Everything’s a blank. I should know this. I studied it just last night. But nothing is coming to me when she puts me on the spot. “Uh… Raised haunches… um … showing teeth… lunging….”
“And?”
“Bark?” I know it isn’t right, but I can’t stand this any longer. All the eyes in the classroom are on me as I fail at answering Dog 101 questions. I want to kick myself. This is so unlike me. I was always the straight A student, and now I am barely staying afloat on some of the easiest classes I’ve ever taken.
“Low growl, Miss Barber. I expect you remember that for the quiz at the end of the class.” She scans the rest of the classroom with a knowing look as she adds, “Failure to pass the basic test will mean you will need to repeat the seminar next semester. For those planning on graduating and getting your license, it could mean coming back to see me without your diploma.”
I open the red notebook in front of me and begins jotting down every word the professor is saying. I am not going to mess this up, especially with a baby on the way. If my parents wouldn’t help me out, which I know they wouldn’t, I was going to have to become independent and self-sufficient. And that meant graduating on time, getting a great job as a vet, and making my own home.
A few hours later, and I’ve managed to pass the seminar class regardless of my professor’s warning. I hate to admit it, but I’m practically giddy as I head out of the classroom, the certificate in my hand. The first person to see me is Brock, but even his big lug of a body and face don’t diminish my shine. I skate on by him as I call out to my classmates, “I passed! I passed! Graduation, here I come!”
“Vanessa, your dad wants to see you at home.” Brock’s pained expression gives him away. His face is so focused on being unemotional that it says more than he’d like.
“Why? I still have lab in an hour? Can it wait?”
“No, Vanessa. He needs to see you now. I have orders to bring you back no matter what.” He looks as if he’s ready to carry me out kicking or screaming. Even his hands raise as if he is ready to catch me mid-run. But I don’t say a word back. I swallow the huge lump in my throat and walk beside him past my classmates still celebrating their test results and out towards the parking lot where Brock’s truck is still waiting for us.
When we make it back home, Brock doesn’t even bother walking me in. Instead, he puts the car in park and looks out towards the house. Through the front window, I can see the frail body of my mom hunched over the dining room table as my father paces. Whatever is about to go down, I can tell Brock wants nothing to do with it.
My voice shakes slightly as I try to talk to him, “Please, Brock. Do you know what’s going on?”
He leans back in the driver’s seat and bangs his head on the beat up leather. “It’s not my place, Vanessa. Go talk to your daddy, and I’ll hopefully see you soon.”
“Soon?” My heart drops. “I have class tomorrow though. You’re not going to be there to take me?”
“I -- I don’t know about that. We’ll have to wait and see what your daddy says.”
Brock reaches across my chest and opens the passenger door for me. I unbuckle myself slowly and then head out of the driveway to the front entrance of the house. Before I open the door, I place a hand on my belly. My mind tries to reach the little soul inside of me to say, It’s going to be alright. I’m going to protect you no matter what. We’re going to get through this together.
The house is silent. So silent that I can hear my father breath his large huffs and puffs like a bull ready for the rodeo. As soon as I walk in the door and drop my bag at the entryway, I hear the slide of the chair on the hardwood. My mother, dressed in a pink button down top and a pair of jeans, greets me. Her face is as white as a ghost. She grabs my hands and opens her mouth. Her eyes drift down to my stomach, and I know what’s about to happen.
“Vanessa Barber!” My father’s voice beats my mother before she can even say a word. “Get your ass in here.”
My mother leads the way, standing in front of me as protecting as she can be. Still, he looks past her and pulls me by my arm so roughly that I have to use my hand to catch myself from falling on one of the antique wooden table chairs.
“Sit!” He barks, and I follow as obedient as I can be. He marches behind me, his feet treading on the floors with squeaks and scratches. Finally, out the corner of my eye, I see him throw an object down onto the table. The plastic piece bounces a few times before landing just a few feet from me. My eyes grow wide in horror as I spot one of the used pregnancy tests.
“What the fuck is that?” He yells directly into my ear, so loudly that the hair moves with the wind of his breath.
I sit up a bit taller, my hands wrapping around the arms of the chair as I steady myself. “It’s a pregnancy test,” I say matter-of-factly.
My mom takes a few steps towards me, placing a hand on the table leaf nearest to me. She bends down slightly to catch my eyes as she asks, “Whose pregnancy test, Vanessa?”
I stare at her, unblinking. A small smile creases on my face as I can't conceal it any longer. My mom’s tired, worn face transforms. She looks about twenty years younger, the beautiful girl my father ran off with, as she processes the information.
My dad, however, reacts exactly as I thought he would, “You little slut!” He shouts. “How dare you disobey me and bring shame on this family!” I look up and over at him, prepared for his rage. Still, when I feel his hand slap across the fleshy part of my cheek and the pain flash white and red marks across my eye, I can’t help but feel a little bit of a shock. This was my father. When did it come to this?
“Jonah!” my mom screeches over the table, her hands pounding on the top in balled up fists. “Don’t you dare hit that girl, do you hear me? She is carrying your grandchild!” It’s the first defying words I’ve ever heard her say against my father.
“Like hell she is! That is not my fucking grandchild. Don’t you get it, you dumb cunt? This is that bastard’s plan to take over my goddamn club! He knew what he was doing -- and who he was doing.” I cringe; that was obviously directed at me. It’s hard to believe that this monster is my father sometimes. But that’s not the worst of it. “He saw how stupid this goddamn whore was was, and he manipulated her to get into her fucking pants. First chance he got, he put his cock in her, and she was just fucking stupid enough to go along with it. Don’t you fucking get it, Olivia? This is what he fucking wants!” He wraps his arm around my arm and drags me to stand. “I knew this would happen when you told me that the baby was going to be a girl. I knew we would end up with a pregnant bitch on our hands one day. We should have aborted the goddamn whore when your dad told us to!”
“It’s not part of a ‘plan!’” My voice comes back to me as I defend Gavin, “He doesn’t want anything to do with the club or you. We fell in love. Don’t you get that?”
He laughs directly in my face, spitting with each chuckle. “Love? Jesus fucking Christ. Do you hear that bullshit that’s coming out of your mouth? Maybe this is my fault for not letting you in on club business, but no Bloody Pagan falls in love. He fucks a girl and then moves on. And I’m not about to let you become one of those club hags begging for a handout!”
“Jonah…” My mom’s voice lowers as she tugs on my free arm, pulling me away from him. “Not this. Not this.”
“You have two choices, Vanessa. You get this fixed tomorrow or I do it for you. I swear to God if you don’t take care of it, I will beat you so bad you’ll wish you were never born.”
Just as his hand raises, I hear the door open and close. My brother calls out, “What the hell is going on? Dad? Mom?”
There’s a yank as my dad grabs me by the hair and drags me down to the front entrance. Martin looks at me in complete disgust as my dad throws me at his feet. To the side of me, my mother lets out a sickening, helpless cry. “Your whore of a sister managed to get herself knocked up by that Wren bastard’s baby!”
“WHAT?” I look up to see Martin staring
at me with cold, glossy eyes. He swaggers a bit, just as my father does. And it dawns on me -- they’re high.
“You dumb bitch!” Martin yells as he lifts his knee and strikes my face. My nose practically collapses in on itself from the force. His jeans stain with my bright red blood. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Do you know what this means?”
“Martin! Stop!” My mom reaches out and over towards me, placing herself in between my brother and I. Her arms reach out around me. A pool of blood forms under my face on the glossy hardwood. “I won’t have this! I won’t! You two go sober up and then we’ll talk about this later.”
Martin tosses my father his leather jacket that’s hanging just above my head. As they swing the cloak over their arms, my father looks down at me and replies, “Oh, we’ll certainly talk about this later. But there won’t be much talking, Olivia… for either of you. You’re lucky we’ve got business elsewhere.”
He steps over me still struggling to hold myself off of the ground as if I’m just a misplaced piece of furniture standing in his way. My mother falls to her knees as they close the door behind them, their voices shouting loudly as they walk out towards their bikes. Neither of us dares to move in fear that they’ll come back. Instead, I lay flat next to the ring of blood, my knees at my chest guarding the life inside of me. My mom withers away towards the wall as she watches me.
After we hear their engines roar away down the neighborhood street, she looks at me with wide, bespeckled eyes as she says softly, “A baby, Vanessa. A baby.” Even in this moment, this terrible, terrible moment full of uncertainty and danger, she has managed to find some happiness in it.
I can’t placate her though. My mind is focused on the threat of my father. Take care of it or I will… Get it fixed or I do it for you… Neither option is what I want. What I want is Gavin, the baby, and me. I want my happy ending no matter the cost or the risk. With a plan on my mind, I manage to sit myself back up and stand, every bone aching in my body and my stomach turning over on itself.
“Mom,” I say softly, “I need you to get me a phone.”
CHAPTER 24
“Shit man! It’s blowing up, spreading like wildfire.” Thad can barely keep up with my steps as I march through the parking lot. I’m a man on a mission, and I wait for no one.
“I don’t care if it is blowing up or whatever. All I care about is the guys showing up. Without them, our plan is nothing.” Scanning the Sunset Bar’s parking spaces, it could be hit or miss. I recognize some of the motorcycles parked up against the sidewalk, but there aren’t many of them. We may just be a small battalion versus an entire army of traitors.
“They’ll come. They’ll come.” Thad says as he places a hand up to my broad shoulders. “These are your guys now. No one wants to be around that asshole Barber and his pussy little boy. They’re all sick and tired of it, just like you.”
A wave of self doubt hits me like a ton of bricks. “And what makes you think that they’re going to rally around me? I mean, what about any of the other guys at the top not in Barber’s pockets yet? What about them?”
“They’re not you, Gavin. They don’t care about the club or the men like you do. Every guy who has been around and paid his dues know that you are the one leader who can make things better for the guys at the bottom. You’re a man of the people.”
I run my hand through my hair as I take in the hot, mid-afternoon air. One of our one passes us by, giving me a slight head nod as he makes his way into the bar. When Thad turns his attention back to me, I exclaim, “You’re talking like I’m a shitty politician up for election, man.”
“Aren’t you though? Isn’t this what’s happening? You’re fighting to take over the Barber clan dynasty. You’re going to have to be a little political.”
I reach for the door handle before inhaling a deep breath. “It’s not exactly my style, Thad.”
As I walk through the door, I am greeted by at least 40 faces of men I know. They turn to me slowly in their bar stools and chairs, each with a more suspicious look than the last one. I don’t know if I’m walking into a lion’s den or my celebration party with expressions like that. Locking the bar’s door behind me, my entire mouth goes dry as I try to come up with something, anything, to say.
Luckily, Thad takes over, “Thank you boys for coming. By now you all heard the recording I sent you…”
Bobby stands in the back of the room holding up his phone as he interrupts, “I got it, but I sure as shit don’t understand it. Any of you boys wanna tell me what the hell is going on and why the Senators are involved?”
Thad turns to me, his hands ushering me to the center of the room. Slowly I walk between the men as my voice booms, “We all know there have been changes lately in the Pagans. Big ones. Some men have retired and other men, like me, have been demoted.”
“But weren’t you taken to task because you were sleeping with the boss’ daughter? That’s what I heard, at least.” Jeremy, an older, more traditional Pagan glares at me from his seat just feet from me. He’s never been my biggest fan. He was one of the guys around when my mom got knocked up and birthed me. I was never going to be more than just a bastard to him.
Still, I had to make a choice here. Do I tell them that I’m involved with Vanessa or do I let that become my little secret to come out later down the road? A big part of me, that bastard child that was teased and tormented for years, wanted to protect both Vanessa and the baby by not saying a word about it and denying everything.
But there was something more bubbling at this surface -- the truth. These were not men that understood romance or wanting to be with someone you couldn’t have. In fact, only three or four of the faces I can make out over the smoky haze is actually married, and even that is a loose term for that arrangement. However, they had the right to know because what I am asking them to do was part for me, part for club, and part for Vanessa.
I look Jeremy in the eye as I answer as clear as possible, “Yeah. I am seeing Vanessa Barber. We’ve been together for almost two months now, and, well, she’s having my baby.” I’m interrupted by the crowd mumbling back and forth to one another with their disapproval. The room’s turned from lukewarm to cold in just a few sentences.
“Listen! I know you think this is about some revenge against them for not letting me be with her. But I can promise you it is much, much more!” The voices die down so that I am only shouting over a few remaining people. “The Barber boys don’t want me with Vanessa because they don’t want anyone but themselves at the top. And now I have proof of that. When they moved Thad to the accountant role, he discovered they’ve been cheating us all. We haven’t gotten our fair share of money in months. And it’s all because they’ve been working behind our backs with the King’s second-in-command at a double cross deal.”
“What!” Jeremy jumps to his feet, pointing his finger at me, “What you’re saying, boy, is treason against your club and its leaders.”
“It’s true!” Thad shouts back, coming to my defense. I have the spreadsheets and screenshots from the accounts if you want to see them. He fishes in his black backpack for a file of paper. He hands out the copies throughout the room as Jeremy studies the copy silently.
As they read, I continue, “What do you think that conversation between Gaylord and me was about? Gaylord is their road captain and he knows what goes in and out of their shipping place at Grand Canal. He placed the Barber boys there, working with his men on a deal that should have netted us thousands of dollars each!” I turn back to Jeremy who has sat back down in his chair, his head sunk. “And I don’t know about you Jeremy, but I could certainly use that money.”
“What do you want us to do then? Rise up and revolt?” Jeremy’s voice has become weak and mild compared to the spew he was spitting out just seconds ago. This was a man who watched his king being cut down from his throne. And it was almost painful to watch it unfold.
“I don’t want the majority of you to do anything. At least not now. Stick
to your jobs. Keep your heads down. And if you’re working with the Barber boys or any of their loyalists, you don’t say a word to them. I’m waiting for the right moment to strike, and it’s coming soon.”
“But there is something they can do, Gavin.” Thad touches my shoulder so he spins me around. I study him as he takes over at my spot in the middle of the room. “Today’s the day that Barber goes up to Grand Canal to do their assignments. After he’s done, he has a couple of the Senators runners working for him do a money drop over in the desert by Mystic Street. If we could have our runners head out that way and cut them off, we could get our money back tonight.”
“Thad…” I say completely speechless. As much as Thad made an awesome runner and an even better accountant, he was never the one to really understand tactical issues. Hell, he hated the thought of even causing a little bloodshed, though it was a big part of his job when he rode beside me. But standing in front of me was not some nerd with a motorcycle. He was a general looking over his army.
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