agent will never let you out to play again.”
Felicity rolls her eyes and blows out a long breath of air. “Yeah, she’s not your biggest fan.”
I shrug. “No skin off my nose.”
“I gathered as much, by your constant needling of her,” she laughs.
“I don’t mean to put you in a tight spot, but the woman just rubs me wrong.”
“How so?” she asks.
“You sure you want to know?”
“Wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t,” she snaps back.
“Fair enough. I just think she tries to control you too much,” I begin. “Just from the few interactions we’ve all had together, I don’t like the way she treats you. It’s like she tells you when to walk, when to talk, how to think, and when to think it. She controls you like a puppet.”
As the fire catches and gets going, it starts to put off waves of heat, bathing the sunken room in warmth. Felicity slips off her shoes and folds her legs under her on the couch, dropping her hands into her lap and her eyes to her hands.
“It’s really not like that,” she murmurs.
“No?” I press. “How’d your phone call with her go earlier?”
Felicity’s face darkens for a moment and she purses her lips. She doesn’t need to say anything. I can tell just by her body language that Maura tried to force the issue by giving Felicity her marching orders. The fact that she’s still sitting on my couch rather than asking me to take her back to the city tells me that she stood up for herself – something I can tell she doesn’t do very often, when her agent is concerned. Good for her.
“Let’s just say she’s less than thrilled about me being out here in the sticks,” she finally says.
“You mean out here in the sticks with me.”
“Basically,” she relents.
“Best place for you to be until we figure out what to do about this whole deal,” I say. “Not only does nobody know this place exists, but even if they did, you can see ‘em coming for miles around out here.”
“No, it makes sense to me. And I’m grateful to have a place to lay low and relax for a bit,” Felicity says. “Maura thinks it’s a bad idea. She thinks I should come back.”
“Of course she does,” I nod. “Because she wants to control everything you do.”
Felicity looks up. I see some fire in her eyes. “Maura does everything for me. She was also the only one who was willing to take a chance on me,” she puts some heat in her voice as she speaks. “She takes care of me and always has my best interests at heart.”
I nod and rub the back of my head. “I don’t doubt any one part of that,” I tell her. “But you left some really important things out.”
“Such as?”
“Such as, she works for you. She’s paid to have your best interests at heart,” I state. “Without you, without guiding your career on the most prosperous path, she makes less. It’s basic math – the better you do, the better she does.”
“You think I don’t know that?” she pushes back. “I’m not a moron.”
“Never said you were. I didn’t even think it, and I tend to think most people are morons, so be flattered,” I respond. “All I’m saying is that although her intentions may be good, they aren’t exactly altruistic.”
Felicity slips into a silence that’s somewhat thoughtful, somewhat sullen. Maybe I shouldn’t be hammering away at this particular wall too hard at the moment, given all she’s gone through lately, but I have a hard time pulling my punches. Always have. I just tell it like it is.
“Maura’s sometimes demanding, yeah. But everything she does is to advance my career – and yes, I know she benefits from it too,” Felicity finally offers. “In a lot of ways, though, she’s been like a mother figure to me. She’s always there for me.”
And that explains a lot of it – and it’s so simple, I should have seen it myself. Having lost her mother at such a young age, of course she’s going to cling to a strong maternal figure. It makes sense why she’d accept being treated like a child.
I know this is one of those times I need to back off – it’s something Haley’s always getting on me about. Boundaries. As in, I have none. I’d rather tackle a problem head on, dispose of it, and move on rather than let it drag on and fester. But Haley says I need to recognize that other people aren’t like that. I need to realize that other people will dance around an issue until they’re ready to deal with it.
I just have one more thing I want to throw out there for Felicity to consider before I shut up about it.
“The last thing I’m going to say is that Maura works for you, Felicity. You’re the talent in this relationship,” I press. “I don’t doubt she does a lot for you, but at the end of the day, Maura is riding on the coattails of your talent. Your success is your own, and you don’t owe that to anybody. You’re not beholden to her.”
She opens her mouth to speak but then closes it again. It’s as if she never stopped to consider it from that angle before or something. But then she clears her throat and sits up a little straighter, looking at me with a jumble of thoughts and emotions passing across her face. I think I’ve made my point, and I’m smart enough to quit while I’m ahead, so I drop it. For now, anyway.
“I have a fun question,” I start. “Why do you hate me so much?”
“What? I don’t hate you.”
I chuckle. “Sure you do,” I object. “You’ve been throwing attitude at me from the first day we met.”
“I think you’re confusing me with Maura.”
I look at her for a moment, a smile upon my lips. “Hold that thought,” I order. “I think for a conversation like this, we need some liquid fortification.”
I climb the steps and walk to the kitchen and pull a bottle of Merlot out of the rack. I crack it open and pour a couple of glasses before carrying it all
back to the living room. With a smile, I hand her a glass before setting the bottle down on the table, the room cozy and toasty.
Taking a seat on the couch, I raise my glass and touch it to hers. She smiles and thanks me, then we both take a drink. I lean back and throw my arm over the back of the couch casually, eyeing her over the rim of my glass. I take a long swallow and lower my glass again.
“Now, where was I?” I begin. “Oh right, your hatred of me.”
She laughs softly. “I told you that I don’t hate you.”
“You’re more subtle about it than your agent,” I shrug. “But don’t think I don’t catch the barbs and stingers you’ve been throwing at me from day one.”
“Well come on, you have to admit you were pretty obnoxious,” she argues. “You are pretty obnoxious.”
“I don’t deny that in the least,” I say. “It’s part of my charm.”
“Is that what you’re calling it?”
I flash her a grin. “I gotta be me,” I say. “But I get the feeling there’s more to it than that. It seems more – personal.”
Her smile slips slightly, and she looks around my place to distract herself – or maybe me – so she doesn’t have to answer the question. I can see the wheels in her mind spinning like she’s trying to put together some complicated puzzle. I’m not sure what’s going through her head, but it has me curious.
Her cat – Agnes, or whatever the fuck its name is – comes out from wherever it was hiding and jumps into her lap. Felicity smiles as the cat nestles itself down in her lap then starts to idly stroke its fur. She gets this faraway look on her face, as if she’s pondering something really heavy.
“What are you thinking?” I finally ask.
“It’s interesting. This place is beautiful, but it’s a contradiction. I mean, this place somehow reflects your personality,” she observes. “And yet, there isn’t a single personal item in here. No pictures, no diplomas, no nothing.”
“Oh, so you’re profiling me now,” I chuckle.