Falling Hard: Monsters of Mayhem: Motorcycle Romance Book (Monsters of Mayhem )

by Simone Elise

  Falling Hard

  Simone Elise

  H . Zebell

  Contents

  Falling Hard

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Falling Hard

  Copyright © 2018 Simone Elise and H. Zebell

  Falling Hard

  By Simone Elise and H. Zebell

  All Rights Reserved.

  Colleen Snibson, Literary Editor

  Helen Mitchell, Proofreader

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  This book may not be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission from the author. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. All characters and storylines are the properties of the author, and your support and respect are appreciated.

  This book is a work of fiction. The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

  Created with Vellum

  “Prez, I found her.” He was speaking to Dad. “Yeah, she was at the estate.” His looked at me. “And I need to tell you something.” I quickly started shaking my head. “I’m fucking your daughter.” And with those words, he hung up.

  Emmie

  He growled into my ear, sending chills up and down my spine. “This won’t be slow and sweet, not even close.”

  Libby

  Prologue

  Hammer

  Live fast, die young, and do some fucked-up shit while there is oxygen in your lungs. That was one of the mottos I learned while growing from a prospect in the Sacred Souls MC to becoming the chapter president.

  I lived life on the edge. I rode my bike at speeds that would cause a thrill seeker’s stomach to turn, spent more birthdays behind bars than a free man, and never expected to live to my twenty-second birthday let alone my thirtieth or the birth of my daughter.

  The day she was born was the same day I swore I wasn’t going back to prison or ever letting her out of my sight.

  Before I knew it, her mother was out of the picture, and I was in my early thirties, bringing up a baby girl and not having a fucking clue about parenting.

  The reason I survived it was because of my brother, Rusty, who was in the same fucking sinking boat as me with a daughter of his own, and fuck, did we have some bad days in the beginning. But things changed as we brought them up while managing to grow the club, as well. As soon as Libby was old enough to be on the back of a bike, Rusty hit the road, going back to his nomad position.

  Emmie was and is my everything. The kid sweetness, tainted with darkness. It wasn’t her fault, though, it was mine. Rusty and my grandmother had the ‘crazy gene,’ or at least, that was what the family called it.

  To be truthful, I was harsh toward my grandmother. I didn’t have time for her mental health issues until my daughter presented with similar signs, taking a turn down a path I couldn’t stop her from traveling. A path nightmares were made of and a lonely one I couldn’t accompany her on.

  Emmie was diagnosed with schizophrenia at an age when most teenagers were testing their parents’ curfews. Due to our family history, it was an easy diagnosis for the psychiatrist

  It fucking broke my heart every time I saw the distance in her eyes and when she muttered back to the demons filling her mind with thoughts.

  A voice hearer, such as my daughter, was fucking tough, and I knew one day, I wouldn’t be able to protect her.

  Like the current situation that Rusty and I were facing was going to leave the girls on their own.

  Rusty knew exactly what it was like to watch your daughter walk down a path you couldn’t accompany her on.

  Libby suffered from extreme panic attacks, the type that usually resulted in hospital admission for the normal individual. However, over the years, by calling the attacks her quirks, she’d managed to control them.

  “So how long we got?” I took the cigarette out of my mouth and turned to look at my younger brother, who seemed torn between telling me the truth and lying. That or his mind was on something else.

  “Long enough to put plans in place for the girls.” Rusty's copper-colored eyes locked with mine. “I’m making arrangements so she won’t be left on her own.”

  I frowned, not understanding. Libby hated the club life—as in, she didn’t want to be owned by the club—so I doubted Rusty’s plan involved the club taking care of her because she wouldn’t have that.

  “You know Lynx?” Rusty butted his cigarette out on my wooden desk.

  I ran my hand down my beard. “What sort of question is that? He reports to me.”

  “He’d make a good VP.”

  My eyes sharpened. “That so?”

  “Yeah, and a good nephew-in-law.” Rusty’s mouth moved, and I heard the words, but I highly doubted he said what he said.

  “You’re setting her up with him?” Surely, I wasn’t putting this together right.

  But one firm nod from Rusty confirmed it.

  I let out a string of curse words. Finally, getting control of my rage, I said, “How the fuck did you let that happen!!”

  “Not letting it happen, making it happen,” he corrected me. “You can’t say you haven’t thought of who’d be looking after Emmie?”

  “The club.” My weak and vague reply got his attention.

  “That so?” he pressed.

  “Fuck it, Rusty! Ain’t no man I trust with my daughter!” I snapped at him as a firm knock sounded on my office door. “Come in!” I shouted, more pissed off with what Rusty was suggesting than the person interrupting us.

  “Prez, I’m heading out for a beer run. Emmie wants to come for a ride, that all right?” Maiden asked.

  Rusty’s eyebrows shot up, and he gave me a look.

  “Don’t go over the speed limit.” I locked eyes with Maiden. Out of all the members, Maiden had a connection with her that even I didn’t understand, but admitting my daughter had a connection to any male wasn’t in me. I just wasn’t that big of a person.

  “Always, Prez, her safety comes first.” Taking me seriously, he nodded, and before leaving, he said a brief goodbye to Rusty.

  Rusty was meant to be three towns over with Libby, who was currently angry because she couldn’t visit me, but Rusty and I needed to have a serious conversation. If Libby were here, she wouldn’t leave us be for a moment, which was one of her qualities that I loved. So Rusty was here under cover of darkness and without his daughter’s knowledge.

  “You’re stupid, Rusty. Only a moron would set his daughter up with a man like Lynx.”

  “Only a foolish poker player would be thinking Maiden is good enough for my niece,” Rusty snapped back, then gave me a sharp look. “Oh, wait, that’s right, you can’t play poker for shit.”

  “Fuck off.”

  “Mr five grand in the black.”

  “One time!”

  “Yeah, your right, it’s normally ten.”

  I clenched my fists and
reminded myself that I couldn’t strangle my blood brother.

  Chapter 1

  Emmie

  Suffocated, drowning and possibly ripping the life from my lungs, was how I felt as I picked up the razor. My demons were encouraging the need to use it.

  The words “You’re nothing but a burden, you’re nothing but a bother, you are nothing” were being chanted in my head, and the more the demons spoke to me, the more I began to believe them.

  I quickly grabbed my art book and started using proactive strategies, so I didn’t act. I thought I was getting somewhere too until I caught sight of movement out the window.

  Paranoia gripped me. Oh, no, not again. I swear I saw someone press their face against the window.

  I jumped off my bed and backed toward the door, my eyes on the outline of the face. My hand went behind me and opened the door, and then I was running down the hall, my heart pumping fear through my blood.

  “Dad!” I roared as I reached his room. I banged on the door before bursting in. My eyes scanned the room and saw Dad under a half-naked woman in his king-sized bed. Sadly, this wasn’t the first time this had happened. I was six when I first walked in on Dad having sex, so I ended up getting the sex talk younger than the normally acceptable age. Dad never did anything when expected. It was fair to say I was traumatized but not enough to learn my lesson and knock each time.

  Dad shot me an annoyed look. Once again, I had interrupted him, but he wasn’t surprised and didn’t immediately push the woman, whose face I couldn’t see clearly, off.

  Dad normally never drank heavily, but last night was a weekend party, so he had a few, more than a few by the look of him—his short, peppered hair was a mess as he glared at me.

  “What, Emmie?” His words were slicing, letting me know he was pissed off, but there was a more pressing matter on my hands.

  “There’s someone at my window!” My voice echoed the fear I currently felt. Every time I saw the man’s face, my fear increased, and I was now desperate, begging anyone to acknowledge what I was seeing was real. Trying to get my dad to understand wasn’t an easy task.

  It didn’t help that I had ‘voices’ or audio hallucinations. When the voices came, I knew—they whispered in my ear, became demanding and the anxiety built as they increased, making me question everything I saw and heard. They always managed to cause doubt in my head, but this time, I knew I wasn’t hallucinating! Someone was watching me! It just felt different.

  Dad immediately rolled his eyes.

  “I know I keep saying someone is watching me, but it’s true. I saw—”

  “I don’t have fucking time for your mind crap, girly!” he roared, waking up anyone who was sleeping on this side of the building. Pushing the girl off him as he sat up, Dad made sure he kept himself covered as he ran his hands through his hair. He then froze and looked at me.

  His words caught me off guard, leaving me speechless. He didn’t just say that… I watched as he exhaled sharply and saw the regret on his face as soon as the words he’d spoken aloud registered

  Before he could say another word, I spun around and rushed back to my bedroom, his words repeating in my head.

  I’d always had a nagging feeling that my hallucinations were starting to push him to his limits and he was starting to lose patience with me, but that was the first time he had ever said it aloud. His words kept replaying over and over in my head, getting louder and louder, mind crap, mind crap, mind crap, mind crap. I clenched my eyes shut as I rounded the corner, slamming straight into Maiden. Fuck.

  He was quick to grab my shoulders, catching me before I could fall. Seriously, out of all people, I had to run into him?

  “Emmie, is everything okay?” He looked concerned, but I was thankful he hadn’t heard what Dad had just said. If he had…

  I shivered and shook my head as tears ran down my face, ruining the normally flawless makeup that I put on as a mask to cover how I really felt. My violet hair, which was usually dead straight and perfect, was curly and looked how I felt, drained and tired. And now, thanks to Dad’s words, sadness was boiling up inside, causing me to have no control over my tears, which only made matters worse because I hated crying where anyone could see me. Showing weakness was difficult, but I couldn't control the tears as they continued to fall.

  “I’ll be fine,” I muttered, brushing past Maiden, only to be stopped as his strong hand latched onto my arm.

  “Emmie, tell me what’s wrong,” he asked. He placed his hand on my cheek softly and used the rough pad of his thumb to wipe the tears from my face, causing me to gasp as goose bumps covered my skin.

  Biting my lip, I looked away.

  “I’m fine, Maiden, honest, it was just a bad dream, that’s all,” I muttered, using an excuse only a six-year-old would get away with. Yanking my arm out of his grasp, I ran back to my room.

  Closing and locking my bedroom door, I looked to the bathroom. Maybe my father was right, and I just saw things. Maybe I was going crazy. Slowly, I walked toward the bathroom as if I were on autopilot. I knew I shouldn’t and that I was stronger, but it didn’t stop me from picking up the razor. The devil was knocking on my walls, telling me I needed to escape, that this was the only solution. As the razor went to my thigh, my eyes moved to the mirror, and I saw the desperation in my eyes. I immediately dropped the blade into the sink before sinking down to my knees and crying. I had my father’s eyes, which was that reason I sank to the floor.

  No matter how bad it got, I couldn’t do it to my father. I couldn’t let him discover my body in a bathroom, and not just any bathroom, but one he’d personally designed for me and even imported a few of the features.

  The worthlessness and blinding hatred I felt for myself consumed every blood vessel in my body.

  I just couldn’t keep going, and it was that one line that had me reaching for the razor again. I just needed to release some of the hate that ate at me. As I slashed the razor across my thigh, I felt relief as the demons were bled from me. They got what they wanted, but so did I. I got to feel peace, and it lasted one moment until I had to slash again. Each time, relief flooded me and was then followed by guilt and disappointment in myself. I knew I was slipping back, but as much as I wanted to pick myself up and say I could face another day, I knew I was no superhero. I was a broken woman with a tainted soul, one whose demons filled my thoughts with poison.

  The blood ran down my thigh and just for a few brief moments, peace followed, and for the first time in days, I felt like perhaps I could keep living because I had gotten the demon out. But I also knew the pattern. Right now, I thought the demon was out but come tomorrow, the headache from the pain would be all-consuming, and the injuries would be physically crippling. An underlying thought weaved through my mind. There was a high chance that one day, an infection would kill me from this.

  I knew I had disappointed the boys.

  Dad

  Grit.

  Maiden.

  Yet at this moment, it was as if I were high on drugs, the demons no longer scratching at my thoughts, and I could just enjoy the peace within my mind. Without caring about the blood dripping down my thigh, I just bathed in the peace. For once, my mind was quiet. The thoughts and demons weren’t there because they had won.

  Sometimes, you have to live in the moment, and sometimes, that moment makes you wish you weren’t living at all.

  I put the final stroke of my eyeshadow on, and with a quick spray of my perfume, I was good to go. My eyes went to the bathroom door, and guilt consumed me along with shame. Still, I pushed myself away from the dresser. I couldn’t turn time back. I couldn’t undo what I did last night. All I could do was try to do better today.

  I threaded my arms through my jacket and glanced in the mirror. The dress was mid-length, covering everything that needed to be covered, and by that, I meant evidence of last night. If one of the brothers knew… Tears sprang to my eyes. Fuck it, Emmie, don’t cry!

  I blinked them back and opened my bedroom do
or. The smell of tobacco, mixed with the normal hint of weed, flooded the air, but the main scent was that of the summer night. It nearly overpowered the club’s trademark scent.

  I headed down the passage and waited a moment. I knew a party was in full swing downstairs, and I was expected to show my face, and I would on my way out.

  My mind began to twist to darkness as the monster slowly crept in, scratching at the sides of my mind, wanting attention, but I fought hard, harder than usual, to make sure it didn’t win. I quickly walked out into the entertaining room. To my surprise, a few death looks were being shot in Hammer’s or, as I call him, Dad’s direction.

  I knew the bare minimum details of tonight’s club party because I didn’t press for answers to questions I had no right in asking. To be honest, I really didn’t care to know club details, anyway. All I knew was Ryder had taken a rank in the chapter, and this was his official party.

  I felt it before I’d moved another inch. Dad stared at me intensely, causing my skin to prickle, and panic started to take over. Would he find out what I did? Shaking my head, I continued forward.

  “Emmie!”

  I froze, and not in a good way. I wanted to make it out of there. I wanted to get free before Dad saw it. He always saw it, no matter how much I hid it. That was why I was escaping for the night, to recover in private.

  I turned around and forced an easygoing smile onto my face. Dad was the chapter president, a man of force, and a man of his word.

  “Ryder, you met our girl, Emmie?” Dad tried to pretend like everything was fine between him and me, but even I could tell he was a little uneasy being so close to me, guilt briefly flashing in his eyes that only I could see.