by Jade West
I’d pass. Whatever passing even means. It wasn’t hideous… it was certainly a lot better than the shape I’d been presenting in plain, comfortable — yeah, ok, over-sized — clothes.
By the time I went to bed I’d managed to turn a full 180, convincing myself I’d wasted a pile of money for nothing, and nobody would even notice the difference. Convincing myself I was running a fool’s errand just because some salon-perfect woman had crossed my path down the garage. But despite all the self-talk, I couldn’t shake off this little pang of something. Excitement? Relief?
Hope?
I don’t know what it was, but it sure felt good. Underneath the resignation and the embarrassment and the fear, there was something alive and kicking. It was so alien I could hardly fathom it.
I wondered when I’d written myself off. From being a woman, I mean — because that’s what it felt like, ultimately. Like somehow, somewhere along the path, I’d traded in my female identity for some all-encompassing idea of motherhood and a minimum wage job down the cafe. It had happened so slowly, I guess. Losing myself just a tiny little piece at a time; a busy schedule, not enough sleep, a lousy boring boyfriend like Brian…
He’d never fucked me like he wanted me. Not like Darren used to.
With Darren it was raw, and tempestuous, and exciting. In the early days, when we were still good together, he’d fuck me like I was the only woman in the world, the only woman he’d ever want. He’d fuck me with a wildness that I’d never found since — something so real… so unapologetic…
Figures — unapologetic could be Darren Trent’s middle name.
Sleep didn’t come easy. The early hours came and went and I was still wide awake, just thinking — stewing life around in my head. So many questions, so few answers…
Had I really lost myself with Brian? Was that when my life went stale?
No. It wasn’t, and I knew it.
It had started long before that. Long before Darren and I called time out. Long before we even considered calling time out.
It had started when I first had Mia and realised the whole universe had shifted on its axis. That I was no longer just Jodie, Trent’s girlfriend, but Mum, too.
Somewhere along the line I stopped being me and Darren stopped being Darren. We were just… I dunno… two people stuck in a rut together. One long, painful, sour rut.
Oh how it had fucking hurt to let it go.
But we were good with the time out now, had been for years. So many years. It was the right decision for both of us, all of us… we knew that… we both knew that… of course we did…
It was still the right decision. Definitely.
Absolutely one million percent definitely.
I didn’t want him at all, no way. Not even in a tux. Never. Not even a consideration… Not even a fleeting thought in my mind…
I definitely didn’t want Darren Trent…
Especially not in a tux…
And definitely, definitely not enough to reach under my bed for my bodywand…
“You look like a princess, Mum!”
“That lipstick looks super cool!”
“Oh, Jodie, that colour really does suit you. What a lovely top!”
Seeing the shock on their faces cemented the fact that my late night shopping splurge had been the right call. Oh the wonder of a top that actually fitted properly and a splash of Autumn Berry lippy. My choices hadn’t even been that extreme, not really. I could have picked Mystic Plum or Scarlet Harlot. Maybe I would one day. Never say never.
I made the school run with more confidence than I’d felt in a long time, head high as I stood amongst the other mothers – despite all the whispers that were clearly circulating post gigolo-gate. Today I felt strangely immune, my own entity of just Jodie, separate from Trent and his bang-ganging ways. My hair was freshly washed and straightened, my skin glowing through the wonderful illusion of decent foundation. I looked better and I knew it, and maybe it was a far cry away from the glitz and glamour of Porsche-bitch and her ilk, but it was good enough for me.
It was good enough.
Lorraine gave me a twit-twoo as I stepped into the cafe for the beginning of my shift.
“Get you!” she said. “You look fantastic. Have you dyed your hair?” She ran a section of my straightened hair through her fingers, held it up to the light.
“Not yet,” I said with a smile.
I was so concerned with how good I felt that I barely noticed the change in demeanour of those around me. Yesterday’s scorn had turned into curiosity, and further still into this strange ripple of interest that was whispering through the female village populous.
Hannah Bowen never usually gives me the time of day. She comes into the cafe at least three mornings a week, and besides a polite smile she gives me nothing. Not even a half-arsed how are you? Hannah Bowen has a reputation for being stand-offish, but it seemed that today was the day that all changed.
She leaned over the counter as I prepped her coffee, and she had bright pink lipstick on, foundation so thick she looked slightly orange.
“Hi, Jodie. Wow. Nice top.” Her smile was fake and bright, but I appreciated the compliment all the same. “How are you?” she said. “How are the girls?”
You could have knocked me down with a feather.
I spooned out the milk froth for her cappuccino and gave her a paper smile. “I’m good, thanks. We’re all good. And yourself?”
She flashed a look around the cafe, and then her smile grew brighter. “I’m great, yeah. Really great.”
“Pleased to hear it.” I placed her cup on the side, put a biscuit on her plate.
She didn’t even pick it up, made no effort to leave at all. She cleared her throat, and smiled some more, then she twisted a stray wisp of blonde hair around her fingers. “Say, Jodie, have you, um… have you seen Trent lately? I mean… is he, um…”
“Is he, um…?” I met her eyes and held her stare.
“Is he, um… you know…” Her eyes widened. “Is he really a… gigolo?”
I felt my cheeks warming beneath the foundation. “You’ll have to ask him yourself,” I said.
She laughed, just a little. “Well, I would, but…” She leaned in further. “We don’t really know each other…” Her eyes twinkled. “I just heard he was offering… group activities. If you know what I mean.”
“Like I said, you’ll really have to ask him.”
Another clear of the throat. “Is that his thing? Gangbangs?”
Not that I ever knew.
“I’m really not the person to ask.” I pushed her cup in her direction. “We were together a long time ago. I’m really not qualified to give you the lowdown on Trent’s current sexual preferences.”
I watched her deflate in front of me, huffing out at least a little disappointment. “Let me know, if you hear anything. I mean, if he has a website…”
Like he has a fucking website. Bang Gang - orgies on demand.
I forced a smile. “I’ll be sure to let you know.”
Hannah Bowen may have been the first to ask directly about Trent’s little moonlighting project, but she sure as hell wasn’t the last. Women who’d seemed as impartial to a full face of makeup as I’d been were suddenly rocking up with beautician-perfect smoky eyes and glossy lipstick. Must be something in the air.
Sweet little Amy Tanner from Elm Grove stuttered her way through questions about Trent’s services. Rita Powell laughed her way through a monologue on how she fancied living wild and did I know anything about five hot mechanics out for a good time? Sarah Kelly came right out with it and asked if she could book Trent and Buck through me, and that really did make me blush, foundation or no.
Lorraine handed me an espresso as a break in the queue came around. Her eyes were sympathetic, like they always are when it’s shit about Trent. She gestured to the packed out cafe and raised her eyebrows.
“I’m guessing the horny females of our lovely village haven’t all just taken a sudden liking to
Tuesday morning coffee,” she whispered.
“Sorry,” I said.
“Don’t be, all business is good business, I just hope this isn’t too hard on you.” Her look was so pointed. That Trent’s-an-asshole-and-you’re-better-off-without-him look I’d come to know so well. She put a hand on my shoulder. “Best thing you ever did splitting up. He’s so…” She groaned. “Troublesome.”
And really hot in a tux. I forced the thought from my mind, pissed to find the same flutters in my belly that I’d felt the night before. A bodywand session should have sorted it. Did sort it. Or so I thought. It hadn’t meant anything, just fantasy gone mad. The shock of seeing Darren so… toned… the thought of some rich bitch being fucked by him and Buck, the others, too. I mean, that could never be me… I’d never take five guys… even if I’d had the orgasm of the century at the thought of it. It meant nothing.
Totally nothing.
I definitely wouldn’t want that.
That’s for women like Mandy Taylor and Hannah Bowen. Women who are… brash.
Confident.
Horny.
Sexy.
I checked out my reflection in the side of the coffee machine. Was I horny and sexy? The thought made me laugh out loud. A couple of dabs of eyeliner did not make a sex kitten, that’s for sure.
Not yet, anyway.
Tonya came in at the end of lunch, puffing and sweaty and midway through an apparent jog around the village.
She gripped a section of belly and wiggled it at me over the counter. “Keeping fit, need to tone up a little. Then I might hit the online dating. Again.”
“You look great as you are,” I said. She did, too.
Her eyes met mine and widened. “Not as fine as you! Jesus, Jodie, what the hell happened? Did someone break in and commit armed makeover? If they did then please send them my way, I’ll leave the window open and won’t call the cops.”
“It’s just a bit of foundation…” I mumbled, but I was smiling.
“Like fuck it is! That top’s new.” She pointed straight at my chest. “Those babies are definitely in a decent push-up, and…” She leaned over the counter to check out the rest of me. “New jeans. Definitely new. So, what’s going on, pussycat?”
“Just thought I could smarten myself up a little.” I handed her a mug of tea. “Seems I’m not the only one around here. World’s gone crazy.”
“The Trent effect.” She rolled her eyes. “Mention a five-mechanic gangbang and the whole village goes makeup crazy, go figure.”
I leaned over the counter. “That’s not why I’m doing this.”
“Oh, I know,” she said. “You’re doing this because it’s about time you put some effort into being you again.”
“It is?”
“Oh yes,” she smirked. “It really is. Which is exactly why you’re taking a day off to come shopping with me. Girls’ day. Don’t say no.”
“But…”
Lorraine’s hands appeared on my shoulders. Her voice was loud in my ear. “Yes, you are having a shopping day. You haven’t taken time off since Easter.”
“Exactly!” Tonya exclaimed.
“Definitely,” Lorraine insisted. “This Friday. I’ll get Emma to cover.”
“Friday,” Tonya confirmed. “Spa, lunch and shopping.”
Spa, lunch and shopping sounded expensive. I said as much.
Tonya just scoffed at me. “Get Trent to help out, now you know about his lucrative little side-line, I’m sure he won’t mind dishing out a bit so you can have some downtime.”
I shook my head. “This has nothing to do with Darren. He does enough. We do alright.”
I could feel Lorraine’s scorn at the back of me, but she didn’t say a word. That was something she’d never been right on, truth be told. You can say a lot of things about Darren Trent, but the accusation that he doesn’t do his bit to look after the girls was way off the mark.
Tonya didn’t even try to argue with me, she knew as much, too.
I let out a sigh. “I could come, maybe get my nails done, just the cheap ones…”
Tonya clapped her hands. “Get in!”
“But!” I added. “I’m not going to be going shopping crazy, I’ll just be there for the company. I’ll be your personal shopper.”
“It’s a start.” She downed her tea in one and started jogging on the spot. “In that case I better keep up with the keep fit, see if I can drop a dress size in the next few days. Laters.”
I watched Lorraine chalk my day off on the rota and couldn’t help but smile.
Petey shrugged at me, hung up the phone. “Another service to book in,” he began, but I waved him quiet.
We’d had ten new service bookings today already. Ten.
None of them due, all of them female.
Mandy fucking Taylor had a lot to answer for.
Buck grinned at me, tugged at his beard. “Think we should open the books up? Take on some new clients?”
I shook my head. “Fuck that. Not locals. Got enough shit going on already.”
I dived back in to the air-con job I’d been working on and only surfaced again when a chorus of wolf whistles started up. My gut dropped at the prospect of another Eleanor Hartley drive-by, but the figure approaching our shutter doors wasn’t anyone after a Bang Gang special.
I’ve known Tonya since we were kids. She was already Jodie’s best mate by the time we started up. I don’t think they ever weren’t. She was jogging today, in some pale grey leggings that showed enough to get the guys whooping.
“Knock it off, lads,” I grunted, tossing a roll of tape in Jimmy’s direction to get him to quit with the hip thrusting.
Tonya came bounding straight up, her dark ponytail bouncing around her shoulders as she jogged on the spot, her tits bobbing up and down. I smiled, but it wasn’t in that way. I’d never seen Tonya in that way, pretty though she was. Her cheeks were flushed pink and her breath was heavy. I knew exactly what the guys were thinking, but she seemed oblivious. Oblivious or totally disinterested. It made a change around here lately.
I raised an eyebrow. “Come to chew me out about Mandy Taylor?” I asked. “If so, you needn’t bother. I already know what a fuck up that was.”
“Jesus, Trent, would I?” She gave me a healthy tut. “I don’t need to tell you when you’ve been a wanker. Pretty sure you can work that out for yourself.”
I made my way outside and she followed, stopped jogging to do some stretches. I lit up a cigarette. “So?”
She rolled her eyes at me. “I’m on a route, you know, keep fit. Maybe I was just passing.”
“Never kept fit past my door before.”
“Never kept fit before,” she laughed. “Ah, fuck it.” She stopped with the exercises and pulled a pack of cigarettes from her bra. I smirked as she lit one up. “Jodie,” she said. “I’m here about Jodie.”
“So she sent you to chew me out?”
“Has Jodie ever once sent me to say her piece for her?” She took a long drag. “She’s no idea I’m here.”
“Oh?”
She smiled. “I guess you haven’t seen her today.”
“Why would I have?”
“No reason. She’s just… found herself a little.” I didn’t have time to ask questions before she changed topic. “I’m taking her out for the day on Friday. She totally deserves the break. I wanted to make sure you’ll have the girls, don’t want her racing back for the school run before we’re done.”
I nodded. “Righto.”
“So you will?” Big dark eyes sparkled at me.
“Goes without saying, Tonya.”
She clapped her hands together. “Excellent!”
Her enthusiasm was infectious, I found myself smiling. “Where you taking her?”
“Hereford,” she said. “Spa, beauty shit, shopping.”
I pulled a face. “She’s up for that, is she?” I couldn’t remember the last time Jodie went in for all that girly pampering crap.
“Yes. She�
�s up for it.”
I felt a niggle in my gut. I puffed away on my cigarette, tried to play down the unease. “What’s this in aid of? She got a hot date or something?”
She shook her head. “No, no. She’s just… you’ll see for yourself when you run into her.” She tapped my arm. “She’s finding herself again. New clothes, makeup… she looks fucking amazing. I just want to give her a helping hand along the way. It’s time she lived for herself again. It’s been too long. Work and the girls.” She flashed me a look of scorn. “And Brian.”
“No argument from this end,” I said.
“Good.” She grinned. “So, it’s set. You have the girls, I’ll take Jo out for some hardcore girly time. I can’t fucking wait.” She stubbed her cigarette out. “I’d better get going, this belly fat isn’t gonna burn off by itself, Darren.”
I scoffed at her. “You don’t need to lose any of that, you look fine enough as you are.”
“Thanks,” she said. “You can tell Jimmy O he isn’t getting a piece, dirty bastard. I saw him thrusting.”
“Will do.”
She slapped my arm. “Seems I’m the only woman in the village who’s not going gaga for a gangbang.” She met my eyes. “Don’t fuck local, Darren. Plenty of rich bitches out there without crapping on your own doorstep. It isn’t on.”
“Wasn’t intending on it.” I sighed. “Mandy Taylor was a one off. For Buck.”
“Ah,” she said.
“Ah fucking right. I knew it was trouble.”
She shrugged. “Just be more careful who you stick it in from now on.” She grinned. “Lecture over.” She groaned as she looked back at the road. “I fucking hate keep fit, it stinks.”
I laughed. “Want a lift?”
“Nah,” she said. “No pain, no gain.” She let out a sigh and resumed her jogging on the spot. “Laters.”
I grabbed her elbow before she could escape. Her eyes were wide as I pulled her close, stepped to the side of the shutters. They grew wider still when I unbuttoned my overalls and reached inside.
I smirked. “Fucking hell, Tonya. I’m not about to give you the pissing gigolo act.” I pulled out my wallet, counted out three hundred in twenties. She raised her eyebrows as I shoved it into her hand. “For Jo,” I explained. “Make sure she has a nice day, yeah?”