Year in year out her resolutions had always centred completely on herself. She would cut down on chocolate, on caffeine and wine. She would exercise more. Very often these did not last more than a couple of weeks and usually come February she would find herself guzzling wine and drinking copious amounts of coffee. However, this was different. Things had escalated too much and she risked losing her family if she did not rein in this relationship. She had too much too lose and she couldn’t throw it all away just for one person who could never offer her anything. What could she ever have from Sophia? Their relationship could never develop more than it had already. Sophia would always return home to her latest boyfriend and Julia would always return home to Ben, this was how it was meant to be. She had too many things built around her, strong foundations; it would be crazy to blow up everything for this one person. She must control her irrational, impulsive, emotional ideas and focus on logical sensible thoughts. She was after all a middle-aged mother, not some toddler who changed her loyalties as often as her diapers.
With the New Year approaching this was the perfect time for this new mission. Her quest for the New Year would be to devote herself entirely to her family, to always put her family first and to only find time for Sophia when it was not impinging on the family commitments. Julia was determined about this and the more she thought about it, the more convinced she became and the more she realised that this was absolutely necessary.
Chapter 8
It was almost 11p.m. Julia had caught up in her novel and was totally immersed in it. She knew that she ought to close the book and go to sleep, however the plot had hooked her, so she kept on reading page after page; she had reached the penultimate chapter and decided that she would finish the novel that evening.
She was suddenly startled by a low knocking sound coming from downstairs. Initially she thought that the wind must have blown one of the branches closer to the French windows causing the knocking sound. She put down her book and listened carefully. The sound had stopped now. She picked up her book to resume reading when she heard the low knocking sound again it took her a few more seconds to realise that someone was knocking on her back door.
The back door led through to the kitchen and it was often used by her and the children, especially after Andrew’s football matches or after having been to the park and all their shoes were caked with mud. The sound stopped for a few short seconds but then was back again persistently. Who on earth could it be at this time of the night and in such terrible weather? Had Julia been alone she would have ignored the knocking and remained in bed, however, she did not want the children to wake up. It was rare for strangers to use the back entrance as this would mean having to unlock the wooden side gate and walk up the lawn to get to the back door. Moreover, the lock of the gate was faulty and to open the gate one had to lift the gate slightly and then push. Anyone who didn’t know this trick could easily spend hours pushing the gate in vain as it was extremely hard to push open the gate without lifting it slightly off the ground. It was something that had been on her to-do list to repair for years now but she had never got down to doing it; now Emma and Andrew had learnt how to handle the gate the need to repair the gate was not so great. Additionally, to go back out of the garden and onto the quiet cul-de-sac behind the back garden you needed to operate the same trick, so the gate’s defect also served as a safety gate to prevent Laura from opening the gate and going onto the road. She was still too young and the gate was too heavy for her to open by herself.
Julia flung on her dressing gown, she rushed to close the children’s bedrooms doors and continued to put her arms in the sleeves and tie the dressing-gown’s cord around her waist when she was already half way down the stairs, her bare feet getting cold on the wooden flooring. Downstairs she flicked on the hall lights and entered the kitchen, switching on the counter lights as she entered. The kitchen door was made of thick frosted glass so, although she could see a dark shape behind the kitchen door she could not make out who it was. Half of her hoped that it was Ben who had decided to surprise her and had managed to find an earlier flight, but this was not in his style, he would have called first. He would not have risked waking up the children and he would not have stood behind her back door in the pouring rain just to surprise her.
A part of her was beginning to get frightened. What if it was a total stranger? What would she do? Could you call the police and inform them that there was a strange man knocking on your door but you were too scared to open the door? What if it was a genuine case? She couldn’t think of any possible scenario of why someone would choose to knock on the back door at this time of night without phoning her first to inform her that they would be turning up.
Stretching over the kitchen sink Julia reached for the kitchen curtain and drew it back slightly to peep through the gap. The garden lights had turned on automatically with a sensor triggered when the person had walked up the lawn. This sensor was timed to go off after five minutes just giving enough time to find the door keys and enter the house. From this side view Julia could make out a tall slim figure covered in a long black coat. The person was facing the back door and so Julia could only view the person from the side and with the dim light and the heavy rain she wasn’t entirely sure of what she was seeing, but she could make out that the person was a woman from the mass of hair that had been flattened because it was so wet. The woman was not carrying an umbrella and had her hands concealed, probably in the coat’s pockets or under her armpits to keep them warm. Julia stared at the woman; she was totally unprepared for this. Who was this woman who had turned up at her doorstep at this time of night? She let go of the curtain which fell back in its place and moved to the door reaching out for the large golden key in its lock. She turned the key to unlock the door and placing her hand on the metal door knob opened the door slightly so as not to let in too much rain. She put her head around the door keeping it open for not more than was necessary. She looked up at the woman drenched in rain, and it took her another moment or so to recognise the woman and this is when she screamed. Her shock was so acute that her voice refused to be sounded and although her mouth was open and her brain was giving all the orders to scream her lungs out, the end result sounded as weak as that of a patient diagnosed with throat cancer. It was a rasping sound almost grating, a sound she wasn’t even aware she was capable of making.
Julia stared at the now recognisable face in shock and horror. It was a face she knew so well yet she had now failed to recognise. It was the face of the person who had filled her world, it was Sophia. Her eyes were unmistakable, but the rest of her beautiful facial features were now gone. To begin with Sophia’s eye make-up had smeared down onto her cheeks, so her cheeks were covered with streaks of black. These black streaks were mixed with a bright red colour. At first glance Julia thought that it was more make-up, but then realised that it was blood. Looking closer she realised that Sophia’s head and her dripping hair, was not only dripping because of the rain but it was covered with dried blood which had mixed with the rain and was now causing the blood to commence dripping once again onto Sophia’s face and neck. Julia had never seen anyone look like this. She looked hideous. It was as if all her beauty had been destroyed. Her perfect smile was now a grimace which revealed broken teeth, she had a large wound on her forehead and her face was splattered with deep scratches as if someone had thrown her into a lion’s cage. She was visibly trembling, her body was shaking like a leaf, not in her usual petite manner, but wild and uncontrolled as if she were convulsing. Her eyes were red and watery and she had difficulty in keeping them open, so she kept twitching them obsessively. She was her Sophia but in so ghastly a form that it was as if some cruel witch had cast an evil spell on her with the intention to deform and destroy her beauty. However, the biggest shock to Julia was the look in Sophia’s bellowed eyes. Whereas before, they had gazed at each other so intently, Julia with her doe like eyes and Sophia with her beautiful expressive eyes - so deep that you can get lost just gazing int
o them - were now icy cold with a vacant expression staring at something which was not there. They were the eyes of a blind person; Julia felt she had to move away from looking at them. She didn’t know how long she had stood there in her warm dressing gown staring at Sophia, it could have been seconds or minutes. Time seemed to ebb and flow in this instance and then it was gone, Julia was tugging Sophia by her drenched coat sleeves and pulling her inside into the warmth and safety of her home. The place where up till a few hours ago she had decided Sophia would not be welcome.
Once inside she closed the door, locking it firmly behind her, closing out the cold and the rain. She led Sophia into the living room and made her sit down on a chair. She was careful not to place her on the sofa so as not to stain the sofa. She looked at Sophia racking up her brain with an action plan. Should she give her a brandy or was she drunk? In the end she left Sophia sitting there staring vacantly into space and went into the kitchen to prepare a strong coffee throwing in two heaped spoonfuls of sugar and a generous glug of milk. She went back to Sophia and offered her the steaming mug, but Sophia did not shift her focus and continued to stare at a fixed point in the room. She was clearly in a bad state of shock; it was as if she was in a trance. Julia placed the mug down beside Sophia and took off her dressing gown. She helped Sophia remove her wet coat and handed her the dressing gown. Back in her seat Sophia did not look any better. Wrapped up in a dressing gown paired with her high heeled boots only gave Sophia a more farcical air. The rain had seeped in right under the coat, so her wet clothes underneath were now leaving wet patches on the dressing gown. She looked like a ghastly mess.
Julia still didn’t know what to do, Sophia was unresponsive; clearly something very bad had happened. Should she call the police? Should she call an ambulance? She suggested this to Sophia; however, Sophia immediately grasped Julia’s hand and held on to it. Sophia clearly just wanted Julia to be there beside her, like a small frightened child who did not want to be left alone. She had the same air of desperation. It was the same reaction, one of sheer panic. Julia couldn’t just leave her there.
The clock on the mantelpiece ticked on and the two women just sat there besides each other. It was almost two o’clock: they must have sat there speechless for hours. It was time to do something. Julia stood up and immediately Sophia reached out to cling to her friend, but Julia was firm and held her hand guiding her out of the seat like some invalid. She held her firmly and led her into the hallway and up the staircase. By now Sophia’s head wound had stopped bleeding. Slowly Julia undressed Sophia just as she had undressed her children so many times. Like a sick child she removed her clothes paying special attention not to touch her head wound. Sophia complied like an obedient child. Holding out her hand and lifting them up to facilitate the process which still took a long time. Julia felt awkward; she had never done this to an adult. Sophia was taller than her and it was not easy to get her top off over her head. As each item was removed Julia became more aware of the extent of Sophia’s bruises. Her back was covered in a large bruise and her legs were covered in scratches. It was like some macabre game of pass-the-parcel with each wrapper revealing a sinister truth instead of a pleasant surprise. Sophia’s dainty lingerie was soaked with blood showing the full extent of her injuries. Julia placed everything in an untidy heap on the bathroom floor. She then ran a bath throwing in some organic liquid soap and checking the water’s temperature with her wrist as she had so often done for her children. The women watched the bath water rise filling the rounded corner bath. The water splashing out forcefully from the large chrome taps. The liquid soap, like a bright blob of bubble gum, was still visible in the bath water, but as the water increased and gradually grew hotter the soap disappeared leaving a froth of large bubbles on the surface of the water. The bathroom mirror, with its flowered design, was already steaming over and Julia could just about make out Sophia’s reflection in the bathroom mirror, which was no less frightful than the real person sitting huddled on her bathroom stool. Julia turned off the taps and assisted Sophia into the tub. Once in the tub with the soapy water coming up to mid-way across her bosom Julia felt more at ease so she attempted to talk to Sophia again. Despite their close friendship she had never been placed in such a situation before and her friend’s nakedness embarrassed her. She knew that she was just nursing her friend and this was after all what any nurse would have done, but this strange intimacy was frightening. She pictured Ben arriving home unexpectedly or even one of the children waking up to use the bathroom and this thought unnerved her.
Julia still had not figured out what had happened to Sophia but the most plausible reason she could come up with was that Sophia’s partner had done this to her. Had Sophia cheated on him and he had reacted with a jealous fit of anger? Had she threatened to leave him and this threat had caused this unleashing of terrible hurtfulness? Had Sophia tried to defend herself? Had she scratched and fought back, or had she curled up feline like and taken the blows and pounding? Had she screamed and called for help? Had she tried to escape or call the police, or had her pride prevented her from doing so? Julia sat down on the stool and looked at Sophia’s battered face. Sophia’s eyes were still glazed over like those of some junkie. Julia asked Sophia if she should phone the police or an ambulance. She knew that Sophia would not want her to call her parents so she did not offer. She did not offer to call Sophia’s partner as by this time she had convinced herself that he was to blame and she dared not breathe his name for fear of how Sophia might react. The last thing she needed was an uncontrollable hysterical woman screaming in her bathroom.
Sophia was like a rag-doll she had owned so many years ago, limp and lifeless; however, she was adamant that Julia should not call the police. The words she uttered were weak but forceful. The single ‘no’ she repeated again and again like some mantra was a clear indication that Sophia did not want Julia to inform anyone, and Julia against her better judgement could not go against this wish. It was the wish of a dying person, a wish so vital that she had to comply with it. Sophia looked up at Julia and for a split second the glaze in her eyes was gone and her eyes had a look of a plea which said ‘Please, please do not call anyone, I don’t need anyone, I just need to be here safe with you’. Julia was frightened by this huge responsibility; frightened of how serious Sophia’s injuries were; frightened that there might have been other hidden horrors which she had not yet uncovered. What if she had been raped? She felt a wave of nausea spread over her stomach and beads of sweat trickling down her forehead; her heart was beating loudly like the palpitations she often felt when she overdid it on the coffees. She had to control herself; she had to remain calm for Sophia’s sake. Sophia had always been there for her and now her friend needed her as never before.
With a rising panic Julia realised that most of the evidence of a sexual attack had already been lost as Sophia lay down and immersed herself in the water. As Sophia emerged from the deep bath water, with water falling off her face; Julia sat there immobile next to her friend. Eventually Sophia looked at Julia and with the tone of voice which was so typical of Sophia, almost in a command like manner, told Julia that she needed to spend the night at her house.
Julia gathered up Sophia’s clothes from the wet floor and ran downstairs to place them in the washing machine. She had once read that hot water should not be used for blood stains, however, she pushed the clothes inside and chose the longest wash cycle which contained a pre-wash and a two hour wash at 90 degrees. She threw in double the amount of washing powder required and a generous amount of fabric softener and then pressed the button for the programme to start. It was as if by washing away the dirt and the blood she could somehow erase this terrible crime that had been committed. A crime on humanity and on what was so eternal, a crime on Mother Nature herself. She prepared a hot chocolate and took it upstairs to her friend who had now come out from the bath and was drying herself. Her body wrapped within a full-body towel which covered most of her legs giving her a mermaid-like appearance.
Julia took her to her bedroom and placed her like some wooden doll on the wooden stool in front of her dressing table. The stool was covered with a blue damask that matched the curtains. She handed the hot chocolate to Sophia who wordlessly began to sip the comforting drink and gathering up her softest hair-brush she combed through Sophia’s hair with extreme caution so as to avoid touching her injuries. The hair was clean but the blood had caused it to knot and Sophia had to spray on an abundance of detangler to free up the strands. Sophia sat there, whilst at times Julia had to tug at her hair, but not once did she wince or complain. Julia then carefully wiped away the last remaining traces of Sophia’s make up with large wads of cotton wool. She opened the top drawer of the large chest of drawer and rummaged at the back where she found new pants and a clean cotton nightshirt for Sophia. She then removed her opened book from the quilt and threw back the quilt for Sophia. Sophia put on the items like some Greek goddess accepting an offering and graciously entered from Julia’s side of the bed. Julia went out into the corridor and back into the bathroom, she ran some fresh water into the bath to remove the last remaining soap suds and with Sophia’s wet towel mopped up the wet patches on the bathroom floor, throwing the towel in the empty laundry bin. She then switched off the light; the house was quiet again; the only sound was the soft drumming of the clothes turning round and around in the steel drum downstairs. By now it was almost four o’clock in the morning. She went back into the bedroom intending to switch off the lights and crept back downstairs to sleep on the sofa for the last remaining hours of the night; however, when she entered the bedroom Sophia looked at her and whispered one word ’stay’. Julia switched off the lights and crept into the bed from Ben’s side, lying down stiffly next to Sophia. Sophia held out her hand in the dark to reach for Julia’s and Julia allowed Sophia to hold her limp hand. Very soon her irregular breathing grew heavier and heavier and Julia knew that her friend had finally found the comfort she needed through sleep.
Julia's Secret Page 6