by Lexi Ryan
I retreat almost all the way before sliding deep again. She pushes up on her hands to watch where our bodies are joined. She watches me fuck her—in and out, in long, slow strokes, then faster. It’s so good. Better than anything I’ve ever—
My balls go tight. “Oh fuck, Ellie.” I slide my hands behind her back and draw her close, kissing her hard as I come. Heat jackknifes down my spine as I thrust into her a final time. We’re skin against skin. This is as close to any person as I’ve ever been.
She kisses my neck and runs her hands over my chest. “That was . . .”
I pull back, studying her face and waiting for her words. Love for her and awe at her trust in me leave a sweet ache in my chest.
She smiles and shakes her head. “Totally worth waiting for.”
She’s so beautiful, and I’m filled with caveman pride over pleasuring such a goddess. Her expression is soft with pleasure and her limbs limp with satisfaction.
“I’ve never done that before, Ellie. Never without a condom. We should have talked about it first.”
She searches my eyes. “Are you worried I’ll end up pregnant? Because I’m on the pill, and—”
“No. Not that.” Fuck, the idea of her having my baby doesn’t bother me in the slightest. If that’s our reality someday, I’ll consider myself the luckiest asshole around. “I should have talked to you about it first because it’s the right thing to do. But I’ve been tested, and I’ve never had unprotected sex before now.”
She wraps her arms around me and presses a kiss to my neck. “So you’re saying that, in a way, you were a virgin.”
I chuckle softly. “I suppose. In a way.”
“You certainly don’t fuck like a virgin, Levi Jackson.”
I cup her face in my hands. I want to tell her I love her, but I’m not sure she wants to hear it.
Someone knocks on the door. “Levi?”
I squeeze my eyes shut. It’s Shay. I’m still inside Ellie, and my sister is on the other side of an unlocked door.
“Jake and Ava are leaving,” Shay says. “They want everyone out front for their send-off.” She clears her throat. “But, um, don’t shoot the messenger.”
Levi
I hold Ellie against my chest, my hand between her breasts, one leg thrown over hers. After dressing and sending off the bride and groom, we came home. Ellie drifted off in the car on the way, but after we climbed into bed, we ended up making love again. Softy, slowly.
Now, I’m just holding her and wondering if we’ll ever get the answers we need to feel like we can have a normal life.
She slides her hand over mine and intertwines our fingers.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” I say.
“I was thinking about us. This. Nelson, Colton, the paintings . . .” She shakes her head, and I wish I could see her, but even if I turned her in my arms, the bedroom is too dark to make out her expression.
“Anything I should know?” I ask. She grips my hand tightly, and I hold my breath. I can’t handle the thought of her regretting this, even for a minute. But until I understand completely why she walked away from me last time, I’ll be afraid she’ll do it again.
“Did you keep doing work for Nelson after Colton stopped?” she asks.
I hesitate for a long beat before answering. “I thought about it, but then I met you.”
“So you got out because Colt got out?”
My chest feels tight. I want her to understand, but speaking the truth is like cutting myself open. “And because you made me want to be better.” I wince. “I guess it sounds pretty pathetic, being so into my best friend’s girl that I changed my whole life to be worthy of her. But I’m not sorry. Not for changing and not for caring for you enough to do it.”
“You would have changed without me,” she says. “Don’t give me the credit.”
I’m not sure that’s true. I didn’t care about anything but myself before Ellie. “I’m not proud of the things I did for Nelson, but I can see now that I was trying to fill an emptiness—trying to feel like I had control over my world when my father’s death made me feel like I had none.”
“I’m glad you found motocross to feed your thrill addiction,” she says, and I can hear her smile.
“I did. Before I quit.”
She stills in my arms. “You quit? When? Why?”
I shift her hand in mine and trace a circle on her palm. “I missed a race after you were hospitalized because I wasn’t going to leave the hospital. And then another the next weekend because I was still a mess. Then I realized I just didn’t have it in me anymore. My manager tried to convince me to take a two-month hiatus and set a planned return date, but I knew I needed to let my team go so they could find work with another rider. Colton was missing and I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to return, so I let them go and retired.”
“I thought you’d keep racing for years.”
Me too. “My team deserves better than to work for a guy who’s just going through the motions for a check. I want to be home for family brunches and be around to watch my niece grow up. I don’t need to chase the thrill anymore.” I trail a thumb down the side of her jaw, my mind flashing with images of the hardest days of my life—seeing Ellie in the hospital and knowing she might not survive. “I used to think I needed to look danger in the face to live my life to the fullest, but seeing you connected to all those machines cured me of that.”
She releases my hand and turns in my arms. She skims her fingertips across the stubble on my jaw. “What are you going to do now?”
“I’d like to work for the family business.” My voice cracks a little. Christ, it’s such a simple thing, but I’m scared shitless. “Brayden has too damn much on his plate, and I think I could help. I could do the people side of management and distribution. He could have the time he needs with the numbers and spreadsheets he loves so much.”
“Have you talked to him?”
Just talking about it with Ellie makes everything inside me buzz with nervous energy. “Not yet. I will after Jake’s wedding. I just want . . .” You. Us. A chance.
“Normal?” she asks.
“I guess so. I love my family. They’ve always been there for me, but I haven’t been there for them the way they deserved. I want to be here. For them and for you. Any way you’ll take me.”
“I love Colton,” she says.
I close my eyes because I don’t want those words to hurt, but they fucking do.
She presses her hand to my cheek. “Levi,” she says, so I open my eyes. “I’m not done. I love Colton, but I don’t understand why I made the decisions I did.”
I sit up and click on the bedside lamp. “You were pregnant, Ellie. I think you were trying to do what was best for everyone. You told me you wanted to work on it. To try.”
“Isn’t there a long way between trying and getting married?”
I exhale slowly. “I would’ve thought so, but maybe it was something you thought you had to do. I can’t pretend I understood, and I definitely didn’t like it.”
“You asked me about what happens if Colton comes back, and I keep thinking about it. I wouldn’t be with him. And it’s not just because I’m not pregnant or even because his battle with addiction was becoming too much for me.”
“It wasn’t a fair question.” I graze my knuckles over her cheek. “There’s no way how you can know how you’ll feel if we find out he’s alive.”
She lifts herself up, then straddles my lap. “He is alive, Levi. I saw him when we were at the lake yesterday. He must be staying out there.”
I stiffen. What the hell? “You saw him? Did he hurt you? Did he threaten you?”
“No. Not at all. He told me to stay with you, actually. To let you protect me.” She pauses a beat. “He kissed me.”
My chest burns. “Did you kiss him?” I’m not sure it should matter. My best friend has been missing for two months. I thought he was dead and he’s alive. And I’m fixated on a kiss.
She holds my face in her hands. “No.
And I didn’t want to. He grabbed me from behind and kissed my neck when he talked to me. Then he told me that he’s trying to make things right.”
“Why didn’t you tell me right away?”
“He’s hiding for a reason.” She swallows hard. “I wasn’t sure what you’d do.”
“You’re sure you’re okay? You don’t want to call the police, or . . . ?”
She shakes her head. “No. I’m fine, but I realized . . . how can I go back to Colton when I’m so in love with you?”
Hell. I pull her down and roll her under me, kissing her hard. Slowly, I trail my lips down her jaw. “Say it again.”
“I’m in love with you?”
I laugh. “Is that a question?”
“You’re always there for me, Levi. You’ve been the steadiest thing in my life since I met you. Even when I was with Colton. He couldn’t be steady. He was too busy fighting his demons. But you . . . you were my rock. You were that for both of us.”
Not when you needed me to be the most.
She skims her fingers over my lips. “I love you, Levi. And I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
It feels so damn good to hear those words, and I hold on tight, praying she won’t run back to Colton when he returns. Praying I won’t ever have to let go. “I love you too. All that matters is you’re here with me now.”
Maybe I’m trying to convince myself more than I’m trying to convince her.
Ellie
Sunday, October 28th
My phone buzzes on the nightstand, and I grab it and answer without checking the screen. “Hello?”
“Ellie, I’m glad you answered. This is Detective Ben Huxley.”
I roll over to look at the clock. It’s almost ten, but Levi and I didn’t fall asleep until after six. When his alarm went off an hour ago for the Jackson family brunch, he left me in bed to get some sleep while he went off to play the good son. I hated to miss brunch but . . . sleep.
“I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” the detective says.
“Nothing important.” I sit up and grin, realizing I can remember more about Ben now. “Hey, your house is at the back of a cul-de-sac just north of town, and the master bedroom has a dancing pole and floral wallpaper.” Atta girl, brain. Way to go! “Did you ever take that down?”
“The wallpaper or the pole?”
“The wallpaper,” I say. “Obviously, the pole stays.”
He chuckles. “The whole house is a work in progress. Does this mean you’re getting your memories back?”
“Some of them.” I hold the phone to my ear and stretch one arm over my head, stifling a yawn. “Nothing from the night of the assault, though. And nothing regarding Nelson McKinley’s disappearance.”
Just as I say it, I realize that might not be true. The morning I kicked Colton out, Ava got a call from Jill saying Nelson hadn’t come home. Then that night while I was at the lake with Levi, Colton accidentally sent me a text meant for Molly. What did it say? He’s gone?
No, it said, He’s gone. It’s done.
Goose bumps race up my arms, and I put my hand over my mouth. Dear God, no wonder he’s hiding. Colton, what have you done?
“Ellie? Are you still there?” Ben asks. Has he been talking? What did I miss?
Nausea turns my stomach, and I draw my knees up to my chest. “Sorry, yeah. I’m here. Just distracted.”
“Well, you’ll probably see an update about it on the news today,” he says.
“An update on what? The case?”
“Yes. I wanted to let you know we’ll have officers patrol around your house just to keep an eye on things. I know you’re afraid of Colton, so I wanted you to hear it from me first. We put out a warrant for his arrest. There’s evidence against him in his father’s disappearance.”
“What?” I shake my head. “No. Colton wouldn’t . . .” I hesitate, thinking of his text message to Molly. It’s done. “I’m not afraid of him. Not now that I remember more. Colton wouldn’t hurt me.”
“I don’t want to tell you how to feel, Ellie, but please be cautious. I’ve believed Colton was responsible for your assault from the beginning. I just haven’t had the evidence to prove it. Until now.”
“What? What do you mean?” When I close my eyes, I picture Colton being hauled off to prison, hands in cuffs behind his back. I can hardly breathe.
“We have evidence. A weapon. This is important—can you tell me anywhere you think Colton might hide? Anywhere at all?”
“No,” I lie. “I don’t know.”
“Are you at home now?” Huxley asks.
“No, I’m at Levi’s.”
“Good. Maybe stay close to friends until this blows over. I can always come keep you company too if Levi’s busy.”
I don’t correct him and admit that I’m alone. Levi set the alarm when he left. I’m sure all the doors are locked, but more than that, I’m sure Colton wouldn’t hurt me. We have evidence. I don’t know what they think they found, but they’re wrong.
“Turn on the local news. I think they’re covering it on the noon edition. With the way this town talks, you might want to know what they’re saying. And let’s plan on meeting again next week. You can catch me up on anything new you remember—big or small.”
“Sure.” I end the call and head to the living room to turn on the television.
He’s gone.
The text could have meant anything. Maybe he meant he went to confront Levi but Levi was gone. He could be anyone. Gone doesn’t mean dead.
The local station is airing commercials, so I pull up the text messages on my phone. Only when I scroll through the old messages do I remember what I discovered at Mom’s. I don’t have any messages from before I was hospitalized. Either the police cleared them out while they had it, or I cleared them out myself. But can’t the police access old text messages, even when they’re no longer saved to the phone?
It’s done. Do the police already know about that text?
I turn my attention to the local news as the opening credits run.
“The search continues for a missing father and son in Jackson Harbor, but today the tale has a new twist,” the woman on the screen says. “Local attorney Nelson McKinley hasn’t been seen since August twenty-fifth, according to the missing person report filed by his wife later that week. His son, Colton McKinley, who’d been interviewed several times regarding his father’s disappearance, became a missing person himself ten days later, raising the question, did he fall to the same fate as his father, or was he a guilty criminal on the run? Today, the question seems to have been answered. The Jackson Harbor Police Department have issued a warrant for the arrest of Colton McKinley.”
The screen cuts to a video of a gray-haired man in uniform standing behind a podium. The banner on the bottom of the screen identifies the man as the chief of police. “We suspected foul play in the disappearance of Nelson McKinley, but until today we had no evidence to support the theory that McKinley had been murdered. Yesterday, Nelson McKinley’s boat was discovered near Janesville, Wisconsin, and the evidence found on the boat has led us to treat the case as a homicide moving forward. Additionally, we’ve obtained a warrant for the arrest of Colton McKinley, the son of the victim, whose prints were found on a weapon left on the boat. The same weapon is believed to have been used in the assault against the younger McKinley’s fiancée seven weeks ago.”
I hold my hand over my mouth and shake my head. No. Colton would never.
I think I’m going to be sick.
The screen cuts back to the newsroom and the woman who began the report. “For the purposes of this ongoing investigation, JHPD couldn’t disclose details of what they found. What’s important, the chief of police told reporters, is that the community understands Colton McKinley may be armed and should be considered dangerous.” They flash his picture on the screen—an old, pre-rehab mug shot from a night Colton was arrested for fighting. “If you have any information about McKinley’s whereabouts or about this case, please c
all the JHPD tip line.”
The number rolls across the bottom of the screen, and I pull my thumbnail from my mouth. I’ve already gnawed it to shreds.
My phone rings, and my mother’s face pops up. I slide my finger across the screen to answer. “Hi, Mom.” I try to keep my voice steady, to project a calm I don’t feel.
“I just saw the news. Where are you? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I’m with friends.” I cringe a little with guilt over misleading her, but letting her worry won’t help anything.
“But you’re coming home today, right? I’m so worried he’s going to find you.”
I close my eyes. I didn’t want to have this conversation over the phone. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to come home yet, Mom.”
“Don’t say that.” I can picture my mother gripping the phone with both hands. “Don’t scare me like that.”
“I can’t keep hiding. And if there is someone out there who wants to hurt me—”
“There is. Colton! He’s a dangerous man. They said so on the news.”
“If anyone wants to hurt me, I don’t want to risk bringing that to your door.” I soften my tone. “Think of Phoebe, Mom.”
She draws in a shaky breath. “We almost lost you.”
“I’m not staying alone,” I say, knowing the words would reassure her less if she knew I was in Jackson Harbor. “I’m being careful, and I’m safe.”
I can’t blame my mother for keeping current events from me. If this had come to light before I’d started getting my memories back, it would’ve only added to my anxiety. I’m not sure I would’ve had the courage to leave the house for my doctor’s appointments.
But even knowing this development in the case and remembering the damning text Colton sent, I’m not afraid of the man I once loved.
Instead, I’m afraid for him.
Levi
I’m a little surprised to see everyone at Brayden’s gathered around the TV. Unless there’s a game on, we’re not big TV people on family days.
After scanning the room, I frown. “What’s with the solemn mood? Aren’t we supposed to be happy today?”