I really didn’t want to hear it but after biting her head off I really didn’t think I could say no. So I plopped down into my brown leather chair and rubbed one eyebrow. “Sure. What’s on your mind?”
“I’m worried about you.” Helen sat in the chair opposite me.
“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”
She reached her hand across the table and laid it in front of me. “Liam. You’re not fine.”
“What do you mean? I’m fine.” I really didn’t want to be having this conversation so I pushed the chair back to get her to leave.
“Look. We both know that you have been through a lot in the last year. More than most people ever deal with in a lifetime...”
“Helen, I don’t want to talk about this.” I grabbed a file folder and opened it. “I need to get ready for this afternoon’s meeting.”
Helen reached over and grabbed the folder. “Liam. We are going to talk about this. Everyone is tiptoeing around this office, scared that they are going to say or do something to piss you off.”
“That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it? Do you remember Diane last week? You had her in tears. She thought you were going to fire her!”
“That was business, Helen. She should have called that client back.”
“Liam. Listen to me. You can argue with me all you want. You can get defensive, tell me I’m wrong, say you’re fine. But the truth is, you know you’re not fine. You’re drinking too much, not sleeping, yelling at everyone and everything. You know I’m right! I’m the only one with the balls to tell you the truth.”
I was ashamed because she was right.
“Do you know why I’m getting up in your face right now?” When I didn’t answer, she stood up. “Do you?”
“No.” My voice sounded like a child’s, not a man’s.
“Because I care about you. I care about your damn ass, and I care about this company. You are going to drive it into the ground unless you find some way to let go of what happened. Burying yourself in a bottle isn’t going to bring Grace back. It won’t bring Nora back. The only thing it’s going to do is ruin the business you built together.”
I was frozen in my seat. I couldn’t breathe and my head felt fuzzy. I needed to stop thinking about any of this.
“Do me a favor, will you?” After a moment, she repeated, “Liam?”
“What?” It came out more as a whisper.
“Think about what I’ve said. Do a heart check and you’ll see I’m right. Maybe even think about taking some time off. You never properly grieved.”
I don’t deserve to grieve. I deserve to feel like shit.
“I can’t leave, Helen. Too many projects.”
“You know full well that the Juniors can handle your projects. That’s why you hired them.”
I sighed and said, “Fine. I’ll think about it.”
Enough of the maudlin shit. I smiled weakly, picked up my coffee cup and said, “The things a guy has to do to get a cup of coffee around here...I tell ya.”
***
The red and blue lights were flashing, and the sirens sounded like they were underwater. No, I was the one underwater. The cold river water was flooding in the car, and I could hear screaming. “Daddy! Help me!” Grace was unconscious and bleeding from her nose. The water rose, higher and higher. I tried to unbuckle my seat belt as the car went nose first into the frigid water. I couldn’t free myself from the damn seatbelt. “Daddy! It’s cold. The water is cold. Help!” The water reached my chin, and I struggled to get free. Grace was completely submerged by this time, and my only thought was getting Nora out of her car seat. By the time the water covered me, my little girl was up to her chin and screaming. I wanted to tell her to hold her breath, but couldn’t... Nora! Nora!
I sat straight up in bed, gasping for air. My heart was pounding and I was drenched in sweat. Realizing that it was just the dream again, I threw off the sheets, and made my way to the kitchen. Hands trembling, I opened the bottle of Chevas, and took several gulps straight from the bottle. This is why I drink, Helen. Because if I don’t, I have the same damn dream every night.
Taking the bottle back to bed, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to sleep again. My only chance was to drink until I passed out. I hated myself for drinking the very poison that caused all of these problems in the first place. But, I had no choice. Besides. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.
Ding.
It was my phone. Who would be text messaging at 2:17 am? Picking up the phone, I saw it was from Helen.
U need some island time
It was a link to this wellness retreat in the Bahamas. Three weeks. Alone on an island. Well, sort of alone, anyway. Taking another huge swig of scotch, I clicked on the link. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I do need to get away.
Chapter Three Jenny: The Biggest Favor
The bar was crazy crowded by the time I pulled in the parking lot. I could see Julie’s car parked near the front, so she must have been here for awhile.
Big Mac’s had been Mom’s favorite place and she brought me here for line dancing lessons as soon as I turned 21. Then, two years later when Julie turned 21, the three of us became regulars. Karaoke night on Tuesday, Trivia night on Thursday, and a host of other events kept us coming to Big Mac’s at least twice a week.
That’s how I knew Julie would be inside, shooting pool and drinking beer when I made my way to the back. It was pretty loud—too loud to talk, really, so I just ordered a margarita and watched Julie finish her game.
“I must be losing my touch,” Julie shouted to me as she raised her beer bottle to the waitress to indicate that she wanted another. “I never used to lose to Billy.”
I wasn’t much in the mood for Big Mac’s tonight. The food was mediocre and you couldn’t even have a decent conversation. Mostly, I just kept coming here because of Julie and the memories of our mom.
What I really wanted to do was to talk to Julie about the trip. Ever since the meeting with Sandra and Ron, I had been obsessing about the idea. I’d checked my savings account balance, and with the $5000 it would take to fly us both there, accomodations, and everything I realized I could do it. I’d been making pretty good money after we landed that potato chip account and I’d been saving ever since. But I wanted to find out if Julie could get the time off work before I actually booked the tickets.
“Jules,” I shouted over the game on the television. “I need to talk to you.”
“Yes, I’m rooting for the team in blue,” she shouted back.
“NO, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.”
“OH, OKAY. LET’S GO ON THE PATIO.”
We made our way to the back of the pub, where there was a small patio for the smokers. A heat lamp stood in the middle, and there was always a cluster of men and women standing around it, holding drinks and taking drags from their cigarettes. We didn’t smoke, and we harassed Mom for doing it. When she died, we never came out here anymore.
The air was cool, but not fresh, as we sat at a little table to the side of the heat lamp.
“Thanks for suggesting we come out here. I wanted to talk to you about something, but couldn’t even hear myself think.”
Julie nodded, and then turned her head to the door as the Electric Slide came on. “I love dancing to this. It reminds me of Mom.”
“Yeah. Me too. That’s actually kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Mom?”
“Indirectly. I got called into a meeting at work. By my bosses.”
Julie’s eyes widened. “Because of the Ito account? Did you get fired?”
“No, but they kind of put me on an enforced leave of absence. They want me to take some time to get my head clear and get my creative juices flowing again.”
Julie made a face. “Geez. You lose an account and your punishment is a paid vacation? I wish I had your job!”
I laughed, “Well, when you put it like that... No, I am going to be on probation when I get back.”
Juli
e grinned. “Will you have an officer and have to go to meetings? Not drink alcohol or smoke weed?”
“Not that kind of probation, silly. And I don’t smoke weed anyway. Just say no to drugs, kids.”
“So, where are you going? Vegas?”
“Ha! I don’t think that’s the best place to reclaim my sanity. I was thinking of this...” I pulled out my phone and showed Julie the website.
“Oh wow. That looks amazing. You should totally do it.”
“I’d like for you to come with me.”
Julie seemed taken aback. “I wish! Even with their BOGO sale, I don’t have that kind of money.”
I wasn’t surprised to hear her say that. We’d both inherited a small amount of money when Mom died, but while I’d been saving mine, Julie bought a new car. It was a practical choice—a Hyundai, but she didn’t have any of the money left over.
“I’d pay for your ticket.”
Julie frowned. “Why?”
“Because I don’t want to go alone, because you’re my sister and my best friend, and because you lost Mom too.”
Julie’s eyes filled with tears. “Well, when you put it like that...”
“Do you have three weeks vacation time you can use?” Julie had an office job with great benefits.
“I’m pretty sure I do. I didn’t take much time off for the funeral, and I haven’t taken any vacation time in like three years.” Her entire demeanor started to brighten up. “Are you sure you want to take me on an all inclusive 21 day retreat to the Bahamas? That is a really major gift.”
“Jules, Mom would have wanted me to do this for us. We need to get away. Get a fresh perspective on life after Mom. Neither one of us expected to be orphans so young. Besides, you know what she always said about money...”
Both of us chimed in unison. “Money is a renewable resource.”
“Okay, let’s do it, then.”
I was excited and so we sat right there out on the patio and booked the trip. It was non-refundable and not transferable, but I didn’t care. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was something I had been needing for a long time.
I need some island time...
***
By the next morning, I was feeling better already as I headed into the office to grab a few things before going back home to pack. It’s working already! I already feel happier.
I hadn’t even made it to my office before Sandra intercepted me. “Hey, can you come in here a second? I need to talk to you.”
I stopped to put my things on my desk, and then went to Sandra’s corner office. I’d always loved Sandra’s view. The two windows looked out over dramatically different vistas. It actually looked like two different photographs.
Sandra was sitting at her desk and motioned for me to sit down.“You are never going to believe who called me this morning.”
“Who?”
“Nobu Ito. He saw your second pitch. The one you sent after that disastrous meeting?”
Oh right. I almost forgot about that. “Yeah, sorry about not telling you. I was feeling pretty desperate. How badly did he hate it?”
“He didn’t hate it at all. He loved it!”
“He did? That’s crazy.” I was absolutely shocked. “That’s great!”
“It is. And even better, he wants you to run it. The whole campaign. Print. Digital. Everything.”
I sat there in stunned silence.
“This is it. The one you’ve been waiting for. This could take us to the big leagues.”
“Uhhh... Sandra?”
“Why aren’t you jumping around ecstatic? We got the Ito account!”
I put my hands over my face. “Oh crap.”
“What?” Sandra seemed shocked at my reaction.
“I just booked a three week stay at a wellness retreat in the Bahamas.”
“For when?”
“I leave Monday.”
“Well, obviously you have to cancel it!”
“Sandra, I can’t. It’s non-refundable.”
“Surely you got insurance!”
“The insurance only covered things like hurricanes and things. Not cancellations.”
“So, you’re saying that you can’t take the account that would make your career because you have to take a vacation?”
“Sandra! I booked the trip because you told me to. You and Ron made it very clear that it’s what I needed to do to keep my job.”
“Well, now I’m un-telling you. We need you to run this account.”
“No. No, Sandra. I spent five thousand of my non-refundable dollars on a trip that you told me to take. And, you know what? You were right. I do need to take some personal time. I need it, and I’m going to take it. Find someone else to head up the account.”
This was so out of character for me that I was shaking. I couldn’t believe I was doing this.
“You can’t just do this, Jenny. You can’t refuse to take the biggest client this agency has ever had. If this is the hill you want to die on, so to speak, that’s your choice. But it means you’re resigning your position.”
“You’re firing me?” I was shocked. Shocked and mad.
“No. You’re quitting. Re-read your contract if you doubt the legality of what I’m saying. If you refuse to take an assignment, it’s a de facto resignation.”
“Wow. Okay. Fine, then. I’m out.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I stood up with shaky knees and headed for the door. “You just did me a huge favor, Sandra. I don’t need this job anyway.”
I did need the job, but I could hear my mom’s voice in my head shouting at me. “This is bullshit, Jenny. You don’t need to take this.”
I practically ran down the hallway and into my own office. Closing the door behind me I took a few deep breaths and realized that I actually felt strangely calm. I was taking a three week vacation, and coming home to no job. But, for some reason, I knew that it would all work out just fine.
Chapter Four Liam: Meltdown
I called Helen on the way to the airport. Of course, it was 6:30 am, so I got her voicemail. “Helen. I decided to take your suggestion. I’m on the way to the airport, and I’ll be in the Bahamas for three weeks. I booked a First Class flight that leaves later this morning.”
It felt awkward leaving all of this on her voicemail. “Anyway, you pretty much know the projects we are working on, and what junior architect is working on which one. Just tell them to take over the project, and I’ll catch up on them when I get back.” I didn’t know what else to say, so I just wrapped it up by saying, “Okay. So, that’s it. And, well... thank you for being honest with me. I appreciate your friendship. Yeah. Okay. Call or email if you need anything. See you in three weeks.”
The Lyft driver pulled up to the airport terminal. “Is that all you have? No other luggage?”
I didn’t want to drag a huge suitcase all the way to the Bahamas, so I’d packed a backpack I could carry on. I was a seasoned traveler and could get by with just a few items. “Nope.”
Grabbing the backpack, I opened the car door and said to the driver, “Thanks,” and then pulled out my phone to bring up the electronic ticket as the Prius sped off silently.
***
The security queue was incredibly long, and for some reason my ticket wasn’t designated the usual TSA Pre-check so I had to go through the regular security. I wasn’t thrilled about it, but, hey, what could you do?
I took off my shoes and belt (I’d worn lace up shoes figuring I wouldn’t have to take them off) and then went through the metal detector where you have to raise your hands over your head.
BEEP
I’d set off the machine.
“Please remove all metal, sir.”
“I did!”
They waved me through again.
BEEP.
“Do you have any metal implants or anything in your pockets.”
“No!”
They waved me through again, and the machine beeped again and two TSA guards patted me dow
n.
“I’m afraid we are going to have to conduct a private screening, sir. Please follow me this way.” The man must have been 80 years old, and walked at a snail’s pace.
The agent gave me a pat down that was more intimate than many of the women I’d dated. “Is this really necessary?”
“I’m afraid so, sir.”
When I got back out to the main screening area, the remaining agent was examining my backpack with a tiny brush, apparently looking for bomb residue.
My already short fuse was about to explode. “Look. I have a flight to catch. Is this going to take much longer?”
Apparently, the TSA agents don’t like being asked that, as it seemed that the agent began moving even more slowly. Looking at the clock on the wall, I realized I had seven minutes to get to the gate.
“We are going to have to unpack your backpack, sir. Please step aside.”
The old TSA agent took his sweet time pulling every item out of the backpack one at a time. I had packed meticulously, and was irritated at the way the man stuffed everything back in once he was finished. “Look. Leave it. I’ll just do it.”
The agents conferred with each other and finally decided that I was not an international threat, and said, “You can go, sir. We apologize for the inconvenience.”
I grabbed the backpack and sprinted to the gate. A voice came over the loudspeaker. “This is the final boarding call for flight 1687 to Nassau.”
Running full speed, I looked at the gates as I passed them. I was at Gate 7 and needed to get to Gate 35. If I weren’t so pissed off, it would have felt like I was in one of those action adventure movies, darting around the people coming at me in the terminal. But I was no Tom Cruise and I was not in the kind of shape to be doing this.
32, 33, 34... 35! Just as I ran up to the desk, the woman was closing the door. “I’m here!”
“I’m sorry, sir. TSA regulations say that once the door is closed we cannot re-open it.”
“But the flight doesn’t leave for ten minutes!”
“Actually, it’s eight minutes. You’ll need to book another flight.”
Bending over to catch my breath, I knew it was futile to argue with her, and I let out a frustrated sigh. “Dammit.” Maybe this was a sign that I should go home. Forget the whole thing.
Provocative Paradise: A Secret Stranger Romance Page 2