by Jenny Foster
Instead of answering, Cat pressed herself against him even harder, and Talon understood what she was trying to tell him. Even as risky and unstructured as everything they were experiencing was, the danger was worth every second they were able to spend together. He held her out at arm’s length. “Go to the Sethari, find out what he knows, and then we’ll talk.” She glanced over at the corner where they could still see the pitiful remainder of their stores. “In the meantime, I will hunt and get something for us to eat. I don’t need to tell you to be careful, do I?”
He was rewarded with a hesitant smile. “Thank you.” Their eyes sank into each other, and he knew that Cat suspected how hard it was for him to leave her alone with the Sethari. The relief he saw in her eyes hurt him, but he also understood that this was something she needed to do on her own. The Sethari had known her parents and had information about her missing brother. When she was ready, she would tell him what she had learned.
He turned around without a word and left.
Chapter 3
Cat watched Talon go back out into the cold with energetic footsteps. A part of her wanted him to stay with her, holding her hand and protecting her while she questioned the Sethari. The other, braver part of her was thankful that he had enough faith in her and her abilities to leave her alone. She turned around with a sigh and saw that Shazuul had built a small nest out of blankets for himself. He looked too peaceful and harmless, snuggled in his nest there. It was becoming increasingly hard for her to see any danger in him. However, she couldn’t let her guard down for a single second. One mistake, one moment of inattention, would be enough to cause fatal consequences. Cat took a deep breath and swore to herself that she wouldn’t make any mistakes.
Shazuul gave her something that was probably supposed to be a smile, and patted the ground next to him, inviting her over. Come, he said in his thoughts. She half expected him to demonstrate his powers by putting pressure on her, but it really was nothing other than an invitation to sit next to him. She didn’t, of course. Instead, she sat on the ground in front of him, crisscross apple sauce, after putting a blanket down first.
A minute passed without either of them saying anything. Was it a sign of weakness to say something first? That was probably nonsense, because the Sethari was all too aware that she was burning with curiosity and impatience to find out more about her parents and her brother. Was this the moment she had been waiting half her life for? Cat brushed a strand of hair from her face and noticed that her hand was shaking. It seemed too good to be true that she might finally have some certainty about Coran. In all the years since his disappearance, she had always been convinced that her twin brother was still alive. She looked at Shazuul and suddenly, she was no longer sure that Coran was still among the living. All of the doubts that she had suppressed rigorously, because she couldn’t stand the idea that he was dead, now came rushing up at her. He would surely have made contact with her if he was still alive. There was no reason for him to just disappear. The list was endless.
“Can we have a normal exchange?” she started the conversation.
He made a grimace of discomfort. “I not good with words,” he said squeaking. “Why?” He tilted his head to the side. Was he trying to look cute? Or was his goal to look like a harmless Sethari? Cat could barely suppress an amused grin. Watchfulness, she reminded herself.
“I just prefer it that way,” she answered and was curious how Shazuul would react. He shrugged awkwardly and looked at her expectantly.
“No scared,” he said in his elongated, patient-sounding tone. At first, Cat misunderstood him, and thought that he meant that he wasn’t afraid of her. When he continued, she realized what he was saying. “Shazuul know Cat long time.”
Stars danced in front of her eyes. Now they were getting into the part of the conversation she longed for the most, but also dreaded more than anything. She blinked a few times, trying to chase away the tears that were starting to form. “You said that you know my parents. Where are they?” Cat couldn’t stop her voice from sounding accusing.
“Hard,” he said. “Father disappeared before Cat’s birth. In the caves.” She could feel that he wanted to show her something in his head. She searched his face for any hint of malice or danger. Fine. She sent out her spirit, and he was already open, inviting her in. Did the Sethari know no fear? She had never met anyone who invited others in so willingly like he did. She entered cautiously. He showed her an image of a desert. A cliff rose above it up into the sky. She knew this image from somewhere, but didn’t know exactly where it fit in. She saw a dark hole, leading deep into Earth’s belly. Down there, she heard Shazuul’s voice, soft and dampened. Disappeared. Nobody knows more.
What about my mother? Is she still alive? Where can I find her?
She could feel his sadness. It was real. There was no way anybody could fake that. Then she saw a woman holding two newborns in her arms. Cat’s heart raced. Something about her face was familiar, and then, she finally understood. This was her mother, holding Coran and Cat in her arms. She looked deathly exhausted. The happiness in her eyes was strangely dull. Cat saw the woman – her mother – hand both babies to the Sethari. They looked at each other, the woman and Shazuul, and exchanged a message wordlessly. Cat knew instinctively that they were speaking to each other in their thoughts.
The amount of information was too much for Cat, as were the strong feelings that were hitting her all at once. They weren’t just her thoughts, she thought with an odd distance, but also Shazuul’s feelings. He mourned the woman. Her name was Cassie. She was the first human who had willingly given him energy to save him from starving, and now, after entrusting her children to Shazuul, she could leave. Cat didn’t understand exactly where she had gone, but she saw Cassie lean back in the pillows on her bed. She closed her eyes, and suddenly, she was far, far away. She could feel the urgency with which Shazuul wanted to leave the huge ship, and she watched him flee with a human who awakened a vague memory in her.
She tore herself away from the Sethari’s thoughts.
It cost Cat all of her remaining strength to not cry. Her mother had entrusted Cat and Coran to a Sethari! How could that be?
“Cat,” Shazuul said. His voice sounded so loving that it seemed like an echo of her mother’s feelings. “Mother gone, father gone. Shazuul,” he pointed to himself with his snout, “always there.”
“Do you mean that you always watched over me?” Cat’s thoughts were racing. She remembered the card she had received, signed by a mysterious friend with the initials “SH”. She remembered the feeling of being watched, even if she had never been able to figure out by whom. “You were always close by? But why? I mean, why did you give Coran and me up, if you wanted to watch over us?”
The Sethari’s face darkened. “Burke not trustworthy,” he said. “Burke doctor on ship. Traitor.” He made an inviting gesture towards his head, but Cat shook her head vehemently. It needed to work this way too, or she would collapse in a screaming heap sooner or later. That was not an option. Not now, not later. She needed to stay strong.
“What happened to Coran?” She finally asked the question that was swirling in her head.
“Shazuul not know.” He searched for the right words. “Cat and Coran separate ways. Cat vulnerable. Coran strong. Shazuul with Cat. Coran gone.”
It hurt so much, so very much. Coran had disappeared because Shazuul had stayed with her.
“Not be sad,” Shazuul said and touched her hand with his snout. Cat didn’t even flinch when she felt the surprisingly soft skin on his snout. “Someday Coran back again. Patience.”
“Do you really believe that?” she asked. He nodded, and Cat knew that he would never lie to her. The thing that had connected her mother and Shazuul - it also extended to her. It was almost like a present that her mother was sending her from the past. She was probably dead, just like her father, but something of them had survived.
The only question was how she was going to explain to Talon that sh
e trusted Shazuul.
Chapter 4
Talon returned from the hunt with his strength renewed. Every time he took off his clothes and shifted to the predator, the animal’s strength stayed in his body for a while. For some strange reason, the pleasant side effect only happened after a hunt, and never after a real fight – maybe, because in the latter case, his muscles and spirit were equally tired.
He found Cat and Shazuul exactly where he had left them. Something was different. There was a relaxed, even familiar atmosphere between them. Either, the damned energy vampire really was one of a kind and was trustworthy, or he had managed to lull Cat in. Talon snuck closer. Something about the way they were sitting close to each other, and the way Cat was holding her head down, drew his attention.
Then he saw it. The Sethari had his snout against the back of her neck and was taking in her energy. He crossed the distance with two powerful jumps. His claws came out, ready to give the Sethari a fatal blow. There were two things that prevented the Sethari’s quick death. Shazuul, cursed be his name, ducked at the last minute, and Cat roared a loud “No!” That wasn’t the only thing she did. She threw herself on Talon and hung onto his arms like a chain. He reacted instinctively. The predator in him roared, and he threw himself to the side, retracting his claws and taking Cat with him, so that she landed on top of him.
For a moment, he was blinded with raging anger. He bared his teeth and forced the animal back, deep inside him, while trying to bring his breathing under control. It wasn’t easy to regain his self-control, because he could feel the weight of Cat’s warm body on top of his. The scent of her skin reached his nose. When she finally rolled off him, he was able to breathe more easily.
“I am so sorry,” she said. She made sure the Sethari was unhurt, and Talon felt a new wave of pure fury rise within him. What had happened during the short time he was out making sure that they had something to eat? Since when could humans and Setharis be best friends? Her worry over him hadn’t escaped him, and he felt the animal inside him grind his teeth in anger.
“Come,” he said and stood up. Roughly, he pulled her to her feet. “We need to talk. This can’t go on like this.” I can’t even leave you alone for half an hour, he wanted to say, but he swallowed the bitter words back. Cat followed him willingly, and stumbled, but caught herself.
“Slow down,” she hissed. “You don’t need to pull me behind you like a caveman. I am following you of my own free will.”
Talon ignored her words. If he spoke now, he would say something unforgiveable. With every day he spent on Earth, his self-control was waning. This state was anything but pleasant. It was almost as if he was losing his mind a little more every day. This was his own personal version of hell: not being able to control the things that were happening and being confronted with the feelings that Cat awakened in him, on top of that.
When they were finally out of the Sethari’s sight, Talon calmed down a little. He could look at Cat without his anger rising in front of his eyes like a red curtain. “What is going on with you?” Cat asked and crossed her arms over her chest.
Nothing, he wanted to say, but the words died on his lips. Cat deserved the truth, even if it put him in an unflattering light – and if he was honest, he couldn’t lie to her anymore anyway, since they had been bound to each other. Who was he kidding? Only himself. “I think Earth’s atmosphere isn’t good for me,” he admitted. “At first, it was just little things. I have stronger feelings, but now it feels like my predator is getting stronger and stronger. I…” he swallowed, “have less control over myself.”
Cat’s eyebrows shot up. “I have noticed,” she replied. She frowned. “You really thought that Shazuul would suck out all of my energy, didn’t you?” Her eyes softened. “It really is my mistake. I shouldn’t have done it without telling you first. It was just that,” she hesitated, searching for the right words. “I was afraid that you would forbid it, and he hasn’t eaten in so long. Shazuul was hungry. He really only took a little of my energy – just enough to satisfy the worst of his hunger.”
Talon bit his tongue until he tasted blood. Even the tone she used to talk about the energy vampire made him angry. “Why do you trust him? What did he tell you?”
Cat didn’t take her eyes off him as she told him what had happened between her and the Sethari. He searched her face for a sign that she had been fooled or somehow manipulated, but he found nothing. She believed the hair-raising story he had told her. When she got to the end of her story, he shook his head. “Do you know what all of this sounds like to me? Your new friend is dangling bait in the form of your brother under your nose, and you have nothing better to do than to give him energy. Even that would be fine; I could live with it, but did you ever think about what he wants from you? I mean what he really wants from you?”
“Nothing,” Cat retorted with a wave of defiance. “He wants nothing from me. I just told you. He has watched over me. First, he saved my life and my brother’s life, and ever since then, he has been close by so that he could protect us.”
Talon stared at her. “Well I can see how successful he was in your brother’s case,” he sneered, but immediately wished he could take it back. Cat paled and pressed her lips together until they were merely a thin line. Talon knew that he had gone too far and was just about to tell her that he was sorry, when she spoke.
“Fine,” she said curtly. In that one syllable, there was so little of what he usually heard in her words, that it made him shiver. Cat tilted her head to the side and looked at him coldly. The only thing that told him that she wasn’t as relaxed as she was pretending to be, were her balled fists. “Maybe, we should go our separate ways, then.”
The first thing he felt was disbelief. He opened his mouth to tell her that this wasn’t possible anymore now that they had been bound to each other. Hadn’t she listened at all? Separating a pair that had been bound to each other in the rite meant death for both of them, slow or not so slow. “You can’t be serious,” he growled, but she stepped back from him, the look of defiance still on her face. “You are choosing the Sethari over me?”
“No,” she snapped, and Talon saw with relief, that the cold in her eyes had given way to the fire of anger. “I am just trying to make it clear to you that he does not present any danger for me, for us.” She was silent for a moment. “Please understand,” she said pleadingly, “that he is the only connection I have to my parents and my brother. He is like,” she smiled slightly, “an unexpected present that I had stopped hoping for.”
“Even so, you should be careful.” He didn’t say anything else, trying not to destroy the fragile peace between them, even though he wanted to say much more.
“I am careful,” Cat said.
Talon snorted. “I wouldn’t call offering yourself to him as nutrition, being careful,” he insisted, even though a small part of him was wondering what he was doing. “If I hadn’t shown up at the right time, who knows what would have happened? You could have died!” Why was he so hell-bent on pushing her away? Her cheeks reddened.
“Are you listening? Shazuul will not hurt me.”
Talon gnashed his teeth, and then the words came tumbling out of him. There was nothing he could do to stop them. “Me or him. Decide.”
Cat’s eyes darkened. “Are you serious?” They looked at each other, each of them unwavering. An eerie peace spread through Talon, and he vaguely perceived something foreign that he couldn’t influence and didn’t want to.
Cat’s answer consisted of simply turning away from him. She never once turned around to look at him as she walked away. Only her lowered head and the way her shoulders slumped, like she was somehow defeated, told him that she was feeling anything at all. Even when she closed the door behind her quietly, she didn’t look at him. The anger that was brewing inside him disappeared when he realized one thing.
He was alone.
Chapter 5
On the inside, Cat felt wounded and numb all at once, as she turned her back on T
alon and left. What in the world was going on with him? His character had changed so much in a short period of time. He was no longer the man she had fallen in love with. This Talon tried to control her life and to make decisions for her. She had tried to explain to him that she needed Shazuul – differently to how she needed him, but not any less. Every step that took her further away from Talon sounded so final. Her heart was breaking. She hoped in vain that he would stop her, or hurry after her, but nothing happened. He just stood there and watched her go back to Shazuul.
Was that it between her and Talon? The lump in her throat got so big that she couldn’t swallow it anymore. Maybe she should go back and try to explain everything to him again? But no… as long as he was in this state, there was no reasoning with him. On the other hand, did the things that stood between them now even require common sense and a clear mind?
She saw Shazuul, who had thrown off his blankets and was looking at her expectantly. The sight of him robbed her of the last of her strength. It had kept her upright during the inexplicable confrontation with Talon, but now it was gone. What was she supposed to do now? She couldn’t stay here, near Talon. Definitely not. Not until he could see that he had no reason to mistrust Shazuul. If only Talon could trust her, just once! Why was that so hard? Was it because she was his wife? No, she thought, that wasn’t it. She remembered the way he had looked at her, back then, when she had told him about her gift. He had been so non-judgemental. Why had he changed so much? If the result of him creating the bond between them was that he started acting like a brainless and possessive Neanderthal, then she could and would gladly do without him. She would need to find a way to break the bond. She wouldn’t be able to, as long as she was near him.
“We need to get out of here,” she said to Shazuul, expecting him to welcome the news with gladness. Instead, he tilted his head to the side and his little eyes looked at her in reprimand. “What?” she snapped, reacting to the unspoken accusation. “I will never let anyone tell me how to live my life, not even the man I love. Especially not the man I love.”