120 days...

by Stratton, M.

  “Most people don’t realize I should have died before I was three,” Bobby said. “The doctors said I wouldn’t make it, but my parents, especially my mom, wouldn’t allow that to happen. They did everything they could, tried every treatment, and here I am, still alive. My eyes are gone, but my mom never thought I was handicapped because I couldn’t see. She made sure I had what every other child had. Even glasses. I was in grade school and the school nurse had no idea I was blind. I was just like everyone else. She sent a note home saying I needed an eye exam, and then I decided I wanted to wear glasses, even though I didn’t need them, and she got them for me. Somehow, I got through my mom’s death from cancer when I was fourteen. My dad and I were close by that point, and I had my aunt and uncle. Soon after, I went back to Duke for more treatments, the cancer was back. But again, they worked their magic and I was fine. Until about six months ago. I knew what it was, and the doctor’s confirmed it, but this time, it was too far gone. My aunt planned my twentieth birthday party early, invited friends and family, who came. I took the time to make sure I said good-bye to each of them. I know what happened with my mom, what everyone had done for me all my life. This time, I couldn’t ask them to watch me die. Have the people who mean so much to me, my dad, aunt and uncle, watch a child die, so I came here, knowing the next time I see them, I’ll really be able to.”

  “I was very lucky,” said Dolores. “Grew up in Bayside New York, the neighborhood was full of second-generation immigrants, and you know what that means? I was exposed to all these different cultures. I loved it. I thrived in that environment. I met the love of my life when I was still in high school and we were married fifteen days after I turned eighteen. My pride and joy? Bar none, my four kids. My job, my dancing might have been my passion, but my kids, and grandkids, well, that is what makes everything worth it; all the long hours, sacrifices, those are easy when you have the love of your children. I tried to instill in them how important family is and to respect everyone, even if they were from a different culture and to work hard. My legacy lives on with them.”

  “I have to say, Sam, you’ve got a great place here,” Bruce said. “You’ve made it possible for this old man to go on living, just like I would at home. I’m able to play basketball here. In fact,”—he nodded toward Ethan—“I’m pretty sure I’ve kicked that whippersnapper in a few games. You’ve taken me down into the surrounding towns so I can find my antique treasures to restore, and you’ve proudly put them around the resort. I know I’m from an older generation, but for us, it’s all about working hard, being responsible, doing the right thing, being there for your family and praying. I might be old and dying of cancer, but you let me do all of that, and I’m rightfully grateful, ma’am.”

  Sam always made sure her pockets were full of tissues for these nights, and that night was no different. When Ethan put his arm around her and pulled her close to him, she wanted to crawl up on his lap and let all of her defenses down, cry like a baby for all the pain they were in, but she wouldn’t allow herself to be weak.

  “You all know my story. I make sure I share it with each and everyone one of you because it matters, my parents mattered, and you matter. Every night before I go to bed, I pray as hard as I can that they will find a cure for cancer and I’m not needed anymore. Growing up as an only child is both a blessing and a curse. It did make me more independent, since there wasn’t a sibling to rely on, but it was also lonely. On the other hand, I had my parent’s full attention. I never had to compete for it. The three of us were always together in this crazy thing we call life.” Sam gave a small laugh. “My parents passed down to me more than just genetics. They also taught me right from wrong, to be a good person, to drive, really there’s so much more. I could go on, but instead, I’ll leave you with a funny story. My dad taught me how to drive because my mom knew he was going to end up being better at it than her. So, there was this huge hill leading out of where we lived. I always loved to ride down that hill on my bike. I love the wind in my hair. Anyway, we pulled around the corner and he turned to me and said, ‘I’m going to do this so you never do, and don’t tell your mother.’ He punched the accelerator and he caught air in the car going over that hill. I’m pretty sure we looked at each other when we were airborne and grinned, but I could be remembering wrong; it was a while ago. Then we came back down with a bounce and he continued to drive me wherever we were going. I can honestly say, I never jumped that hill. I didn’t need to since my dad did it for me. That’s what family is all about, taking that hill for the other person.” Sam looked over at Ethan.

  “You know,” Ethan began, “I’m all alone in this world now, just like Sam. But I have to admit, she amazes me.” He kept his arm around her as he spoke. “What she’s built here, it’s more than what the average person would think it was. You all spoke of it in one way or another with your stories, how important family is. Well, Sam, is alone in this world and wanted to do something to help others. In essence, she’s created her own family here with each of you. So while you all may have decided to die away from your family, it must be comforting to know this new family you’re a part of is there for you, just as much as the other one you grew up with.”

  Sam had a lot of experience holding back the tears, only letting a little out in front of other people. Her dad had always said, ‘Tears never helped anything,’ and she wanted to be strong for everyone. But hearing Ethan’s words, she couldn’t hold them in. Tears streamed down her face. He understood, he completely understood what she was doing here and how important it was.

  When Ethan finished his story, there was silence. Everyone had a chance to speak. There wasn’t going to be any more stories that night. Sam looked around at everyone and tried hard not to think about the fact that the next time they had the campfire not everyone who was seated around the fire would be here. This was always the hardest for her, thinking of the future and these wonderful people who would no longer be with them. She tried to focus on the fact she was helping them. They were living the last of their days the best way they could, enjoying experiences they never thought they’d be able to. She knew that should count for something.

  Slowly, guests started leaving, the staff helping the ones who needed it. Before long, it was only Sam and Ethan left. With her legs propped up on the log she was sitting on, she rested her chin on her knees and wrapped her arms around her legs, staring into the dying fire. These nights always made her nostalgic for her younger years.

  “Why don’t you go home? I’ll make sure the fire is out and everything is back in the kitchen,” Ethan said, stretching his legs out in front of him.

  “It’ll go quicker if we work together.” She started to move to get up, but his hand on her shoulder stopped her. Sam looked back over it at him.

  “Samantha, please, let me do this one little thing for you.”

  “You do things for me all the time.”

  “Yes, you let me help, as an employee. This is something I want to do for you, as a friend.”

  “Is that what we are?” It took everything she had to keep her voice level.

  “You’ve made an unbelievable difference in my life. I’d like to think I’m a better man for meeting you. I know I still have a long way to go. You have to understand this is all so new to me. For the first time since Evan was seventeen, I don’t know what comes next.”

  “That’s the thing, Ethan, none of us ever really know what comes next. You can fool yourself into thinking you do, or can control it, but everything can change in a moment, and nothing will ever be the same.” She stood up and kept her back to him. “You know, maybe I will take you up on the offer to finish cleaning up. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Sam, wait . . .”

  Without turning, she spoke, “No Ethan, it’s been a long day. Please, just let me go.”

  She didn’t hear him come up behind her and jumped when he sighed right behind her. “I will . . . for now.” He rubbed her upper arms, and gently tugged her back to him and k
issed the top of her head. “Sleep well.”

  Because she wanted to sink into him and soak up his strength, she purposely pulled away. “You too.” She put one foot in front of the other and walked away from him. The further she moved away, the worse she felt. Blinking back tears, she looked up at the full moon shining down on her. She wondered what life had planned for her. How come when she finally had everything figured out, Ethan came into her life, encouraging her to dream of things she could never have?

  Day 19

  Ethan–

  Everyone’s stories weighed heavily on my mind last night and I didn’t get much sleep. Everyone talked about family, and I thought of you. I wish things could have been different. That Mom and Dad weren’t killed that night. Do you ever wonder what could have been?

  I feel itchy in my skin today. I’ve kept up with my runs and workouts, granted, I’m taking it slower than I used to since the last thing I need is to hurt myself. But today I pushed myself. I needed to be physically exhausted so I could sleep.

  Evan

  Ethan spent the night tossing and turning thinking about Sam and their conversation. Throwing the covers off him, he sighed in defeat. It was the first time a woman affected him. Even in high school he hadn’t second guessed himself, but Sam brought that out in him. Stepping into the shower, he let the cold water beat over his head, hoping it would clear the cobwebs, which seemed to be multiplying by the minute.

  The schedule said he was off for the day, so he stalked toward one of the unused outbuildings he knew Sam had been talking about turning into a gym, some place for the guests to stretch and move. He was hoping he’d be able to work so hard, he’d drop into bed and not open his eyes until the following morning.

  He should have known better than to yank the door open with such force, but he hadn’t been thinking about it until dust and who knew what else swirled around and blew into his face. “Dammit,” he sputtered as he quickly closed his eyes and tried not to breathe in. He spun around when he heard laughter.

  “Ha, boy. Might want to slow down there. You don’t always need to go barging in.” Phil, one of the nurses continued to laugh as he walked by.

  “Yeah, thanks.” Ethan waved after him. “I’ll try to remember that.”

  That time he was able to ignore the other man as he walked into the large shed and looked around at the old equipment, which was surprisingly somewhat organized. He walked over to the first piece and noticed it would have been used when this was a working ranch. Getting down on his hands and knees, he looked under it trying to figure out exactly what it was and if it looked as good underneath. His mechanics mind whirled with the possibilities on what he could do with the different pieces of equipment, and their different usages. Even if it was just something she could just put somewhere so guests could use it as a place to sit and relax, something different, which tied the new and old purpose of the land together.

  Pulling his phone out, he started taking notes on the different equipment and what he would need to either fix it, or get it ready to see if Sam wanted to sell it off for a profit. There was also a lot of crap that could just be thrown out. Having a good idea on what was in the barn, he went over to the garage searching for garbage cans and cleaning supplies. Dumping everything he needed into a can, he put it on a cart and started back toward the shed.

  “What’s your hurry?” the raspy voice of Edward Willbanks said from the porch of his room. “Racing around so you miss the little things does more harm than good.”

  Because of the Hodgkin’s disease and emphysema, Edward moved slowly. It was a joke he used all the time because before the disease, he was always running around between work and family, never taking the time to sit back and enjoy the day.

  Ethan slowed down. “I’ve got something I need to accomplish today. Sometimes I need the physical labor to calm the mind.”

  Nodding, Edward smiled at him. “I wonder why you need the physical labor.” He held a hand up to stop Ethan from speaking. “Now, son, don’t get your pants in a wad. We’ve all been there; sometimes that’s all you can do. Go on now, try to calm your mind.”

  “Yeah, thanks . . .” Ethan turned and continued walking to the shed. The last thing he wanted was everyone analyzing why he was there and what he was doing. Of course, that brought Sam back into his mind and how soul deep, he felt he was changing. He wondered where she fit into everything.

  Hours later, Ethan stepped outside and squinted up at the location of the sun, which was higher in the sky than he thought it should have been. Rolling his shoulders, he tried to release the tension which had built up in them. The trash pile right outside the door was getting so large he was going to have to start moving it somewhere else if he wasn’t going to end up trapped in there.

  “Here,” a soft voice called from behind him. “Phil said you were working over here and could probably use some water and maybe something to eat by now.”

  “Thanks, Tracy,” Ethan said to the young cook. “You didn’t have to come all the way out here to deliver it to me.”

  “It’s no problem. I’ve finished making lunch.” She looked around at the junk. “Exactly what are you doing?”

  “Sam wants to turn this place into a gym for the guests. I decided today would be a good day to start on it.”

  “Isn’t it your day off?” Tracy narrowed her eyes at him.

  “Yes, but I didn’t have anything else to do, so I figured I might as well start on it.”

  “That’s all fine and dandy, but you don’t want to miss out on life while you’re so focused on work. You should use your day off to do something you want to do.”

  “But this is what I wanted to do.”

  She looked at him for a moment, tilting her head to the side studying him. “Are you sure?” She didn’t wait for him to answer, but turned around and left him standing there, the condensation from the water bottle dripping down his hand while he thought about what she’d said, what everyone had been saying to him.

  Was this really what he wanted to be doing? Why was he working so hard, so focused on this project that he felt like if he didn’t get it done that day, it would never be done.

  No, he thought, this isn’t what I want to be doing today. What I really want is an answer on why Sam brushed me off last night, why she wouldn’t take the time to talk to me.

  Ripping the cap off the water, he chugged it down before tossing it in the garbage can. Using the back of his hand, he wiped off his mouth as he stalked toward the main house where Sam could usually be found that time of day. He didn’t care if it was during business hours. He wanted answers and wasn’t going to settle for anything less than her honesty.

  He barged into her office without knocking and quickly turned and slammed the door shut when she wasn’t in there. The kitchen was also empty, along with the dining and living rooms. He stood for a moment trying to think of where she could be when he heard soft voices coming from what they called the nurse’s command center. Snapping his fingers, he started off in that direction knowing someone there would know where she was.

  “Where’s Sam?” he demanded when the staff, who were meeting in there, turned to look at him with wide eyes.

  “Right here, Ethan. I’m sorry, I’m not sure what you need, but I don’t have time right now.” She brushed past him, walked down the hall and out the door without a backward glance.

  His legs didn’t respond right away. It took him a minute before he started to follow her. There was no way she’d brushed him off, again, for the second time in less than twenty-four hours. His blood started to boil. Where did she get off treating him like that? He’d spent all morning trying to make her dream a better place yet she couldn’t spare a few moments to talk to him.

  Pushing the door open, he didn’t care if it slammed shut behind him. His eyes were focused on the backside of the woman he wanted answers from. It didn’t take him long to catch up to her and when he did, he raced around to stop in front of her. “Listen here, lady–”


  “No, you listen, Ethan. I don’t know what the hell your problem is today, but you need to go back to wherever you’ve been most of the day. I don’t have time to deal with you.”

  “You’re going to make the time. We’ve got too much to–”

  “Stop, just stop, Ethan.” Her voice wavered and tears filled her eyes. “Please stop.”

  “Samantha, what is it? What’s wrong?”

  “It’s Patty. She only has hours left . . .”

  He felt like someone had kicked him in the gut. He stared at her as he tried to catch his breath. “No, she was fine yesterday morning.”

  She shook her head. “Sometimes that happens. They are fine one minute, the next, they collapse and aren’t going to make it.”

  “What can I do?” This wasn’t the first death to have happened since he’d been there, but he’d gotten to know Patty. She also arrived here the same day as Evan, so her looming death felt different.

  “There’s nothing you can do.” She turned from him and started to walk to Patty’s cabin.

  “Please,” he whispered. “Let me go with you.”

  Sam stopped and looked back at him over her shoulder. “Are you sure? This isn’t going to be easy?”

  “I feel like I have to.”

  Nodding, she held her hand out to him. As her cold hand slipped into his, he was thankful she was going to be with him during this. He’d never seen someone die before; he had a sinking suspicion in the pit of his stomach that he wasn’t ever going to forget the moment.

  Wariness seeped heavily into Sam’s being. It had been a long day. Soon after leaving Ethan the night before, she’d received the phone call about Patty. They all knew it was coming, but it still took her by surprise.

  Patty was still coherent when she arrived, but it hadn’t lasted long. After that, she’d slipped in and out of consciousness, sometimes her body convulsing from the pain, other times she’d lay so still they had to check the machines to see if she had passed.