The Sex Gates

  “Damn it, something is wrong, and I can't figure it out!” His voice was almost a growl of frustration.

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  Chapter Nineteen

  “Don't you have any ideas at all?” Rez shot Russell a worried look. I was sitting beside him on the small lounger. As he asked his question, I got up and went over to Russell.

  “Turn around,” I said. Looking puzzled, he turned. I began kneading his shoulders and back. His muscles were knotted up as tight as a sailor's half-hitch. As I worked my fingers into the hard muscles, I couldn't help thinking of how big men still seemed to me.

  “Ahh. Thanks, Li. That feels good.” He straightened back up. “As to your question, Rez, no, I don't have a goddamned clue. According to all our calculations, the experiments we've been running should have worked, but they haven't, and we can't figure out why."

  “What are you going to do now?” Rez asked. He put an arm around me when I went back to sit beside him. I had been forcing myself to get used to casual intimacy from him and Russell. It wasn't easy. Being touched by a man still made me squirm, especially with the way both of them stared at my body whenever they thought I wasn't noticing. I knew I would have to get used to it, though, especially since I was planning on traveling.

  Russell shrugged. “Back up and punt. Start all over and see where we made our mistake, or mistakes. There must be some error in the calculations, or maybe even the theory itself."

  “How long will it take?” Rez started kneading my shoulder. I leaned against his arm, trying to relax and enjoy the sensation. I had loved Rez when he was Rita. Why should I shrink from his touch now?

  “We've been working six months on the theory. Give us another three or four to go back over everything, then rebuild the apparatus and check it for errors. Six months? A year? I can't say right now. Sorry, Rez. I know you were hoping for faster results, but that's how science goes."

  “Neither of you has ever said what it is you've been working on.” I lifted a questioning eyebrow. The mystery was beginning to arouse my reporter's instincts.

  Rez's hand came down over my shoulder and rested tentatively on my breast. Instinctively, I tensed, but slowly forced myself to relax when he made no other move. Donna smiled in our direction from her seat beside Russell.

  “We wanted it to be a surprise, because it could help improve the lot of the Fourth Worlders.” Despite the attack that had cost us our baby, Rez was still working to help Fourth Worlders make a better life.

  “I guess it can't hurt to tell you something about it,” Russell said. “Basically, it's a new theory of light and how it can be manipulated, or how we thought it could be manipulated."

  “How was that going to help the Fourth Worlders?” I couldn't see where a new theory of light would provide jobs and education or provide financing for their entry into the vast web resources of information.

  “We were hoping for a completely new line of phones, with receivers so cheap anyone could afford them. And other things, of course; it wouldn't stop there by any means."

  I thought about it. Fourth Worlders got that designation because they were left out of the information age, especially in our country with the near-collapse of public education after the financial crash. But would cheap phones for everyone (and the money to support them) really change the world that much? It would depend on what they were used for. I thought Russell and Rez were being overly optimistic.

  I felt Rez's fingers curl underneath the slope of my left breast, his fingers warm over the thin cloth of my blouse. I jumped to my feet and went looking for something to drink. I wasn't ready for a man, no matter how often Donna encouraged me to try it. I brought a cup of coffee back and entwined my fingers with Rez's to keep his where they belonged. For now, anyway.

  Russell winked at Donna. “I've got to get a shower and some sleep. I'm exhausted."

  As I half expected, Donna followed him into their room, leaving Rez and me alone.

  The moment they left I slid down on the lounger and turned to face Rez. Rita had certainly turned into a handsome man. Unfortunately for him, I still wanted a woman. He seemed to realize what I was thinking.

  “You're still scared of me, aren't you?"

  “No, I'm not scared of you. I can't get used to your body, that's all."

  He shrugged, his eyes scanning my body. “How about your own?"

  “I don't have a choice about that."

  “Neither do I. I still love you, Li. In fact, I think I love you even more now. You're beautiful."

  “That's sex talking.” I knew that was true. I was beautiful, and his male body was reacting to it, even if his mind was still female. I also knew I was still the person he'd loved, and he was the person I'd loved. The conflict I felt almost made me wish my new female hormones would hurry up and overcome my male orientation, speeding me toward adjustment, the way they had with Donna. But apparently my conditioning was stronger.

  “Please don't say that, Li. Sure, sex is part of it. You can't separate it from love between a man and woman, but that's not everything. I want you to be open with me again. You're still treating me like a friendly ogre, harmless so long as you don't provoke him."

  “Damn it, I've been trying.” Unaccountably, I burst into tears. Coping with female hormones was a constant nightmare for me. I was becoming aware of nuances of emotions I hadn't even known about before my change.

  He slid down next to me and put his arm around me again. I put my face against his broad chest to hide the tears.

  “Poor dear, I know you have. I'm sorry. I guess I'm trying to rush you."

  I sniffed and lifted my head. “Damn, I don't know why I'm crying. I never used to cry."

  He patted my back. “Hormones, pure and simple. You cry easier than you used to; I don't cry as much. Our sex hormones have a lot to do with how we feel and think. I miss all that emotion now. The world is a duller place."

  “Really?” I found that hard to believe. The constant ebb and flow of emotion wore me out. Despite my struggle to accept this female body, I still felt ashamed of myself. Rez was being so patient with me, and I was giving him hardly any encouragement at all.

  “You want to watch anything?” He nodded at the screen.

  “Not any news. Maybe a movie, but I'd rather watch movies in bed, so I can nod off when I'm sleepy."

  “That can be arranged.” He gave me a friendly leer.

  I realized what I had said and backpeddled as quick as I could. “I don't think that would be a good idea. It would be hard for you to sleep with a woman who isn't interested in sex."

  “I could always jack off."

  I giggled. Giggling was something new, too. Hormones, again?

  “Seriously,” he continued, “I'd rather watch entertainment in bed, too."

  I didn't say anything.

  He still had his arm around me. He leaned down and kissed me on the lips. “I promise not to rape you."

  I didn't answer. After a moment I got up and put my empty coffee cup in the sink. Rez waited patiently, allowing me time to think. I sat back down.

  I was beginning to change my mind. I really didn't want to sleep alone, but I wasn't sure Rez would behave. On the other hand, I could always ask him to leave if sleeping together made me really uncomfortable. I still wasn't planning on having sex with him. I wished suddenly that Russell hadn't come home. If he were at the lab, I could have asked Donna to join us.

  “A penny?"

  “What? Oh, nothing. I was thinking."

  I leaned back against his shoulder, feeling the warmth of his body through my clothes. He put his am around me again and his hand settled on my breast. I was reaching up to remove it when I changed my mind.

  After a moment I took a deep breath and spoke. “This feels so odd."

  “How so?"

  “I can't get used to the sensations I feel when you touch me here."

  “Why not relax? I used to enjoy being held by a man. I still
miss it."

  “You do?"

  “Of course. Remember, I've still got a female mind even though I'm trying to act like a male, since that's what I am."

  I leaned closer into his embrace. “Maybe I should try to act more like a woman.” I had to admit the feeling of his hand against my breast was provoking pleasurable warmth throughout my body. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad when the time came.

  For the first time since the change, I felt relaxed with him. We began to discuss the differences we were both having troubles with, me more so than him. After laughing together, it didn't seem quite so odd to touch each other. This strange male was no longer such a stranger. He was Rita, and I loved her and wanted her. My mind and emotions struggled with the confusion of feeling a female's desire for the woman I loved in a man's body.

  Finally, he squeezed me, his own eyes hungry with his longing for more closeness. “Want to go to bed now and watch a movie?"

  “All right! Just be nice.” I knew I was treading on dangerous ground, but suddenly I wanted to know what was going to happen between Rez and me.

  I went into the bathroom first, carrying a nightgown I picked out for its opaqueness. It wasn't until I undressed and slipped it on that I noticed how well Donna had chosen. The soft velvetin fabric clung to my body and thighs in a way that was more provocative than something transparent would have been. Well, it was too late to find something else now. I left it on and came out and gave the bed instructions to make us a backrest while Rez undressed down to his shorts.

  We leaned back against the pillowed supports. He already knew my favorite programs. He turned one on—The Pet Plague Universe. The old Tom that hung around the house and accepted shelter and food on cold nights was almost a duplicate in color of one of the intelligent cats in the story.

  “Do you want to interact?” he asked.

  “Mmm. Why not just make it a random program, and let's see how it comes out this time."

  “Suits me.” He started the program. I still think he cheated. The two chief female protagonists didn't lose any time getting involved with each other, and the male protagonist didn't make an appearance until I had already gotten horny watching the women.

  As the story progressed, it became more and more sexually stimulating. When I felt Rez's hand brush against my arm, I wasn't surprised. What did surprise me was that I let him pull me over to him. I leaned against his shoulder with my left hand on his bare thigh. His arm was around me again, and I didn't try to prevent him from stroking my breast with his hand.

  I glanced down and saw the unmistakable swell of an erection beneath his shorts. Now what?

  Would he really go jack off? I looked back up at the screen. There was plenty of action, but I couldn't seem to concentrate on it with Rez's hand molded around my breast, squeezing and teasing the taut nipple.

  “Rez..."

  “Hmm?” He twisted his upper body toward me. His face hovered close to my own, his expression serious. His eyes were huge and dark and full of love. I intended to tell him to stop, but he put his other arm around my waist and lowered his lips to mine before I could say anything.

  It wasn't the first time we had kissed, but it was the first one that was overtly sexual. I tried to relax in his embrace, thinking I would break away in another moment, but somehow I couldn't. I slid my hand around his neck and parted my lips, intending to make it a goodnight kiss. He deftly parted the fabric of my gown and slid his hand inside. His hand closed over my breast and suddenly I didn't want the kiss to end. Waves of pleasure were coursing through me as his large male hands roved my body. I wanted him to continue, to move those hands further down.

  “Oh, Li, I want you so bad.” His voice was hoarse with desire and love. The screen shut off as the story ended.

  I didn't know what to say or do. I wanted the intense pleasure I was feeling to go on, I wanted to make love to Rita again, even if she was male, and I was female. But another part of my mind was screaming. How could I be doing this with a man?

  While I was debating with my schizophrenic self, Rez told the bed to make the backrests into pillows again, and as they lowered, his lips descended over mine. I let it go on. He parted the rest of the gown's touch tabs and ran his hand over the curve of my hip and along my thighs and back to my breasts, bare now to his touch. First I would feel myself beginning to respond, then the sensation would vanish as I thought of what was happening.

  On the next upswing, while I was feeling a surge of desire, I ran my hand down the length of his body without thinking, as if I were searching a woman's thighs with the intent of parting them. My hand met the bulge beneath his shorts. He reached down and pushed them over his hips, freeing his penis. It sprang up, hard and erect.

  Curiosity got the best of me. I wanted to see if touching his penis would feel any different than when I had handled my own. It did. It was an alien object, the skin stretched to a satiny smoothness almost like velvetin. I curled my fingers around the hard shaft. The area between my legs ached with a need to be filled. I made a sudden decision to go on with the act. I wondered if I was wet enough for him to enter me without hurting, and the thought came immediately that there was a sure cure for that.

  I took a deep breath and slid down on the bed, feeling the waves of my hair brushing his belly as it trailed behind me. How bad could it be? Billions of people had done it before, and all I intended was to lubricate it a little. I raised my head and slid my lips down over his erect penis. I heard him gasp as it entered my mouth and knew exactly how he felt: a sudden delicious wet warmth was enveloping him and exploding into his groin.

  All I intended was to get him wet, but I got carried away with this new sensation. His penis was both soft and hard, a double sensation that was curious and compelling. I moved my lips back up the shaft and then slowly down on him again, feeling the bumpy ridge of the crown part my lips wider for a second as they slid past it, then the fullness of the length of it crowding my mouth. I was so lost in my own exploration that I completely forgot what the end result was bound to be, and I didn't even consider that he might not have learned to hold back yet. I felt it jerk in my mouth and heard him cry out at the same time. A sudden surge of warm semen filled the back of my throat. His hands were grasping my neck and shoulders, holding me there. More semen flooded into my mouth, and I swallowed involuntarily, tasting the saltiness now, and feeling it spreading to the inside of my lips and onto my tongue like a film of thick brandy.

  I wanted to withdraw but remembered how often Rita had done this for me. I knew what he was feeling now and how awful it would be to have it interrupted. Finally, it tapered off to a few weak spurts as his organism ended.

  I held him in my mouth a few more moments while I swallowed the last of his semen and his cries died down to long moans of relief. I let him go and crawled up beside him. He hugged me to him so tightly I could hardly breathe.

  After a few minutes, he started to stroke my body again. His intentions were plain. Considering what I had done already, I couldn't see any point in not going the rest of the way.

  I was still apprehensive, even though I tried to relax and enjoy the foreplay. I was worried about what it was going to feel like having him inside me, and that made me tense as he entered me for the first time. I was inhibited enough that I failed to reach an orgasm before he did. His thrusting still sent pleasant sensations through my whole body, though, awakening a longing to experience more.

  The second time started out slow and built to an amazing climax. I was more relaxed and enjoyed the slow beginning thrusts, meeting each one with an upward surge of my hips, using my legs and arms locked around him for leverage. As his passion mounted and his rhythm increased, I simply held on, moaning with pleasure each time he drove deep into me. As I man, I had never dreamed how wonderful it would feel to open myself to a lover in this way. As he pounded into me faster and faster, my whole body vibrated in tune to the beat of his body drumming between my legs. I heard a shrill screaming noise and realized it
was my own voice calling out as fiery passion swept over my body, burning me to ash in its flame.

  I don't even know when it ended. I gradually became aware of his weight pressing me into the bed and the slickness of sweat between us. I was still locked around him, breasts flattened against his chest with my nipples still partially erect and tingling with a residue of pleasure. I sighed, wondering why on earth I had waited so long.

  Rez raised his head from where it had been buried in my neck and kissed me. “I love you Li. I'll love you forever."

  I murmured the same words to him. It sounded fine to me.

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  Chapter Twenty

  If it seems like we were obsessed with sex in those days, we were. All over the world, sex became even more fascinating, if that were possible. It was the sex changes, of course, in others no less than our family, and the fact that there were so many more young healthy bodies with hormones surging through them than there had ever been before, mine among them.

  I never lost my male attraction to women, and Donna was always happy to oblige. The funny thing is, I never did develop an urge to experiment with any men other than Rez and Russell (though on a couple of trips by myself I did spend a night or two with another woman), and Russell wasn't home often enough for me to get to really know him in bed for a long time. It was over a month after my first time with Rez before we slept together.

  It was fine, and I enjoyed making love with him, but Rez was still my first love. We became even closer than we had been before the change although we still sometimes shared the bed with Donna. She was as sweet and compliant as ever, my best friend and my female lover. Our only problem was figuring out who would take the dominant role each time.

  I still hated to travel, but some of the stories Mary contracted for me to do required it. Rez usually went with me. One story we did was about the Fourth Worlder reaction to the new federal welfare program. That one didn't sell so well; once things quieted down, the upper class didn't want to hear about their problems anymore, and the Fourthers had only limited funds to spend on entertainment.