Heart of the Matter

by KI Thompson

  The twinkle in Kate’s eyes made the offer doubly hard to resist. Ellen thought about the last time she’d spent the night in Williamsburg, which had been a favorite escape for her and Chris, her partner years ago. Chris had been a grad student in the same program and was as passionate about history as Ellen, the only thing they had in common. She had come to associate Williamsburg with Chris and therefore hadn’t spent as much time here as she would like. It was a pity, since she loved the place and it was so close to DC.

  But spending the night again, this time with Kate, took on an entirely new meaning. Not that anything would happen, but she had always considered the place a romantic getaway. She was enjoying herself with Kate, and the pull of attraction was drawing them closer.

  “Well, I suppose we could just inquire…” Kate didn’t give her a chance to change her mind. She grabbed Ellen’s hand, turned up a side street, and headed for the Inn and the front desk.

  “The upstairs of the Orlando Jones Office is available. It has two twin beds.”

  “What about downstairs?” Ellen asked.

  “I’m afraid that is booked,” the desk clerk replied, looking up from her computer expectantly.

  Ellen frowned. “Are any of the other Colonial houses available?”

  After searching again, the desk clerk shook her head. “Sorry, I do have a few vacancies in the taverns, but no other houses.” Kate glanced at Ellen. “What’s wrong with the place that’s available?”

  “It’s one room,” Ellen emphasized.

  Kate looked quizzically at her. “So?” Ellen’s ears felt warm. She didn’t want Kate to think she was a prude, but she didn’t want her to think she was easy. Just the idea of sleeping in the same room with Kate made her body twitch. She wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing Kate, wearing only a T-shirt, was in the bed next to her.

  It finally dawned on Kate what Ellen was implying. They would be sharing a room. Though the notion wasn’t completely unpleasant, perhaps Ellen had second thoughts about being that close. The kiss they shared had been a momentary, spontaneous aberration. Obviously, Ellen wanted to move on and not give Kate any ideas. What did Ellen think she was going to do, ravish her?

  “There are two beds,” the desk clerk said helpfully.

  Ellen glanced at the woman and blushed.

  “We’ll take it,” Kate said emphatically. She pulled out her credit card and slapped it down on the counter.

  They parked behind the house and climbed the steps to their room. Although it was relatively small compared to others Ellen had stayed in, the dormer windows and the period furnishings gave the room a quaint charm and she stood admiring it. Once again she felt transported back in time and closed her eyes to relish the sensation.

  As Kate unpacked, she surreptitiously observed Ellen, wondering at the strong feeling she appeared to have about the hotel, the town, and history in general. Something about her intensity made Ellen more alluring, as though merely being in the historical milieu made her a totally different person.

  “Um, if you need to get into the bathroom first, that’s fine,” Ellen offered.

  “No, I’m good, go ahead.” Kate grabbed the hem of her shirt and drew it up and over her head, then tossed it onto the bed she had chosen to sleep in.

  She was obviously unconcerned with her effect on Ellen, who looked everywhere but directly at her. Helpless, she dared to peek at Kate’s trim figure, and as she admired it, she noticed several scars she hadn’t seen before. One ran from Kate’s left shoulder down her arm and the other along the left side of her body. During their time traveling together, Ellen had completely forgotten the accident. All that mattered was her work and being with Kate. Seeing the scars rekindled the forgotten memory, and it pained Ellen to imagine what the accident had cost Kate.

  Glancing up, she was startled to realize Kate had caught her staring and noticed Kate’s angry expression mixed with hurt. Kate turned her back on Ellen and continued to undress, and once more Ellen looked away from her. She was embarrassed to have been caught staring and wanted to correct Kate’s predictable impression that she had done so because of her scars. She opened her mouth to explain, but words simply failed her. No matter what she said, Kate probably wouldn’t believe her.

  Ellen gathered her overnight bag and pajamas and headed for the bathroom. After she finished and returned to the main room, Kate was sitting on her bed, placing a book and a travel clock on the nightstand. Even wearing an old T-shirt and a pair of boxers, she was absolutely stunning. Ellen hoped that the loose pajamas she wore covered as many of her shortcomings as possible.

  Ellen sat on the bed next to Kate’s. “Kate,” she began.

  Kate looked up from her book to see Ellen dressed in pale blue silk pajamas. She had removed what little makeup she wore, and her freshly washed face made her look even younger. The silk pajamas clung to her curves, inviting touch. Kate could only imagine how smooth Ellen’s skin was underneath.

  “I…” Ellen didn’t know what to say. She wanted to apologize for staring, she wanted to apologize for hurting her feelings, and she wanted to say she was sorry for everything that had happened to her. But how could she express something like that and not sound pitying?

  “What?”

  “I want you to know how glad I am you decided to come with me. I really enjoy having you along and appreciate all you’re doing for me.”

  Kate was surprised. Somehow she felt that this wasn’t really what Ellen had wanted to say, but it was nice to hear nevertheless.

  “Thanks,” she replied, nonplussed. “But I should be the one to thank you. You’ve done a lot for me, when I needed it most. I owe you a lot.” I could kiss her right now. I’ve done it a million times before with other women. I can do it again.

  Ellen blushed. “I think you’ve more than made up for it by the torture you’re enduring at my hands.” Being deliciously tortured by Ellen’s hands flashed through Kate’s mind. She even dared to glance at them resting in Ellen’s lap.

  “I’ve enjoyed the research, really I have. Some of what I’ve read has been absorbing. I can see why it captivates you so.”

  “And I hope you find it enticing enough to continue your research,” Ellen replied. “You have the makings of a very good book on your hands. I hope you don’t abandon it because of me.” Kate realized that Ellen was trying to make amends for their earlier disagreement and waved it off. “Don’t worry about it, Ellen. You were right. I was trying to shape your research in another direction, and that wasn’t fair to you. I came along to help, not make your work more difficult.”

  A large weight lifted from Ellen’s shoulders, and the small knot in her stomach finally untied. She sighed and felt like giggling as relief surged through her. “Well, now that we’re back on track, I’d love to see what you have so far. It would be interesting bedtime reading, but it could also help me with my work. That is, if you don’t mind.”

  Kate shrugged. “Fine. It’s not as academic as what you’re doing—purely a subjective project.”

  Ellen chuckled. “Oh, Kate, very little research is objective. All scholars, including historians, bring their own bias to their work.” Kate loved to see Ellen laugh. Not only her mouth but her entire face became animated, which made her even more attractive, if that was possible. She peered at the expanse of skin exposed at her throat and noticed how the shadows drifted down her cleavage in the muted light of their room. A surge of arousal, both physical and emotional, rushed through her, and its unexpectedness surprised her.

  In the past she would have immediately acted. Ellen was extremely alluring, and it would be so easy to lean across the space separating the two beds and kiss her. She sensed the attraction was mutual. Neither of them had faked the kiss in the car. Maybe, just maybe, Ellen was attracted to her too, despite her scars?

  The panoply of emotions racing across Kate’s face fascinated Ellen. She didn’t know what to make of it, and she didn’t really care. For a moment, she felt reconnected to Kate, wi
thout any of the previous misunderstandings and hurt feelings, as she had in the car seconds before they kissed. Warmth permeated her body and all the right places began to tingle. It was a sign. She trembled involuntarily.

  God, I wish she would lean over and kiss me again.

  Feeling awkward, Kate smiled sheepishly and got up to brush her teeth. By the time she returned to bed, Ellen was already under the covers, her glasses perched on the bridge of her nose and a sheaf of papers in hand. The moment had passed.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Kate wasn’t looking forward to returning to the city or, rather, her life. She enjoyed being on the road, living in an entirely different world. In fact, her old life had begun to fade and the one she was living now had become her reality. Being lost in the past had consumed her time and attention, and mercifully she had been able to avoid thinking about the future. But eventually she would have to face what awaited her return, and Kate finally felt as though her old strength was returning. The future still scared her, but it didn’t seem as insurmountable as it had when she left.

  She also had never spent so much alone time with another woman. She had come to know an attractive woman without sleeping with her, and actually enjoyed it. As her respect for the person who was Ellen increased, so did her desire for her. No one was more surprised at this self-discovery than Kate, and her introspection increased at the revelation.

  “A penny for your thoughts,” Ellen said.

  “Trust me, they’re not worth that much. I guess I’m not looking forward to a dirty condo and laundry.” Kate contemplated her problems. She was unemployed with no prospects, and she had the scars that drew others’ attention even when not in a city where people knew her. Money didn’t concern her yet, but what should she do with her life? She had a lot to offer still, a sharp mind and talent that was very marketable. She couldn’t return to the way things were, but she had no clue where to go from here.

  “Well, you better get the chores over with as quickly as possible.

  We’ve got a lot of work ahead of us. And I want to take a look at what you’ve done so far on your project. I can’t wait to read it.” Kate smiled wryly. “It’s not much, really, certainly not enough for a book. It would make for light reading in Reader’s Digest.”

  “What are you talking about?” Ellen demanded. “It’s going to be great. You just need to gather more information and decide how you want it all to come together. I can help you, it’ll be fun.” Kate appreciated what Ellen was trying to do, but she wasn’t about to fool herself. Her passion remained fixed in television news—that would never change. She diverted Ellen’s attention back to the battlefield where Ellen spent the next few hours mapping out barely visible trenches and talking with the rangers.

  By early afternoon they were on the road again and headed into the city. Every passing mile Kate’s depression settled more heavily on her, and she wondered how much scotch she had in the house.

  When they arrived at their building, Kelly, Ellen’s cat sitter, ran outside to greet her. “Hi, Ellen,” she said as she helped grab a bag from the backseat of the car.

  “Hi, Kelly, how’s the General?” Ellen lifted her large suitcase out of the trunk.

  “He’s fine. We played with his feather toy this morning and now he’s sleeping.”

  Delaying the moment when she had to enter her empty condo, Kate carried the bags to Ellen’s and lingered, watching as Ellen played with her cat. After a few minutes, Ellen got up and went into the kitchen, pushing the playback button on her answering machine.

  “Hi, Ellen, it’s Sandra.” The honeyed voice was distinct. “I was missing you and—”

  Ellen pressed the Stop button immediately and glanced at Kate.

  Kate didn’t think her life could get any worse. A high-powered, attractive DC attorney was chasing the one woman she was interested in, and she was jealous. Previously she had used the women she was “dating” to satisfy her physical needs. None of them had much depth of character. Of course, she had to admit, she hadn’t selected them for their character.

  But now that Kate had finally found someone she cared about, her entire career was gone. Some catch she turned out to be.

  “Well, I better get home and do some laundry.” She rose from the couch and shuffled to the door. “I still have some data to enter into the computer and a lot of reading to catch up on.”

  “Hey, why don’t you come over for dinner when you’re done? We could order Chinese, watch a movie, you know, take a break and relax.”

  Kate was tempted, but didn’t want to prolong the inevitable.

  Ellen needed to move on with her life, and Kate was an energy vampire. She could feel herself sucking the strength and energy from Ellen and knew eventually Ellen would have to withdraw. “I don’t know, I’m a little tired.”

  Ellen watched as Kate withdrew both physically and emotionally. She didn’t want her to go, especially not like this, but she couldn’t force her to stay. “I’ll call you later,” she insisted.

  “You’ll be starving by then and I know you don’t have even half of what I have in the fridge, and I don’t have anything.” Kate left and Ellen stood staring at the door. Sometimes Kate could be so frustrating. She was angry that Sandra had called and that Kate had overheard. She knew it wasn’t the only reason Kate was feeling down, but she felt certain it had pushed her over the edge. She dialed Sandra’s number.

  “Ellen, it’s so good to hear from you. I heard you went out of town.”

  “Yes, I started my sabbatical, Sandra, remember?”

  “Oh, right.”

  Ellen could tell Sandra didn’t remember at all.

  “Well, I’m glad you’re back,” Sandra continued. “I was hoping we could get together, you know, dinner, and well, whatever.” Ellen could hear the grin across the line. The sexual innuendo wasn’t lost on her. It just didn’t mean anything anymore. Still, it surprised her. “I don’t know, Sandra. I got the impression you weren’t really interested in anything…steady.”

  There was a brief pause over the line.

  “Now where did you get that idea?” Sandra sounded defensive.

  “I’ve had an extremely busy schedule, but that’s not unusual. I thought we had a good time that night, didn’t you?” Ellen wasn’t so sure. She remembered feeling awkward—aroused, but awkward. More than anything else she had been self-conscious, about her body and what Sandra thought of it. She also didn’t feel a lot emotionally, but she had chalked that up to not knowing Sandra well enough. She immediately recalled Kate’s kiss in the car and how turned on she had been, how she had lost sense of time and place. It was more powerful than anything she had ever experienced, with any woman.

  However, Kate didn’t seem to be interested in her. The kiss notwithstanding, now that Kate seemed to be coming out of her shell, she would want to get back to her own life soon. Ellen needed to focus on her needs and not Kate’s. What time they had together on the road had been wonderful, and she would miss it terribly. But she couldn’t hope to have Kate all to herself for long. At least Sandra wanted to be with her, for whatever reason, had in fact already slept with her. Ellen had finished helping with her son’s application. If that was all Sandra wanted, why was she calling now, asking to see her again?

  “What did you have in mind?”

  ❖

  Kate looked around her condo and didn’t recognize it. Nothing seemed familiar, and while she had never considered it her home, now it was completely alien, filled with furniture and things, but nothing of sentimental value. She could have walked into a hotel room and felt equally at home.

  She dropped her bags on the floor just inside the door and left them. Entering the kitchen, she found the half-full bottle of scotch and was relieved she wouldn’t have to go to the liquor store. Pouring three fingers, she barely made it to her large chair and collapsed.

  She picked up the remote and turned on the television. She hadn’t watched it since she left and thought she might cat
ch up on the latest news. Instead, she clicked to a movie channel and settled in with Katharine Hepburn and Glenlivet.

  ❖

  The ringing phone woke Kate and she stumbled into the kitchen to grab it before it could annoy her again. She hadn’t answered the phone in a while, either. “Yeah?”

  “Are you ready for Chinese yet?” Ellen asked.

  “You know, you’re right, I am hungry after all. But I didn’t get any laundry done.”

  “Well, bring it over. Doing laundry by yourself should be illegal anyway.”

  Kate couldn’t help it. Just the sound of Ellen’s voice made her feel good.

  A few minutes later she tossed a load into Ellen’s machine and turned it on before taking a sip of the wine Ellen had poured. Ellen set the boxes of Chinese food on the table.

  “Nothing fancy tonight”—Ellen gestured at the cartons—“but there’s something so satisfying about Chinese. And not having much to clean up after days of eating out has its rewards, too.”

  “Not to mention the leftovers,” Kate added. “You’ve ordered enough for the Confederate army.”

  “Well, I didn’t know what you’d like.” Kate glanced at Ellen’s curvaceous hips and full breasts and knew exactly what she liked. She took another gulp of wine, and the slight buzz that had begun with the scotch returned. She felt warm inside, not entirely due to the alcohol. Being with Ellen left her blissfully content.

  After dinner they settled in front of the television. A Hitchcock movie was playing and normally Ellen would be excited about seeing an old black-and-white. She was relaxed, full from dinner, and comfortable in jeans and a chenille sweater. But as she sat on the couch next to Kate, all she could think about was how right it seemed.

  The couple of hours Kate had left to go home had been unsettling. They had been in each other’s company for days—talking, sharing, eating, and, yes, at times arguing. But their brief separation had brought back all Ellen’s loneliness, and for a moment she thought she might cry. She didn’t want to return to her old ways.