by Banks, R. R.
I drain the last of my iced tea and the waitress is there in a flash to refill my glass. I give her a smile and wait until she leaves before continuing the conversation.
“Wow. That’s scary, Knox.”
I check my watch and nod. “Very scary,” I reply. “I need to get going. I have to meet with her brother and update him on everything going on. Thanks for lunch.”
“Good luck with that,” she says. “Just don’t forget to set up a meeting with her.”
“I will.”
“I’m going to be on your ass until you do it.”
I laugh. “You have my word.”
“I better.”
“You do,” I say and flash her a grin.
“You have got to be kidding me, man,” I exclaim.
Peter sits behind his desk and grimaces. “I wish I was. Believe me, I really do.”
“She can’t be serious,” I explain to him. “Felicity’s life is in danger.”
“She doesn’t seem to think so,” he tells me.
“Felicity is scared out of her mind.”
Peter shakes his head. “Maura seems to think you’re exacerbating the situation. That your presence makes Felicity more of a target, because in the eyes of a guy like Graham, it makes her more unattainable, which fuels his desire to obtain her.”
“Yeah, of course she does,” I growl. “The Wicked Bitch of the Pacific Northwest and I don’t exactly see eye to eye in regard to keeping Felicity safe.”
“Yeah, I got that impression.”
“Are you really going to take her word for it?” I press.
Peter leans back in his seat and looks down at his hands, fidgeting, stalling as he thinks. As much as I try to tell myself that this is just a job like any other, deep down I know I’m full of shit. I know I’m lying to myself. This isn’t just like any other job. It’s personal. While I take every client’s safety personally, Felicity’s safety is on an entirely different level to me.
I care about her. Which, on one hand, means I should probably step back and have my guys watching her. I can’t be objective when it comes to her, because we’re personally involved. But on the other hand, our personal involvement ensures that I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep her safe.
“It’s not a matter of taking anybody’s word for it, but she does make a solid point,” Peter begins. “If this guy’s psychosis drives him to try to obtain the unobtainable, then having you and your guys surrounding her at all times is like a challenge to him. It’s almost daring him to escalate his behavior.”
“I have to be honest – that sounds like a load of psychobabble bullshit, brother.”
He shrugs. “Understanding the human mind and the way people think – and how those thoughts inform their actions is what I do, Knox.”
“I get it. But I’ve seen enough of these kinds of things to know that leaving your sister out there unprotected is a bad move. The wrong move,” I go on. “A guy like Graham isn’t going to stop. He’s already escalating. I mean, he broke into her place, man.”
“I know and I’m not saying Maura is right. In fact, quite the opposite,” he tells me. “I’m just trying to figure this all out, because there’s so much that makes no sense to me.”
“I’m reasonably sure her agent hates me so much that she’s willing to take the chance this guy won’t actually do something terrible to Felicity just to get me out of her life,” I advise. “Her rationale is based in emotion, not logic.”
He nods. “Yeah, well, that’s quite a gamble to be taking with my sister’s life, given that he’s clearly escalating his behavior already.”
“And when the behavior keeps escalating along the trajectory I see it going, there’s only two outcomes,” I press. “Either he does something stupid and winds up in prison –”
“Or somebody dies,” Peter finishes for me.
“Right.”
He lets out a long breath. “Where is Felicity now?”
“I have a couple of my guys on her, and I’ve got her stashed at one of my safe houses,” I answer. “Until we get this guy off the street, I’ve bumped her up to round-the-clock protection.”
Peter grimaces slightly. “I don’t mean for this to come down to dollars, but I can’t afford that, Knox,” he says. “I figure I can move her into my place for the duration and –”
I hold up my hand to stop him. “You don’t have to worry about it. It’s all square.”
“Knox, I can’t let you –”
I arch my eyebrow at him and grin. “I think I can afford it. So seriously, don’t worry about it,” I assure him. “Keeping Felicity safe is the priority here.”
Peter looks at me for a long moment, his eyes widening slightly as he processes my words. He’s got that same penetrating stare Felicity gets when she’s trying to figure something out, and I know exactly where his train of thought is going. Fuck. The man is too perceptive for my own good. I already know what he’s going to think if he knows the truth. This is one of those moments when my past can rise up to bite me square in the ass.
“You – and Felicity –” he stammers. “Oh shit, Knox. Really?”
I purse my lips and know I have a decision to make – do I tell him the truth or lie to him? He knows my dating history and knows my track record with women is less than stellar. I know I’ve hurt a few in my past, and given how protective of his sister he is, that’s not going to score any points for me.
“I care about her,” I tell him flatly, deciding to be honest.
“You care about her?”
I nod. “Yeah, I do. It’s a real kick in the nuts to hear that come out of my mouth, but it’s true,” I go on. “Felicity is an amazing woman.”
“Which explains why you’re so keen on staying on her protection detail.”
“I’ve got a vested interest in making sure she’s safe,” I explain. “That should actually be more reassuring to you, since you know it’s personal to me.”
“It should, but it doesn’t,” he tells me honestly.
He sighs, starts to pick the imaginary lint off his slacks. I can tell he disapproves. Given the charred and wrecked-out husks that litter the road of my love life, I can’t necessarily say I blame him. He’s worried about his sister. I get it.
But whatever this thing is between Felicity and I is different. It’s making me see, think, and most importantly, feel differently. There’s a genuine connection there that runs a lot deeper than simply what’s under her panties. I care about her – which isn’t something I’ve ever been able to say about anybody I’ve been with in my life. Not even Haley, if I’m being truly honest with myself.
I don’t know where it’s going – or if it’s going anywhere – but I know I’d be cheating myself if I didn’t explore it. All I can do is hope it doesn’t cost me my friendship with Peter.
“Anyway, I’m going to go down and talk to the detective on the case,” I tell him. “See if there’s anything we can do that we haven’t thought of.”
Peter nods absently, then looks up at me. “Don’t hurt her, Knox,” he says. “You’re both adults. I can’t stop you from seeing each other. But if you hurt her, I’m going to kill you.”
“I hear you,” is all I can think to say. I know how serious he is, too.
“I mean it. You of all people know what my sister means to me.”
“I do.”
“And I also know the way you treat the women in your life,” he growls. “Haley being the exception to the rule.”
I lean forward and look hard at him, growing frustrated. I understand his concern, given my past. But the fact that he’s using it to batter me now is pissing me off. That he can’t see I’m not the same man today I was years ago, pisses me off.
“Your entire career is built on the idea that people can change. You shepherd them along and try to be an agent of that change, right?” I push back. “You try to change the way people think. Change the way they see themselves, other people, and how they interact with the wor
ld, right?”
“Of course,” his voice is cold.
“Then why is impossible to believe that maybe I’ve changed?” I question. “Why is it impossible to believe that I’m not the piece of shit I used to be, and that I genuinely care about Felicity?”
Peter doesn’t say anything for a long moment. He just sits there looking down at the top of his desk. I can see his mind working, and know he’s trying to force himself to see me in a different way. I can also see that it’s just not working for him. Finally, he looks up. His face is a jumble of emotions.
“She’s my sister, Knox,” he pleads. “I’d do anything for her.”
I’ve had enough of this. I get to my feet before I say or do something, I know I’ll regret later. Right now, I just need to get away from Peter, because his belief that I can’t change – when he spends his days telling others they can – lights a bonfire of anger and resentment deep within me.
I lean over his desk and stare straight into his eyes. “I know she’s your sister. And guess what? I’d do anything for her as well.”
Without waiting for a reply, I turn around and walk out of his office, closing the door behind me a little harder than necessary.
Felicity
“So, your brother isn’t a big fan of us seeing each other,” Knox says, dropping down onto the couch beside me.
“I’m not surprised. He’s not going to be happy with anybody I’m seeing,” I reply. “He’d probably find fault with the Pope.”
“He just worries about you. I get it.”
I snuggle up closer to Knox and smile when he puts his arm around me. I let myself sink into the warm, comforting depths of his embrace and let the emotions wash over me. It seems crazy to think that in such a short span of time that this man has come to mean so much to me. That there is no place I’d rather be than in his arms.
Knox presses himself against me and places a gentle kiss on the top of my head. He’d come back to the apartment he’s keeping me in and sent his guy home for the night. In a way, being with him in the evenings like this, after he’s come home from a day of work, feels almost – domestic. And the really scary thing is that it doesn’t feel wrong. In fact, as terrifying as it is to even contemplate, in a lot of ways, it feels incredibly right.
“Maura’s worried about me, too.”
“And I have the added bonus of her hating me,” he quips.
“This is true,” I smile. “Everybody worries about me. It’s exhausting.”
“So, what are we going to do? Your brother and agent don’t want us together,” he wonders aloud.
I shrug. “I think the only thing that matters is what you and I want to do,” I tell him. “I don’t think they get a vote in this.”
He looks at me with an inscrutable expression on his face, but a small grin on his lips.
“What is that look for?” I elbow him in the side.
“I’m just glad to see you standing up for yourself,” he responds.
“I stand up for myself all the time,” I object.
He shrugs. “With a lot of people, sure. Just never with Maura.”
“Well that’s just not true.”
“It’s very true,” he grins. “And you know it.”
I sigh and lay my head down on his chest. He’s right, as much as it galls me to admit it. Finally standing up to Maura and asserting what I want feels good. It feels liberating. It’s causing a friction between us that’s never been there before, but I’m seeing it’s simply because I’ve let her run roughshod over me. Because I’ve never stood up for myself.
My hope is that with some time, she’ll see that Knox isn’t the demon she thinks he is, and the friction between us right now will fade. I’m hoping that if she sees that I’m truly happy, she’ll lighten up and things can go back to the way they were.
“So, now that the cat’s out of the bag and all, do we have to keep sneaking around?” Knox asks. “Or can I take you for a nice evening out?”
I give him a warm smile. “A nice evening out sounds wonderful.”
I hate that we’ve had to sneak around the way we have been, but I’d thought it was necessary just to keep Maura and Peter off our backs. But Knox is right, now that the cat’s out of the bag and the people I wanted to keep from knowing now know, there’s no point in hiding away anymore.
Of course, the other reason for staying in every night has nothing to do with Peter or Maura. Thankfully, we haven’t seen or heard from Elliott Graham since the night he broke in, but that doesn’t mean he’s not still out there. Knox certainly seems to think he is, and his concern about it worries me. But I trust him to keep Elliott away from me.
“Well, I think I need a shower before we go out,” Knox announces. “I want to look pretty for you.”
I laugh and plant a kiss on Knox’s cheek. “Off with you. Clean yourself up.”
“Yes ma’am.”
I watch as he stands and heads for the shower, my eyes lingering on the tight ass that fills out those jeans so nicely. God, he’s a beautiful man. I have to admit, even though the bubble we lived in up at his lakeside cabin has popped, being with Knox still has a fairy-tale feel to it. Everything just seems so perfect. Amazing. I’ve never felt the sort of emotion I’m feeling before in my life.
The way I feel about Knox is overwhelming. But the way he makes me not just see but feel about myself is even more so. I’ve never felt so comfortable with myself before. He makes me feel beautiful. Desirable. He makes me feel sexy. When he looks at me, he makes me feel like the only woman in the world.
The high I’m riding terrifies me only because I know the fall could be devastating. To have opened myself up like this, and have it all come crashing down around me, would crush me. I know that. But Knox is making me understand that we only have this moment to live for. That passing on something that could be great because you’re scared is the same as not living at all. Nothing great can be attained without some risk.
I’ve lived too long scared of my own shadow. I’ve never opened myself up to anybody the way I have with Knox. It’s terrifying but exhilarating in ways I never imagined possible. I’ve opened myself up to Knox in ways I never thought I could open up to anybody. And I believe Knox when he says the same.
And that makes it worth the risk to me.
I get up off the couch and wander into the bedroom, trying to figure out what I’m going to wear tonight. It’s been so long since I’ve been on an actual date, I don’t even know where to start. I want to look nice, but not too dressy. Casual but not too dressed-down. I rummage through what I have, trying to pick something and grumble under my breath.
As I stand before the closet, looking through all of my clothes, the sound of the water running draws my attention. I think about his strong body naked, the water running all over his tightly corded muscles, and feel the embers of my lust stirring inside of me.
A devious smile touching my lips, I slip out of my yoga pants and sweatshirt, tossing them carelessly on the bed. Once I’m naked, I turn and walk to the bathroom, silently opening the door and stepping inside. Clouds of steam billow out of the shower, filling the room. I close the door behind me, taking care to be quiet.
The glass walls of the shower are steamed over, but I can make out Knox’s form through the fog and feel the lust in me starting to boil over. I can’t keep the smile off my lips as I make my way across the bathroom and gently pull open the shower door. Slipping inside, I press my body to Knox’s hard, chiseled frame and wrap my arms around his waist. The water washes the soap off his body and down the drain.
“What took you so long?” he chuckles.
“Shut up and kiss me.”
Knox turns around and pushes me up against the tile of the shower wall, pinning me with his body. As the warm spray of water rains down over us, he leans down and kisses me, his tongue sliding roughly into my mouth. The force and passion of his kiss nearly steals my breath. He pulls back and looks into my eyes, his gaze smoldering and seductive.
My entire body shudders.
My God, I can’t even comprehend the effect this man has on me. I’m dripping wet, and it has nothing to do with the warm water spraying down over us.
When he kisses me again, I force my tongue into his mouth, matching his intensity. Reaching down, I take his cock into my hand, squeezing him tight at the base. Knox leans his head back, eyes closed, and lets out a moan of absolute pleasure as I start to run my hand up and down his shaft, stroking him hard.
“Jesus, Felicity,” he gasps.
Never breaking eye contact with him, I sink to my knees. I run my tongue down one side of his rigid shaft and up the other, relishing the feel of his body stiffening beneath my touch. I take the head of his cock into my mouth, swirling my tongue around it and drawing a groan from him. Squeezing his shaft, I start to work my hand and mouth in unison, sucking and stroking with a ferocity born of the passion and lust this man inspires within me.
I feel Knox’s body tighten. He runs his hands through my hair, gently pulling on it as I work his cock with absolute fervor. I love feeling the reactions I’m drawing out of him. It gives me a sense of power and control that gets me increasingly hot. He starts to move his hips, but I use my other hand to stop him. Slipping his cock out of my mouth, I squeeze it tight, making him gasp and look him in the eye.
“This is my show,” I inform him with a salacious smile.
He grins down at me. “Yes ma’am. Do your thing.”
I swallow his hard cock again and pick up where I left off. I work my hand and mouth up and down his rigid length with a wild abandon that has him moaning in ecstasy. The rush of power flowing through me is almost as satisfying as any orgasm.
I said almost.
Knox’s breathing is ragged, and his entire body is trembling. He takes a step back and with a nervous grin shakes his head.
“No way. Not yet,” he gasps.
He turns the water off and pulls me to my feet. Knox leads me to the bedroom, picks me up, and throws me on the bed. I immediately scramble back off and put my hands on his chest, giving him a good shove. He laughs, letting himself fall backward onto the soft mattress. He reaches up, trying to pull me down on top of him, but I pull my hands away, laughing.