Taking her to the airport for the trip back to San Francisco was tougher than he’d expected. The happy banter was gone. Stephanie had been in near tears all morning, and her lower lip was drooping. He found himself unable to think of anything to say, for fear he’d make it worse. He knew the young girl he left behind when he went to England, but the woman sitting next to him now was still a stranger in many ways. She avoided his eyes. Patrick already felt the hole in his chest growing from when she’d disappear into the skies.
This is a consequence of us not taking it slow.
Her desperate kiss at the security checkpoint made him want to jump the line and join her. He was faced with the fact that the miracle of these few days in San Diego, the first of their real time together, was now ending. These would be the ones he’d think about when times got tough. They’d found each other after years of separation. They’d committed their lives to each other. They’d grieved together.
She wove her way through the line of passengers. She turned one last time to give him a brave smile and wave good-bye. When she disappeared around the corner to the gate, the building—which was bustling with people—felt cold.
They had a bright future, he thought as he drove from the airport after she was airborne. It could be long or it could be short, like her relationship with Ryan. However it turned out, he’d cherish every one of those days. He’d make sure she was never left alone again.
Chapter 13
Stephanie was exhausted when she landed in San Francisco. She took the train to the Palo Alto station, found her car, and was home less than ten minutes later.
Some of her flowers on the front porch had not been watered, as had been promised by the neighbor’s teen. Someone had neatly tucked her papers on the wicker chair in the shadows, though. Mail had spilled onto the hardwood floor inside from the slot in the heavy oak front door. The little bungalow smelled musty, and she dropped her carry-on bag on her bed and took to opening up several windows throughout the house. Then she lit a vanilla candle.
A flashing red light blinked on her answering machine, and she was almost going to hit the playback but decided to take a few minutes to herself to assess what was going on inside her. She grabbed a glass of water and walked through the slider to her tiny backyard and inhaled the fall air. Leaves were turning brown, and several of her roses needed deadheading, sporting yellowing leaves. Her new persimmon tree was lit up in bright orange colors, doing its best to be bold.
Everything had changed in her life. She’d hardly had any time at all to float back down to earth after the uprooting Ryan’s death created. Gray thoughts crept into her head like cobwebs, worrying her.
What have I done?
Was it loneliness that drove her into Patrick’s arms like he’d wondered? She hadn’t allowed herself to think about it when he was beside her, but now that she was alone and not warmed by his heat, neither smelling the intoxicating man-scent of his being nor hearing the steady beating of his brave heart, she wondered how strong she really was. Did she have what it took to keep up with this emotional roller coaster of a life? Because, she admitted to herself, that’s exactly what it would be.
She texted Patrick to let him know she was back home safe. He told her he would call her later in the evening. He was arranging for his travel to meet up with the team in New York for the trip back to the United Kingdom.
Her home phone rang, and her mother’s voice echoed throughout the kitchen from the answering machine.
“I left you three messages, Stephanie. Where are you?”
Stephanie quickly snatched the phone up and shut off the recorder. She’d told her sister, Carla, that she was taking off for a few days with friends from school, since it was summer vacation. But apparently Carla hadn’t relayed the news.
“I’m sorry, Mom. It was a last-minute trip with friends. I told Carla all about it. Since you were staying there, I just thought she’d tell you. But you’re right. I should have called.”
“Honestly, you girls are terrible about being in touch. You so busy you can’t give your parents a call now and then?”
“Mom, don’t start this. I do call. I just don’t call every day.” Her mother had a good friend who spoke to her kids daily. That had never been Stephanie and Carla’s way. “I’m sorry she didn’t tell you. It was very unexpected.”
She kept her sigh quiet, but stared at the ceiling, wondering how much she should divulge of her new plans.
“Apparently. Well, I’m sorry we missed the service. We had a nice visit with the Rosens two days ago.”
“Oh, that’s good. How are they doing?”
“Well, you can imagine. Elaine looks like she’s not slept in days, poor thing. We offered to fly them out to Florida for a few days to just get away.”
Stephanie warmed up at her mother’s nice gesture. The parents had all gotten along well during their pre-planning of the wedding. She was glad that would continue. “What a wonderful thing to do, Mom.” She was having a hard time collecting her words and organizing her thoughts. It seemed unnatural to be talking about relationships from the past while she was looking forward to her new future, as if, somehow, she didn’t have a right to be happy. And her mom would have all sorts of opinions about how soon she’d hooked up with Patrick. She was on the edge of overwhelm.
Well, dammit, she’d be right! Probably why I didn’t call her and take the chance she’d pick up.
Would her mom understand someday?
“Are you and Dad still at Carla’s?”
“Yes, but we leave tomorrow. Thought I’d try one more time to get hold of you. How about coming over for dinner tonight?”
“That would be nice. Are you sure she’s inviting me?”
“Oh God, yes. Mrs. Rosen gave me a scare when she told me Patrick was there at Ryan’s service. I thought for a brief moment you’d run off with him and eloped or something stupid like that.”
Stephanie began to shake. It was going to be a very long evening.
Two hours later, there was a knock at her door, and a flower delivery man held two dozen long-stemmed red roses for her. She thanked him and brought them inside to add water and the preservative packet to the vase. The little card attached was covered in tiny, red velvet hearts.
Missing you already. You have every piece of me, Steph. Forever, Patrick.
She smiled and bet he’d taken a long time to come up with those words. She could just see him struggle with it all. She buried her nose in the velvety petals and brought them in next to her bed. Flipping the note between her fingers, she sat down and stared at them.
The flowers gave her courage—a sweet reminder that Patrick loved her, wanted to be with her, cared for her, and would do anything to make her happy. As the tears welled up in her eyes she vowed that whatever she was going to have to face tonight—or ever—she owed it to him, to herself, and even Ryan, to go on with her life, and to enjoy every day doing it. It was right that Patrick had come back into her heart. Aside from her bedroom discussions with him, he was the only man who could fill her with that love and tenderness she needed.
She deserved.
As she was on the way over to Carla’s big home in the hills, Patrick called her. “Did I call late enough to find you naked?” he whispered.
She laughed. Even the sound of his voice was soothing. “Sweetheart, I wish. I’m on my way over to Carla’s. Mom and Dad are still in town, but they’re leaving.”
“Okay. And how are you going to be with that?”
God, he knew her so well already!
“She already got a glowing report from the Rosins about how we were getting along, Patrick.”
“Well, I don’t know about anyone else, but the glow on your face was warm enough to power the whole house. I think it would be hard to overlook. You were, and are, so beautiful, even when you’re sad, Steph.”
She blushed, checking her face in the rearview mirror. The driver behind her honked when she didn’t jump off the line when the stop ligh
t changed to green.
“And I owe you something special for those lovely flowers. They’re right by my bed. I love the card, too.”
“That was the hardest part! I held up the entire bus to the airport until I could finish that call. I got properly jeered too.”
She smiled, excited she’d gotten it right. “What do you want for your something special?”
“How about you read me a chapter from one of those books you read?”
“Tonight?”
“Unless you want to do it now.” He chuckled. “Our timing’s a little off. We board the plane in an hour, and you’ll still be there with your family.”
“I’m open to improvising. Tell me what you’d like me to do, Patrick.” She felt her insides clench as the familiar butterflies of new love lodged in her lower belly. She was wet with the memory of her big soccer player. Her chest was getting blotchy, and her bra felt too small for her engorged breasts and knotted nipples.
“I have this fantasy about you in all pink. I mean, I can’t get it out of my mind.”
She turned off the two-lane road and up the long winding climb to the top of the foothills. “Sounds nice. I’m wet. I have to keep my hands on the steering wheel, but oh man, if I could, I’d touch myself there.”
“And I’d kiss it.”
“I’d like that.” She pulled to the side of the street, not halfway up the hill to Carla’s. “So I’ve stopped the car. You want me to touch something pink and wet and warm for you?”
“Only if you won’t get into trouble.” His voice was low and gravely. “God, I got a boner the size of a nightstick.”
“I love your nightstick, Patrick. And about getting into trouble, I want to get into trouble, but only with you. You call it, Patrick. I’m waiting. And I’m aching for you.”
“Unlike you, I’m in a crowded gate area, and you’re going to cause me to burst out of my jeans. So not fair.”
“My tongue is lapping the underside of your big cock, Patrick. And I can taste the precum. Oh man, I think I still have a little of that left inside me. If I could—”
She sighed into the phone, slipped one hand under her skirt, and felt her stiff nub vibrating. She moaned.
“Jesus Christ!”
“Are you spilling like you did last night? Do you remember?”
“Oh, I can’t think of anything but, sweetheart. I don’t want to talk to you from the men’s room, but in a minute, I’m going to have to. I’m scrunched up to the glass window here, and the guys are looking at me funny.”
“I like that you’re all turned on, and so am I. As a matter of fact, I’m having a little orgasm right now, sweetheart. And it is sooo delicious.”
“Fuck!” he whispered desperately.
“Please. Fuck me, Patrick. I can’t do what you do to my little parts down there. I’m going to get a vibrator, because I’m not going to be able to—”
“Now you’ve done it. I just came in my pants. Are you satisfied?”
“Are you?”
“Not nearly. But at least now I’ll be able to sit down.”
“And you’ll be sticky from New York to London. I think that’s funny!”
“Oh, baby, I’m going to get so even with you. Next time I call, you be naked, and we’ll do this right, okay?”
“You got it, future sailor. Tadpole.”
“And you’ve cleared your calendar for at least an hour, so we can be private.”
“Yessir. Your bidding I will do. Anything you want.”
“I’m tempted to just dump the team and fly back out there to California.”
“But think how horny you’ll be if you wait, what? Two weeks? A little more? But we can have lots of fun on the phone, Patrick.”
“I can’t even look at the guys. I need a magazine, dammit.”
She giggled her pleasure. “You could always take your shirt off and tie it around your waist.”
“You’re not helpful, Steph. I’m dying here.”
“Well, just think how I’ll be spending the next hour or two at Carla’s. I’m going to tell them, Patrick.”
“Of course you are. You’re my girl. You’ll always be my girl.”
“I’ll be the girl in pink. Maybe sometimes I’ll be the lady in red!”
“I think that would work out just fine. I like the red and deep rose parts of you. I love everything about you. Even though you are naughty and wicked and now I have to buy a new pair of pants.”
“Well, if you must. I’m going to sit on Carla’s dining room chair and pretend it’s your face.”
She hung up and with a chuckle, put the car in drive, and continued up the hill.
Her phone rang again, and she heard Patrick’s soft whisper. “I’m going to love getting even with you. You forget I’m paid to play games. And I don’t like to lose. You might as well surrender to me right now and give up.”
“Gladly, my love.”
“Okay, I’m off to find some pants. Love you.”
“Love you more.”
“Not possible.” This time he hung up first.
Carla’s huge driveway was filled with cars, indicating she’d invited several other people to dinner. Adjusting her skirt and checking her makeup, Stephanie smiled, musing how she could distract Patrick so easily. She wished she could see the scene live, but her imagination was pretty rich.
Carla met her at the door, holding a large goblet of red wine. “Sweetie! So glad you could come so last minute!” Her sister whispered, “Mom’s been having kittens.”
“How come you didn’t tell her? You sort of got me into trouble.”
Carla looked behind her back to see if anyone was there. “I forgot. But then, she’d talked to Elaine Rosen, and I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire.”
“I disagree, Carla. I mean, I should have called her, but you didn’t have my back.”
Carla stiffened and took a gulp of her wine. She’d already had a lot to drink, Stephanie noted.
“Well, we just disagree. It was an innocent mistake. No harm, no foul.”
She was dismissive and left the doorway, leaving Stephanie alone.
The dinner was noisy. Several of Carla’s couple friends were present, but most notably, Carla’s husband was not present. And she continued to drink. As the evening wore on, she entrenched into her chair and let the caterers do everything.
Afterward, Stephanie approached her sister, who was staring down at the table.
“Hey, I’m sorry if I came on rather strong, but are you okay, Carla?”
“Sit.” She punched the chair to her right and then leaned forward. “First, Ray’s having an affair with someone at the office. So I’m dealing with that.”
“Oh, honey, I had no idea. Whe—”
Carla cut her off. “No, there’s more. I’m afraid Ray’s been overspending, and we may lose the house.”
When Stephanie started to get up to give her a hug, Carla pushed her away. “Let me finish, please, and then you can have your say.”
Her older sister did look horrible, not the bouncy life of the party she usually was. It must have been a sucker punch from hell. Stephanie had always thought of Carla as the more successful of the two. She made a good income working for a Silicon Valley firm, especially when compared to Stephanie’s preschool salary, but apparently that wouldn’t be enough to save her home. Ray was a prominent attorney in town and worked with several start-ups.
“Mom and Dad don’t understand. I don’t understand how, after nearly twenty years of marriage and two kids, I could be left nearly homeless.”
“It can’t be that bad.”
“He took some client funds, Stephanie. They’ll try to get it back any way they can, and if he’s on the title, they’ll take it. But he’s gone through the savings, and the retirement, trying to right the ship, so to speak, so no one would find out. It’s a sinkhole. I don’t even know if bankruptcy will save me.”
“You need to get some help.”
“How? He knows every atto
rney in town!”
“That’s not true. If he’s doing this to you, he’s crossed paths with someone else who’ll love to take a piece out of him—without hurting you, if possible.”
“Well, I just wish I could fly away—anywhere. Get away from all this.”
“So, move into my place, Carla. It’s tiny, but I won’t be needing it much longer. If everything works out. Just for temporary. Some place where they can’t hound you. It will be like camping for a bit, until you get your feet on the ground.”
Carla’s head bolted upright and she tried to focus. “What did I miss?”
Stephanie took her big sister’s hand in hers and squeezed. “I know it’s fast, but I’m going to move down to San Diego.”
“San Diego?”
“Patrick is leaving soccer. He wants to try out for the Teams. And he wants me to move down there with him.”
“You didn’t.”
Stephanie focused on their entwined fingers. Then she nodded her head, yes. “I did, Carla. I certainly did. I’m going to need your help with everyone—Mom, Dad, the Rosens. And I’ll help you any way I can. But understand, Big Sis, if I don’t take this chance, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same. I have to try to make it work.”
“What if he gets—”
She could tell Carla didn’t want to say the word. “He’s just like Ryan. If I’m supposed to take a chance on him, how would it be if I didn’t let him take his big chance too? What kind of a woman would it make me if I held him back from something he feels called to do? Would we ever make it if we took the safe road? I’ve looked and looked. There are no safe roads, Carla. Things happen, and then we move on.” She sat up straight and removed her hands. “Just like you will. I know you will. There has to be something else out there for you.”
Chapter 14
Patrick’s head coach was angry. “You’re throwing away a perfectly good career. You’ve barely touched the surface of what you can do here. And the money, you damn Yanks just don’t appreciate the money. Not like some of these blokes who had to eat grass for dinner. Their millions mean a lot to them.”
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