“And she just expects me to go? After him? You don’t have any idea what you’re asking.”
“Yes, I do,” Ayu said quietly. “And you’re not going to stand for him hurting anyone else. It’s already killing you; I can practically smell it.”
I went defensive and sour, but she was right. Still, I wasn’t happy. I admit my next question sounded plaintive. “Why didn’t Raoul come?”
“He’s been with his father.”
Guiltily, I backed down. I’d been forgetting about the Elder’s health. “How bad is he?”
“It’s bad. Ilsa will have sole leadership soon, and she doesn’t want any loose ends left when she gets it.”
I made a face. I didn’t want to do anything to help Ilsa. Still, I kept thinking of what Barron said. The whole town needed my help. I had to do something.
I took a deep breath.
“Grey’s not going to let me out of here, you know,” I said.
“We can get you out. Full moons—it’s there, right? Where you’ll be?” She pointed at the cellar door. I swallowed and nodded. “You won’t have the strength for a hunt any other night,” Ayu explained. “You’ll be able to run with us. You have to.”
“Right,” I whispered.
“Hey, we’ll play nice,” Ayu added, which didn’t convince me. “Even with your brother.”
It was probably the best promise I was going to get. I hugged myself tight, trying to think it through, but Ayu fixed me with a long stare. Eventually I had to agree.
“Be ready,” she told me.
With that, she left.
I stood out there a while, getting cold. Eventually I had to do my best to creep back inside, where I was caught tripping over the wastebasket, and accused of trying to snitch things from the kitchen. Oh, Grey.
The full moon would be here so soon.
All I could do was hope he would forgive me.
Chapter Nineteen
It’s funny what you remember sometimes, in places you have no business remembering them. It was secrets I was thinking about, and I suppose that was understandable, as I ran headlong after Marcus. But somewhere in that wild wolfish brain of mine I was thinking about something Lacey told me in the lunch room a couple of weeks ago.
“You know, the longer you act like you’re sitting on all the secrets of the world, the busier everyone gets making up stories about you.” Lacey smiled at me, while Jake and Ben played catch with tater tots a few feet away. “What was the latest you came up with, Jake? International super-spy, or—”
“Nah. Ninja. The crutches and stuff are just a front. One stealth attack from you, and—”
Ben chomped through a tater tot in mid air, letting half of it drop to the cafeteria floor. Then he bared his messy teeth in a smile.
I ran my tongue over my own teeth. Wolf teeth, this time. I hadn’t dug them into anything—or anyone—yet, but that was the point of this exercise. At the very least, I was supposed to lead the way. I didn’t have any idea what I was doing, though. I’d never even been outside during a full moon. And now…
Well, better to start from the beginning.
The full moon came sooner than it had any right to. Grey had stayed home with me all day, since we’d gotten full moons down to a science years ago. He’d ease me through as much of that last day as possible, pull out the last of the painkillers and dole those out as necessary, and then, once the sun started going down, he’d get me down to the cellar for the usual routine.
That night, unfortunately, I was under additional strain. I’d had no idea when Ayu and the pack were coming for me, or what to expect once they showed up. And I didn’t have any way to warn Grey. Before it even got entirely dark, something in my neck went pop, and then I was left gasping, completely unable to talk.
I was upstairs when it happened, so Grey didn’t notice straightaway. He was still preparing supplies when he got interrupted by a knock on the door. I heard it all: Grey trying to ignore it, the knock again, and then a voice calling out.
“Hey! I know you’re home. The truck’s here… hello? It’s Lacey. Can we talk for a minute?”
The world dropped out from under me.
Lacey. Was at. The house.
I heard myself trying, pitifully, to say something, and managing nothing much more than grmfmrmbl. Then Grey started taking the stairs two at a time. “Come on,” he whispered when he reached me. “Cellar. Now.”
I went along, since I couldn’t protest. He hustled me downstairs, out the back and through that hated cellar door. There, he paused. “I’ve got to do something about Lacey. Will you be all right?”
I stared back at him, helpless, then waved him away. He nodded and shut the door. From the half-hearted sound of the scrape that followed, I wondered if he’d really pushed the bar all the way across to secure it. If not, I couldn’t do anything about it from here.
I sighed and focused on what few things I could control. I took off my clothes, then folded and stored them in the battered cupboard at the back of the cellar. The boxes nearby were where Grey stashed his medicinal experiments for me, and those stank to high heaven. I tried to ignore the smell, sat in the middle of the room, and listened to the rain pattering outside.
I could hear Grey, too, when he answered Lacey. My voice might not have been working, but my werewolf hearing was amped up as high as it could go. It figured.
“Lacey. Hey, um. This isn’t a great time, actually.”
“I came to see B. She hasn’t been answering her phone. Is she all right?”
“Sick, actually. I think it’s the flu. You don’t want to come in.”
“Oh, no. Did you catch it, too?”
“I had it already. It’s probably my fault.”
He sounded so regretful that I almost believed it. Grey must have inherited all the family talent for lying. He also seemed to have gotten over being flustered about Lacey, at least until she said this:
“Let me just give her this Halloween invitation—it’s the usual group bash. We’re having it at Madison’s this year. I think we could all use a party right now, really. And I’d be happy to have you along, too.”
Yeah, I bet she would. I covered my face with one hand, which was already becoming suspiciously furry.
“Er. Um. I don’t know.” All right, I thought. He’s still getting flustered after all. “Are you…asking me on a date?”
She laughed. My stomach cramped at the same time, and I huddled in tighter, feeling everything begin a sick, slow twist. “Well. Maybe I am. Would you?”
The twist sped up. I loosed an awful sound, one I was afraid carried perfectly well. Upstairs, there was silence.
“Was that—”
“I left the radio on downstairs, sorry. Listen, maybe we should…”
In her usual way of interpreting everything in her favor, Lacey jumped on that. “Really? You think we should go together?”
“God. Lacey, I…”
I missed what he said next. My back seized, and I curled up on the bare dirt floor without even my torn-up old blanket as comfort. I bit my lip clean through. Last time I’d done that, Raoul had kissed the blood away. Now, there was no one in sight.
“Listen, I can’t leave you standing in the rain, but this is not a good time to come in. Could we talk about this later?”
“We could always go somewhere else,” she suggested. “I mean, if B’s going to be all right.”
I wasn’t. By that point, my legs had splayed out bizarrely, and I was gasping every one of my breaths, almost unable to get the air in. I was in the most ridiculous position of my life: I’d wanted to get Grey away from the house, but I couldn’t cope with it happening this way. Usually, he’d be on the other side of the door, trying to talk me through this and keep me calm. But he wasn’t here. He was with her.
Don’t leave me, I wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t come.
“All right, Cee. Maybe… Yeah, let’s get out of here.”
He still sounded apprehensive,
but he went. I heard the door close and the truck starting up. There wasn’t anything I could do. When he drove away, I at last let myself howl, and kept at it for a long while. I was being selfish and irrational, considering I’d just been handed a favor, but I still felt betrayed.
I was alone when I turned—really, utterly alone—for the first time in my life.
It did not go well.
Things were fuzzy for a while afterward. It was dark in the cellar, after all, and if the room smelled bad while I was a human, it was wretched as a wolf. I dragged myself upright and nosed weakly at the door, trying, like I always did, to get out. But this time, I needed to get out. In fact, that thought was remarkably clear. Knowing I had a purpose this time was focusing my thoughts.
I was terrified that the others weren’t going to come after all. It seemed to take forever. I started despairing, and my thoughts frayed again.
Then I finally felt the pack approaching.
Boy, had I been underestimating my werewolf senses. Staying locked up in a tiny room had given me no appreciation for how much I could see, given the chance. The other werewolves were amazingly present. I could pick out individual minds without any trouble. Ayu and Pandora were twin spikes of light up at the front, and the others were waiting just behind, their colors and smells all clamoring for attention in my head. I was staggered by how vivid it was.
How had they been near my house before on full moons and never noticed I was in here? I should have stood out to them the same way they did to me now. Had captivity dulled my mind that much?
Get me out, I whined, scratching and pushing at the door. Out out out.
Sure enough, Grey hadn’t fully secured the door. It only took them a quick shove to get the bar out of the way. I hurled myself at the barrier. Once, twice, and then it gave as I slammed the door wide open, the fresh night air pouring in.
Rain had never felt so glorious in my life.
It was almost too much. I could feel every blade of grass under me, every scent in the air, the mouthwatering pulses of life in the nearby houses. Ayu and Pandora stepped toward me, watching, and I could feel Brandon and Kane closing in from behind. Slowly, I realized why. They wanted to make sure I wasn’t about to lose it.
Ilsa’s voice rang in my head. Are you with us?
I cranked myself around. There she was, that eerie white shape emerging from the woods. She was so obviously the leader here, I had to fight the urge to bare my throat and concede, unquestioning. I did keep my wits intact, though, because even if she might be in charge, that didn’t mean she deserved to be.
I asked the question foremost on my mind. Where’s Raoul?
Elsewhere. Backup plan.
She didn’t elaborate. I glowered, but Kane, impatient, gave me a hurry up instead.
Fat lot of right he had to be ordering me around at this point. I growled him down.
B, Ilsa said sharply. Not now.
I was only inches from him. I was breathing hard, my adrenaline pumping. I wanted more than anything to swipe that sullen look off his face. But I made myself back away, and the urge faded.
All right, Brandon said, annoyed. She’s good.
I peered at him. Last I’d seen him, he all but accused me of murder. Since then, his brother had been revealed as the liar. I wondered what was really going through his head. He didn’t meet my gaze, but made a sound that suggested embarrassed assent. I said you’re good. Can we go?
I nodded once in a weirdly human reflex as Ilsa started giving instructions.
He has favorite places. Check there first. B—scent for him. See him? Tell us.
Then what do I—
Leave him to us.
She wasn’t of many words in this form, but her warning was perfectly clear. I braced myself. Ilsa indicated a general direction—southward—and I caught an image from her mind: a forest hideout, a sheltered spot that almost looked like a cave.
Won’t be there, I heard Kane mutter.
Ilsa didn’t care. We begin, she said. Then she bayed—the only word I could think of, but it was completely inadequate, because that sound was like something straight out of my most secret nightmares. The moon blazed, shining like white fire through the clouds. I couldn’t stop from throwing my head back and howling, too.
Then we all started to run.
*
Every full moon for the last ten years had been the same: me trapped in small, dark, confined spaces, and ripping myself apart with frustration until it ended. This one was something new.
This was me learning how to be a werewolf for the first time.
What that run felt like—I can’t even explain. It wasn’t elegant, I’ll admit that. My body was still fighting itself, unused to the freedom, and my legs weren’t in sync. I’d never run on four legs before. I’d paced in frantic circles, sure. Thrown myself helplessly from one end of the room to another, definitely. But now I was careening through the forest with the others, leaping and darting and taking jumps I should have been terrified of—but I could actually do it, and with every step I got more confident until I was howling with joy as we ran.
Joy. Actual joy. I must have really lost it, but there it was.
It finally took a bump against my side and a nip from Pandora to get me to focus. I wanted to bite back, but then I heard her.
B. Earth to.
It sounded so much like her human voice that I snapped to attention, and realized we’d reached our destination. The others were already sniffing for signs, but I could tell that Kane had been right: Marcus wasn’t in residence. The place felt abandoned. I nosed at the ground, quickly overwhelmed by the rush of smells. Everyone looked expectantly at me, but I had nothing.
Well, they couldn’t expect me to be perfect at this my first time out.
Ayu made an impatient loop around the space, sniffing the air. Near one of the tallest trees, she stopped. Pandora went to her side. Anything?
Ayu lifted her head, and I started trotting over. They were studying what looked like a wound in the tree—a deep gouge that could have been made by claws. Before I even got close, a shudder went through me. Then the scent hit me fully. I went to my knees with a startled whine. Marcus. It was Marcus. Raging, starving, craving…
The Elder’s memories hit me again. God, it felt just the same. I reeled.
Brandon—of all people—came to me, concerned, but I didn’t respond. I staggered back and followed the stinging trail Marcus had left behind. I could feel him now, taking a pathway under the brambles.
The others followed without question.
I wasn’t using my ordinary senses now. He was in my head like a dark compass, one I was following with such purpose that it distracted me from the actual landscape. Gravity almost did me in. Gravity, and a sudden twenty-foot plunge.
I skidded to a stop at the edge of the cliff, howling bitterly. Marcus’ leap was practically sketched out for me in the air, but my human habits protested. I was too used to being fragile. Gone, I wailed. There were no railings to grab, and no one to break my fall. Gone.
Ilsa shook me out of it, snapping, Get yourself together. She might not have true alpha command, but right then the difference didn’t matter. I stood before her, staring helplessly into her pale eyes.
Jump, she said, under a low, forceful growl. No time.
Ayu gave me a nudge. Then, to illustrate the technique, she took a running leap. She sailed free and landed with a painless, simple roll. Pandora followed with just as much grace. For my part, I managed enough of a polysyllabic curse that Brandon laughed aloud.
Come on, he said, positioning himself beside me. On three?
I wasn’t about to give him that one. I made a gruff sound and barreled for the edge. It was exhilarating—for about three seconds. Then I heard someone else’s distant howl split the night air. Raoul’s.
The shock undid my concentration, and I hit the ground hard. I whined at the pain, sobbed really, and tumbled to a stop. The others crowded around, all except Kane.
When Ilsa spoke, her voice was furious. Up. Get up.
I tried. My twisted leg was mending, but it still hurt like hell. I limped a couple steps, frantically seeking out Raoul’s voice again. He’s hurt. He—
Pandora let out a sudden snarl. It wasn’t at me. I lifted my head to see a departing silhouette on the cliff above—Kane, racing off on his own. Ilsa roared, but he didn’t stop.
After him, she ordered. Pandora and Ayu leaped to it. Brandon could only stare, looking stunned.
What’s he—
Not now, Ilsa hollered. B! Which way?
Raoul—
She roared. No. Marcus!
I shuddered, and pointed my nose toward his trail. It led, I realized sickly, in the direction of Raoul’s howl. Ilsa was off before I could even get moving. Brandon and I had to scramble to catch up. There were houses ahead of us now. We were heading back into town, and we were racing after a madman, minus our three strongest fighters.
We weren’t spotted for a few blocks, but then we had to cross the path of a car. The driver slammed on his brakes and screeched to a sideways stop. We all got away, but I still don’t know what he saw of us. We tried to keep to the shadows from there. It’s hard to be inconspicuous, though, when you’re a pack of giant wolves. This wasn’t going to be easy.
Follow the tracks, I called, steering to the disused train tracks that still ran through the center of town. It would keep us off the roads, at least. Ilsa barked an affirmation and sprinted up the pathway, with me close behind. Brandon kept pace.
What do you see? he asked.
Marcus’ path suddenly veered to the right. With surprise, I realized I knew this street. If we kept going, we would end up at my clinic. I gaped, my mind whirling. Why there?
When Raoul howled again, somewhere off to my left, I sensed Marcus in the same direction. Then I understood what Ilsa’s backup plan was really about. She’d suspected Marcus might be heading after more people in town, and she’d tossed Raoul out here in case she was right.
But she’d left him to it alone.
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