Wes’s head pops up. “Excuse me? Dating?”
Dex nods his head. “Yea, you know…how long have you and Roz been lovers?”
Oh Lord, no!
“Lovers? LOVERS?! Rosaline Scarlett Thatcher, why on God’s good green earth is this man calling me your lover?” Wes is literally screaming at me right now in the middle of the dining room with everyone looking our way. Of course, I start to choke on my bite of cookie, and Gracie is slamming me hard on the back. Can’t anything in my life happen without all of these surprises? Malik is just giving me that I-told-you-so look while Dex is sitting there thoroughly confused.
“Rosaline, tell him. Tell him I’m not!”
I look over to Dex. “For goodness’ sake, he’s not my boyfriend. Wes, will you calm down? Everyone is staring at us; stop causing a scene!” I scold him. Green is actually laughing so hard I’m afraid he is next in the choking line.
“I’m not causing a scene. He is doing that with his horrible accusations.” Wes spat bitterly, while scowling at Dex.
I look over at Dex. “He isn’t my boyfriend. He’s my best friend.”
“Best friend who is not her lover!” Wes pipes up.
Dex is giving me a confused half smile and starts, “But you said—”, but I put my hand up to stop him from finishing his sentence.
“You asked if I love him and I said I’ve always loved him, and that is true.”
“She loves me as a friend and not as a lover” Wes specifies again.
“I swear to God, Wes, if you don’t shut up I’m going to kick you out of here myself!”
Dex is fully grinning now. “Well, how about that? Sorry there, bud,” he says while slapping Wes on the back. Wes just scowls up at him and then turns it to me.
“I should have known that something like this was going to happen when you are always crawling into my bed at night, but no, you never—” Instantly, Green has Wes up out of his seat and is walking him toward the door. Thank God for that man or I’m pretty sure I was going to find out if one can actually die from embarrassment. I excuse myself from the table and run after my friends, catching up to them outside.
“Seriously, Wesley Sanders, I’m going to kill you! How can you embarrass me like that! You can’t just let it go with “I’m not her boyfriend”?” I yell at him once we are out of the dining area.
Green steps in between us before Wes can talk back and says, “Okay, guys, I think it’s been a very long day for everyone. I personally am exhausted so let’s just pack it up and say our good-byes, yes?” I look at him and nod. He steps up and gives me a big hug. “You take care of yourself, alright honey?”
“Thanks, Sebastian. I appreciate all your help. Sorry about the drama.” I look over at Wes intently. I feel ashamed now after what I did. “I’m sorry to you too. That’s my fault; I shouldn’t even have yelled at you. I didn’t exactly correct Dex when he thought we were together.”
Wes looks at me strangely. “Why didn’t you?”
“I don’t know.”
Green starts laughing. ”It’s called playing hard to get. All women do it.” He tosses me a wink. “The smart ones do, anyway.”
“Anyway, I’m sorry, it won’t happen again. Don’t be mad at me please. I don’t want us to be apart while you’re still mad at me.”
“I’m not mad, Roz, but next time don’t use me as a pawn in whatever game that you are playing.” He says, looking more hurt than mad now.
I nod in agreement and give him a fast hug which he half-heartedly returns. “Take care and tell Masters that everything is going great. I’ll let him know when I’m ready.” And off they go to catch a train.
After that, I’m much too embarrassed to go back into the dining hall. I don’t think many people know what the problem was all about, but I still caused a scene at dinner. I decide to take a walk around and I end up at the pond. I go down and rest my back against the tree. I sit there for a while enjoying the night and just thinking about how much things seem to be changing in just a short amount of time. I’ve only been here for two days and a part of me is already wishing that I do not have to go back. Here, I don’t have any responsibilities. The weight of the country isn’t resting on my shoulders. Here, I can just be a sixteen-year-old girl. I can understand now why all these people could have left their lives to come here, to be free.
The ground shifts next to me after Dex’s large frame has taken a seat on the ground. I look at him for a moment. I must look like a child next to this scary man, although I no longer find him scary. All the fear I had toward him completely vanished once I saw him and Grace interacting.
“A penny for your thoughts?” Dex tells me.
“But we don’t even use currency.” I retort back. I don’t know why I’m always so defensive around him.
He laughs and smiles down at me. “Touché. So, P.P., what’s going on? Why did you want me to think that Wes is your boyfriend?”
“What did you just call me?”
He smiles wide. “P.P. It’s short for President Princess.”
“Argh! You did not just call me something that is a nickname for urine! Why not just call me Tinkle?”
He chuckles at that but agrees. “Tinkle has a nice ring to it. Okay, Tink, why didn’t you just tell me that you guys are friends?”
I sigh. I really don’t want to be talking about this. Can’t he just go back to being moody and hating the world?
“I don’t know. To be honest, I’ve never met anyone like you and I’m not sure how to react. Sometimes you can be so infuriating. Today, you had that cocky smugness about you so I let you think whatever you wanted. I know that was wrong of me and I’m sorry.”
I expect him to smile at me or tease me, but he doesn't. He just continues looking at me with those haunted brown eyes.
“When are you leaving?” he asks me completely out of the blue.
I am not sure how to answer him. He has to know I can’t stay here, but then again he hasn’t asked me. I don’t know why, but I just know I can trust him.
“I honestly have no clue. I didn’t even know I was staying here until we got here. What Malik said was true. The minute I found out about you guys, I came out here as soon as I could.”
He stares at me now with a frown on his face. “So the Council purposely kept it from you?” This surprised me to see another person who talks openly about the Council.
I nod my head. “It seems that way, yes.”
He laughs then, not a joyous sound but laced with bitterness. “I bet you coming here threw them off big time. Good for you!” I have decided that it is time to give out some questions of my own.
“How do you know so much about the Council? Most people don’t even talk about them.”
He scoffs. “I know more than I ever wanted to about the Council, but we will leave it at that. We all had a different life before we came here, Roz; a life we wanted to leave behind. It may feel like they banned us, but they aren’t keeping us here. We chose to leave that life for our own reasons." He declares, looking sad. I can tell that even though he is sitting next to me, he is back in the past.
“But how am I supposed to help you? How can I fix things if I don’t know why you left? I can’t fix what I don’t know is wrong.”
He gently rubs his hand down the side of my face, tucking my hair behind my ears. “Sweet girl, there are some things that even the President can’t fix.”
I lift my chin and look him directly in the eyes. “Not if they don’t try.”
He smiles at me. “If anyone can fix things, Tink, it’s you.” I want to glare at him for calling me that horrid nickname, but his sentiments are sweet and it really does look like he means every word he says.
“It’s just too bad one person can’t change a country,” I voice out, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders again.
“Maybe not, but one person can touch another and change them. In turn, they can do the same to others. You may not be able to change a whole country, but
you can touch lives, Roz, and those lives can touch others. I haven’t known you for long, but part of me feels like you’ve been here all along. It’s not just with me; you touch everyone you meet without even knowing it. I’ve never seen Gracie take to anyone like she has to you. Zara hasn’t reached out to anyone but you since Nate died. Those people who are hurting, they are drawn to you." He tells me this as he reaches out to hold my hand. “You are like a soothing balm to their souls. If you can heal people like that, you can heal a country.” His words have touched me so deeply that I can’t stop my tears from flowing. One by one, he brushes them away.
“Don’t cry, sweet girl. It will be alright.” We sit there for a while, just taking comfort from each other. So many secrets are caught in between us, but neither one of us is pushing the other for answers. After some time, I realize that he has been out here with me this whole time and I’m not sure who has his sister.
“Is Gracie alright?”
He nods. “The neighbor is looking after her. It is different here than in the Zones. Everyone looks after each other. There isn’t any crime so you don’t have to worry about someone hurting or taking your child. We are free here, Roz. Yes, there are problems here just like everywhere else, but we are happy because we are free. As a whole, we are one family unit.”
“You are united.”
He approves, “Yes, we are.”
Suddenly, it hit me. This is what unity looks like: taking care of each other, doing more than one job not because you have to, but because you want to, and not having to watch out for people who may do you harm because you trust them. This is unity. These people are the only ones in our country who are United. So what does that make the rest of America?
Chapter Three
I spend the rest of the week just living the life of an outcast. I try my best to put the Ministry out of my mind and just experience as much as I can. I need to live these people’s lives if I want to find understanding in everything that’s going on here; the questions will have to wait. I pitch in and work with the women every day. I read stories and sing songs to Gracie to put her to sleep every night, and Dex and I spend some time hanging out at the pond a little bit each day. I know he is starting to develop feelings for me, and I can’t help but return them, but it isn’t the time or place to start a relationship. We have to be strictly friends until I figure this mess out, but good luck telling that to my stubborn heart.
As much as I love it here, and I really have fallen in love with this little community, I miss Wes and Molly. I long for my friends, especially the way I used to be able to talk to and confide in them. I’m the kind of person who needs to talk things out to make sense of it all, but who am I going to talk to now? I can’t tell anyone anything, and getting Masters even more involved than he already is will put him and his job at risk, and I don’t want that. I sometimes think of talking to Dex. I know he will listen and will not tell anyone anything, but the pain in his eyes every time I bring up the Ministry is too much for me to bear. Whatever has happened to him in the Zones has scarred more than his skin, and I don’t want to be the one to keep bringing his pain back to life.
I have been getting messages daily from Annabelle, and it is starting to grate on my nerves. I know the Council is done with waiting. In their minds, giving me a week is already adequate, but it just isn’t enough time for me to wrap my head around it all yet. I need to write back to her, but I also need to be very careful about what I say. Since I don’t have my friends to talk to, I need to get away and work this out for myself. I know there are a few safe hiking trails around here so I told Zara that I need some alone time to think. She hasn’t even questioned me once; she just nodded and said she will be back to give me some food and water. I change into jeans and a t-shirt and I put my running shoes on. Braiding my hair down the back and taking the backpack Zara has graciously filled for me, I head off towards the hiking trail. The more I climb, the more I think, and the more questions I have. After hiking for several hours, I decide it is time for me to take a break and try to write some things out. I find a nice shade tree and I collapse underneath. Wes and I used to go hiking all the time, but it has been months since I’ve gone at all. My body is used to sitting at a desk, and even though I do a lot of walking through the Ministry, I haven’t realized how bad I’ve become at this. I’m going to have to make it a point to go out at least once on the weekends, if I ever figure this mess out anyway. I decide to rest my eyes for a bit along with my body. Just a few minutes and I will be ready to start back down the hill.
However, my body apparently has other ideas. The hike must have worn me out more than I imagined because when I awoke, it is already dark and I have no idea how long I’ve been here. I didn't bring any of my electronics, not even a compass, thinking I would only be gone a few hours in the day light. Crap, a flashlight is also lacking. Luckily, I have plenty of food and water, and I have a jacket in my backpack. It looks like I am going to have to wait out the night. Great! I am going to camp in the dark by myself with only the wild animals to keep me company, I mock myself. I can’t exactly write my thoughts down now in the dark, and I have to do something to keep my mind occupied so I start to sing Wes’s comfort song. The funny thing is, I don’t think it was ever just Wes’s song. It has always had a calming effect on me also. I sit there while singing for a very long time, just staring up at the stars. If I wasn't so scared of being out here all on my own, I would be in awe of my view of the stars. The sky is so clear; everything is so perfect up here.
Just then, I see a light bobbing up and down on the side of the path. Who in their right mind will be out here at night hiking? I ask myself. I’ve already decided I’m nowhere near my right mind so other than me, it seems like a weird time for a nature walk. I listen closely and I can hear my name being shouted. Oh no! Worse than falling asleep and waking up in the pitch dark with no light and no way back till morning, I realize I am giving everyone a scare back at the compound. I haven’t even thought of how worried they all must be now. The voice is getting closer, and I yell back my location. A short while later, I hear heavy footsteps followed by heavy breathing coming in my direction. “Over here!” I yell, hoping that whoever it is approaching me is a friend and not a foe.
“Thank God! Are you alright?” The voice seems to come out of nowhere and scares me half to death. I can’t see him until he brings the lantern up to his face.
“Malik? Is that you?” I let out a sigh of relief. I am so grateful that someone has the courage to find me and I don’t have to be alone, and that it is Malik and not Dex. I don’t want him to leave Gracie, not to mention being stuck out here alone with him will not exactly help my resolve.
“Yes, child, it’s me. Good Lord, you gave us such a scare. Once it started to get dark and you still hadn't come back, Zara was terrified. She was certain something bad happened to you since you promised you were only going off for a few hours,” he says this kindly, not at all as a reprimand, but I instantly feel so guilty for putting everyone through so much worry. Especially Zara; she doesn’t need to add me to her grief.
“I’m so sorry, Malik. I feel horrible about making everyone worry about me. I’m perfectly fine. I just lost track of time while hiking and then stopped to take a short rest, but I ended up falling into a dead sleep. When I woke up, it was already pitch black. There was no way I was going to make it back in the dark alone so I just thought of staying here. I’m sorry, Malik. Should we turn back and go now?”
Malik is shaking his head and sits down next to me. “No, child, it’s much too late now and too dark to make it back safely. I nearly fell several times. Let’s just camp out tonight and head back at first light. I have some flares here. I told them I’d send one off if I found you safely.” At least one of us is thinking and has come prepared. Malik shoots off a bright flair and assures everyone that I am fine.
I say, “I’m so sorry again, Malik. I really feel awful.” However, Malik just grunts and waves off my apology.
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br /> “No harm done; it was an accident. We know better than most accidents happen. You will find us to be a very forgiving bunch. Perhaps a tad paranoid, but very forgiving,” he states with a slight chuckle. He pulls out a water bottle and drinks half the bottle. He offers it to me and I shake my head and show him my own.
“Are you hungry? I have plenty of food with me.” I take out my sack of food that Zara packed for me. He gratefully takes some nuts, dried fruit and beef jerky.
“Since we have several hours to kill, do you want to tell me what’s eating you so bad that you had to hike for hours to get away from it all?” Malik asks kindly. I should have known there will not be getting anything past him. Malik seems just as good as I am, if not better, at reading people.
“I don’t know, Malik. I guess I’m just exhausted. I’ve only been in the role of President for a few months, and I feel as though I’ve aged years. It’s not that I don’t like the job; I actually really do, and I love the people I work with. It’s just that I didn’t know the issues were going to be so tough, you know. Sometimes I feel like I’m just a little girl playing a very grown-up role.”
Malik puts his hand on my back and rubs it in calming circles. “Now, now. You are a little girl, but you are very good at what you do, Roz. I’ve heard some talk from the guards here and there and from what I hear everyone is very impressed with what you’ve done. Being the President has so many burdens for such a young girl. It’s alright to be tired, just don’t let it beat you.” I can see a faraway look in his eyes, the same look on Dex’s when he is lost in the past. I have decided that if I can open up to anyone, it is to Malik because we seem to have kindred spirits. And even though he is much older than me, I value his friendship and insight.
“I’m scared, Malik. After coming here, I’m afraid of what happens when I go back. The friendships and the bonds I’ve made will be destroyed, the Council will see to that. And how do I go back to my usual life when I will be feeling like I abandoned everyone here every day of my life? Yet, I can’t stay here and turn my back on the people in the Zones. What will happen to them if I just walk away? They’ve already lost one President; I don’t know how they will take it if they lose another.” I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes so I stop talking in order to get my emotions under control.
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