“Then you had best go share it with her,” Mr. Gray said with a motion toward the dowager house across the street.
Gabriel nodded, gave the man a smile and then bolted for the entrance to the park. It was time. Finally time to give in to emotion.
And even though it was so very foreign to him, it felt so very right.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“What do you mean she’s not here?” Gabriel asked, spinning on his mother as his world seemed to crash around him. “She’s not leaving until tomorrow. She can’t leave on her own, without even saying goodbye!”
Lady Woodley moved across the parlor, her eyes wide, and he understood why. She had never seen him like this. Hell, he had never been like this. But if Juliet was gone…well, he would have to go find her. He would have to follow her with the same dogged determination he had used in his quest for Claire. He just wouldn’t give up.
That was all there was to it.
“Juliet hasn’t left London, darling,” his mother said, grasping his arm and giving it a comforting squeeze. “And how do you know that is her plan? You only just arrived, banging through my door.”
Gabriel scrubbed a hand through his hair. “Her father.”
Lady Woodley’s fell for just a moment and her lower lip trembled as she said, “I see.”
In that moment, Gabriel was able to recognize what Juliet had been telling him all along. Lady Woodley loved Jed Gray. And for some reason she was losing him for the second time. He felt her pain keenly in that moment, for he felt the same crushing loss in his own chest. He could not imagine experiencing it more than once.
He reached for her, taking her hand and she glanced up at him in surprise. “Mama,” he began. “What can I do?”
She blinked up at him and then shook her head. “Nothing, darling. My situation will work itself out and I promise I will be very happy if I see you happy.”
“But—”
“Juliet went to the residence of the Duke and Duchess of Hartholm just a few moments before you arrived,” she interrupted. “Her Grace went into labor a few weeks early, nothing to be concerned about, but Juliet had promised Serafina that she would stand as midwife for the birth.”
Relief rushed through Gabriel at that announcement. Juliet had not left him. She was still in London. There was still time. But the relief was tempered with concern.
“Juliet went to do such a trying task so soon after she was injured?”
“I said the same thing, but she was determined. Helping others is as firmly in her blood as studying is in yours, my love. You will never change that.”
“I would never want to.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “And she will return.”
She nodded. “All her things are there and her father, so I have no doubt she will come back.”
“Then I’ll wait.”
He crossed the room and slowly turned one of the chairs so it faced out into the hallway. He took his place. Yes, from here he could see into the foyer and would know the moment Juliet returned.
Lady Woodley stepped toward him. “My love, it could be very late when she comes back. Depending on the difficulty of the birth, it could even be tomorrow morning before we see her again.”
He folded his arms. “I know. And I shall wait.”
His mother opened her mouth, but shut it again. Then she threw up her hands and pulled up a chair beside him. “I will help you pass the time. At least for a little while.”
He smiled as he reached out to cover her hand. “So, Mama. Tell me about when you first met Jed Gray…”
Juliet bobbed her head at the driver of the Duke of Hartholm’s carriage and smiled. The man looked tired, but as happy as the rest of the household had been when she left them.
“I’ll wait until you’re safely inside, miss,” he said with a nod. “And our thanks from the entire staff.”
She blushed. “Goodnight.”
As she edged up to the door, she yawned. It had been past two-thirty in the morning when she left a very happy Duke and Duchess of Hartholm and their newest arrival, a daughter whom they had sweetly named Matilda Juliet. Now it was close to three and her body was reminding her that she had been injured just over two days before. She was exhausted.
The door opened and Mr. Vernon was revealed. He was wearing a dressing gown and a nightcap and held a candle as he smiled in greeting.
“Good evening, Miss Gray. Welcome home.”
She flinched ever so slightly at the greeting. Riding here she had been reminding herself this place wasn’t home, but in this foyer it was hard to remember that.
“Thank you, Vernon,” she said as she allowed him to take her coat, gloves and the valise where she kept her medical instruments and salves.
“The mother and baby are well?” he asked.
She smiled at his kind attention. “Oh yes, a beautiful girl. Very healthy, and the duchess is going to fully recover.”
Actually, she had never had a better patient than Serafina. The duchess had been kind, gentle, even funny during her labor, and the duke was as warm as he was handsome. As Juliet had assisted in the birth of their second child, she had also been unable to avoid seeing their great love and respect for each other. It had warmed her heart, but also stung it. It reminded her that she and Gabriel could never come to such an accord.
“I’ll go to bed now, Vernon,” she said. “Perhaps someone could tell my father that I got home very late and we should delay our return trip to Idleridge for a day?”
She sighed as she made her request. Another day here was only going to make leaving harder. But she had to leave. For her sake. For Gabriel’s.
“Of course, miss, but…” Vernon trailed off and looked behind her. “Er, you have a visitor, miss.”
Her brows knitted together. “I’m sorry, I must be very tired. I thought you said I had a visitor.”
“Yes.”
“At three in the morning,” she said.
He nodded. “Yes. He is waiting for you in the parlor.”
The butler motioned to the door behind her and she shook her head. “All right. But please, Vernon, do go to bed. I will see whoever it is out and be certain the doors are firmly locked.”
The butler’s relief was clear. “Yes, miss. Good night.”
She turned toward the parlor with a great breath. She couldn’t imagine who would be waiting for her there in the middle of the night. Actually, well past the middle of the night. Practically the morning. In just an hour and a half, the staff would begin to rise again, preparing for a new day.
She moved slowly into the room and stopped. The fire had begun to burn down so the light was rather low, but there, slumped in a chair facing the foyer was Gabriel. And he was sound asleep. In that state, his normally stern face was far more relaxed and youthful. And her heart stuttered.
God, how she loved him.
But after hearing his harsh words—well, now it would be two long days ago, considering the very late hour—she was not happy to see him. He must have come to confront her. To tell her he was angry, perhaps to demand she leave. She could hardly bear the thought.
Couldn’t she just leave him as he was? Go upstairs and pretend she hadn’t seen him here?
“No,” she whispered as she edged closer to him. “It will only put off the confrontation until tomorrow. At least now, with the household asleep, it will be a private dressing down.”
And then she could cry. And sleep until her body forced her to wake and cry some more. And then she would go home.
She reached out to him, smiling through her pain, and touched his cheek with the back of her hand. His eyes flew open at the touch and he lunged to his feet. She staggered back in her surprise.
“I’m sorry,” she burst out. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
He stared at Juliet for a brief second and then grabbed her, pulling her against his chest in a hug that took her off guard. She shivered as she breathed in his
familiar scent and let her arms come around him to squeeze. His body felt so good against hers. And in his arms she felt so safe, so loved.
An illusion.
“How long have you been here?” she asked.
“Since ten.”
“Ten tonight?” she asked, trying to pull back in surprise, but he held her steady.
“No. Ten yesterday morning. Though I suppose I have only been waiting in this chair since noon.”
“Gabriel!” she burst out.
“The baby?” he asked into her hair.
She could hardly breathe thinking of him being here waiting for her for more than fifteen hours. He must truly want to confront her. But she would put off that moment as long as she could.
“The baby is beautiful,” she said, leaning back to smile up at him.
He looked around the room and seemed to notice how dark it was for the first time. “It must be very late. Why didn’t the Hartholms have you stay?”
“Oh, they offered,” she assured him. “Very kindly. But I-I wanted to come home—to come here. After all…” She finally was able to pull from his arms gently. “I have much to prepare for if my father and I are to leave soon.”
Gabriel dropped his arms to his sides and his face became hard and unreadable in the firelight. “Ah. So you still intend to return to Idleridge so far in advance of your earlier plans.”
She nodded. He didn’t act surprised, so his mother or her father must have informed him of that fact at some point during the day.
“I think I must, don’t you?” she asked, taking another step away from him. She rested her hand on the back of a chair close by and absently ran fingers over the soft fabric as a way to soothe herself.
“Why?” he asked.
She shook her head as she stared at the floor. “I-I know that Howe escaped because you had to dive into the Thames after me. I am the reason you lost him. Lost any chance you had to question him about Claire. And I’m sorry, Gabriel.”
“Look at me.” His tone brooked no refusal and she lifted her chin to meet his eyes once more. They were locked on hers immediately, and as always she was lost in them. “Do you really think I blame you for his getting away?”
“If I hadn’t come to your home early,” she said. “I wouldn’t have stumbled upon his cohorts and I wouldn’t have been taken. Without me in the way, you might have had a chance.”
“I blame myself for that, Juliet, not you.”
She bit her lip. “But I heard you in the hallway that afternoon. I know you were angry with me.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know what you think you heard me say, but I was never angry at you. I hated myself that day for what my obsession had nearly done to you. And because I had forced myself to be blind to the truth.”
“What was the truth?” she asked.
He sighed. “I foolishly involved you in dangerous business. I told myself that it was for some greater good, but in truth it was only for my own selfish reasons.”
“Finding your sister and saving her from those men is not selfish,” she whispered.
He moved toward her a step. “That isn’t why I involved you.” His voice was very soft. Very even.
She blinked. “Then—then why?”
He ignored the question. “When I saw you go under the water, Juliet, with your hands tied and unconscious so there was no chance you would survive, I nearly died.”
“But neither of us died,” she said, wanting so much to close the shrinking gap between them but not willing to take that risk when she knew she would lose him soon. “You saved me.”
He shifted in discomfort. “This is so hard for me. You would think words would be easy, but they aren’t. Not when they are attached to emotions that are all but foreign.”
She shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
“You asked me a moment ago why I involved you in my search if it wasn’t to use your considerable talents to find Claire.”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“And the reason I did it…” He took a long breath and his voice shook. “…the reason I did it was because I love you, Juliet.”
Her ears were ringing again. She gripped the seat back she had been stroking and stared at him. “I—what?”
“I didn’t know it at the time, but I felt it. This nagging connection to you that woke me in the night. I tried to name it desire and it is that, for I want you so badly. But it was more than that then and it is more than that now. I love you, Juliet.”
Tears stung her eyes as she continued to stare at him. He looked very uncomfortable saying these things. But he didn’t look like he was lying. He held her stare evenly, his hand didn’t tremble, nor did his voice.
“What?” she repeated, and she knew it was stupidly.
“You continue to ask me that. Was your hearing damaged in the river?”
There was an unexpected smile in his voice and she blinked in confusion. “You are teasing me right now?”
He shrugged. “I suppose I am. But not about how I feel.”
She steadied herself as best she could. “I am repeating myself over and over because I cannot believe this is happening. I’m beginning to believe that I fell asleep on the way back from the Hartholm’s and this is just a dream.”
He said nothing, but closed the gap between them in two long steps. He cupped her chin in one hand and tilted her face up. His lips came down on hers, soft at first, but then with more possessive claiming. His tongue breached her, and he drank her in like she was wine and he dying of thirst. She couldn’t help it—she gripped his lower arms tightly, clinging to him as she returned his kiss with heated hunger and emotion.
He drew back at last, putting his arms around her to hold her as he asked, “Have I ever done that in a dream?”
She laughed softly. “Oh yes, many times. That and so much more.”
His eyes lit up with desire at that admission and she thought he might give in to it. But instead, he smiled at her. “I love you, Juliet. In dreams or awake. And I want to marry you.”
Her knees buckled, and he supported her weight until she could regain her footing.
“You want to marry me?”
“Repetition again,” he laughed. “You are perfectly in control of your faculties, Juliet, I assure you. Yes, I want to marry you, but only if you will be fool enough to have a man like me.”
Her eyes went wide. “A man like you? You mean a brilliant, wonderful man like you? Oh, such a difficult choice, my lord.”
He didn’t smile at her quip. “A man like me. With whatever limitations I possess. A man like me, who needs you as much as he loves you. You balance me out. You make me whole. It is a lot to ask.”
She shook her head. “It is asking nothing, Gabriel. I watched Serafina and Rafe tonight as they worked together to make sure their baby came into this world. When she was weak, he was her strength. When he was nervous, she soothed him. Balance is what good spouses do best.”
“So will you marry me?”
Her mind still buzzed from the shock of this night, of the past few days all put together. But there was one thing she knew even though everything was upside down. And it was finally time she shared it.
“Yes,” she whispered. “I will marry you. But only because I need and love you just as much as you say you do me. Actually the reason I was early to your home the day I was taken was because I needed to tell you just that.”
He looked very solemn despite the fact she had just agreed to be his bride. “Your love nearly got you killed,” he said softly. Then he tilted her mouth up toward his again. “We had better make it worth it.”
He brushed his lips to hers and she lifted into him. This time he wouldn’t stop. She knew it. She felt it in his kiss and his touch. She knew it because he loved her and she loved him and finally their future was resolved.
She smiled against his lips, and he drew back. “Are you laughing?” he asked.
; “Yes,” she said. “Because I’ve just realized that I’m yours. Really yours.”
He stared at her a moment, and the passionate desire she’d seen and felt earlier seemed to double. “Yes. Finally you really will be mine. In every way.”
He released her and moved to the door, shutting and locking it in one smooth motion. Then he returned to her, his mouth hot and heavy on hers as he started to strip open the buttons on the back of her dress.
She arched against him, needy for him after everything they had endured. He didn’t make her wait. He pulled her dress down around her hips, pushed it to the floor and then removed her chemise along with it. She toed off her slippers and rolled down her stockings as he took off his shirt and trousers.
She shivered looking at him. He was so beautiful. So impossibly, wonderfully beautiful, and he was hers. Only hers. She was his first lover and until the day she left this world, she would be his last, for she had no question when it came to his fidelity.
Men like Gabriel stuck.
He put his arms around her then, his mouth on hers as he guided her to the settee. He sat there and urged her to straddle over him. She did so with pleasure, though they did not join their bodies just yet.
He cupped her breasts in his hands, lifting them so he could use the tip of his tongue to trace circles around first one nipple and then the other. She let out a garbled moan and arched her hips, dragging her wet sex across his hard cock. The action made them both shudder.
“I want to wait,” he gasped as he glanced up at her above him. “But God, I need you.”
“I need you,” she whispered as she positioned herself over him. “Now.”
She lowered herself until the head of his cock breached her. They both sighed in tandem as she took him inch by inch into her waiting body. He stretched her until she was full and his hands dropped from her breasts to her hips, cupping her as he filled her to the hilt.
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