She was disappointed that Sophia had not texted her back, although her text had been more of a statement than a question, asking her whether she could visit Sophia and this was perhaps why Sophia hadn’t answered her text. Julia got out her phone again; she checked the notifications to check that the text had been successfully delivered, however, there were still no new messages. Gathering up her bag and umbrella she left the coffee shop and walked the two blocks to where she had parked her car. The legs of her tight jeans had large splashes of rain water on them and her jacket had glistening raindrops on it. She would have preferred her other jacket as it was thicker and had a better fit, however this was the one she had given Sophia on that dreadful day. She pictured her high street jacket purchased for half its price in the January sales hanging in Sophia’s walk in closet. A high street jacket hanging amongst rows of expensive designer labels: the plain Jane amongst the top catwalk models.
The traffic had decreased considerably by this time, with most of the children already having started school and most of the workforce already at their place of work. It did not take Julia more than ten minutes to drive just out of Nailsea and down the road to the posher area of Backwell where Sophia lived. Sophia’s house could only be described as grand. It was a house that stood out from the rest. Its front garden was immaculately kept and the house reflected the owner’s expensive taste. The lawn was rich, green, thick and well kept. The bushes surrounding the perimeter were neatly trimmed, as were the overhanging trees and the ornamental plants down the side of the drive. The house itself was very well maintained with everything in its appropriate tidy place. The garage door, as well as the door and window frames, had been painted in the recent months and the clean window panes sparkled in the morning sun. The rain had decreased to a slight drizzle and far away over the distant hills there was a faint rainbow just ever so slightly visible, giving the house an enchanted air to it. The drive-way was empty but this did not necessarily mean that she was not at home as she often parked the convertible in the garage and Julia did not expect to see Julian’s car.
Julia parked at the bottom of the long drive and walked up to the front door. The drive was covered in tiny gravel which caused a grating sound as Julia’s boots stepped upon it as she walked up the path. Sophia’s letter box was overflowing with junk mail, so abundant in the run up to Christmas and some rolled up newspapers had been left on the ground just below the letter box. These were now one big soggy mess. Sophia clearly hadn’t been going out much if she had left her mail pile up to this extent. Julia picked up the newspapers from the wet ground and went back down the path to place the soggy mess in one of the large bins at the bottom of the drive. Sophia kept a house-keeper who cleaned the house three times a week; she also hired a gardener who took care of the garden one morning a week, both luxuries which Julia could not afford. She must have given them Christmas off as they were nowhere to be seen now or perhaps it happened to be one of their days off.
Despite having been to Sophia’s house on so many occasions Julia still felt very formal standing at her front door pressing the brass doorbell with her gloved finger. Her breath was leaving wispy clouds in front of her face and the cold air was passing right through her clothes. The house was completely quiet. Sophia had no pets in the house and the thick brick walls blocked out any sounds from inside the house. Sophia took a while to open the front door and when the door was suddenly opened Julia was already in a panic that her friend might not be at home after all.
Sophia looked much better than when Julia had last seen her. She was wearing dark black trousers and a white cashmere top. The top was one of Julia’s favourites, when she moved forward to kiss Sophia’s cheek she felt the softness of the rich material screaming out to be touched and caressed. Sophia was barefooted in the warm carpeted house and her hair was pulled back from her face in a beautiful loose chignon. She wore no make-up or jewellery. Julia had never seen her without any make up before and she now realised just how white her skin was. Totally blemish free like that of some albino baby. Her dark red lips cutting through the whiteness. The top hung loose over her hands, covering up her knuckles so that Julia could not see whether the scratches were still visible. The wound on her forehead however, was very visible as it was not covered by her hair.
Julia followed her friend into the conservatory and Sophia prepared them a mug of coffee. She presented the coffee in her usual porcelain mugs. Julia felt ill at ease and suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of shyness and awkwardness as if she was visiting the house for the first time. The house was as neat as it always was. There were certainly no signs of a struggle or a violent argument downstairs, as from the conservatory she could examine the adjoining rooms. There was no sign of Julian and later on that morning when she made use of the downstairs bathroom Julia could confirm this with certainty. There were no male coats hanging in Sophia’s closet next to the front door, no men’s aftershave in the bathroom, none of Julian’s football magazines stacked on the kitchen table. It was clear that he had moved out.
Sophia was as hospitable as ever and did her best to put Julia at ease. She dismissed what happened that night and it was evident that she was still unprepared to talk about it. However, from what Julia understood Sophia had spent the entire two weeks here alone, she had not visited her parents; she had not gone in to work nor had seen any other friends. She had treated her home like some sacred sanctuary which would heal her and restore her spiritually and physically. Julia was wary about what to mention and what to avoid. She thought it best not to ask about Julian nor refer to that horrible night, so she was at a loss of topics of conversation. This had never happened to her before it was as if she had some writer’s block. She thought of telling Sophia about her past two weeks but then decided that this might upset Sophia. Julia had spent her Christmas with her loved ones in the security of her home, while Sophia had spent Christmas alone in a beautiful house as empty as a museum at night. In the end she remembered the gift and brought it out from her handbag which lay at her feet. Sophia clearly had not bought anything for Julia as in the past they had always exchanged presents and opened them together. She slowly tugged at the dainty ribbon and unwrapped the decorated paper. The wooden box below was covered in green velvet and upon opening the box the bracelet was resting on a cream cushion of foam covered in the same green material. Presented in this manner the bracelet looked impressive. Julia felt proud of her purchase and the idea behind it. It really was a beautiful gift worthy of such a friend. Sophia looked intently at the bracelet and when she finally looked up at Julia there were tears brimming in her eyes. Julia had expected Sophia to gasp with joy and hug Julia with her usual tenderness, however she was unprepared to see her friend in tears. Sophia looked at Julia through the tears and her face broke out into a beautiful smile. It was at this moment that Julia realised that whatever had happened, whatever Julian had managed to destroy deep within Sophia, was not going to destroy their relationship. Sophia had remained hers and their friendship would surpass this cruel test.
Chapter 12
Following that eventful Christmas, Julia focused on her family. She was true to the promise she had made to herself and cut all contact that Sophia had with her family. She stopped inviting Sophia to her home, she stopped dragging Ben along when she met Sophia and she also started attending the children’s activities on her own. She restricted her meetings with Sophia to school hours and avoided meeting her during the weekends and school holidays. More significantly, she made a conscious effort to avoid mentioning Sophia especially to Ben. In the past Ben had sarcastically commented that ‘Perhaps they should ask for Sophia’s opinion’ or that ‘They should invite Sophia along’. She had ignored these snide comments because the truth had been that whatever the occasion or decision was she would have loved to discuss it with Sophia and to have Sophia with them. What would Ben think if she told him these thoughts? He would probably laugh it off and tell her jokingly that if she was hinting at having a threeso
me, he would be up to it. This was always one of the reasons why Julia always fell short of sharing her feelings with Ben and after all who could blame her, how could anyone possibly understand that your wife was absolutely infatuated by a female friend? How she had permitted this friend to take over her life to such as extent. He would ridicule her and call her names which most likely she would deserve. It was impossible to comprehend. Julia would never in a million years have imagined that anything like this could have happened. She had so many different friends in her past. She had never been a great socialiser but the friends she had were very meaningful in her life, however she had never met anyone like Sophia.
Ben must have realised that something had happened. He surely couldn’t fail to notice how all of a sudden the mention and intrusion of Sophia into their lives, their home and their marriage had ceased; however, as he tended to do for so many other things he brushed this under the carpet and never questioned what had happened. Perhaps he just presumed that his wife and Sophia had fallen out or that Sophia had moved abroad because of work or replaced Julia with a new friend. Ben didn’t think too much about it but he welcomed the change it brought about. As each day passed more and more of the former Julia he had known so well started emerging and he knew that that the danger that Sophia had posed was now gone. They were back just the two of them focusing on their life together and the children. Their marriage wasn’t all rosy; however, the love they felt for each other kept them going. Life with growing children was getting harder and it wasn’t easy keeping a family of five on one pay. Ben started working overtime to boost his pay check and he took on added responsibilities at work, including new projects which involved more business trips abroad. He knew that this would not be for long, when Laura commenced primary school she would be at school for longer hours so Julia could go back to work part-time. This would be of great help and he would be able to revert to a regular working week. He hated arriving late from work in the evening to find the children already in bed and him sitting alone to have his dinner in front of the telly as Julia would have had dinner before his arrival with the kids. He missed the chatter around the dinner table but knew that he couldn’t expect the children to stay up so late on a school day. He also worried about Julia. He knew that she spent most of the day alone in the house and now especially that she had fallen out with Sophia, she must be lonely at times. He had often caught that wistful look about her. It was that look which told him that she had given up on her career for her family. He knew that she loved the kids and relished the time she spent with them, but a part of her was resentful of that fact that she had to rely on Ben financially and that she had to give up the job she had been so dedicated to.
Ben tried to compensate for his increased absence in the house by trying to talk to his wife more. He made an effort to text her during the day and to ask her how she had spent the day. Julia noticed this change in Ben, however, it only frustrated her. She hated herself for lying to Ben when she texted him back and lied about where she was. She also had to lie to him when he asked her every evening about how she had spent her day. She couldn’t tell him the truth as she had promised herself that she would not let Sophia into her family life ever again. The truth was that although her relationship with Sophia had changed it was as close as ever.
The relationship between the two women had changed in many ways. Apart from the fact that Julia stopped inviting Sophia over to her house and the two women stopped going out together. Sophia had apparently taken the attack on her that night even worse than Julia had ever imagined. It took her a long time before she realised the extent of this. The first thing she realised was that Sophia never referred to her work again or to starting work again. At the beginning she just presumed that Sophia had taken her Christmas leave and that possibly her sick leave till her injuries had healed, however, as the days passed and so did the weeks she realised that Sophia must have quit her job. Another thing she realised was that Sophia was letting herself go. Her gardener and housekeeper had stopped coming. Julia wondered whether this was because of the fact that Sophia did not want to have people around her, seeing her in the state she was in or whether it was because of financial reasons. Sophia was very well off; however, without a job her finances would start feeling the weight of paying these personnel. Sophia never mentioned anything about them to Julia; however, Julia was seeing Sophia very regularly now and she never saw them at Sophia’s house. In addition, the house had the tell-tale signs that it was being abandoned. The lawn was no longer kept trim, the bushes in the garden were not as neat as they had been, there were leaves on the drive-way and floating in the ornamental pond. The window panes were covered with patterns from the dried up rain drops and inside the house a thin layer of dust was covering the valuable furniture. Sophia seemed to have lost the will to take care of herself and often Julia would start clearing up Sophia’s coffee table upon her arrival as it would have been left with the previous days coffee mugs. Even if these had been stacked in the kitchen sink Sophia never bothered to wash them up. It was as if the event in her life had been so horrible that she could not waste an ounce of her energy on these trivial issues. Post kept on accumulating in her letter box and the fridge was never replenished, so Julia had to go through its contents throwing out expired food items. Julia wondered whether Sophia had ever run a house herself. If she had always had a housekeeper to clear up after her and to stock up her fridge perhaps these were tasks that felt too mundane for her now. Or was it that she no longer cared about anything? Julia worried about her. Was she even eating to keep her strength? She had always been so slim, however, her figure now looked even skinnier and Julia still hadn’t got used to her without makeup. Her beauty was still there but, compared to her beauty before, it was like looking at a wilted rose.
Julia understood that this was a phase in Sophia’s life where she needed to recover from the trauma. It was understandable that she did not want to be around people or that she didn’t want to return to work. To have all those colleagues ask her what had happened and look at her sympathetically: she would hate people pitying her. Julia wished that she could dedicate more time to Sophia, however, her hours with Sophia were numbered as she had to rush off and collect the kids from school and carry out the household chores. She was making a great effort to visit Sophia daily from Monday to Friday but could not do more. She had considered suggesting to Sophia that perhaps she should go and stay with her parents till she recovered, however, how could she bear the thought of Sophia so far away from her and this thought prevented her from mentioning anything to Sophia.
Deep down Julia wished that she could take Sophia home with her. Her friend needed her so badly and Julia still needed her so much too. She pictured her in her home, sharing breakfast with them, sitting at her dining room table. She would take care of her like a fourth adopted child. She would cook for her and make sure that she was eating well. She would keep her company whilst she cooked and cleaned the house. They would sit down for coffees together and collect the children from school together. Even as she thought about all this Julia realised how infantile and ridiculous these ideas were. There were hundreds of reasons why this would not work, but the biggest one of all would be what would Ben say? He would surely think she was going insane. Ben would never accept anything like that even for a short while. What was she thinking! Deep down she knew that even if by some miracle Ben were to accept, it would never work out. Sophia and Ben would never get along together. It was just a fantasy which would never materialise. The odds were stacked sky-high. Like the people in the Tower of Babel, built high up into the very heavens, Sophia and Ben did not speak the same language, they could never co-exist in the same home.
Julia prayed that what she was doing was enough for Sophia’s recovery. She consoled herself in the fact that each day that passed meant that Sophia was healing. That she was getting physically better. That she was getting psychologically stronger. Sophia would get over this and she would return to the Sophia
she had been when they first met; however, at times Julia was afraid that Sophia would sink into this despair. She was worried that her friend was falling into a depression. There were all the tell-tale signs. She wasn’t looking after herself or the house. She was a recluse confined to her home. She never seemed to contact any of her family or circle of friends and lived day in day out in a clockwork trance. The only person she had allowed in was Julia. Julia had been allowed back into her home, her thoughts and her heart. The chain between the two women was stronger than ever.
Their conversations had changed format completely. In the past it had been Sophia who had so many stories and exciting adventures to tell and so many brilliant plans for the future; now Sophia very often fell silent and listened intently to what Julia had to relate. Julia hoped that she was not boring her friend, at times she ran out of things to tell her friend and at times she related what had happened more than once, but Sophia never seemed to mind. She always seemed so focused on what Julia had to say even if she was just recounting the dull day she had spent at home. As much as possible Julia avoided talking about Ben; she felt disloyal to him when she hadn’t even told him that she was still in touch with Sophia. What would he think if he knew that all their heart to heart conversations were being shared with another woman and that their bedroom secrets were not confined to their bedroom walls. With Sophia Julia felt free to talk about her worries, her past regrets and most of all about that inner void that had paralysed her life for so long now. Sophia was like a spiritual guide who listened totally unbiased and wholly supportive. She was non-judgemental and Julia felt a sense of freedom and liberation during these intimate talks. A sense of a heavy clamp being unscrewed from around her mind, from around her heart and from around her soul. So, although she left Sophia’s house with anxiety that she would not see Sophia till the next day and on Fridays for an entire weekend, she also left Sophia’s house feeling lighter as if she was a heavenly angel hovering in a soft celestial cloud.
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