What does this mean? I wanted to ask. I wanted to hear him say it, that he felt the same thing for me as I did for him and that this was real and it would last outside of this room. But I didn’t. I didn’t want anything to break this tender moment we were sharing so I remained silent.
“Go,” he said, finally, “off to bed. I shall see you for your lessons in the morning.” Then he kissed me on the forehead and sent me on my way. I smiled all the way up the stairs and into my bed and was still grinning as I drifted off to sleep.
Chapter Sixteen
Tennie
The sound of Mrs. Gibbins pulling open the curtains roused me from my deep sleep. “Good morning,” I muttered but didn’t receive a greeting in return. I wondered if I’d done something wrong. She swung open the large doors of the massive wardrobe and began to select a dress.
I gasped at the one she pulled out. It was beautiful, a striking yellow color. I pushed myself up on one arm as she laid it on the covers of the bed. She looked up at me.
“I’d a feeling something like this might happen. Call it woman’s intuition if you like.”
I had no idea what she was talking about. My expression must have betrayed my confusion.
“I’ve only seen him like this once, dear girl, a very long time ago.”
“Him?” I asked.
“Oh, don’t play daft!” she snapped. “Dr. Renshaw, of course!”
“Yes… of course.” But seen him like what? When?
“Come. Get up. Let’s get you dressed.”
I couldn’t take my eyes off the bright dress. I’d never noticed it before. I took off my nightclothes and underwear and began to put on the new ones she’d laid out.
“It’s really not my place to tell you, Tennie, but I know he won’t do it himself. He’s too scared.”
Scared? Of what?
“It was a long time ago. He was engaged, ready to be married, you see. She was his age and a good woman, but I knew there was something not right about her. She was impetuous and sometimes rude and he would let her get away with far too much. I blame myself as much as anyone. I should have said something. I should have spoken up.”
“About what?” I ventured.
“I should have told him then that he needed to correct her, that he needed to tame her if she was going to be his wife.”
“He didn’t?”
“He didn’t. He catered to her every whim. Treated her as if she were a princess. Let her get away with far too much.”
“And?” I asked, my heart beating in my chest.
“And she left. Left him for another man. One who knew how to… handle her, I suppose.”
Even as I wondered why she was telling me all this, I began to see her intent. I turned toward the mirror as she slipped the yellow dress over my head.
“He’s since learned that there are some women that need correction. That crave it. Women that find the most happiness in it. That is when he started all of this. The trips to the orphanage, to help girls like you. He said nothing to me but I think I know him better than he knows himself, sometimes. He was wounded and wanted to find some way of bringing meaning to his life. Helping young women gave him that.”
My mind was racing at where she might be going with this line of thought. What was all of this to me? “Why are you telling me all of this?”
Making the final adjustments to the dress, she looked at me in the mirror. “Because he loves you, Tennie. I know he does. He’s found in you a woman that can balance his persuasions. A woman that will submit to his good discipline and crave more of it.”
I gasped. How did she know all of that?!
Mrs. Gibbins chuckled. “I’m allowed downstairs, you know? Someone has to clean there, too.”
My nerves shook at the fact that she had known this whole time. “So… there have been others? That have gone down there with him?”
She smiled. “There have. Every man has needs. But not since you came. And I have never seen him act the way he acts with you, with any other woman.”
A confusing mix of emotions swirled in my mind. I wasn’t at all sure of what to do; I simply stood there, staring at myself and Mrs. Gibbins in the mirror.
“Why are you telling me this?” I repeated.
“Because he won’t tell you himself. Even though I’ve never seen him happier, I know he would not tell you any of this himself.”
A tightness made its way into my throat. “And what of it? What am I supposed to do?”
“Go to him, Tennie. Tell him you love him. Tell him you need him.”
More nerves, tingling through my body, touching my fingers and toes. “But… but… I don’t know if I can.”
She squeezed my shoulders. “I know you feel it, too, Tennie. And I know you can. I’m sure he’ll be waiting for you in the study.”
With that, she left.
It was with shaking and trepidation that I walked down the stairs. My appetite for breakfast had vanished. I knew the way to the study by now but still it felt like I was walking that way for the first time. When I raised a hand to knock on the door, I could see myself shaking.
“Come!” came the muffled sound of the doctor’s voice from inside.
I turned the knob and as the door swung open, I stepped inside. I saw his eyes go wide as his gaze settled on me. My face burned red again, this time at the reaction the dress I was wearing had provoked. He stood up.
“Tennie…” he said, his eyes roving up and down my frame. “Where did you get that?”
“Mrs. Gibbins chose it,” I replied, my voice trembling.
His expression darkened. “Mrs. Gibbins has overstepped her duties this time,” he growled.
It felt as if the bottom had fallen out of my stomach. This was not the reaction I’d expected at all. “But, sir…” I began. He silenced me with a wave of his hand, then walked across the room toward the door.
“Go to your room. We will not be having our lessons today. I have to think about what to do with you. When I make my decision, I will send for you.”
My mind was reeling. Why had I followed her advice?! Why had I listened to her? Was he going to throw me out? As the door closed behind me, I burst into tears.
* * *
Dr. Renshaw
Agony was the only way to describe trying to sleep that night. I had let myself fall so deeply into the situation that I didn’t know if I could drag myself out. I didn’t know if I wanted to drag myself out.
Every time I thought of her, of what had happened, of what her body felt like against mine, I wanted nothing more than to rise from my bed and cross the hall to hers. And every time the warm feeling that blossomed inside me at that thought was sliced by the sharp pain of what had happened in my past.
I spent the night turning from one side to the other and not sleeping until I saw dawn breaking outside and decided to get up. Thinking that no one was up and about, I made my way to the kitchen and put on a pot to boil while I stood staring out the window at what was going to be a grey day.
“Good. I’ve been meaning to have a word with you.”
Mrs. Gibbins’ voice made me start and spin around and almost knock the teacup off the counter.
“Mrs. Gibbins, I didn’t realize you kept such early hours!”
She frowned. “How else do you think breakfast gets made and the table set for it every morning?” She shook her head. Her tone sounded serious, angry almost.
“Is everything alright?” I asked.
“No, Dr. Renshaw, it is not.”
Her answer shocked me. For the time since she’d been with me, I’d never had Mrs. Gibbins speak to me like that.
“What is the problem, exactly?”
“The problem is that you may be a doctor but you know nothing about healing yourself.”
“What do you mean?”
She opened her eyes a little wider at me. “Dr. Renshaw, do you think me daft?”
“Ah… daft, Mrs. Gibbins? I’m not sure I…”
�
��Do you think I haven’t noticed the dark circles under your eyes lately?”
“I… I… I…” I stammered, my mind racing to come up with a suitable explanation for my recent tiredness.
“Or those of your young guest?” she added quietly.
I realized then that she knew something had been happening and I would only look a fool if I tried to mask the fact.
“I’ve…” I began, but couldn’t find the words to go on. The word hung in the silence for a while until Mrs. Gibbins picked it up.
“You’ve no need to make up excuses to me.”
“No, I know I haven’t, I…”
“All these years you’ve only been making excuses for yourself.”
I scowled at her, not sure what she was on about.
“Come now, Dr. Renshaw, I’ve been with you long enough, remember?”
She had been with me since the beginning of my career, it was true. I still did not know what she meant.
“I was with you when you knew Miss Evans, if you will recall?”
Hearing Sarah’s name spoken still sent a cold shiver down my spine. I felt anger rising to my face. She had no right to intrude upon my personal affairs like this.
“Yes, I know what you are thinking. That I should mind my own business instead of minding yours. Well, I have to tell you something, Doctor, I’ve spent many years doing just that and the only thing that’s come of it is seeing you unhappy. Now sit down!”
Suddenly, I felt as if I were a schoolboy again, about to get a stern reprimand. Perhaps it was the shock of her directness, but I did as she asked.
“You think I haven’t seen how you are with the girl? You think I don’t see the stolen glances or hear the two of you creeping down the stairs at night? I’ve a keen eye even if I do keep what I see to myself. I’ve seen the way you look at her, and she at you. I’ve seen the change in you since she arrived. You’ve wallowed in your own self-pity long enough, Doctor. It’s time to act like the man you are and put all that behind you. It’s all in the past.”
I was flabbergasted. Speechless. The anger and confusion I’d felt at her admonishment vanished as my mind drifted into the past. I had thought myself so clever, thought that I’d been able to hide my emotions about what had happened with Sarah and here she had known the whole time. I tried to change the subject, redirect the conversation anywhere but where it was headed.
“Mrs. Gibbins, I’ve kept you comfortable all these years, paid you well, have I not?”
“You have, Doctor, but I won’t for a second pretend that there isn’t more to it than that. You know how badly William and I wanted a child. When we weren’t blessed with one it was you who dragged me from my misery and made me want to live life again. I won’t stand by and watch you bury yourself in sadness when I have a chance to do the same for you.”
A sudden swell of emotion tore through me and made me choke up. It was true, what I’d done for her.
“Mrs. Gibbins, you don’t understand, it’s…”
“Don’t tell me I don’t understand suffering, Dr. Renshaw, because you of all people know that I do. Here’s a chance for you to leave yours behind. The girl has been crying in her room all day and night. Now here is my proposal and I will leave it for you to decide. You can turn her out and turn your back on happiness, but if you do that you must know that you are turning me out as well. For I will not work for a man who is so buried in his own misery that he can’t embrace a joy that’s right in front of his own eyes. You can take that or leave it, but that’s what I came here to say. Now I leave the decision up to you.”
She turned on her heel and stormed out. The kettle began whistling and as I turned to take it off the fire, I grazed the teacup with my hand. It fell to the floor, shattering into a thousand tiny shards.
Chapter Seventeen
Tennie
A day and night of crying had drained most of my sorrow from me and now I felt almost nothing but emptiness. I had come to the conclusion that a girl like me should have known better than that I would find a happiness in this life. I wanted to get up and leave of my own volition but felt myself powerless to move. So I lay on the bed and waited for the sound of the door opening that would seal my fate. Though I thought I’d prepared myself for the moment, when it came, my heart still jumped and tears welled in my eyes.
The sound of Bugs’ tiny bark was unmistakable. It was followed by the sound of his tiny paws racing across the floor. I sprang up from the bed, mouth agape, thinking I must be dreaming. When he saw me, his tail started wagging furiously as he tried to scramble up the sheets.
My emotion overwhelmed me as I picked him up. I laughed and cried as I hugged his furry little body, his pink tongue darting across my face in a thousand little licks. The euphoria only lasted briefly as my gaze settled on Dr. Renshaw standing at the door. He was smiling and I had no idea why. He crossed the room and sank down on one knee in front of the bed. He put his hand in my lap.
“Tennie,” he began, his voice low and warm. “I’ve been a fool. I’ve been a fool this whole time and I almost lost you for it.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. More tears clouded my vision and streaked down my cheeks.
“I’m lucky that I have a woman such as Mrs. Gibbins in my employ. More than that, we’re both lucky. Will you ever forgive me for what I did yesterday?”
I could only sniffle and nod.
His shoulders relaxed and he seemed to sigh. His hand fell from my lap and I saw him reach into his pocket. He pulled out a tiny box and opened it. The light from the window caught the diamond inside and the whole room brightened.
A tightness caught my throat. Was I dreaming? Was this really happening? Bugs chose the moment to bark right next to my ear. As real a sound as I had ever heard.
“Tennie Butler, will you forgive me enough to be my wife?”
The room began to spin and I could barely see through the wall of tears I was crying now. I could barely breathe, but I opened my mouth to try.
“Yes,” I managed to breathe before collapsing on his shoulder in a pile of sobs. Bugs barked again and licked us both as I felt Dr. Renshaw’s arms wrap around my back.
“Tennie, you’ve made me the happiest man alive today,” he whispered, his warm breath on my cheek. “If you’ll let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life making you just as happy.”
“Yes!” I blathered. “Yes, yes, yes!”
He held me in his strong arms until my tears finally stopped. I let Bugs jump down to the floor then pressed my lips against the doctor’s in a deep and loving kiss.
Epilogue
“What on earth are you doing on your feet?!” I knew him well enough now to hear the humor in his mock outrage. I turned slowly to see him standing at the door of the bedroom. He was smiling as he looked down at my bulging belly. I set a hand on it and did my best to look graceful as I waddled across the room.
“You’re home early. I thought I would sneak some chocolate before dinner.”
He bent over me and kissed me on the lips. I felt the palm of his hand land on my behind in a gentle swat.
“I’ve told you not to eat so much chocolate, you naughty girl. Too much sugar is not good for a woman in your condition,” he growled, but I heard the playfulness behind it.
“Well, perhaps that’s why I did it? Because you told me not to,” I answered with a smile. “I suppose it means you’ll have to punish me later for disobeying your orders, Doctor.”
He leaned over me, his eyes full of lust and kissed me again. “Nothing too strict. We must be gentle with you these days. But perhaps a light spanking would be in order.”
His words made me shiver and I pressed myself against his muscular frame. I was happy. The dark shadow of what had happened between us, before Mrs. Gibbins had intervened, pushed its way into my mind. With a breath, I cast it out.
I’d come to realize that life is not just happiness or disappointment, black or white. It comes in tints and shades, peaks and valleys. Kno
wing how to cherish the happy moments was what helped to weather darker times. Right now I was happier than I’d ever been and right now, in his arms, that was what mattered to me most.
The End
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More Stormy Night Books by Samantha Madisen
The Warrior’s Mate
For generations maidens of Adena’s people have been taken as brides by the powerful men of the Tlani clan, in tribute for their continued protection, and when she comes of age Adena is given to the mighty warrior Lor Quinn. Stripped bare and displayed before the assembly, her suitability as a mate is tested and confirmed for all to see before she is claimed publicly by her new husband to consummate their union.
Lor’s dominant lovemaking excites Adena far more than she ever would have thought possible, but it is only when she is led to Lor’s training chamber after the ceremony that she begins to fully realize what it means to belong to him completely. He will explore her body thoroughly, punishing and pleasuring her as he wishes until she is left blushing crimson with shame yet still aching with need and longing for him to take her in any way he pleases.
Chosen by the Doctor Page 10