by P. Jameson
“I’m sick,” she said.
He stiffened beside her. She could feel it even though they weren’t touching, the difference in the air.
No one knew why some shifters became ill if their mating wasn’t acted upon. But she had a suspicion that it had as much to do with the heart as the animal. Maybe if she could’ve hated Owyn, this wouldn’t have happened.
But she didn’t hate him. She respected him. She believed whatever came out of his mouth. And if he said he’d never hurt her, she took it to the bank.
“I want to mate.”
His head whipped around so fast she jumped. But she continued staring at the lake. She needed to get this out. Fast, before she lost her nerve.
“I want to mate you. I believe what you’ve told me, that you wouldn’t be an asshole to your female. I believe it all, and I want us to mate.”
His breathing changed, coming in ragged puffs, but he said nothing, continuing to stare at her. The moon moved, seconds ticked on, and Christina held her breath waiting for his answer.
“You don’t mean that,” he said finally.
“I do. I really do.”
She turned to find his gaze, peeking out from the brim of that damned hat. “We can’t,” he said. “We both took an oath. We’re part of the pact. We can’t just break it.”
She eyed him. “We can if nobody knows. If we keep it a secret.”
His eyes grew haunted, and Christina’s gaze fell to the tattoo on his neck.
“Secrets are bad, Doc. Secrets hurt people.”
He wasn’t wrong about that. She was a firm believer that what people don’t know can hurt them. And breaking a promise she’d made to her new family made her feel like the scum at the bottom of the riverbed. But this was her Hail Mary move. The only other thing to do was leave.
Mate or leave. Those were her choices. One left her feeling utterly bereft, the other felt all wrong.
“It’s my cougar,” she explained. “It’s making me ill. I don’t know what else to do.”
Understanding dawned in his gaze and he looked away.
“Maybe if I go, this could all be avoided.”
Owyn shook his head. “The clan needs you. You’ve become vital around here. And having a doctor on hand is good for business too.”
Silence settled between them, and Christina had another idea.
“My cougar wants you,” she said quietly. “But maybe another union would temper the urges. If I took a lover like some of the others do—”
“No,” he snarled, making her flinch. He drew in a long breath, trying for a calmer tone, but it just came out sad. “No. Not that.”
As carefully as she could, she reminded him of the truth. “You must’ve known this would happen. That if we didn’t mate, we’d go about our lives as normal. With other people. How did you think this would go, Owyn?”
He sighed, removing his hat and running one hand through his hair in frustration before pulling it low over his face again. Christina waited while he paced a short path along the bridge. The muscles of his shoulders bunched with each step.
Finally, he came to a stop in front of her, his eyes meeting hers with that same determination she’d seen at Cleaver’s.
“There’s only one way to do this, Doc. Here’s the deal…”
***
Mine. My female. Mark her. Make her only mine.
The panther was losing his shit. And so was Owyn. But if Christina knew, she’d run so far away from Lake Haven none of them would ever see her again.
She wanted to mate him.
But only to appease her cat. As a cure for what ailed her. She felt safe asking for this because he’d feigned being aloof. Because he’d bought this damn hat and used it to cover up any soft expressions that leaked out. Because he’d been so careful to hide himself so he could keep her here.
She didn’t really want him, but she was hurting. He could see it. She needed help. And he’d be damned if she’d find that help in the arms of another.
She. Was. His.
“Instead of finding a lover, you use me. I will take the edge off what your cougar needs and in return, you never touch another male. I won’t mark you, so we won’t be breaking Magic’s pact. And I’ll offer you the same promise to be faithful. A mutually beneficial agreement. Friends with benefits, you could say. And we keep it a secret so the clan never finds out what we really are.”
As she stared at him, her lip trembled. “You would do that for me? Monogamy, even without a mating?”
Owyn would do anything for her. These past few months, watching her from afar, she’d wiggled her way into his heart. He couldn’t put a name to the feelings he had for the doctor, but they were powerful. And monogamy wasn’t as hard as he’d grown up believing. Not now, when there was only one female he ever wanted to have.
“It’s what’s best for the clan,” he said, and it was true. Doc was important. She’d already helped more times than he could count. She was a vital member of their family.
“But…” She frowned, looking troubled. “What do you get out of this?”
You. At least… part of you. But he couldn’t say that out loud.
“My panther can rest knowing you won’t be with another.”
“That’s important to you?”
“Yes.”
She eyed him. “We can have what we need and never break our promise to the clan.”
Owyn nodded.
“Alright then.” Doc raised her trembling hand to shake on their deal.
But fuck that. He wasn’t starting a deal like this out with a handshake. It was too important.
He snatched her hand and pulled her down the bridge until they were hidden by the tall trees at the bottom. Turning on her, he tossed his hat to the ground and pulled her close, cradling her cheeks so he could look into her wide eyes.
Slowly, he brought his lips to hers, feeling them for the first time, so soft against his. They ignited a fire in him. Especially when she gasped at the unexpected contact. He wanted to kiss her more. Spend all night exploring her mouth. But there was a promise to make.
Owyn broke away just enough to speak, but not so far his lips couldn’t touch her skin. Staring into her eyes, he vowed, “I will see to your needs, and you will see to mine.”
“Yes,” she whispered, and he kissed her again softly.
“I will have no other, and neither will you.”
“Yes.”
A kiss to seal every part of this deal.
“We will never break the pact we’ve made with our clan, or the one we’ve made with each other.”
Doc hesitated. “Yes.”
Another tender kiss that had her melting into him in the most amazing way.
“And we’ll tell no one about this agreement. It hides in the recesses of our hearts. Forever.”
Doc was breathing hard, her gaze digging into his. “Yes,” she whispered.
He kissed her once more, dipping in to taste her mouth this time. The briefest of tastes to mark this moment in his memory forever. And hopefully hers as well.
After a moment, Owyn pulled away from his mate. He needed time to settle his cat. Time to come to terms with this new arrangement. He had to make this feel right with his animal or it would never work.
“It’s done,” he murmured, watching her eyes dance around his face trying to find something to anchor to.
“Yes.”
Chapter Eight
Now…
Doc sighed, remembering the night she first offered him a future. She’d been unsure and definitely pressured by the actions of her cat, but she wanted a mating with Owyn. Truly wanted it. Even back then.
What she got, was a patch job. Only a temporary holdover. And the whole thing was fraying at the edges.
They were in need of a permanent fix.
Without a word, Owyn pulled Doc across the bridge and down a small dirt walking path that wound through the woods at the backside of the lodge. They passed a group of tall trees and she g
lanced over at him to see if he remembered this place.
Their first kiss. He’d done it to seal their deal but that didn’t mean she hadn’t gone weak in the knees. She would’ve kept saying yes to anything he proposed just to feel more of what he did to her.
Owyn raised an eyebrow, but they didn’t stop. He remembered, of course he did.
Doc ducked her head to hide her smile.
Darkness encroached the farther down the path they went. This far away from the lodge, the lights were nearly invisible, but her feline vision made it possible to still see clearly. She squeezed Owyn’s hand and he brought hers up to his lips for a soft kiss.
Finally, they came to a stop at the edge of a clearing. Peering across the short expanse of flat land, she saw the back of Renner and Bethany’s cabin. Through the window she could see lights on, and the couple eating dinner with their young, Rhys. Bethany leaned back in her chair, rubbing her bulging baby bump.
“Do you know why this place is special?” Owyn rumbled near Doc’s ear.
She squinted, watching the smiling family inside. The sight made her heart happy.
They almost didn’t get their fairytale ending. When Bethany first came to the lodge, no one knew she was the cat’s mate. Not until he’d been shot by hunters.
“Me and you…” Doc murmured. “We patched him up while Bethany’s mating bond worked its magic.”
Owyn nodded, thoughtful.
“It was the first time I realized there could be hope for our clan… beyond the pact. If Renner could do right by his mate, why couldn’t the rest of us? And for some crazy reason, Magic let it happen. He let one of us take a mate, and believed we could be better.”
“A Christmas miracle,” Doc reminded.
Owyn smirked. “Yeah. But it didn’t last, and Magic cracked down harder than ever. Even when Tana left to mate the wolf, he was a fucking mess with worry.”
Doc nodded. They’d come a long way these past few months.
“Everything’s different now, Doc,” he murmured. “We can have whatever we want. We could have that.” He jabbed one thumb in the direction of the happy family behind the window.
She swallowed the knot of emotion that threatened to choke her up. “You think?”
“I do.”
Was he saying what she thought he was saying?
Before she could ask, he pulled her into the clearing and across the small yard to the four-wheeler track that connected the lodge to the rest of the cabins. But they didn’t head back to the main building. Instead, they went deeper into the woods.
Past Renner’s cabin, was Magic and Josie’s. Eagan and Clara’s. Ryan and Layna’s. As they passed she saw what Owyn intended for her to see. Their family. Happy and laughing. Sometimes so loud it could be heard through the log-hewn walls. Their family… making their own families. The clan growing and thriving.
When she and Owyn made their deal, this wasn’t a possibility. Not even in their wildest dreams. Because back then, no one was ready to accept it. Not even Doc and Owyn.
Now, here everyone was, moving forward. Everyone except them.
Well… not everyone.
Bailey’s cabin was next, and stood straight across from Mason’s. Those two and Gash still weren’t mated. But when their mates came along, and if they were worthy, there wouldn’t be any cultural hang-ups to contend with. The way had been cleared for a happy union.
Owyn stiffened, coming to a stop in the middle of the trail. He peered through the darkness of the woods before his eyebrows lifted in surprise.
Doc followed his line of vision and noticed a dark form leaned casually against the trunk of a fir tree.
“Oh hey, Gash,” she said, her voice going higher than she intended. “What are you doing back there?”
He pushed off from the tree and strolled forward, his arms crossed over his chest. When he stepped onto the trail, the moonlight touched on the claw mark on his cheek, making it look even more ominous than it normally did.
“Doc.” He nodded. “Owyn. What are you two doing down this way?” His eyes settled on their joined hands and out of habit, Doc thought to pull away from Owyn. But he held tight, his thumb smoothing along her palm.
“Better question,” Owyn countered with a smirk. “Why aren’t you in your little camera room, doing your job?”
Gash stole a glance in the direction of Bailey’s cabin, and then across to Mason’s before he answered Owyn’s question.
“I am doing my job. Magic has me scouting the area at night, to watch for any sign of the shadow clan. They’re coming for us,” he murmured, a tinge of regret flavoring his words. “It’s just a matter of time.”
Doc eyed Owyn as he frowned at Gash’s warning. “You need any help?”
Gash looked back and forth between them.
“Nah. You two are… well, what the hell are you two doing anyway?”
Doc’s mouth fished open and shut as she looked to Owyn for an answer.
“Never mind,” Gash said. “Obviously, you’re busy.”
Owyn pressed his lips together, clearly struggling with something.
“Just let me see Doc home and I’ll help you,” he said finally. “Meet you in ten?”
Gash nodded. “Sure thing.”
They watched him walk off toward Bailey’s cabin before turning back down the trail.
“I can get home myself,” she offered.
Owyn shook his head. “No. If our date has to be interrupted, I’m at least going to pretend I’m a gentleman and walk you to your door.”
Doc choked out a laugh, but she was still stuck on the word date. Is that what this was? A date.
Dinner. Check.
Moonlight walk. Check.
Hand holding. Double check.
Wow. This… was a date.
Butterflies went crazy in Doc’s middle as they walked silently down the path. This meant… this meant…
What he’d been saying at Renner’s…
Owyn wanted more with her.
Doc’s knees felt wobbly as she climbed the steps to her cabin and unlocked the door. She turned back to Owyn, suddenly feeling shy. It was absurd since he knew her inside and out. He’d seen everything she hid from others, but somehow, standing here with him now, with all their potential laid out in front of them like a glorious banquet, she was nervous.
“Thanks for dinner,” she mumbled, toying with her key ring.
“Doc, look at me.”
She obeyed, bringing her gaze to his. But what she saw there drew a gasp from her lips.
She’d never seen him so open, never was able to read his feelings on his face, until now. Adoration. Like she was an angel and he, her saint. Like she was responsible for the sun rising and setting. It twisted her up inside until she could barely breathe.
“I need to tell you something.”
His eyes searched her face, so powerful they were like a spotlight. They’d see everything, maybe things she hadn’t been willing to admit before.
“What is it?” she breathed.
She watched as he licked his lips, looking so much like a panther on the prowl. But he never said whatever he wanted to say.
Like a blink, his hands were on her face, curving gently around her cheeks as his mouth came down on hers. Careful at first, but quickly turning more desperate. This kiss was different than the others they’d shared in the heat of passion. This kiss was trying to tell her something. It was a promise, another one Owyn would keep, she knew.
With a helpless sound, she wrapped her arms around his neck, dragging him closer and surrendering to him for these few seconds before he had to go. In this moment, she was utterly his. She couldn’t belong to herself anymore. Not when he looked at her like she was the reason he breathed. Not when he kissed her like he wanted to give her the world.
Mine, her cat purred. Forever mine.
Never taking his hands away, he backed her into the wall, invading every inch of her space. He was the moon orbiting her heart while she w
aited to see if she’d survive the tornado of emotion she was experiencing.
Heartbeats later, he broke away, tilting her head to one side so he could inhale from her neck. He dragged her scent into his lungs like he survived on it instead of oxygen. His soft growl registered in her ear past the roaring of her pulse.
Pulling back, he murmured, “Goodnight, Christina.”
And then he was walking down the steps, turning to watch her go inside. Somehow, she got the door closed even though she was ninety seven percent numb all over. The good kind of numb.
Doc pressed her palm to her pounding chest, where the cat lived inside. Mine, the cougar insisted.
“I hope so, kitty,” Doc huffed. “God, I hope so.”
***
It was hell, leaving Doc with just a kiss. Owyn wanted to make love to her. Not sex. Not like they’d already shared. But love. He wanted to show her with his body how he felt about her and their future.
But this had been his plan all along. No sex while wooing her. He didn’t want her confused about his intentions. When he finally told her what he wanted for them, it needed to be received with a trusting heart.
Doc had to trust him. Because he trusted her.
Owyn caught up with Gash in the woods near Bailey’s cabin. The male was propped against another tree, staring at the road between hers and Mason’s.
“I see you haven’t moved far,” Owyn smirked.
Gash’s gaze didn’t shift. “Waiting on you.”
“Okay. Well, I’m here.”
“I know.”
Still, Gash remained staring between the two cabins.
Owyn kicked a rock out of the way, curious if it’d get the cat’s attention. But no, his eyes were like laser beams targeting one thing and one thing only.
“Wanna tell me why Bailey’s cabin is under surveillance?”
Gash sighed, still never breaking his focus. “Because I’m a goddamn bastard, that’s why,” he muttered.
“I guess I don’t follow that logic.”
“She’s my mate,” he blurted. “Nobody else knows, and I don’t know why I’m telling you this, but… she’s mine. And I can’t have her. I’m too fucked up. The shit I’ve done, the people I ran with, it’s all coming back to bite me square in the ass. All I can hope to do is keep her safe.”