Shards of Us

by Caverly, KR

  My heart races and I feel like this is the end, this is how I'm going to die. Sebastian says, "Are you ready?" and I whisper, "Yes" and then the next thing I know he's leaping out of his place in the bathroom and letting off a round of gunshots at the men. I hear someone scream, hear more shouts, and then a round of gunshots are showered at Sebastian, one narrowly missing him.

  He stands behind the door and reloads, then peeks his head out to see if the coast is clear. I watch him with a mix of awe and horror as he jumps into the clearing and releases another round of bullets, his eyes burning with something bright and oddly… satisfied? More screams come from the entrance, and I know he's hit another man, maybe two. The gunfire from the other side keeps on going, growing faster, more intense. Sebastian has to dive for cover to avoid getting hit.

  The blood in my head pumps and pumps, and I feel like I'm going to be sick but the adrenaline racing through my body keeps me focused. I know I have to do this. I know have to end these men. I know have to, for me and Sebastian. For us.

  Then, for a second, the gunshots stop. Everything goes silent. Sebastian turns to me, his eyes wild, and whispers, "Go, angel. Run to the bed and shoot. This is our chance," and I feel my stomach heaving, but I have no choice but to obey him. Together, we burst out of the hiding place behind the door, turn to face the painfully bright front of the safe house, and shoot. I shoot blindly, letting all of the bullets out of the gun and barely keeping myself from stumbling back. I barely know how to operate the gun. I shoot as I run to the bed, sure I'm missing everyone, but I know Sebastian has hit a few because I hear more screams of men hitting the ground. The gunshots come right back at us, earsplitting, shattering the wall behind me and reverberating throughout the room. I dive for cover behind the bed, panting and gasping, and Sebastian is right there behind me. My head pounds and my heart races, but I feel alive somehow, scared and horrified but so freaking alive.

  More shots come at us, clinking against the metal of the bed, barely missing us as Sebastian and I stay low under it, holding each other close.

  "There are only three left," Sebastian breathes. "I saw. If I can just get a clear shot, we can end them." His chest keeps rising and falling, but his eyebrows are deeply furrowed, and I can see the intense concentration in his eyes, the way he looks at them, calculating his next move. He's an expert in the art of murder; that much is for sure.

  "What do you need?" I say in between pants.

  "I need you to back me up, angel." He looks at me, just for a moment, but the intensity in his stare makes my insides melt. "Can you cover fire for me?"

  "Of course," I breathe, not sure what else to say.

  "Okay." Sebastian takes in a deep, long breath, like he's afraid it's going to be his last. "On the count of three."

  Every muscle in my body hurts. I tense up, aiming my gun at the spot beyond the bed where I know the men are.

  "One."

  My heart is pounding so hard now I swear my chest is going to explode.

  "Two."

  I take a deep breath.

  "THREE!"

  The rest happens so fast.

  I barely have time to blink before Sebastian barrels out from our cover under the bed, shooting at the men at the front. There are shouts and the sounds of gunshots come right back toward him. Sebastian dives out of the way, narrowly missing a flurry of bullets directed at him, and I look around wildly, cocking my gun and pointing at the space where I know the men are. Then, I start firing. More shouts come and my heart leaps into my throat as fire is returned at me, hitting the metal on the bed all around, and I squeeze my eyes shut but keep shooting.

  I hear Sebastian get up, yell something, and then let off another round, and before I know what's happening, two more screams fill the air. The room goes silent, for just a moment.

  My whole body freezes up at once.

  One person left.

  At first, there is nothing. Sebastian ducks into the bathroom to reload, and I find myself lying there, looking around wildly for the last person, until, finally, I see him. Or at least, his silhouette. He inches along the side of the safe house, back pressed to the marble wall, gun raised. I can barely see him, but I freeze when I realize he's only a few yards away from Sebastian, who is still reloading.

  Sebastian is going to get shot!

  My heart pounds wildly as I slowly turn my gun to the man's direction, but I can't get it to train on him. He keeps moving closer and closer to Sebastian, but I can't scream without giving myself away. I jerk around, not knowing what to do, until I finally get the gun to focus on the man. My finger automatically moves to the trigger, and I hesitate for a moment, staring at the man, and then, finally, I fire.

  A scream fills the air and the man stumbles back, but he doesn't fall. It takes me a minute to realize my shot hit his foot. I curse silently at my horrible aim, starting to stand up and run at him, but Sebastian has beaten me to it. Sebastian is on him in an instant, tackling the man, his arms holding him in a chokehold. The man struggles to get free, throwing Sebastian against the wall. Sebastian groans as the man elbows him in the face, and suddenly, to my absolute horror, the man pounces on Sebastian and wraps his hands around his neck.

  I barely withhold a scream, running in their direction as Sebastian's eyes begin to bulge, but I can see I'm not fast enough.

  "Shoot him!" Sebastian screams as he struggles to get free. At first I'm too stunned to do anything but watch Sebastian fight, watch the man suck the air out of him. "SHOOT HIM!" he screams even louder, and then, just like that, I snap back to my sense. I feel myself shaking, my hands a mess of trembles, but I pull the trigger without hesitation. The man cries out and falls back right before he has the chance to end Sebastian forever.

  And then there is nothing but silence.

  I force back a sob, trying to stay strong, trying not to think about how I just killed someone in cold blood. Slowly and numbly, I rise out of my hiding spot, every part of my body hurting.

  Sebastian's eyes are filled with rage, but he doesn't look at me as I come up behind him. He just stares at the smoldering remains of the safe house, the dead bodies strewn across the floor, and the truck in the middle of the room. Everything is silent, so silent, and it hits me then how close I was to dying. These people came for us. These people found us, somehow. They want to kill us. To end us. To end me.

  "Sebastian," I say, my voice shaking as I walk over to him, but he just keeps glaring at the man I shot, his face tight and full of fury. It's only then that I notice the man is still breathing, even though he's unconscious. Sebastian clenches the gun in his hand. His arm shakes a little, but he continues to look down at the man, the hate in his eyes as evident as ever.

  "Stay back, angel," he says to me, hard and firm.

  I shake my head. "Sebastian, what--"

  He whips his head around to me, his eyes wild. "I said, stay back!"

  My stomach hurts at the harshness of his words, but I obey, putting down my gun and feeling so, so out of place. This can't be real. None of this can be real. I don't even know what's going on, but I just shot a bunch of people and now I'm on the run for my life with the man who imprisoned me, and I have no idea how any of it happened. Smoke billows throughout the safe house, and it's clear we have to leave it, but for where, I don't know. I don't know how we're going to safe. We got lucky this time, but if they can find us once, they can find us again, and Sebastian may not be there to protect me that time.

  "Sebastian, just leave him. He's unconscious. He isn't going to hurt us," I call, but Sebastian doesn't listen.

  I watch as he leans over to the man, whose shirt is covered in crimson. Sebastian's face is as hard as a rock as he whispers something into the man's ear. And then, just like that, he presses his gun to the man's forehead, narrows his eyes, and fires.

  That's when I notice the look in Sebastian's eyes again as he pulls the trigger, that sadistic little glint, like his whole face is lighting up, like murdering makes him happy. And as so
on as I place it, I know I've made a serious, serious mistake.

  It's the look of a killer.

  Chapter Ten

  Sebastian isn't telling me where we're going. He just drives me away as soon as we get out of the safe house, keeping his down, checking his rearview mirrors every few seconds. He doesn't speak a single word the whole time. I try to talk to him, to ask what happened in there, to ask where we're going, but he just ignores me, eyes trained on the road.

  The warm morning sun quickly melts away as we drive, turning into dark skies and pouring rain. I watch the window, the rainwater slipping down the glass, and I feel myself wondering about my life--before all of this. I wonder whether meeting Sebastian has really been worth it. I mean, he makes feel like I matter, but look where that has gotten me now. I'm trapped with him. I'm his captive and I've fallen for him. I'm supposed to be his angel, the girl whose soul is pure and who has no flaws, but I don't feel very angelic. I feel much more like an idiot, really. I don't even know what I'm doing here. I just wanted something in my life, something good that couldn't be ripped away as quickly and as painfully as my parents and love of dance was, and I couldn't even get that without ending up hurt.

  I look over at Sebastian, at his steely blue eyes trained on the road in front of him, at the tension in his hands as he clutches the wheel. His jaw is tight, and he looks like he's expecting someone to leap out and attack us at any moment.

  "Where are we going, Sebastian?" I ask after a minute. I miss the feel of his touch already, the roughness of his skin on mine, his lips on mine.

  He doesn't look at me. "We're going nowhere," he says. Then, under his breath, he repeats it: "nowhere."

  I open my mouth to argue, but I no longer even have the energy to. So I just stare at him as the gray sky melts into nighttime, minutes into hours. Eventually, a shadow crosses his face, covering up the hard determination in his eyes. I listen to the sound of the road below us and the hum of the tires moving as we drive for hours and hours on end. As we move further away from the safe house, the streets start getting narrower and less like streets, mostly with cracked pavement and no cars driving in them. The only people using them wear dark baseball caps and smoke cigarettes. The houses in the neighborhood get older and more beat-up, and we start getting looks from idle neighbors as we drive deeper. I want to ask Sebastian where this place is, but I know he won't tell me. I sit there waiting, not knowing else to do, until we finally pull to a stop in front of an aging, peeling-blue-painted house at the end of the neighborhood.

  Sebastian gets out immediately and slams the door behind him. I follow his lead. The air is cold out here, sending shivers up my spine, and the musty scent of smoke and rotted wood fills the air.

  He doesn't look back at me as he walks right up into the house, kicks open the door, and steps inside. I quickly follow him, glancing one last time at the smoking men who are drifting closer and closer to me, and I slam the door behind me--just to be safe.

  The house is cold and rickety and dark, with old pictures covering the walls and a wood floor torn up from age. Dust hangs in the air, making me cough as soon as I'm inside, and I follow Sebastian over to an old living room with a fading couch and broken rocking chair. He reaches into a box beside the chair and pulls something out--a key of some sort, it looks like. I watch him carefully as he turns back to me. His face is hard and emotionless, and something about him is serious, almost too serious.

  "Sebastian," I ask. "What are you doing?"

  He doesn't answer right away. Just closes the box, holds tight to the key, and then walks over to me. Finally, two words slip out of his mouth. "Saving you," Sebastian mutters under his breath. "I'm saving you, angel."

  He brushes past me and makes his way to the kitchen, opening a rusted fridge and searching for something. His movements are urgent, determined. "What do you mean?" I ask, following him. I'm not going to back down. Not again.

  Sebastian reaches for something in the refrigerator. "You know what I mean," he says, pulling out a plate of what looks like a sandwich. Then he washes his hands, slips the sandwich onto a fresh plate, adds some tomatoes to the side, and turns back around. For one long second, his eyes lock with mine. His are piercing and intense, hurt and angry and protective all at once, needing to keep me safe. I raise my chin, standing defiantly. "Tell me."

  "You really want to know?" He takes a step toward me. His suit is tattered from the shooting, and it smells strongly of gunpowder.

  "Yes."

  "Well, here you have it: I'm done. Fucking done," he says under his breath, grabbing the food and key. "I'm not taking any risks on you. You're mine. You're mine and you aren't ever leaving my sight until I know for sure that you are safe."

  He moves past me to the basement door, unlocks it with his key, then swings it open and motions for me to follow him. I hesitate, but obey.

  Sebastian leads me down the creaking stairs to an old, cob-web-ridden basement. He turns on a dim light above me, illuminating the tiny space. There is nothing but a broken washing machine and a bed in the corner of the basement, and it looks like it's been abandoned for years. Sebastian reaches toward a box beside the washer, pulls out a blue blanket, and spreads it across the bed. Then he adds a pillow to the top and points at the edge.

  "Sit," he says to me. I do.

  He leans over me as I sit on the edge of the surprisingly soft bed, his cleanly-shaven face and jaw and perfectly kissable lips hovering right above mine. He's still wearing his business and black bowtie, and he looks all too perfect in it.

  I can't help but notice the hardness beneath his torso, the way his thighs are pressed right above mine, and suddenly I want to be back to the night before. I want to feel him inside of me again, feel him own me. I want Sebastian, want him bad.

  "Angel," he says after a minute, his voice hard and unwavering. "You know me. I'm not all about whips and chains. I don't want to feed off of your pain. I just want you. All of you. I want you everywhere, don't you see? I want to fuck you, to touch you, to own you. I don't give a shit about anything else but you and me. I'm going to do whatever it takes to save you, to keep you mine, because I care too much to see you get hurt, by Marco or otherwise. I'm trying to save you, I told you. I'm trying to keep them from getting to you." His eyes are a fierce blue, his jaw thick and tense. I can feel his passion in his every word, the lust and desire and… love?... that pours out of him. His voice gets fiercer as he continues. "But you almost died in there! You almost fucking died on me!" he says, raising his voice to a yell. "I've lost so many people. I've lost so many that I can't count them all, but I just know that I'm not losing anyone else. I'm not losing you, angel!" he shouts, eyes full of fire. "I'm not ever losing you. Let Marco and his team blow me to bits if that's what it means. But as long as I'm alive, I will never, ever let them, or anyone, touch you. Understand?"

  The basement is silent as soon as he finishes speaking, his words an echo throughout the room, and I just swallow, staring back at him. I don't know what to say. My heart has started pounding. I'm not even going to lie: I feel scared. Terrified, really, by the intensity and determination in Sebastian's words. But a part of my heart aches, knows the pain he is going through and wants nothing more than to cure him. A part of me loves him despite his flaws, but knows I can't ever have him.

  "I understand, Sebastian," I whisper, meaning it. Then, "I want you too."

  Sebastian stands up, adjusts his suit. His jaw is still thick with tension, and his are narrowed, the anger not leaving from before. "But you can't have me. Because if I let you have me anymore than I already have, then that means there is no turning back for us. I already need you too much. It only makes things worse for you to need me back."

  I look down at my feet. "Then it's already too late," I say quietly.

  Sebastian freezes. His eyes turn back to me, still burning and passionate. "Don't say that," he hisses. "Don’t fucking say that! It's not too late. I can't save you if you need me like I need you, and I am goin
g to save you. No matter what. Okay?" he says fiercely.

  My heart thrums in my chest. Heat pulses between us and I can feel the tension in the air, the fire in each of his words and his breaths and his closeness to me. Everything about Sebastian sends tingles throughout my body, but he also scares me, unnerves me, thrills me. "Okay," I say.

  Sebastian doesn't back down. "Okay, what?" he demands.

  "Okay," I say quietly. "Okay, I won't fall for you."

  He nods sadly then, and the ferocity in him is gone. He reaches out and hands me the sandwich he made. "Take this." Then he leaves a glass of water by the bed. "In case you get thirsty," he says.

  For a second, I'm too stunned to realize what he's doing. But he is already turning around, walking across the basement and up the stairs, before I have time to stop him.

  I open my mouth to say something, but he beats me to it.

  "I'll get you in the morning," he calls after me. "Eat if you have to. And please… just know that I have to do this." Then I hear the click of a knob, the opening of a door, and then it slamming shut. "Night, angel," Sebastian says.

  And then, just like that, I hear nothing at all.

  I whip my head around, feeling my heart pound. I start to race up the stairs after him, calling "Sebastian, what are you--" but he's already gone.

  I reach the door in the darkness of the basement and start to push it open, but the knob doesn't budge. It's locked. I start shouting, pounding on the door for the second time this week, screaming for Sebastian, begging for him to release me, but no one answers me.

  No one, but the darkness.

  Chapter Eleven

  Sebastian comes down to the basement first thing in the morning. I slept surprisingly well last night in the warm blanket and sheets he left out for me, and as much as I hate him for locking me up in here like this, I can't help but understand his reasons. He just wants to protect me. He just wants to save me.