by Beth Alvarez
“Nothing,” she murmured, turning away.
He frowned, reaching to nudge the mirror up a little more, pausing when he didn’t see his hand in the reflection. Oh. He tried to go on as if he hadn’t noticed, returning his eyes to the road.
The ride back to her house was silent, both of them content but apprehensive, not knowing what came next. Another date, sure, but that was the end of the line. After tomorrow, Josh had to make his decision. Or announce it, anyway; between life and death, there wasn’t much of a decision to make. He’d cling to life, to the hope of everything working out, of getting his happy ending even with one foot in the grave.
“Who is that?” Charlotte murmured as Josh pulled to the curb in front of her house. She craned her neck, eyeing a shadowy figure sitting on the front step. “Oh, no.”
Josh bit back a curse.
His brother sat on the top stair, watching the sedan with such intensity, Josh thought for a moment he might see through the darkly tinted windows.
Josh put the car in park, his hand tightening on the gearshift. Fighting another curse, he reached for the keys.
Charlotte put out a hand to stop him. “Don’t. I’ll take care of it. You go home.”
“Why is he here?” he growled through clenched teeth.
“Because he doesn’t have anyone else, Josh. I told him I’d help if he needed anything. You should be grateful he’s here instead of getting into trouble somewhere else. Go home, all right? I’ll see you tomorrow night.” She leaned forward to plant a chaste kiss on his lips, grabbing her clutch and sliding out of the car.
His throat tightened as he watched her go.
Julian stood to greet her, the two of them standing at the foot of the stairs as they spoke.
For a moment, Josh considered getting out of the car to join them. Everything he’d never said to his younger brother burned on his tongue, desperate to escape. All the chastisement he’d held at bay, for fear it would make things worse; all the things he’d bottled up when he put his life aside to fix Julian’s mistakes.
Yet even now, on what should have been one of the best nights of his life, the urge to compensate for his brother’s faults needled at him until he thought he might go mad.
Charlotte motioned up the stairs and the two of them climbed to the porch.
Josh forced the words back, gritting his teeth and tearing his eyes away. “Go home,” he told himself, echoing Charlotte’s words. “Just let it go, Josh.”
He shifted into drive, his knuckles white as he gripped the steering wheel.
“Let it go.”
* * *
Charlotte put on a brave face, smiling as she picked her way up the cracked concrete sidewalk. She wanted to turn and wave, maybe encourage Josh to carry on, but she resisted when she saw the shadowed look in Julian’s eyes.
Though the two brothers looked enough alike to be recognizable, Josh had always been the one smiling and Julian always frowning. His gray eyes were a contrast to Josh’s bright blue, but they were befitting of his disposition. He was dark and serious, often burdened, and usually in trouble.
He stared past her, watching the car. His face betrayed nothing, but she recognized the spark in his eyes that said his mind was at work.
“Hey.” She tried to sound friendly, refusing to let herself begrudge his presence, no matter the damper it might put on the evening. After all, she’d been the one who insisted he come to her with problems. She stopped a bit more than an arm’s length away from the stairs. “What are you doing here?”
“I texted you to say I’d be here,” Julian replied, his tone relaxed but his gaze sharp. “Didn’t get it?”
Charlotte grimaced. She had gotten it. She’d just forgotten to look and see what it was. “I’m sorry. I got so caught up in the conversation that I forgot my phone was in my purse. Want to go inside?”
He grunted softly, pacing up the steps and turning back. His head turned as the sedan pulled away, not an ounce of subtlety in the way he watched it. “Where’ve you been?”
Defensiveness spiked within her and she tucked in her chin, striding to the door. “I went out with a friend. I thought it would do me some good to be able to talk to someone about... about what happened.” She didn’t know how to talk about it anymore, knowing Josh was still alive. Well, not alive, she thought with a frown. But he was all right, and that was a considerable step up.
“Dressed like that?” Julian tilted his head, one skeptical brow creeping upward.
She fought the urge to slap him, but couldn’t fight the sudden surge of fury that went with it. “How dare you? I’m out here trying to make heads or tails of the way my life’s fallen apart, and you have the nerve to imply-”
“What are you accusing me of? I’m not the one out with some unnamed stranger in a brand new luxury vehicle, not answering my phone and coming home in a wrinkled dress.” His voice stayed as cool as ever.
Charlotte gaped. Not only because he would claim such a thing, but because she couldn’t deny it. She’d done exactly what he suspected, but she’d done it with his brother, her boyfriend of nearly seven years. “I cannot believe you!” she cried at last. “You think I’m not suffering? You aren’t the only one who lost him, Julian!”
He shrugged as if it were of no consequence. “We all deal with grief in different ways. Yours is...” His eyes raked down her with such heat that she crossed her arms out of reflex. Then he shrugged again. “You already know what mine is. That’s why I’m here.”
She shivered, suddenly glad she’d let her hair down. With it tumbling loose around her shoulders, she didn’t have to worry about him seeing the mark on her neck. “Is that why you texted me? Because you wanted a drink?” She tamped down her irritation, forcing herself to be calm. Julian trusted her almost as much as he’d trusted Josh. His presence was a good thing, a responsible choice, like they’d always urged him to make. She should be happy he’d made the right decision.
“No,” he growled, “because I already had one.”
“Oh.” Charlotte fidgeted in place, then turned to unlock the front door. “Give me a minute to change my shoes and I can take you home.”
He shook his head. “Not home. A friend’s house.”
She hesitated, holding her house keys poised in front of the lock. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Your parents will-”
“My parents couldn’t care less,” Julian spat. “They’re too distraught over losing Josh to care what happens to me.”
“Julian!” she cried. “You know that’s not true. If you don’t come home tonight, your mother will-”
He raised a hand, cutting her off. “You know what? Never mind. I should have turned around as soon as I saw you get out of your sugar daddy’s car.”
Anger flared in her chest, lighting her cheeks afire. She dropped her hand to her side, curling her fingers around her keys and squeezing them tight. The metal bit into the soft flesh of her palm, grounding her. She wouldn’t rise to the bait.
Breathing deep and slowly exhaling, she tried again. “Let me take you home, Julian. If he were here, Josh would-”
“It doesn’t matter what Josh would say,” he interrupted, thumping back down the steps. “He’s dead. And you know what my mother said?”
Helpless to do anything else, Charlotte turned to watch him.
Julian paused on the sidewalk, turning his head as if meaning to look at her but stopping halfway. “She said it should have been me.”
She covered her lips, blinking hard as her heart broke. Tears brimmed on her eyelashes as the words sank in, changing the stoop of his shoulders and the look in his eyes from judgment to shadows of sorrow. Her mouth worked without words, her throat too thick to let any escape.
He stuffed his hands into his pockets, stalking into the night with his head bowed. Nothing she said would have brought him back or turned him around, though he needed it in more ways than one.
Charlotte pressed a hand to her heart, watching until he disap
peared around a street corner, then staring for a long time after.
Calling Josh sprang to mind but, as he was, there was nothing he could do. Still, he’d always been the only one who could talk sense into his brother. If there was anyone who would know the right thing to say, it was him.
The only problem was he’d want to say it himself.
Torn, she forced herself to slide into the house. She didn’t have her car keys, anyway; just the house keys. She’d left the other set on the hook so her parents would know—if they noticed she was gone—that she hadn’t gone far.
She could go after Julian now, but it would only make him angry.
Instead, she sat on the side of her bed, warring with herself for what felt like eternity.
She’d promised to look after Julian. Not just to his parents, but to herself. Josh had spent so much of his life fighting to keep his brother on track, she couldn’t bear to see him derailed now. He’d been better in the days before the car accident, but Josh had been his anchor. Without that tether, Julian was caught in the undertow.
Yet he was an adult, whether he acted like it or not. Too often, Charlotte had suspected he relied too heavily on his brother to keep him in line. Seeing the way he reacted to Josh’s death proved her right. He’d have to grow up eventually, take responsibility for his own actions and behave of his own accord.
It wasn’t her battle, she decided at last, peeling off her dress and sliding beneath the covers in her underwear. Julian had done the right thing. He was on foot instead of driving, and if he’d been waiting on her porch as long as he’d indicated, he was probably sober by now.
She’d talk to Josh about what had happened and see what he thought they should do, but tonight was not the night.
* * *
Josh bounded down the stairs, whistling cheerily as he tightened his tie and strolled toward the kitchen. The blinds were slanted to keep direct sunlight out while still allowing a glimpse of the clear morning outside. He opened the cabinets one after another, looking for a cup.
Thaddeus sat at the kitchen table with the morning’s newspaper open in front of him. “You’re remarkably transparent, Mr. Rook.” He never looked up, sipping chilled blood from a mug as if it were coffee.
Pausing, Josh glanced over his shoulder. “Where are the coffee cups?”
Pointing wordlessly, Thaddeus took another sip. He turned the page, shaking the paper smooth with one hand. “I hope you used protection.”
Josh snorted a laugh. “I’m dead, old man, not dumb. You expect me to believe vampires can have kids?”
“Oh, an expert on vampires are we, now?” A small hint of amusement colored the Keeper’s words.
“No, but I did notice there was a file on our kind in the cabinets you had me sort, so I read a little bit. Vampires don’t procreate.” Josh put his cup on the counter, turning to the fridge.
“We certainly don’t,” Thaddeus agreed. “But you’ve been undead for less than a week, which is why you ought to be concerned.”
Josh hesitated, staring at the glass bottles of blood in the refrigerator.
Thaddeus shook his paper again. “Unless you’ve experienced nocturnal emission or that brought about by manual stimulation since turning, it’s entirely possible you may have had some live sperm. You would have had an appointment about that this afternoon, of course, freezing a sample as a required part of your transition into undeath, but it seems that will no longer be necessary.” He paused, smirking over the top edge of the paper. “Best hope it wasn’t wasted.”
Slamming the fridge shut without getting anything out, Josh spun to face him. “And you didn’t think that was important enough to tell me sooner?!”
“Generally speaking, new turns consult their elders with questions about sexual activity before attempting it. I assumed the conversation would happen then, if it came before the transitionary appointments where they’d attempt to preserve your genetic future.”
“My genetic future? Why is that even a thing? It has nothing to do with being a vampire!” Josh closed his eyes after the words escaped, trying to bridle his emotions. He should have been appreciative of the warning. If it was even a slim possibility, he needed to tell Charlotte. Buying condoms before their date had never crossed his mind, not only because he’d thought he was already sterile. He’d never expected things to go so far, no matter how serious their relationship had been before his death.
“It has everything to do with protocol. As a Keeper, that is my responsibility. And as a Keeper-in-training, it will be yours.” Thaddeus folded the newspaper, giving him a level look. “I am pleased your intended took the news of your condition so well. I apologize we did not discuss the matter sooner but, given the gravity of your situation, it did not seem you were ready to discuss the full extent of your remaining bodily functions.”
Shaking his head, Josh scrubbed a hand through his hair, not caring that it made a mess of it. Then he wiped his face, pausing when he touched the patchy scruff he couldn’t yet call a beard. “I’ve figured out most of it, I think. Still want my apartment to have a nice bathroom, hair and fingernails still grow, Charlotte and I can still...” He cleared his throat. “Anything else you want to clue me in on?”
“Most of us cannot consume human foods. Our bodies no longer process them correctly. Some liquids are tolerable, but anything you cannot digest will cause vomiting until it has left your system.” The old man didn’t bat an eye, draining the last of the blood from his cup.
“Great,” Josh muttered. “Anything else?”
“You’ll likely want to invest in an electric razor, if you don’t intend to wear a beard. With a week’s growth, you look rather like an animal with mange.”
“Perfect. Thanks.” Josh gritted his teeth to keep from sighing, opening the fridge again and taking out a half-emptied bottle of blood. He filled his cup halfway, replaced the cork and put the rest back. Then he trudged to the table and sat down.
Thaddeus turned the paper over to read the back page.
“You really think it’s possible?” Josh asked. “For Charlotte to... I mean, the odds of her getting pregnant even if I weren’t dead are slim, statistically speaking.”
“Quite slim,” Thaddeus agreed, carrying his cup to the sink to wash it. “But slimmer still are the odds of becoming a vampire.”
“Point taken,” Josh muttered.
The elder vampire tidied the kitchen before retrieving his suit jacket from the back of his chair.
Josh drank his breakfast, staring at the table. He didn’t know whether to hope for or against the possibility of parenthood. Before changing, the idea would have terrified him. Now it bounced around in his skull like a rubber ball, building momentum.
Would it be so bad? He’d always expected to become a father. Now, nothing he did could bring back that option. Adoption was always possible; he knew that, rationally, but it couldn’t compare to the visions he’d had in his head since his teenage years. Children that looked like him, that looked like Charlotte, a pretty blend of her eyes and his hair.
“Did you have children?” Josh asked eventually, training his eyes on the handle of a drawer across the room. Anything to keep from looking at the blood in his cup or the Keeper adjusting his tie.
“I did,” Thaddeus said with a tinge of pride. “Five of my own. Fourteen grandchildren, thirty-seven great-grandchildren, twenty great-great-grandchildren, and twenty-one thrice-great. I am uncertain whether any of them have borne offspring of their own.”
Josh blinked. “You kept track?”
“For curiosity’s sake. I left behind a considerable amount of money and property and wanted to be certain it ended up in the correct hands.”
“How old are you?”
“A proper vampire never reveals their age,” the Keeper replied curtly. “We are immortal beings and ought to act the part.”
Finishing the last of his breakfast in one gulp, Josh moved to the sink to clean his cup. “Do you miss them?”
&
nbsp; “No.”
Shaking his head, Josh dried his hands. “That’s harsh, old man.”
“Is there a reason to? I lived a long and fulfilling life. I knew my children and grandchildren, and all of them are gone. I may live as a memory in my descendants. I may not. It doesn’t matter. What matters is my work continues to improve the world and provide a better place for those of my blood.” Thaddeus smiled grimly, taking his bowler hat from the table and settling it atop his head. “If you are fortunate, perhaps you will come to understand. Finish cleaning up after your breakfast, boy. I will see you at the car in five minutes.”
“Yeah,” Josh said. He lingered at the sink with everything he had to tell Charlotte rattling in his skull.
EIGHT
* * *
“HOW WAS YOUR appointment?” Thaddeus sounded so downright cheerful that Josh suspected he was fond of schadenfreude.
He hung up his jacket, avoiding having to meet the old man’s eye. “They didn’t tell me anything new, but I feel like we accomplished a lot. I have a driver’s license again, so that’s a start.” He had learned it was still possible to have photos taken of him, which came as something of a relief. The explanation had been complicated, something about mirrors and silver and all sorts of camera and film terminology he didn’t understand, but discovering the digital camera on his phone could capture his image was a comfort. He had every intention of using that information that night.
“And how did the other appointment go?”
This time, Josh had to stifle annoyance. “Fine.” He’d had every intention of keeping his other expedition a secret, but Thaddeus refused to give him the car keys until he’d explained exactly where he was headed. “You’re still okay with me taking the car tonight, right?”
“Considering you intend to leave in fifteen minutes, I don’t see how my opinion would change things.” The Keeper tapped his pen against the paper in front of him, frowning.