***
“It was a good movie,” Tai said as Piper drove them home. He’d really enjoyed the evening. It was nice to go out for a meal he didn’t have to cook for a change, and to do something normal with Piper.
“Yeah,” she said without her usual enthusiasm.
He frowned. There was something wrong. “Didn’t you like it?”
She shrugged. “It didn’t really grab me.” There was indifference in her tone, which he’d never heard before. In fact Piper had been very quiet since they left the restaurant.
“You can choose next time,” he said. He’d not actually asked what types of movies she liked. He glanced at her.
“Thanks.” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.
Alarmed at her lack of response, he asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I’m a little tired.”
He’d never been in the car with Piper when she hadn’t filled the drive with conversation, except for that first time on the reservation when they didn’t know each other. Even tonight at the restaurant she’d been asking him questions about his family. Questions he didn’t want to answer because it was so hard to explain how he felt about his parents even now.
And when he hadn’t answered, she’d stopped asking. Stopped talking at all. And he’d been too relieved to realize.
They pulled into his driveway. Piper tapped her hand on the steering wheel. “I won’t stay tonight,” she said. “It’s late and I need to get an early start tomorrow to get to the reservation.”
“Staying here saves half an hour off your trip,” he said. But if she stayed he might have to tell her about his parents. Did he want to go into his past now?
No. He never wanted to go there.
He sighed. She’d been so open with him about her family, it was only fair that he tell her about his. He took a deep breath and covered her hand on the steering wheel. “I don’t talk about my parents to anyone.”
Hurt flashed across her face before she masked it. “Why not?”
He couldn’t have this conversation in the car. It was too small, too crowded. He needed fresh air and space. “Will you come out the back with me?”
She hesitated and then turned off the engine.
He led her through the house and out onto the lawn, moving to the trees. He sat down and pulled her down next to him.
Silence descended. Where did he start? He hated talking about his parents, but he wanted Piper to understand why. He wanted her to understand him, because she’d come to mean so much to him.
Which meant he had to tell her the whole story.
Taking a deep breath he steeled himself. “My father suffered from depression like Jerry. Some days he was fine and he’d play with Adahy and me, and have a good time, and other days it was so bad we couldn’t get any response from him. On those days we’d go over to Ka’ sa’s place.” He paused. “Dad couldn’t work because of the depression, so Mom did. She worked long hours and we only saw her in the evenings and on the weekends.” He used to love her warm hugs and the way she’d read them stories before they went to bed.
“As I got older I recognized when Dad was going into his depressive phases so I’d tell Ka’ sa’, and do my best to be good and take care of Adahy so we wouldn’t bother him. We used to play him songs to cheer him up.” At three, Adahy had picked up their father’s guitar and started playing. It was much too big for him but it hadn’t mattered. It was the one thing that halted the depression for a while. His father would show Adahy how to strum the strings and where to put his fingers so he got different notes.
“One day he was worse than usual. I wanted to stay home from school but he made me go. I made him a card during class, and ran home during the lunch break to give it to him.”
Images flashed across his mind, bright and colorful.
Pushing open the door, calling for his dad.
Seeing the foot sticking out from behind the sofa.
Moving around and seeing blood, so much blood.
Recognizing his father’s shirt because he couldn’t recognize his face.
Tai squeezed his eyes shut.
Piper’s arm came around him and he leaned in to her, drawing strength from her comfort.
He swallowed the lump in his throat.
“I found him,” he said finally, his voice dull. “He’d shot himself.”
Chapter 15
Piper gasped.
Tai remembered so clearly the confusion, the panic and then the revulsion. At first he’d tried to wake his father but he hadn’t responded and Tai had got the sticky blood on him. He rubbed his hands against his shorts now as if it were still there.
“I eventually ran to Ka’ sa’s. I didn’t want to leave him but I couldn’t remember her phone number.” His mind had gone completely blank, but the one thing he’d known was he couldn’t let Adahy see their father like that.
“Ka’ sa’ took over. It must have been just as horrific for her.”
Piper brushed away tears on his cheeks he hadn’t realized were there.
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have made you relive that.” Her voice was full of sorrow.
He drew in a shaky breath. “I want you to know about me.” He kissed her hand. “It’s just my childhood wasn’t as happy as yours. It’s hard for me to talk about.”
“I understand now.”
If he was baring his soul he should keep going. He didn’t want to go through this twice. “Mom was absolutely devastated. They loved each other so much and he’d left her. She went to pieces and hadn’t the strength to comfort us, so we moved in with Ka’ sa’. I thought she was sending me away because she blamed me. I should have stayed home and been with Dad. He wouldn’t have done it if I’d been there.”
“You know that’s not true,” Piper said.
“I do now. It took me a long time to realize it.” He spent years blaming himself, no matter what his grandmother said. Years of feeling like he’d killed his father. “After her initial grieving, Mom started working weekends and I thought it was because she didn’t want to be with us. Later Ka’ sa’ told me it had been her way of coping. If she kept busy, she didn’t have to remember her husband had killed himself.” He sighed. “We haven’t been close since I was eight. When I was old enough to understand the suicide wasn’t my fault, I blamed her for deserting us.” He played with one of Piper’s earrings. “We’ve been strangers for so long and it wasn’t until I saw your family photos the other night that I realized how much I was missing out on. But it’s probably too late to fix it.”
“Do you want to repair your relationship?” Piper asked.
He shrugged. He’d resented her for so long. He wasn’t sure there was enough icing to fill those holes. “When I saw your photos I remembered the time before Dad died when we were a happy family. I miss that.”
Adahy had always climbed into their mother’s lap as soon as she finally got home. Tai hadn’t been able to do that. He hadn’t been able to forget it was his grandmother he’d run to and his grandmother who had dried his tears, comforted him and pushed aside her own grief for his.
He would always be indebted to her.
“Maybe you could invite her to dinner one day when Adahy and Rayen are free. See how it goes.”
“Maybe.” It seemed like an insurmountable chasm to cross and he was scared of taking the first step.
Piper got up and pulled him to his feet, wrapping her arms around him. “You are an incredible person,” she said. “You have achieved so much after such a horrific experience. You’re so strong, Tai.” She kissed him slowly and he drew comfort from her lips. “If you want to fix things with your mom, I’ll be by your side the whole way.”
He held her tightly. Somehow she knew the right things to say. And the thought of her by his side did give him courage. “I’ll check everyone’s schedule.”
They walked back to the house hand in hand.
He felt a little bit lighter having told her his story. She’d not judged him for bloc
king out his mother and she hadn’t pitied him for finding his father: she’d just been there for him, a silent support.
He appreciated it.
He hadn’t realized how much he’d kept to himself until Piper came along. Hadn’t realized how much he needed to show the tribe he was strong and he could help them.
“What time are you leaving in the morning?” he asked as they entered his bedroom.
“Around seven.”
“Who are you meeting with?”
She told him the names. Some of them were likely to give her a little bit of trouble. “A couple of guys had really bad childhoods. They don’t like or trust white people,” he said.
Piper nodded. “Eyota explained. I’ll do my best to convince them that the point of the interviews is to preserve their culture, not destroy or appropriate it. But I’ll play it by ear.”
He hadn’t considered Piper’s skin color when he asked her to help him with his cookbook. He’d known she would do a great job, but the elders had had bad experiences with white men. It was too late now. He would see how Piper went over the next couple of days and, if she didn’t have any luck, he’d talk with the elders when he went down on Sunday.
Climbing into bed he pulled Piper close. He needed to hold her.
“Sweet dreams,” she said, kissing him softly.
“Good night.”
He fell asleep almost instantly with her in his arms.
***
Piper had a fair quota of nerves bubbling around in her stomach when she arrived on the reservation the next day. Eyota had explained that some of the oldest members on the reservation had not only been taken away to boarding school and punished for practicing their culture, but had also been cheated by oil companies who said they had their best interest at heart. They didn’t trust easily.
Eyota came out to greet her when she arrived. “We’ve got time for an iced tea before the first meeting,” she said. “I want to ask you what you said to Bradley on Sunday. He was much happier yesterday.”
“I didn’t really say much,” Piper said, surprised. She placed her bag next to the sofa and went through to the kitchen. “We talked about feeling guilty and he explained to me it wasn’t my fault for what happened to Rayen. It might have triggered that it wasn’t his fault with Jerry.”
“Well, I thank you for it. I was really worried about him. He’s talking more now, and while he’s still got a way to go, it’s a step in the right direction.” Eyota poured the tea. “Now tell me, why are you helping Tai with his cookbook?”
Piper blinked. It wasn’t a question she’d expected. “He asked me to, and I’ve got the time.”
Eyota tilted her head down and frowned. “So if you had been working, you wouldn’t have helped him?”
“No, it’s not that. I wouldn’t have been able to dedicate the time to it that I can now, but I would have helped anyway.”
“Why?”
What answer was Eyota expecting from her? “Because it’s Tai’s goal and I want to help him however I can. I’m genuinely interested in his cultural heritage. I don’t know much at all about the tribes.”
Tai’s grandmother nodded as if satisfied. “There may be stories the elders aren’t willing to tell.”
“That’s fine. I can’t make them say anything they don’t want to say. What we do include in the cookbook is going to need to be relevant anyway. Stories about hunting and gathering or about cultural celebrations are likely to lead to dishes made as a result of those things.”
“Will you only record the relevant things?” Eyota asked.
Piper had been considering that. She had no idea what information she would gather from the interviews, but she wanted to record everything. She could also write some articles about what she’d learned if the tribe agreed to it. “I’ll take down everything,” she said. “If there’s enough, I could even collate all the stories and put copies in the general store for everyone to access.”
“I have bigger plans than that,” Eyota told her. “I want my tribe’s history and stories recorded and published so the whole world can read them. I’d like you to consider turning what you learn into a book for us. If you agree, I’ll get Tai to draw up a similar ghost-writing contract for you with me.”
Piper blinked. The idea thrilled her. “I’d love to,” she said. “What kind of structure were you thinking of?”
Eyota handed her a piece of paper with a chapter outline on it. She was prepared.
Piper scanned it. “This looks great. I might need to add a few more questions to my list.” She scribbled down some notes.
“I’m pleased you agreed. I want someone who would come with an open mind, but not be blind to our failings – a fresh pair of eyes. You’ll be great. Now, we’d better get going if we’re going to be on time.”
As Piper followed Eyota out to the car she thought she might have passed a test.
***
They wrapped up the interviews before school ended for the day so they were at home when Bradley arrived. The first two had gone well, with those elders more than happy to chat about their culture and everything they knew. The last one was a little trickier. Piper suspected Eyota had chosen the most open-minded people first so as to ease Piper into it gently. The last man, Stan, was the tribe’s chief. He was grumpy and doing the interview because Eyota had sweet-talked him. “If this wasn’t for Tai, I wouldn’t invite you into my home,” he told Piper with a glare.
“I appreciate your time,” she said.
He harrumphed and proceeded to grumble about the white man for a bit before Eyota brought him back on topic. He refused to let Piper record his voice or take notes, so she sat back and gave him her undivided attention.
The man had a memory like a steel trap. He remembered dates, names and specific details from more than fifty years ago. Piper itched to write it down. Her recall wasn’t so good. Instead she listened, asked questions and tried to commit as much as she could to memory.
When they left his house, she got out her laptop and furiously typed as much as she could remember while Eyota drove home.
Eyota laughed. “Give him a few more sessions with you and you’ll win him over. Then he’ll let you record him. You asked some good questions and, though he won’t acknowledge it to you, he will keep it in mind.”
It was good to know, but still she captured what she could.
They pulled up to the house as Bradley arrived home.
“Hi, Piper.” He stood back, a little unsure.
Piper opened her arms. “Hi. Don’t I get a hug?”
He smiled and hugged her, squeezing tightly. “You’re staying tonight, aren’t you?”
“Sure am.”
“You want to go swimming in the lake?”
Piper paused. She had the rest of her notes to write down, but there was so much hope in his eyes. “Do you have any homework?”
“Some math.”
Piper glanced at Eyota.
“You two can go to the lake as long as you’re home by five. Then Bradley can do his homework.”
“All right!” Bradley said and ran inside to change.
“He does seem happier today,” Piper said.
“You’re kind to go with him. I know how much you want to write your notes. I’ll record what I remember while you’re at the lake,” she said.
“Thank you.” Piper went inside to change, and then she and Bradley walked down to the lake.
There were already a few kids swimming. She waved to those she recognized.
“One day I’m going to swim across the whole lake,” Bradley said.
It was a very big lake. “That’s a great goal. How far can you swim now?”
“Not very. I get tired and have to come back.” He hunched his shoulders.
“Do you ever have a rest and float?”
“I don’t know how to float,” he said.
It was the first thing her mother had taught her when she was learning to swim. If she turned over and floated on her ba
ck, she’d be able to rest until she had the energy to swim back.
“Want me to teach you?” she asked.
“Yes, please.”
They waded out a little deeper and Piper put her hand under Bradley’s back to support him. “You need to use your hands a little, to keep you up,” she said and she showed him what she meant.
Bradley practiced and it wasn’t long before he floated by himself. “I reckon I could make it across the lake like this,” he said.
Alarmed, Piper said, “You mustn’t try it by yourself. It’s too dangerous. But if you tell Eyota about it, she’ll help you.” There had to be another option. “Maybe you can find out how wide the lake is and measure the same distance along the shore. Then you can practice swimming the distance, but if you get tired, it will still be shallow enough for you to put your feet down. You can make a start mark on the shore and then mark where you get to and aim to do a little further each day.”
He thought about it. “That’s a good idea.”
Piper smiled in relief. “We should head back now.” The sun had dipped lower behind the trees.
“Aw, do we have to?”
Piper grinned. “Yes. We promised Eyota we would be back by five and we both have homework to do.”
“What homework do you have?” he asked as they waded out of the lake.
“I’m recording tribal stories for Tai to use in his cookbook. I interviewed some people today and I need to write up my notes to make sure they make sense.”
“Grandpa used to tell me lots of stories,” Bradley said quietly.
Perhaps that was another way she could help the boy. “I’d love to hear them.”
He widened his eyes. “Really?”
“Absolutely. After you’ve done your homework, I can interview you.”
He stood visibly taller. “Can you write down that they were Grandpa’s stories?” he asked.
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