by Hati Bell
I can’t, she screamed at the Voice in her head. Help me!
That’s not how it works. You need to have the will to live, to fight for it every day. No one else can do that for you. Come on; give me your hand and I will take you to the light.
To the light? Tell me everything is better there, less painful.
Eventually.
Eventually? What was that supposed to mean? How many sins could she have possibly committed in her-in her opinion-very short life, that she had to go to Purgatory first? And what about her regrets?
Drake.
Forget that draconi. This time the Voice sounded clearly annoyed.
She opened her eyes and did what the Voice said. She looked straight into golden irises with a flame burning inside. Apparently she was quite imaginative in her hallucination.
You choose life. Just as your father predicted.
A warm laugh followed and the last thing she remembered was being lifted up, surrounded by heat.
***
She woke up, in bed, staring up at the ceiling.
“Finally, you’re awake.” Bryan sat on a chair next to her bed.
She lifted herself up on her elbows and looked at him, wincing as her muscles protested.
“You’re in one of the cabins of the kayaking company,” Bryan started. “We found you an hour ago, when Fiona Claw returned without you. We thought…” Bryan cleared his throat, looking sheepish. “We thought this goblin Gavin had hurt you. Considering your past with the lot, that wasn’t so far-fetched. Of course, we should have asked him first before accusing him. Ian started swearing before Gavin even knew what was going on. Drake was less subtle and started choking the goblin, before his brother reminded him that Gavin wouldn’t be able to tell what he did to you if he couldn’t breathe. It took a while before we found out about what Fiona did.” He rubbed his temples. “We feared you had drowned, little sister.”
“You weren’t the only one,” she confessed, still feeling a bit shaky. “Who fished me out of the water?”
He blinked. “You did, I assume. We found you leaning against a tree close to an old mill.”
“I don’t remember getting out of the water,” she admitted as she sat up. Someone had exchanged her clothes for shorts and an oversize tee.
“Just rest for a while, okay? I’ll be right back.”
Bryan had hardly left when she heard the door open again. This time it was a less friendly-and above all, unwanted-face she saw.
Fiona stepped toward the bed, in an unusually abrasive matter. “I just spoke to my mother, since your boyfriend threatened to stab me with iron and drop me into a bottomless pit. Here’s the thing: she told me something interesting when I mentioned your name. According to her, you can see the entire future by just a touch.” Her eyes narrowed. “Guess there’s more to your skin disease than I’d thought.”
Amber knew not a word would be spoken about the kayaking incident or the fact that Fiona had left her behind. Almost drowning had the side-effect of her nearly forgetting about her vision concerning Fiona.
“I wouldn’t exactly say the entire future,” she said to try to downplay what she’d seen, casting her gaze down to the wooden floors.
Don’t ask. Please don’t ask.
She heard a whooshing sound and suddenly felt herself staring at Fiona’s tanned legs.
“What did you see when you touched me this afternoon? Was it about my little brother? Is Jonah going to be okay? The doctors say that the longer he stays in a coma, the smaller the chance is of him waking up. It’s because of the pieces of iron in his head they couldn’t remove.” The dragon paused a moment, before her voice changed into a whisper. “The goblins knew exactly what they did the night they invaded our home and attacked my little brother. I don’t believe the doctors, or anyone else who already gave up hope. Jonah would never leave me.”
Fiona’s voice got an edge to it, which made Amber look up alarmed. Before she knew it, she was lifted from the bed. The blanket dropped to the floor, while she tried to wrestle out of Fiona’s grip.
“Let me go,” Amber snapped, clawing Fiona’s flesh in an attempt to break free. She was sick and tired of being pushed around by the dragon.
“You sneaky little worm,” Fiona raged. “I saw how you smiled at that goblin, talking with him as if sharing a secret. Did you two laugh behind my back, sharing pleasure in my brother being comatose? What the hell do you know that I don’t? Tell me if Jonah is going to make it. Tell me. Tell me!”
The dragon propelled her away and Amber knocked over a vase bumping over the floor.
The Amber before the river baptism would get to her feet and try to reason with the ice queen. Well, no more!
She lunged at Fiona. It felt deliciously liberating to pull Fiona’s hair, and scratch her in return. Unfortunately her little moment of feeling empowered didn’t last for long.
Fiona recovered from her surprise attack, a murderous look in her eyes. “You little bitch. Want to play? Fine, all bets are off.” She changed a hand into a claw. “I’ve been wanting to do this since the first time I saw your pale face.”
Amber almost tripped over her own feet, holding her hands in front of her face in defense. Fiona’s arm circled her neck, fingers digging into her skin, cutting of her air supply. She instinctively latched onto the dragon’s wrist.
She heard a yelp-which surprisingly wasn’t her own-and the pressure on her neck disappeared. Amber smelled burned flesh which made her gag, and she immediately let Fiona go. She dropped on to her knees and massaged her throat, blinking away her tears and looking up, facing the dragon.
Fiona looked perplexed at the burn in the form of a hand-print on her wrist.
An old fear, one Amber thought she’d drowned in the river, resurfaced, making her feel sick. “I’m sorry,” she said as she pulled herself up.
“How… What… are you?” Fiona whispered.
There was a loud bang at the door and when Amber heard his voice she knew it was the door hitting the wall.
“Get the fuck away from her.”
Her eyes shot to Drake who stood in the doorway, looking absolutely murderous. She gave him a warning look, shaking her head. She couldn’t find it in her to feel any rage towards Fiona. How could she hate her, knowing that soon Fiona would be attending the funeral of the only person she loved in this world?
Apparently her face said it all, because Fiona made a choking sound. “No,” she whispered, sounding broken.
Amber had never seen a dragon turn ashen before, but that was exactly what happened. The athletic girl before her crumpled like the end of a cigarette. “I’m sorry,” she said softly.
“You’re lying! Jonah’s not going to die,” Fiona shrieked. “You’re just looking like that to get back at me.”
“I’m so sorry,” Amber repeated. This only seemed to infuriate Fiona more. She noted Drake placing himself strategically between them.
“Liar!” Fiona screamed, an agonizing sound that stood up the hair on the back of Amber’s neck.
The tension left Amber’s body together with Fiona, who stormed out of the cabin.
Drake was by her side in a beat, pulling her into his arms. “Hi,” she said softly. The volcanic rage inside her had evaporated. Courtesy of her near-death experience and the soul-crushing pain that awaited Fiona. It gave her a new perspective on what mattered in life.
“You almost drowned,” Drake said, in a tone as if he were more speaking to himself.
“I tried to hate you and I believe I was successful for a minute or two, until it kinda exhausted me. I don’t want to fight with you anymore,” she confessed.
He looked as if she’d kicked him. “What fight? I surrender, love. I will always surrender to you. The thought that I had almost lost you, your light, tortures me more than words can express. My life’s yours, if you still want me.”
“Your life’s my life,” she simply said, and felt everything click into place. His presence, his vow, were the balm she
needed to make her forget the fear of her dive in the river.
She heard footsteps and knew there was an intruder in their bubble. When she saw Bryan standing in the doorway she let go of Drake’s hand. The irony wasn’t lost on her. She gave him an apologetic look, but he merely grinned and started walking away.
“Tonight. At the cabin,” he whispered and left.
“It’s time to go home,” Bryan said coolly as he walked inside, carrying her backpack.
She couldn’t stop smiling, feeling as if a door filled with new possibilities had just opened up. Bryan’s grouchy mood stood as much chance of wiping the smile off her face as an icicle against the blazing sun.
TWENTY-THREE
Katrina and the Waves called it “Walking on Sunshine”. That was exactly what Amber was doing, heading over to Meg’s. Since her grandmother didn’t answer the phone, it was time for a house call. It was her first stop on her way over to her date with Drake. She had decided it was time for a new beginning with a serious backup plan to thwart her vision of bursting into flames. And it started with her swallowing her pride and asking Meg for help.
She was surprised to find Meg’s front lawn lacking the usual high-end cars, until she saw the “For Sale” sign in the lawn and remembered her grandmother’s financial problems.
She rang the door bell and waited, but the door remained shut. She decided not to wait any longer but to take the back door which had access to the kitchen. Tucked behind a marble vase there was a hidden key she used and she entered the empty kitchen, and sauntered off to the living room. It was empty as well, but she did hear sounds from Meg’s study.
“They are here, in Somerset, right under our noses!” she heard her father shout. “One of them fished Amber out of the water, telling her it wasn’t her time yet. What does that bloody even mean? This was not the deal. He’s going to take her away from me. Just like he did with Emily. You have to convince him we’re better off without him and he should continue to stay away. This time for good. I don’t need his scheming and overbearing presence in our lives.”
“I’m sure you’re overreacting,” Meg said. “Also, you could be a bit grateful that he kept an eye on Amber. Without his scheming and overbearing presence, as you so eloquently put it, she would have drowned.”
“Grateful? For doing his job? I would be more grateful if he did it out of love instead of protecting his investment as his kind does.”
Her father sounded bitter and she wondered what kind he was referring to. Dragons? Dryads? Goblins?
“I will not stand for him practically announcing himself by sending one of his henchmen,” he continued. “He probably thinks since he has paid off your debt, he has gained the right to meet her. Well, I’m not going to let that happen. Amber is my daughter!”
“Nobody claims she isn’t,” Meg said in a placating voice.
“Don’t be condescending. He has returned to Somerset for a reason and I want you to find out what that is.”
Meg coughed. “I think not. As you know, he isn’t someone I can just pay a casual visit to have a chat with. Also I think he might be a bit put out with me since my role in the unfortunate incident with Zacharias and Amber. He might actually blame me for it. He’s not known for his forgiving nature, not even to his own family, let alone me, even though I’m practically family as well.”
Amber got a bad feeling when she heard the fear in Meg’s voice. Who were they talking about?
“Sure, let’s pretend it’s a surprise that he might blame you for Amber’s goblin issue,” her father sneered.
“Speaking of blame… don’t you feel the slightest bit of guilt for keeping Amber away from him? Despite Emily’s wishes, I might add,” Meg countered. “How about you clear your own conscience first instead of picking at me? It’s past time to offer an olive branch and let him meet Amber. She is his daughter, after all.”
A sick feeling settled in her stomach, making her numb. Amber put a hand for her mouth, afraid to make a sound.
“Over my dead body!”
“Be careful with what you say there, William. You know how prone his kind is to taking things literally.”
Her father yelled something back but the numbness spread over her entire body and it was all she could do not to crumble down in the corridor.
Breathe. Just keep breathing.
Out. I have to get out. Now.
Her father’s voice faded into the background while arrows of treason hit her right in the stomach. She had no recollection of her journey from Meg’s house to the ruins of the cabin.
It had been a long day in which she had had several blows she didn’t know how to deal with. All she wanted was to be wrapped in Drake’s comforting embrace and then disappear from Somerset. Away from the place where her life had been one big lie. Perhaps she could go to London, where she’d had a glimpse of how life could be between them without the rest of the world interfering.
Drake had spread out a blanket and was already waiting for her. She must have made a sound, because he spun around and smiled. Her heart fluttered and she ran into his arms. Seeing him was like a dam breaking inside her. She started sobbing the second he sat down, with her on his lap.
He just held her until she nearly needed IV fluids. “Those tears were not meant for me. Want to tell me what has got you so upset?”
This night is just for me. For us. She wasn’t going to start their first unofficial date by unloading her family drama on him. “Not yet.”
He didn’t push and they sat watching the sunset in a peaceful silence. The sun was still an orange ball on the horizon, though it didn’t provide Amber with any warmth. Drake’s body heat made her drowsy and in a weird way took the sting out of Meg’s words. Almost.
“It was all a lie,” she burst out. “All those talks about honesty and open communication between a father and daughter were hollow words, and apparently a one-way street. Worst of all is I only found out by accident because Fiona left me behind half-conscious in the water.”
“I’ll deal with Fiona,” he said grimly.
“Don’t. Though I’ve been on her shit list from day one, I do believe that what happened today was an accident. She probably assumed I could breathe underwater like any other dryad.” Like any normal dryad whose biological father wasn’t such a monster that William O’Neill cursed him and terrified Meg.
He continued to draw lazy circles on her back. “Good thing you managed to get out in time.”
“Someone pulled me from the water,” she said, searching her mind for clues about her savior.
“Tell me who it was, so I’ll know who I owe,” he said.
Tell him about the vision when you die in his arms, a voice inside her screamed. Tell him how the voice who dragged you out of the water predicted a death by fire as well. This was probably the right time and place to come clean. A weight would be lifted off her shoulders and Drake would do anything in his power to help her. Then he would avoid her like the plague again, and where would that leave her?
“I have no idea who pulled me out,” she said truthfully, and changed the subject. “I went to Meg before I came here. She was having a heated conversation with my dad and they didn’t hear me come in.”
“I have a feeling you heard something that you weren’t meant to hear,” Drake guessed.
“Why do people lie to the ones they claim to love?”
“Because it’s often easier and less painful than telling the truth.”
“It destroys lives. It makes everything I ever believed in, what makes me what I am, completely worthless. Just like when-” she gave him a reproachful look ”-when you broke your promise.” She immediately regretted her words for she could see what they did to him. It was as if a veil were cast over his beautiful eyes, shrouding them in regret.
“I’m sorry for what I did, love. If there had been any other way…”
“But there was another way,” she said, jumping on her feet. “You didn’t free me from my dragon promise becaus
e you didn’t want to take the risk that my performance in front of the Council would be enough. You didn’t trust me to be capable of keeping my part of the agreement to get Logan off the hook for a murder he did not commit. Poor, plagued-with-visions Amber, is she strong enough? Well, you’re not the only one who thinks like that. My… father shares the feeling. It all comes down to people seeing me as too weak to handle anything.” She wished he would say something, anything, to stop her. Somewhere deep inside she knew she wasn’t being fair to him. That she was doing just that which she hadn’t meant to do: unload her anger and resentment towards her father on him. It took a while before she realized he was giving her space to rant. Oddly, that calmed her down.
“Are you done?” he eventually said.
Okay, so maybe not so calm. She gave him a glare. “If you think-”
He got up and put his arms around her. “Shut up and listen,” he said calmly. “You, Amber O’Neill, are not weak, pathetic, or unstable. Okay, so maybe a bit unstable at the moment, but I don’t know what else happened today, so I forgive you. I’m fairly certain that I speak for your father as well when I say a lie is a character flaw of the liar and you shouldn’t put that on yourself. When it comes to me, I’ll never forget the look of disappointment in your eyes when I scolded you that day after Logan’s hearing. If I could take those words back I would. I’m sorry for not returning your trust. You once asked me why I feared the past and I didn’t really answer your question. By now you have experienced firsthand what I am. My past is a graveyard of mistakes I made which I seem destined to repeat. Am I any different than my father by pursuing you while knowing it would be better to let you go? Am I any better than Kincaid, whom I loathe for all his manipulations, when I haven’t treated you any better since the moment you fell into my arms?”
“You’re nothing like them,” she protested. His expression told her he didn’t quite believe her.
“All I know is that you’re my light. The fucking rainbow after endless rain, casting away the shadows in my murky life. You’re my future, if you still want me. No more hiding, no more half-truths.”