by Stratton, M.
“There’s more to it than that.” Her head tilted to one side and her eyes narrowed as if she was trying to get into his mind and figure him out. “What about the job you had before coming here? I’m trying to remember.” She tapped her finger to her lip. “Didn’t you have your own company?”
Ethan held his ground. He didn’t want her to know she was right, and there was more to it. “My brother didn’t want me around in his last days. I need to be able to give back. I need to be able to be there for someone else since I wasn’t there for him. Yes, I do own a company, and because of that, I’m able to take off as much time as I need to try and help someone else.”
She nodded and relaxed some more. A smile spread across her face and she pointed to his shoulder. “It would seem someone’s happy you’re here.”
Ethan looked at his shoulder where a large butterfly had landed. It stood there, its wings slowly opening and closing, flashing its colors. He had no idea where the eyes were, but he was pretty sure they were staring at each other.
“My mother told me before she died, whenever I saw a rainbow or a butterfly, it was her thinking of me. We see a lot of them here in the garden surrounded by so many handprints. Looks like Evan is thinking of you.”
Ethan was lost in the moment, wondering if what she said was true. The child who used to be filled with wonder, hoped it was, but the cynical man he grew into told him she talked a good talk. It was all part of the scam. He wasn’t going to let his defenses down. His purpose was to expose her to the world so she couldn’t take anyone else’s money.
The butterfly fluttered its wings and took off, leaving him alone with her and at odds with himself.
Day 4
Ethan–
Skydiving, who would have thought, especially since I made damn sure I didn’t join the Airborne division of the Army all those years ago. But I finally did a jump and I can cross that off my bucket list. I will tell you that I don’t think I’ll ever need to do that again, unlike Patty. Man, she loved it. Today, we both jumped for the first time and had totally different reactions, that’s for sure. While this will be my last, I’m willing to bet money she comes back, every day if they’ll let her.
I wish you could meet her. There’s something about her that reminds me of Mom.
Evan
“All right, come on, folks, let’s move it! Time to jump out of a plane,” Patty said as she adjusted the straps on her harness and looked over at Ethan. “What’s the matter, Bucky? Scared?”
Sam looked over at the new guy, Ethan, and tried not to laugh, instead settling for a smirk. He did look a little green around the gills. Patty was in her mid-forties and still full of sass, even though a large-mass tumor in her stomach was slowly starving her, making her extremely thin.
“What?” Ethan asked. “No, I’m fine. But tell me again, why am I doing this?” His brow furrowed when he looked over at Patty.
“Because if those of us who are at death’s door can go up to eleven-thousand feet and step out of a plane, a healthy man like you should be able do it too. Don’t wait.”
“So you aren’t scared, at all?” he asked.
“Nope, jumping out of planes was something I always wanted to do, but never found the courage or time to. The first week I was at Sam’s place, she took us up here to jump, and I’ve been back every week since then. I love it. Besides, what’s the worst that can happen? My chute doesn’t open? I die? Well, I’m weeks, maybe days away from dying as it is. This”—she pointed to sky—“ . . . this I’ve got.”
Ethan nodded. “It seems like I’ve got a lot to learn.”
Sam turned away to make sure the other guest, Bruce Blucker’s, harness was secured properly. It was his first time up as well. He loved everything to do with fitness; even though he was in his eighties, he could run circles around the staff half his age. It seemed the lung cancer wasn’t slowing him down and he wanted to try it.
Sam took a deep breath and thought about Ethan. His skill set wasn’t something they needed at the ranch. He seemed like he’d be better suited for an office, but he was a quick learner and had the drive to put 100 percent behind what he was doing. He didn’t seem like the type who would take a leave of absence from his company to come up here and get his hands dirty. This wasn’t the first time she’d wondered if his brother’s passing changed something at the core of his being.
As they all piled into the plane to take them up, she went through her mental checklist, making sure everyone’s safety equipment was operational. Yes, what Patty said was correct; they were all days or weeks away from death, but she didn’t want their death to come earlier by an accident. She wanted them to have every single second they could.
“Are you going to make it?” Stopping next to Ethan, she looked at him and noticed he looked a little pale.
“This? Oh, yeah. No problem, I’m fine.” He gave her a thumbs up.
“It’s not too late to back out, you know.” She nodded to the man strapped to Ethan’s back. She’d made sure he had the best, most competent instructor to tandem jump with him.
“No.” He shook his head. “If they can do it, so can I.”
She raised an eyebrow at him. “This isn’t a competition.”
“That’s not how I meant it.” He sighed. “Patty had a good point. I’m not going to pass this opportunity up. I have to be honest, I may never do it again, but I can say, at least once, I jumped out of a plane.”
“Fine, you’re up next.” She slapped him on the shoulder, walked to the door of the plane and jumped out.
As she freefell, the wind flew past her face making it difficult to breathe. It was always the part she hated, never feeling like she could breathe. Every single time she jumped, it still took her by surprise, and she had to fight the natural urge to panic and hyperventilate in order to get the oxygen her body wanted. Once she pulled the ripcord and her body was jerked into position, she settled in to enjoy the slow ride down. Pulling on one side of the chute and then the other, creating big lazy circles, this was the part she enjoyed. It was so quiet, she couldn’t hear any of the hustle and bustle that went on down below. It was her time: no responsibilities, no questions, no duties, no death, just falling gently back to earth.
Too soon, the ground was coming up to meet her. She bent her knees and walked her way down. She looked around to see who had landed and made sure they were okay before gathering her chute and watching her newest employee land. Not bad for his first time, she thought, as he was able to stay on his feet with the help of the instructor.
Once he disconnected, she walked over to him and smiled. “Good job. The first jump is always the hardest. You end up either loving it or hating it. Although, I’m guessing you aren’t chomping at the bit to get back up in a plane.”
“Yeah . . .”
She laughed. “Well, if it makes you feel better, it’s not my favorite thing to do.”
He tilted his head to the side. “Then why do you?”
“Because I found out really quick, even though some people are dying, and this is something they want to do, doesn’t mean they still don’t get scared the first time they do it. They can’t all be Patty.” She shrugged. “The easiest way to show them it’s going to be okay is to jump with them myself. To be honest, I hate the freefall, but after the chute is open, the peace is perfect. You take the good with the bad.”
“So, am I going to have to jump every time?” He looked at her out of the corner of his eye.
Sam smiled at him. “No, not at all. Having someone on the ground to help out would be great. I’m usually never the first one to jump, and sometimes, our guests need a little bit of help after they land. If you could take that over for me, then I can stay on the plane and make sure the rest of them are good to jump.”
“Now that is something I can do.” His shoulders sagged with relief.
“Then we have a plan.” She casually patted him on the back and was surprised at how the feel of his muscles tensing under his shirt sent
butterflies dancing in her stomach. Normally, it wasn’t something she thought about. Human touch was a big part of what went on at the resort. People wanted to feel connected, wanted the love, wanted to know someone cared enough and wasn’t scared to touch them because they were dying. She always tried to show them they mattered.
“We have a plan.”
They both smiled at each other.
Day 5
Ethan–
Wow, finally got to sit down and talk with Sam. She’s amazing. You can tell she loves this place, and us. She gives it her all, puts everything into her program. You’d be surprised by how many things there are to do around here. Every single day, there’s something new. Even when I get to the point where I won’t be able to get around as well, there are still going to be things for me to do, or hell, even if I want a chocolate cream pie at two in the morning, they’ll get it for me, and never make me feel like I’m putting them out, or asking too much. I can’t put into words how great that is.
And when you hear the reason why she does this, well, all I can say, bro, is it makes it all the better. There needs to be more people like her in this world.
Evan
After everyone unloaded from the van and disbursed to their rooms or cabins, Sam drove the van around to the garage near the kitchen and parked it. She sat there for a moment before climbing out and going to the vehicle log, making a note that they were due for an oil change. She’d somehow have to schedule it in, and they really should get the tires rotated. Bending down, she checked the tires closer. It was going to be the last rotation before she had to get new ones.
Opening up her task app on her phone, she added them to her list and started to walk out when Ethan came through the door.
“Hey,” he said. “I was wondering if you needed help with anything. I used to work in a garage after high school.”
“Funny you should mention that. The van is due for an oil change, and if you could take care of it, it would save me some time and money. Then all I’ll have to organize is the tire rotation.”
“I can take it into town for you and have that done.”
“Great. Can you make sure you get it done this week? We use the van a lot and end up racking up miles quickly.” She stepped over to the shelves of different vehicle fluids and checked to make sure they had enough on hand.
“No problem. So . . . ummm . . .” He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.” She kept checking the shelves.
“Why do you do this? I’ve been watching you for the past couple of days. You’re on the move from when you wake up to when you go to sleep. You’re always taking care of everything on the ranch and everybody. What drives you to work so hard?”
Stopping what she was doing, she turned and faced him, giving him her full attention. “They deserve it. I know some people think I’m wasting money, or throwing it away on people who are going to die sooner rather than later, but the extra days they have mean everything to them. One more sunrise, one more sunset.” She went over and grabbed a couple of waters out of the small refrigerator before walking to the door and held it open. “Come on, I want to show you something.”
Instead of walking back to the main house, she took a path leading up the small hill behind the garage. It wasn’t a difficult or long hike before they reached the top. It was one she’d taken many times over the years. She walked over to a bench under a tree and pointed to it.
“My parents, Bill and Bonnie Truman,” Sam said as the wind gently blew her hair. “We had money, but all the money in the world couldn’t buy cures for the cancers that ravaged their bodies. My dad was diagnosed first with stage IV colon cancer.” After all this time, she could say the words, but it still didn’t seem possible. “He went through chemo and radiation before having surgery. He ended up getting a bad infection and was in and out of the hospital for a couple of months. We thought he was going to die a few times before we found out he was allergic to the sutures they’d used.” Still, the image of him lying in the hospital bed looking so thin and his skin appearing grey haunted her. “When they went back in and removed them, he was fine. He started rebuilding his strength, getting better. Then they found the spot on his lung, and removed it. When he was first diagnosed, they said he’d be lucky to make it to five years. He proved them wrong”—she teared up but held them back—“all because of his attitude. He said he wasn’t going to be ashes in an urn sitting on the fireplace mantle. He was going to fight it, he had too much to live for. And he did. I’m not saying he didn’t have down days, but for every down day he had, there were a dozen or more positive days. He’s one of the best men I’ve ever known and I was lucky enough to call him Dad.”
She walked back toward where they’d come from and stood looking out over the ranch. “My dad was doing better, great test results, recovered from his surgeries, we thought we were out of the woods, then my mom had a heart attack. That was when they found her cancer, lung cancer, stage IV.”
“I’m so sorry. To have both of your parents have advanced stages of cancer like that . . .”
“Sadly, it happens more often than it should, especially with lung cancer. Anyway, it was large and in both lungs. There was no way they could do surgery or radiation. The doctors said if the chemo worked, she’d make it a year, if not, three months.” Her lips trembled as she tried to smile. “She took the same attitude as my dad. She fought it and blew their estimations out of the water.” She turned to look at him. “You see, attitude has so much to do with life. That’s what I’m doing here.” Her voice became stronger. “With the money they left me, I bought this place and fixed it up, and now I help people in the same position as they were. I help them live a few extra days, have a few extra sunrises and sunsets. Give them everything they could possibly need to make their last days here as wonderful as they possibly can be.”
“What about you though? You work so hard for them, and I’m not knocking that, but what about you? You need to take care of yourself.”
“I do, don’t you understand? The more I give, the happier I am, the more fulfilled I am. I don’t need for anything. This is what I want to do. This resort has become my reason for living.” She walked to the tree. “I planted this tree the very first day I took possession of this land. I hauled the sapling up here by myself, dug the hole, emptied my parents’ ashes in the hole and planted a tree for them. They are always together and it sits up here, watching over my property. Watching over all the other people who come here with cancer or any other terminal disease.”
“What about family? Don’t those people down there have family?”
He almost sounded angry. Sam assumed it was because he was trying not to show that what she was saying affected him. “Some of them do, but some, like your brother, wanted to make a clean break. They don’t want to be a burden to their families, or to have their loved ones watch them die. They want them to remember them as they were, not as they died. They say their good-byes and come up here. Some don’t have anyone and some actually have their families come up here for visits.”
“I can’t believe so many people would come up here to die, without any family around.”
“You still can’t understand how your brother wouldn’t allow you to take care of him.”
“No. I don’t understand it at all.” His fists clenched at his side.
She hoped she was helping him transition. “Maybe after you’ve been here for a little bit longer, you will, maybe you won’t. Everyone handles their disease differently. A lot of soul searching is done to decide what they can or can’t deal with. Some give up and die quickly. Others fight.”
“I’m glad he wanted to fight, to have extra time here, even though the doctors said there was no hope, but why couldn’t we do that together? Why did he have to shut me out?” His brow furrowed and a vein popped out on his temple.
“You know he ended up living an extra thirty-nine days by coming up here than what the d
octors said. You read his journal. You know he was as happy and as comfortable as he could be. We have staff and doctors, who know exactly what he needed. As the big brother, you were used to taking care of him, looking out for him, and this time, he decided to do it all on his own, and not consult you.”
He spun on her. “What? You think I’m all pissed off that my pride got hurt because he didn’t depend on me? Well, maybe it is, but dammit, I could have done all of this for him, and more. Who knew him better than I did? Hell, we could have gone to baseball games like we used to do when we were kids, recreate all those memories, made new ones. I could have jumped out of a plane with him, not some stranger.”
“That’s it, that’s exactly it. You knew him best. And yes, you could have done all of that for him, but then you also would have seen him at the end, when he couldn’t take care of himself, when half the time he forgot what day it was, if he even noticed the sun was shining. When he was at his weakest.”
“He was my brother, my responsibility.”
She stepped closer to him and put her hand on his shoulder and her voice quieted, hoping to make him hear what she had to say. “And he felt you’d done all you could do. He was going to die. That was a fact. Nothing was going to change that. There was no reason to put more responsibility on you. He was trying to make it easier on you.”
Ethan looked at her with his hand clenched at his sides and tears threatening to overflow his eyes. “Dammit, he was my brother . . .” His voice broke. “I’ve lost my only brother.”
She’d never been able to let someone grieve and not comfort them. Stepping toward him, she gathered him up in her arms and let his grief flow over her, hoping somehow, someway, she took some of the pain from him. This was so unusual, they’d never had a family member spend so much time up here after their loved one had died. She couldn’t put her finger on what it was, but there was something about him that pulled at her. Knowing this wasn’t the time to analyze, she simply held him as he was able to finally voice the words she figured he’d kept locked up inside for too long.