I broke free from the last few trees and over the rise, coming to a sudden stop just shy of the water, and took a deep breath as I fought to keep my balance. My heart pounded and it wasn’t just from exertion. Tears were in my eyes, but it wasn’t just from smacking into wayward tree branches.
I was so unprepared for the next year and I really didn’t want to think about it. I knew I couldn’t really put the whole thing off for all that much longer. But for now, I was going to keep avoiding it.
I started pacing, trying to calm the noisy static in my head, and trying to steady my racing heart and my shallow breath. But, my mind whirred; the stress of the next year pushed up incessantly against the static wall in my mind, making the panic ebb and flow on the edges of my soul. I needed distracting. I needed something to take my mind off it completely.
I was pulling my phone out and it was to my ear before I noticed what I was doing. I didn’t even know whose number I’d called until I heard the familiar voice yelling over loud music.
“Yeah?” He sounded like he’d been drinking and there were the familiar sounds of a party in the background.
“Roman…”
“Piper?” he yelled, sounding like he was sobering up a little.
“I… Uh, hi…”
“Babe, you okay?” His voice alone soothed my racing heart a little and the concern made me feel more than just the weird numbness that was threatening to overwhelm me.
“I… No? I don’t know. Sorry, you’re busy. I’ll talk to you later.”
“No apolo–”
“Fuckin’ let’s go, Lombardi!” someone called to him.
“Give me a minute,” Roman yelled back.
“Dude! Come on!” someone else said.
“Fucking wait!” Roman snapped. The sounds of the party faded and I heard a door close. “What’s up?”
“I don’t know. Mum was just… And, then I…” I took a deep breath, trying to keep the tears at bay.
“Where are you?”
“It’s fine. I’ll talk to you later. I didn’t mean to get in the way.”
“Piper, you could never get in the way. Where are you? I’m coming to you.”
“You’re busy.”
“I’m never busy for you, you know that.”
“Roman, I don’t want you driving if you’ve been drinking.”
“Fuck that. I’m fine. You need me? I’ll be there.”
“You’re not driving now. Your safety is priority, Roman.” My voice was becoming more forceful with the concern he was going to crash or get picked up and it would be all my fault.
“No. You are my priority, Piper.” His voice was hard and I recognised the beeping sound of his ute unlocking. “Now, you tell me where you are or you’re going to regret it.”
“How will I regret it if you can’t find me?” I asked, a little playfully.
“Piper…” His voice was a warning, but he sounded humorously exasperated with me.
“I’m at the lake.”
“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
I was going to argue, but he’d hung up.
The time passed with me worrying more that he was never going to make it than worrying about the next year. So, there was one slight plus about the whole situation at least. I was pacing when lights flashed over me, were suddenly cut and he slammed the door shut.
“Piper!” he yelled, moving towards me purposefully.
I turned to face him and could do nothing more than shake my head. He wrapped me in his arms and held me tightly. Nothing had ever been more comforting than his arms felt at that moment. I knew he shouldn’t have driven after drinking – and I planned to berate him fully later – but, just then, I was so grateful he was there.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt your party,” I mumbled into his jacket.
“You didn’t interrupt anything. I was out, but something more important came up.”
I pulled away from him quickly. “Crap! Is Maddy okay?” I asked. A thousand things tore through my head, but all too fast for me to catch.
He chuckled and kissed my hair. “You, you idiot. You’re the something more important.”
I let out a huge breath and shook my head. “No. Not if Maddy needed you.”
Roman let out a tremendously exasperated sigh and held me at arm’s length. “Honestly, Barlow – if you’ll allow me to indulge in some nancy wank for a moment – you are the most important thing in my world, all right? You need me, I’m here. It’s just not a fucking negotiation, love.”
I felt like a complete tool for putting him out and for putting him in a position where he felt like he had to get all sincere on me. “I’ll concede only so you don’t have to be all wanky and emotional anymore, okay?”
He grinned. “Okay. Thank you. Now, did you want to talk about what’s up, or are we going to sit here and say nothing for a while?”
I shrugged. “I just… Can we sit?”
Without hesitation, he dropped to the ground and held out his arms. “Come on, then.”
I gave him a thankful smile and sat myself between his legs. I leant back against him and he put his arms around me. He kissed the side of my head and leant his chin on my shoulder.
“Where were you?” I asked, having nothing else to say to him. I didn’t really care where he was, I was just curious; he might have gone out less these days, but going to a party on a Tuesday wasn’t unheard of for him.
I felt him shrug. “At a mate’s. He found himself with a bit of a gathering and invited me over.”
“You could have stayed,” I said without thinking.
He huffed a laugh. “No. We’ve been through this.”
I nodded. “Right, my bad.”
“You want to talk about it?”
“I have no idea where to start,” I admitted.
“That’s okay,” he said, rubbing my arm where it lay over my stomach. “Just say whatever you want.”
“What if I want to say nothing? What if I want to tell you I’m in love with you? What if I want to say I feel like walking into that water and never coming out?”
He squeezed me tighter. “You can say everything. You can say nothing at all. You know that.”
I leant my head back against him and sighed. “I’m just so over it. Why can’t we just sit here in this moment forever?”
Roman kissed my shoulder. “Well we’re certainly not in any hurry to go anywhere, are we?”
“We can’t stay here forever.”
“Maybe not. But, we can stay here as long as you like.”
“We have to go to school tomorrow.”
“Do we?”
I smiled. “Well, I do.”
“But, you won’t have to deal with next year if you don’t pass this year,” he teased, hugging me close and dipping his nose in my neck.
I giggled. “I am successfully avoiding my current issues, thank you. I don’t need to add to them.”
“Can I do anything?” he asked me, his nose running up my neck and sending goose bumps across my arms.
“Just be you.”
“Always, Barlow.” He rubbed my arm again, then stopped when I jumped at an unexpected sting. “What have you done to yourself?” he asked.
I looked down as saw a dark splotch on my arm. “Ah. I had a battle with a tree and apparently I lost.” I stuck my leg out and saw a dark splotch on my shin as well.
Roman sighed and hugged me close. “What the hell am I going to do with you? Honestly. Babe, I can’t leave you alone for five minutes.”
“I guess you’ll have to stay by my side forever.”
“I think I could manage that,” he said so softly I almost missed it. It was the sort of thing I shouldn’t answer because then he could pretend he hadn’t said anything.
We sat in silence for a while.
“Lombardi?”
“Barlow?”
“Thanks.”
“For what, love?
”
“For being here for me.”
He scoffed. “The day I’m not here for you, Piper, you can look for my body in the morgue.”
“That’s rather morbid,” I chuckled.
I felt him shrug again. “What can I say, Barlow? Only death will part me from you.”
“That’s straying into romantic territory there, Lombardi,” I warned.
“Well, I guess you can call me a romantic, then.”
I snorted. “I don’t think anyone would be stupid enough to call you that.”
“I might be,” he answered, completely seriously for a second.
But, then he tickled me and that totally distracted me from his words.
h
It was starting to feel like for every step closer I got to Roman, Mason was there taking a step closer as well.
And I mean that was the goal, wasn’t it? Sweet, kind, good, friend-and-family-approved, actually-wanted-a-relationship Mason was the goal, wasn’t it?
It just always seemed weirdly coincidental and made things with Roman feel a little bit weird. After the closeness of that night on the lakeshore, Mason was waiting for me at my locker first thing on Wednesday morning. I was tired and grumpy from a lack of sleep, I had bruises on my arm and leg, and the parents had given me a talking to for leaving and not coming back the night before.
In their defence, it was a half-hearted talking to; they’d expected I’d not gone far and they’d expected I’d been safe. When they’d heard I’d been with Roman at the lake, they didn’t bat an eyelid, just told me to let them know next time and asked if I needed a ride to school. But, Roman had been waiting at his ute for me and I told them I’d be fine. Mum had turned the slowcooker on, kissed my head, and swanned out of the house cooing a goodbye to Roman.
So, I was in a mood. It wasn’t a particularly foul mood, I was just irritable and stressed. So Roman walked me to my locker, pausing when we saw Mason.
“What does he want?” I hissed to Roman, sub-consciously leaning against him as though he needed to keep me safe from something.
I felt Roman’s hand against my back lightly. “I don’t know, Barlow,” he answered sarcastically. “I imagine the same thing he’s wanted for the last couple of months. Maybe now he’s finally sacked up.”
“I am so not in the mood for this today,” I muttered and Roman nudged me forward.
“Barlow, you’ve been waiting for him to ask you out for months. You want to tell him now is inconvenient and ask if he can call back later?”
I wanted to say that yes I did want to tell Mason all that. I wanted to say that, if it had been Roman, I could have done that easily and it would have made no difference to him; Roman would have understood and given me the space I needed. But, Mason wasn’t Roman. I wanted to say a damned lot of things, but we were too close to my locker now and Mason might have heard.
Mason eyed Roman warily. “Morning,” he said slowly.
Roman nudged me in the back.
“Morning,” I said quickly, trying to smile.
“I’ll see you back at the car, Barlow,” Roman said softly.
For some reason, I really didn’t want him to go. But, I had to be a big girl and face my problems. A nice Roman-shaped safety blanket would have made it all better, but we don’t always get what we want now do we?
So, I nodded and started unlocking the padlock on my locker. “Yep, I’ll see you later.”
“Carter.”
“Lombardi.”
It felt like all the air around me chilled when Roman stepped away. But, that was completely ridiculous and I told myself it was completely ridiculous. I was so busy telling myself that it was completely ridiculous that I almost missed Mason’s next words.
“…you wanted to go out with me sometime?” he was asking and I turned to look at him quickly.
“Uh…” Come on brain, catch up. “Yes, sure.” I broke into the widest, most sincere smile I owned and hoped it would cover my terribly hesitant answer.
“Don’t feel you have to,” he chuckled self-consciously.
“No, no. I’d love to,” I answered quickly. “Sorry. I’m not with it today. I slept terribly last night. Just ask Roman.”
“Ask him how you slept?” he asked slowly.
I blanched; well, he would know. I laughed awkwardly. “Uh, no. How not with it I am. I basically ignored him the whole way to school.”
Mason smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Well, I was thinking we could go to a movie and get something to eat. You know,” oh, great, he was asking me on a group outing again, “just us.”
My heart stuttered and I wasn’t sure if it was in a good way or a bad way. “Yes,” I squeaked. “Yes. That would be great.”
Yet again, I sounded more insincere the more sincere I tried to sound. I mentally rolled my eyes and wanted to slap myself.
Mason’s smile finally started to reach his eyes and they dropped to the floor as he shuffled a little awkwardly. I was starkly reminded that Roman would never have shuffled awkwardly after he asked a girl out. Not that Roman would ever ask a girl out.
“Great. Okay. So, uh… It’s a date.”
I smiled and looked around the corridor. “It is.”
Mason and I looked at each other at the same time and smiled. This time, it fully reached those gorgeous blue eyes and he looked a crazy amount of happy. I couldn’t believe it was all because I’d agreed to go out with him. Maybe it wasn’t. That made more sense; why would anyone look that happy just because I’d agreed to go out with them?
Mason nodded, looking like I’d made his day. “Great,” he repeated. “Well, we’ll fix a time and that later, yeah?”
I nodded as well. “Yeah, sounds good.”
“Sweet.” He looked at me, nodded once more, and strutted off.
I wasn’t sure how to feel. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel.
Were we dating now? Or, were we one of those couples who went out on a few dates before they decided they were officially dating? Why didn’t I know? Why was I not on the same wavelength as my guy? Everyone else just seemed to know these things. Why didn’t I know?
I got my books ready in a bit of a daze and wandered to first lesson to find Hadley. I dropped down into my chair beside her and only paid attention when she nudged me.
“What?” I jumped.
“What happened? Roman whip it out on the way to school?” Hadley chuckled, sliding a look over to said resident underachiever who apparently had decided to go to class that day.
I choked on an inconveniently placed glob of spit and Hadley smacked me on the back as I gathered my composure. “No,” I wheezed. “No, Mason just asked me out.”
Hadley squealed so high that it was almost something only dogs could hear. I winced and hit her as everyone who was already in the classroom turned and looked at her with interest. Roman looked at us a little longer before Rio distracted him again.
“Oh. My. God. Finally!” Hadley breathed. “Tell me everything!”
I blinked. “I just did…”
Hadley sighed like I was a little bit of an idiot. “No. What did he say? Where are you going? Details, bitch! Come on!”
I blinked some more. “Uh. Well, he asked if I wanted to go out with him sometime. A movie and food. That was… That was it. What does it mean?” I hissed, panic gripping me.
Hadley frowned like she thought I’d been replaced with an alien. “What do you mean, what does it mean?”
“Well, are we dating? What does it mean?”
Hadley chuckled. “It means you get to say no to Roman more easily.”
“I don’t need to say no to Roman, Hads,” I huffed. And, look, it wasn’t entirely a lie. I didn’t need to say no to Roman because he never asked for anything I wasn’t willing to give him; he just always knew what I wanted and what I needed and when. “But, I mean… Am I his girlfriend? How does this work?”
“You won’t
have to catch the bus, if that’s what you’re worried about. Everyone knows Piper Barlow is too sweet and innocent to hook up with the brooding bad boy. Mind you, you’re wasting a very decent opportunity there.”
I frowned at her. “Hads, I’m serious. How does this all work? What do I do? What does he expect?”
The teacher walked in and Hadley just looked at me like I was a foreign breed as she laughed, shook her head and got ready for the lesson.
But, I was panicking; I had no answers to my questions and no idea where I was supposed to sit with Mason. So, I barely paid attention through the whole of class. I made about half a page – if that – of useless, illegible notes while my mind wandered around in ever shrinking circles.
By the end of class, Hadley had to hit me to get me to pack up my stuff and stand up. I followed her vaguely out of the classroom and through the rest of the day in a slightly embarrassing blur. Hadley was constantly elbowing me to get me to pay attention and I was constantly apologising to people and telling them how badly I’d slept.
So, when I heard my name and an arm pulled me to face them at Lunch, my automatic reaction was, “Sorry. Didn’t sleep well last night. Bit out of it.”
I vaguely registered narrowed eyebrows. “Yeah, I remember. I was there. What’s with the apology? What’s the matter? You’ve looked out of it all day.”
I blinked and focussed on the comforting image of Roman’s face; even defiant, he was a comfort. I shook my head and looked around, feeling that weird antsy feeling I hadn’t had in a long time. “I don’t know.”
“What did he do?” Roman looked up quickly and my focus was drawn back by the movement. He was looking around the oval, scowling a fury.
“No. He didn’t…” I sighed. “He asked me out.”
Roman’s head snapped back to me so quickly I thought I got whiplash. “What?” His voice was dead cold.
I was surprised by his reaction and it sent an uncomfortable chill through me. “Mason asked me out.”
“Another group outing, then?” Was that a hint of hope amid the condescending mockery in Roman’s voice? Surely not.
I looked down and didn’t answer until he’d tipped my chin back up to face him, something very akin to panic in his eyes even though the rest of his face was stony. I knew I had to be imagining it, but something about it called to me. But, I either refused to understand what it meant or I just didn’t understand it.
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