Heart of the Matter

by KI Thompson

  “Like I said, it’s nothing, really. And I’m happy to help, if there’s anything I can do. As a matter of fact, I was about to run out and I know you could probably use some things, right?” There was a pause on the other end.

  “Well…” Kate began.

  “Tell me what you need.” Ellen went in search of a pen and paper.

  ❖

  Ellen pushed her cart into the kitchen. It was heavier when half of the groceries were Kate’s. Yet she enjoyed shopping for her, enjoyed picking out exactly the right things when Kate wasn’t sure what she wanted. She frowned when she thought about the amount of alcohol Kate had been consuming lately.

  And she wondered when Kate would get out of her funk and back to real life. The scar was healing well, but half of her face was permanently disfigured. Ellen saw only how handsome she was, although she could imagine how Kate must feel. As she put away her groceries, she had an idea and began to prepare dinner—for two.

  After knocking on Kate’s door, she waited a few minutes until it opened. “Hi, Kate. This time you got everything on your wish list.”

  “Ellen.” Kate nodded. “Thanks.” She took the grocery bags out of Ellen’s arms and began to retreat.

  “Uh, listen, Kate,” Ellen continued. “I was wondering, if you weren’t busy tonight, I…that is, I meant, if you were interested in doing something different…”

  Kate stared at her, then finally said, “Tell me what you want, Ellen. As you so astutely observed, I have no pressing engagements at the moment.”

  Ellen knew she had turned red. How stupid could those stammered comments be? She had completely started off on the wrong foot.

  “Sorry, Kate. I thought you might like to have dinner…with me…at my place, tonight.”

  Kate appeared dumbstruck but, with a surprised expression, finally said, “So what are we having?” Ellen was delighted.

  ❖

  Kate couldn’t recall the last time someone had offered to make dinner for her—that is, without an ulterior motive. Those times she seldom wound up eating the meal. She entered Ellen’s condo with trepidation. It was strange after nearly three weeks to be somewhere else. And while the two were laid out the same, Ellen’s clearly had the feminine touch hers lacked. It was warm and inviting, and Kate relaxed despite her apprehension.

  After she had closed the door on Ellen earlier, she immediately began to have second thoughts. Ellen had already become too entrenched in her life, and if it weren’t for the convenience of her shopping, Kate would end the relationship. But for now, she needed her.

  “Here, I brought this.” She handed Ellen a bottle of scotch.

  “Oh, thanks.” The unusual gift seemed to surprise her. Wine would be the more common choice, but she accepted the bottle and placed it on the counter.

  The confusion that played across Ellen’s face made Kate chuckle. “You’re not a scotch drinker, are you?”

  “Well…” Ellen obviously didn’t know what to say.

  “I didn’t think you were. I thought I’d bring my own, just in case.” Kate took the glass Ellen offered and removed the foil from the new bottle. Unable to go out and get it herself, she had searched the phone book for a liquor store that delivered.

  “PGT, you know you aren’t supposed to be up here.” Ellen shooed the cat off the counter and he leapt down, then rubbed against Kate’s legs.

  “Didn’t you call him Beau before?”

  Ellen chuckled. “Yes, Beau, PGT, General Beauregard, and a host of others.”

  “Who’s General Beauregard and what does PGT stand for?” Kate petted him on the head.

  “General Pierre Gustave Toutant Beauregard was a Confederate general during the Civil War. I’ve always loved that name.”

  “Are you a history buff?”

  “Sort of. I teach history at Georgetown.” Kate lifted her eyebrows, impressed. She opened the bottle and poured each of them a drink. She could smell the sauce on the stove and looked forward to tasting it, having grown tired of frozen pizzas and instant meals. Dining in a restaurant was her usual routine, but a home-cooked meal was a treat. She watched as Ellen moved about the kitchen, tasting the sauce, adding a pinch of oregano, tossing the salad. For some reason the mundane activities made her feel more at ease. Thinking of seeing her last week, Kate gazed at Ellen’s chest, then looked away quickly when Ellen glanced up, hoping she hadn’t noticed.

  When Ellen put the bowl of salad on the table and began to hum the old Temptations song “Just My Imagination,” Kate felt safe.

  “Hey, do you mind if I turn on the television for a second?” she asked. “I want to catch the basketball scores.”

  “Of course not. Dinner won’t be ready for another fifteen minutes.”

  Channel 2 came on and as Kate was about to switch to the Sports Channel, a picture of Bob Stelling in the upper right-hand corner of the screen stopped her.

  “…when Channel 5 announced today that they will be replacing Kate Foster with long-time midday anchor Bob Stelling. If you recall, Kate Foster, Channel 5’s evening news anchor, suffered injuries in the multicar accident on the Beltway three weeks ago, resulting in the deaths of three people. Ms. Foster is still recovering at home but, according to sources at Channel 5, she has resigned from the station to pursue other interests. Next up, the weather forecast with—” Kate turned off the television, and the water boiling on the stove was the only sound. Ellen kept glancing her way but didn’t say anything for a few minutes.

  “Kate—”

  “That smells wonderful.” Kate took a large gulp of her scotch, then placed her glass on the table. “Can I help?” She tried to act nonchalant, hoping Ellen couldn’t see her pain.

  Kate certainly didn’t want to discuss either her so-called resignation or her future plans.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Ellen crossed campus on her way to the IC building and watched as a group of students played Hackey Sack on the lawn. It was a sunny, warm April day, and both students and faculty were infused with anticipation of the end of the semester.

  Ellen was looking forward to her sabbatical and the freedom to pursue her specific interests, but she would miss her students and the camaraderie of the faculty. At least she would be working with Jenny, whose bubbly enthusiasm she enjoyed. In a few weeks, they would drive down to Richmond to begin their research and fan out from there into the Virginia countryside.

  Thinking of how long they might be away from home gave Ellen pause. Kate. Taking care of her had been so much a part of her routine the last two months that she had completely forgotten about how her absence would impact Kate’s life. She always paid her downstairs neighbor’s ten-year-old daughter, Kelly, to take care of Beau when she was away. And while Ellen didn’t anticipate being gone for extended periods of time, she didn’t want to have to come home if her research detained her elsewhere.

  Who would take care of Kate while she was away? Kate would probably never feel comfortable with a substitute. Perhaps if she supplied her with enough groceries to last for weeks at a time Kate would be okay until she returned.

  She entered her building, still pondering the ramifications, and ran into Jenny walking down the hallway from the opposite direction.

  “Hi, Professor Webster. I’ve got those graded quizzes right here.” She patted the backpack half slung over her shoulder.

  “Good, bring them into my office. I have something else for you.”

  Once there, Ellen pulled out a tentative itinerary of her research objectives and handed it to Jenny. “I know you probably can’t be gone for too long, but I’m hoping at least in the initial stages you can be on the road with me for several weeks. Two sets of eyes are better than one, and besides, your typing skills are much better than mine.”

  “I’m free for the summer,” Jenny said. “I’ve been looking forward to this almost as much as you have, so I’m around for as long as you need me. Some of your research will coincide nicely with my thesis.”

  “Absolut
ely,” Ellen said. “And if you need any help along the way, feel free to ask. You’ll also be able to access the libraries and museums we visit.”

  “Awesome. I’ve never been to some of these places, and certainly not behind the scenes in their archives. I can’t wait.” Ellen was excited in the face of such zeal. Jenny was sharp, detail oriented, and a joy to be around. “When’s your last exam?”

  “The ninth, then I’m free.”

  “Let’s see.” Ellen peered at her desk calendar. “That’s a Wednesday. How about we plan on taking off a week from that Saturday, the nineteenth of May, say around ten a.m.?”

  “Sounds great.” Jenny stood to leave. “I’ll drop by your house with bags in tow, okay?”

  “Perfect. Thanks a lot, Jenny. I’m really glad to have you along.”

  “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Jenny slung her backpack over her shoulder again. “See you then.” She waved as she left the office and Ellen glanced at her watch.

  She needed to pick up her dry cleaning, then swing by Lambda Rising bookstore to purchase a couple of books Kate had asked for. Her pulse quickened, the question of Kate’s sexual preference finally confirmed. I knew it.

  Thoughts about what to do about Kate while she was on sabbatical still loomed large. She needed to discuss the situation with her tonight and work out a plan. Ellen would give Kate her cell number. If only Kate would get a grip on her life and figure out what she was going to do next. She couldn’t stay inside forever. She was too intelligent, had too much to give to wind up a shut-in.

  But Ellen wasn’t sure she was the person to tell Kate that. She’d known her only a couple of months, and they never spoke about anything personal. The phone rang and she picked it up.

  “Hi, Ellen.”

  It was Sandra, and a little thrill crawled up Ellen’s spine.

  “So I’ll pick you up around seven?”

  “Sounds good,” Ellen replied. “Have you decided where you want to go?”

  “I was thinking of Zaytinya’s. Have you been there?”

  “Yes, right across from the National Portrait Gallery. I love it. See you at seven.”

  Ellen picked up her purse and headed across campus to the parking lot. She ran her errands, dropped the books on her table when she got home, and hung the dry cleaning in her closet. After stripping off her work clothes, she jumped into the shower and was out and dressed by six thirty. Now Kate.

  When Kate opened her door, Ellen handed her the books she’d requested. “Kate, do you have a minute?” Kate hesitated. Judging from Ellen’s attire, she was obviously dressed for something other than work, and Kate wondered if she was going out with that woman. Ellen was very striking, she realized, ash blond hair, hazel eyes, a voluptuous figure, and a perfume that made Kate a little weak in the knees. It had been too long since she’d been with a woman, and the slightest provocation sent her into a tailspin.

  “Uh, yeah, sure…” She stood at the door for a second, debating whether to let Ellen in. Why did she care what Ellen thought of her place? She could live any way she wanted, even if it was a little messy now and then. “Do you want to come in?” Though Ellen was pleased to see Kate at least trying to be civilized, she wasn’t quite prepared for the dirty dishes that littered the counter, along with empty food boxes and bottles of alcohol. The drapes and blinds were drawn, the only light coming from a single lamp in the living room, which gave it a claustrophobic, incarcerated feel. The difference between their two condos amazed her.

  “I wasn’t expecting company,” Kate said sarcastically.

  Ellen changed the subject, ashamed to be caught so obviously snooping. “I had to tell you about something that’s coming up for me so you can prepare for it.”

  “I’m not sure I like the sound of that,” Kate muttered.

  “In a few weeks I begin my sabbatical. I’ll be doing a lot of research, in Virginia mostly, but other places as well. I may be gone for several weeks at a time, with occasional stops back here. So…” Ellen was unsure what to say next. She watched Kate carefully and could sense her reaction as what she was telling her began to sink in. Kate looked panicky, and Ellen wanted to put her arms around her and tell her everything would be all right.

  Kate’s gut slowly knotted. The pressure began to build until she realized she needed more air and took a deep breath to steady herself. Her legs felt heavy as she walked into the dining room and stared at the floor. It had been a while since her last panic attack, and she struggled to control herself. What would she do, with time stretching in front of her and nothing to fill it with but emptiness?

  “I figured we could stock you up on a lot of extra stuff,” Ellen continued. “You have my cell-phone number. You can call me anytime if you need anything or if you want to talk.”

  “It’s okay,” Kate said, her voice quivering a little. Her hands shook and she shoved them into her pockets to still them. “I’ll be fine. I’m not your responsibility.”

  “Kate. Maybe it’s time you thought about getting out a little. You could start with the grocery store, that’s all, and—”

  “Thanks for your suggestion,” Kate snapped. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience I’ve put you through.”

  “That’s not what I meant at all—”

  “I understand that you have your life to live and that I must be an impediment to your daily activities. I assure you I will find alternative methods of getting what I need. Thank you for the books and for all you’ve done.”

  “Now wait just a minute. I don’t mind doing your errands and shopping. I do them when I have to do my own, so it’s absolutely no imposition. All I’m saying, Kate, is that you can’t hide forever.

  Sooner or later you’re going to have to move on with your life.

  I hate to see an intelligent woman drink herself to death and ruin what, by all accounts, is a brilliant mind.” Kate stared at her, surprised by the unexpected outburst. Up until then, Ellen had appeared calm and easygoing. But Ellen had no business telling her what to do.

  “Thanks for sharing,” Kate snarled. “I’ll take it under advisement.”

  Ellen closed her eyes. “Look, Kate, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just worried about you. I don’t want to leave you alone here with no one to turn to, for any reason, let alone an emergency.

  I want to be sure you’ll be all right.” Kate shoved her hand through her hair and sighed. She knew Ellen was simply looking out for her, even knew some of what she said was true. But she wasn’t ready to face reality, not yet. “Thanks, Ellen,” she said halfheartedly. “I appreciate your concern, really I do. But I need some time to think, okay?” Ellen nodded, unable to speak because of the lump in her throat. She had to touch Kate, had to let her know her intentions were well-meaning. She placed her hand on Kate’s arm and a shock wave rippled through her body. “Let me help, Kate. You know you can talk to me, if you want. I’m a good listener.” Kate glanced down at the hand on her arm. “Thanks, I’ll let you know.”

  It was all Ellen could hope for.

  “So, hot date?” Kate winked.

  It seemed all Ellen ever did around Kate was either apologize or blush. Once again, surprised at the accuracy of Kate’s comment, she felt heat fly to her face.

  “I see,” Kate said. “So who’s the lucky lady?” Surprised again by Kate’s seeming knowledge of her life, Ellen wasn’t quite sure what to say. Clearly she had somehow figured out Ellen was a lesbian, and knowing that made Ellen inexplicably shy.

  “Sandra is a Capitol Hill attorney. We met two months ago through mutual friends and we’ve been on a couple of dates.” Glancing down at her watch, she was surprised to see it was almost seven. “Well, I better go.”

  “Have a good time,” Kate murmured.

  Ellen stepped out into the hallway just in time to see Sandra about to exit the elevator. She heard the door close quickly behind her and moved toward the elevator while Sandra held the door aside, waiting for her.

  Kate watc
hed through the peephole as Sandra kissed Ellen briefly just as the doors closed.

  “What kind of lame-ass kiss is that?” she shouted through the door. These two had been out a couple of times, according to Ellen, and that woman greeted her like that? Ellen looked fantastic tonight, she was smart and interesting, and by all rights anyone should be proud to have her on her arm. Clearly this Sandra person didn’t appreciate what she had.

  Kate strode over to the bar and reached for the scotch. But she hesitated, then picked up the vodka instead and poured a shot, mixing it with tonic and a slice of lime. Ellen’s comment about her drinking made her think that perhaps she ought to slow down. Instead of the straight scotch, a mixed drink seemed less potent. And since Ellen was so interested in talking about personal issues, Kate thought they might have to discuss her choice of women.

  ❖

  Zaytinya, an all-glass, modern building both inside and out, served a blend of Mediterranean cuisines. A large modern sculpture out front contrasted sharply with the neoclassical architecture of the National Portrait Gallery across the street. They strolled to the bar while they waited for a table, and Sandra ordered two white wines and an appetizer. Ellen had been to the restaurant previously and enjoyed it, but was surprised Sandra had suggested dining there.

  The place was rather noisy and crowded, not particularly conducive to conversation and especially not for romance. But she was happy to be out on a date with Sandra, and when they were seated at their table, the effects of the wine relaxed her.

  “Since the dishes are so small, I usually order several and we share. Is that okay with you?” Sandra asked.

  “That’s fine, although I have to tell you, the olive-oil ice cream for dessert, while unusual, isn’t something I’d have again.”

  “Oh, well, I usually don’t have dessert. Trying to watch the figure and all that.” Sandra winked.