“It was a mistake for me to come here,” Krishani said. He turned on his heel and pulled the big doors open. He fled into the village, torch lights illuminating the homes of the common folk. He glanced into the starless sky and hugged his arms to his chest. Tears streaked down his cheeks as he quickened his steps away from the castle, away from everything he was meant for. He wanted none of it. Death for him was impossible. He could wait ten thousand years to see her again, and she wouldn’t know who he was.
Or he would become a Vulture.
Somehow the difference between being a monster and being unrecognizable to Kaliel no longer mattered. He fell on his knees and buried his head in his hands, sobs rising from his chest. He hadn’t had a chance to grieve properly. His chest heaved; the heels of his palms digging into his eye sockets, making him see red and orange behind his eyes. There was nothing worse than the feeling of helplessness. It didn’t matter which path he took—she wouldn’t be a part of it. Everything he had done for her, been to her, was gone. He shook as footsteps sounded behind him. He pulled himself to his feet and turned before Elwen had a chance to reach him. Elwen stopped in his tracks on the porch, enraged.
“If you do not follow death, death will follow you.”
Krishani was immune to the words; nothing more could hurt him. Elwen had said worse inside the castle. Krishani squeezed his fist and closed his eyes. Rain splattered on the land. It wasn’t quite as powerful as the downpours he caused on Avristar, but the rain gained speed and pelted the ground with stinging cold. Krishani shivered as Mallorn appeared in the doorway. The old man descended the stairs without fear and approached the boy.
“We can leave in the morning.”
Krishani stared at him. “I want to find the Flames.”
Mallorn’s expression turned grave. “You want to what?”
Krishani steeled himself and set his jaw. “You heard me. Crestaos is still looking for them. I need to find them before he does.”
“You’re mad!” Mallorn exclaimed. He grasped Krishani’s arm and tried to pull him towards the castle, but Krishani jerked out of his hold and began walking towards the gates.
“I’ll do it alone, then.”
“No!” Mallorn caught up and forced him to stop. He sighed. “Sleep here tonight. We will leave in the morning. I will ask Elwen for provisions.”
Krishani nodded. He turned back to the castle and watched Elwen slip inside like a rat into their hole. He noted the obvious cowardice of his ancestor and followed Mallorn. He paused at the top step. “Pux has to come with us. I fear what Elwen will do to him without my protection.”
Mallorn nodded. “I agree.”
They passed the guards as rain fell harder on the land. Krishani took a deep breath, but said nothing as he took a seat next to Pux.
• • •
“You should be sleeping,” Krishani whispered as he slipped in through the small wooden door at the end of the hall. Her room was the same as it had always been, the leather chest off to the left, the bureau on the right, Kaliel lost somewhere underneath white woven blankets. Her hair was a mess of knots against the pillows. She stared at the sliver of a window, her green eyes focused on something else. He let the cloak slide off his back and hung it on the cloak stand in the corner. He removed his boots and sat on the edge of the bed.
Kaliel glanced at him, her eyes full of questions and mischief. A smile poked at the corners of her lips. “I knew you’d come see me again.”
Krishani coughed. “Atara thinks you passed out from the pain.” He stared at her eyes with concern, trying to force her to see reason. She had feigned sleep since the death of Lotesse, the Emerald Flame, and he was worried about her growing sickly appearance.
She sighed and looked at the blankets. She pushed herself up and leaned forward, clasping her hands together in her lap. “I can’t sleep. I’m too afraid of what I’ll see.”
“More dreams of Flames?”
Kaliel nodded. She averted her eyes like she was unsure if he would listen to her. Krishani noticed her self-consciousness.
“What did you see?” he asked gently. He knew she was having enough trouble with the knowledge something was out there, something that thirsted for her. It still bothered him she dreamed of death when he thought he was to keep the burden for himself.
Kaliel looked at him cautiously as he inched closer, sliding his hand between hers. She smiled. “She said her name was Tiki,” she began. There was a loud knock at the door and both of their eyes widened.
“Kaliel?”
Krishani smiled; she did warn him that Melianna checked on her often. He sighed and slipped off the bed as she pointed towards the stairs in the ceiling. He pulled the cord, revealing a set of rickety stairs and scrambled up, pulling them up after him. They folded neatly, making the floor seem flat.
Krishani huddled in the tower, waiting for Melianna to leave. He heard the scrape of a tea tray on the bureau, followed by Melianna humming to herself. He tried to control his breathing, but it was colder than he anticipated and he shivered. He tried not to move around too much in case she heard his bumbling. Her light footsteps rounded the bed and rubbed Kaliel’s brow with the cloth. He imagined Kaliel looking pristinely lost in her own little world. Melianna sighed. Her footsteps pattered across the floor again. She pulled open a drawer. Krishani smelled incense. He held his breath, wondering why Melianna wasn’t moving. It took a moment, but her feet slid across the floor, the door opened and shut behind her.
Krishani waited until he was sure he had heard the door close before carefully climbing back into her room. Kaliel pretended to be asleep. He stifled a smile. She had the blanket pulled to her chin, her hands piled comfortably on her chest. Moonlight cracked across the room, shedding light onto her heart-shaped face, which was all pale white and shadows. He hesitated, wanting to climb on top of her and kiss her awake but he paused, glanced at the door and back at Kaliel. He slipped his tunic over his head and left it on the green embroidered rug. He paced back to the bed and took her hand in his, entwining his fingers through hers. He expected her to open her eyes, but she pressed her lips together to stifle a giggle. He put one knee beside her hips and straddled her between his legs. Both his hands came down around her face as he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her lips. She still didn’t move and he narrowed his eyes and dropped his lips to her ear.
“You think you can sleep through this?” he whispered, his lips nipping at the pointed edge of her ear. Her unresponsiveness came as a challenge. He took her other hand and kissed the back of it before moving it to cup his face. She shivered underneath him, but didn’t open her eyes. He felt her tense, and he tensed too, desire flooding into him as he let her fingertips stroke his neck. He gripped her wrist and pushed her hand against his chest. She squirmed and he pressed forward, letting her hand slide to his torso. His lips were on hers as her fingers reached the hem of his breeches and he pushed her hand inside. She gasped and opened her eyes. Pulling her hand away she wrapped it around his waist, drawing him against her. She fiercely kissed him back as she kicked away the blankets. He wanted to feel her close against him, even if there was a layer of fabric between them. The blanket gone, he brazenly pressed himself against her, rocking his hips against her, careful not to crush her with his weight. Even though he was lanky, she was delicate and smaller than him. Her lips parted and the sweetness of honeysuckle forced his head to swell with passion. He gasped at the sexiness, almost reaching the point of no return. He reluctantly pushed away and untangled his other hand from hers. Panting, he gazed at her with a spurious frown. She smiled and giggled as he flopped down beside her and pressed his lips to her shoulder. She trembled at his touch and rolled onto her side, propping herself up with her elbow.
“I told you she checks on me.”
“I like that you have a tower. Why don’t you make me hide up there more often?” Krishani murmured, his lips still exploring her skin. He kissed the crux of her elbow and she pulled it away, tucking it
under herself.
She faced him, her green eyes hidden behind a shadow. “I like the waterfall.”
Krishani smiled. “It might be safer to continue this there.”
She pushed the blankets off and he grabbed her hand. She squished her toes into her slippers as he slid the boots over his feet. He fastened his cloak to his shoulders and she did the same with the black cloak from Evennses. She was a little shaky on her feet from the ordeal, but he knew he was her strength when she had none.
They slipped into the hall, through the big doors and out into the courtyard, through the gates and over the mote. They walked playfully down the path to the waterfall, their hips knocking into each other as Kaliel sidled up next to him. The falls hadn’t lost their glory since he’d last visited them. She beamed as she skipped up the stone walkway and entered the cave. He followed, his hand still locked in hers, but before she could take another step he pulled her back and she crashed into him, his lips finding hers in a rough and desperate way. She linked her arms around his neck and let his hands press against her waist.
“She was in a field,” Kaliel whispered as his lips found her neck.
Krishani fell limp. He let go and she crumpled onto the grass, almost too weak to stand. He moved behind her and looked at the pitch black cave. When he turned back she seemed disappointed.
He only nodded and came to sit beside her in the grass. “Tell me more.”
“We were riding on horseback, in a … sack. We reached a cabin. There were mountains surrounding the field.” She stopped and closed her eyes. “He took her out of the bag and put her in a lantern, and then she glowed,” Kaliel finished. She looked at him for acceptance.
He frowned, confused. “I still don’t understand how she could be in a lantern.”
Kaliel’s face fell. “Neither do I.”
“And she isn’t dying?”
She shook her head. “She’s a prisoner of the man, but not the foe.”
He smiled. “Did it hurt when you saw her?”
She gave him a faint grin. “I was still…when I saw her…”
“What Melianna puts on your forehead would make anyone heady.” Krishani laughed. He pulled her hand and she wound her fingers through his and moved so her head was on his shoulder. He wanted to kiss her again and make all the bad things go away, but he knew the moment dawn came she would be bedridden. Lady Atara would take over monitoring her, healing her, helping her.
“Will you ever be awake again?” Krishani whispered.
Kaliel looked at him, her eyes full of misery. “I want to be, but you don’t understand.” She stood and went to the waterfall, letting the mist soak her cloak. Krishani followed, putting his hands on her shoulders.
“No, my dreams have never been like yours.”
“I can feel them,” she admitted. She turned and let his arms fall around her waist, his palm pressed against her lower back. He waited for an explanation. “When I concentrate, I can reach out and touch them. All of them are tiny little orbs of light, each one a separate glow. I know where some of them are.” She stopped and pressed her lips together like she wanted to stuff the words back into her mouth. Lotesse died because she knew where they were and she wouldn’t tell. Krishani didn’t want her to know, because if she knew, the foe had all the reason to come for her.
“You can’t tell me,” he said.
“I know, but you know, too. The Lands of Men….” Krishani pulled her closer, pushing her face into his shoulder.
“We need to go back. Dawn will come, you need sleep,” he said into her hair. He took her by the hand and led her towards the Elmare Castle.
“Tiki was on Terra,” she muttered as they trailed along the path.
“And I will pretend I didn’t hear that.” Krishani smiled. He slung an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into him. She braced herself by wrapping her arms around his waist. They walked intertwined towards the castle and stopped before they got too close to be seen together.
Krishani turned to face her. “Avristar must be so envious,” he whispered in her ear.
“Why?”
“I love you more than I love her.”
Kaliel locked eyes with him. She was stunning in the morning light, strands of hair illuminated by the soft rays of sun that crept over the horizon, creating a halo of light around her. She pecked him on the cheek and slipped away.
“Find me when night covers the land,” she said as she disappeared from sight.
Krishani’s eyes snapped open like he was swimming to the surface of the lake. He coughed and choked. The bed he slept in was raw, the room was dank and dark even with the candle flickering away on the table in the corner. The room was only big enough for the bed. When he rolled over and put his feet on the floor he could touch the short door in front of him. It was less than a foot from his face. He buried his head in his hands and closed his eyes, trying to bring the memory back to him, but his insides shook with grief and fear.
Tiki is on Terra.
He hadn’t forgotten a word she had said in their time together. Every time he found her in dreams it hurt less for moments, and then it stung like salt being rubbed into a fresh wound. He tried to find his strength and pushed himself back onto the bed. Kaliel knew where the Flames were. They were linked in a way that allowed them to communicate across great distances.
If he found Tiki, he could find the others.
Krishani’s heart stuttered as he tried to drift back into a dream about her. Nothing in the bleak world mattered anymore, nothing but finding the Flames and keeping them away from Crestaos.
He shifted his weight and ended up catching his right hand in the faint candlelight. It was pitch black, the disease creeping up his forearm, wrapping itself like an ivy plant around his elbow. He stifled his disgust at everything the Ferryman was and pulled his sleeve over his arm, covering up the atrocity of his identity.
* * *
15 - Vultures
Mallorn sat in the hall before dawn. He stared at the grooves in the panels, the cracks between them, the wrinkles in his hands. He heard shuffling from the east wing and glanced at Elwen. The Watcher looked cleaner, his face sullen. He caught sight of Mallorn and his expression weakened. He sat down reluctantly. Mallorn met his gaze.
“What vile thing has happened on Avristar?” Elwen asked.
Mallorn sighed and his gut tightened. He didn’t want to share the entire story, but when he told Elwen Krishani had been in love, the lord had turned pale. He still looked sickly in comparison to the night before. He cleared his throat and tried to find the simplest way to describe it. “Crestaos attacked.”
Elwen gasped. “Was Krishani involved?”
Mallorn took a sharp breath and turned his eyes to the red carpet. His voice sounded monotone when he finally spoke. “Krishani was the reason for the attack.”
Elwen stiffened and slowly curled his hands into fists. “Tell me the whole of it.”
Mallorn stood and moved towards the door. “He won’t stay and be your Ferryman.”
“I don’t care what he wants,” Elwen hissed.
“Then you shouldn’t care what happened in Avristar,” Mallorn said, his temper flaring equal parts. He wanted to protect Krishani from the tyranny of the lands, not put him in the middle of it. There was no need to turn his identity as a Ferryman into a battle. Everyone would lose.
Elwen’s eyes turned to ice. “I will offer no provisions if you leave me without answers.”
Mallorn’s face fell. He didn’t want to be so easily defeated, but he was a guest. He felt guilty telling Elwen anything about Avristar. He had an obligation to protect Kaliel, even in death. He didn’t want Elwen getting any bad ideas about the Flames. The problem was, she was what held Krishani together when he was starving for air and fighting against foes he had never seen the likes of. She was everything and she was nothing because she was gone.
Mallorn avoided Elwen’s stare and leaned against one of the pillars. “Kaliel was a Flame and
Crestaos came for her and Krishani …” His voice broke. He couldn’t say the rest; he had already said too much. The truth clawed at him like a rabid animal.
Elwen looked fearful. “You didn’t say she was a Flame last night.”
“I also didn’t tell you she’s dead.”
Elwen looked stricken. He was silent. He stood and snapped his fingers. A servant poked their head between the pillars. “You will prepare horses and food for our visitors and have the guards prepare weapons and armor. Go!” The servant nodded and slunk into the wings.
Mallorn sighed. “Krishani will do what he wants for his will is broken.”
Elwen set his lips in a line. “I won’t stop him, but mark my words, death will follow him. The lands outside this compound are dangerous and unpredictable. I will provide him what protection I can offer, but I cannot change what he is.”
“I would be a stranger either way,” Krishani’s raspy voice carried from a shadow in the wings. He stepped into the light. His hair was limp and oily while his face was paler than usual. Mallorn thought he looked more elven than human in a way that the villagers would notice.
“Have you changed your mind?” Elwen asked, sizing him up. He glanced at Mallorn like their conversation wasn’t over.
“No, I want to leave.”
Elwen nodded. “I cannot force you to stay.” He glanced at Mallorn, but didn’t say anything. Mallorn nodded, understanding. Krishani’s parents. His mother was elven and his father was human, but both of them had died over a century ago. He had taken on the elven traits more than the human ones. Mallorn was wary of how many enemies he would create simply because of his appearance.
“Where is Pux?” Krishani asked.
Mallorn’s gut tightened. The servants sent him to sleep with the pigs and the feorn hadn’t refused. “I’ll return,” he said to Elwen, though he was sure Krishani couldn’t hear him. He took one last glance at the boy and stepped out of the hall.
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