by Jill Nojack
Cassie shudders and opens her eyes. I'm ready for this. My hood is pulled far down over my face, and I'll turn around and disappear quick if it's Eunice when she awakes. Everyone is prepared with the cover story: the group realized that Cassie's faint during the cleansing could be nothing less than a sign that she was still deeply burdened by the death of her grandmother. She needs a cleansing, too. The deep, black-candle kind.
She sits up and looks around, her eyes wide. "Omigod. You did it! Thank you, omigod…you have no idea what she is!"
I race to her without hesitation. I know it's Cassie. There's nothing of Eunice left in her voice or movements. I pull her head to my shoulder and glory in her arms pulling me close. I don't want to tell her this isn't permanent, that Eunice is just asleep. So, for precious seconds, I rock her in my arms, pretending for the both of us that this moment will never end, too overwhelmed to speak.
I feel a hand on my shoulder. Gillian. "Tom," she says softly. "Nat has to talk to her. We may not have much time."
I move to sit beside Cass, keeping her tight against me as Natalie comes forward. Cassie's eyes catch mine when I turn to brush my lips against her hair. "I know," she says. "I can feel her in here. She's not gone, right?"
I pull her closer in response. She sighs.
Natalie moves to question her. "The first thing you said was that we have no idea what she is. You're right. What is she?"
"Whatever she is, she's not my grandmother. She's the thing that was inside my grandmother. Something old, vile, and ugly. But definitely not human. I get flashes of her thoughts sometimes, even though I seem to be keeping her out of mine—it's all I can do against her, but at least she can't find out about any of you from me." She closes her eyes for a minute like she's in pain, then she continues.
"It's mixed up, and I don't always understand it, but she thinks of herself as a goddess. Maybe she is. But sometimes…. There's no word for what she is. But if you could call any creature a devil…" She turns to Gilly abruptly. "Gilly, she has it in for you." She turns back to me. "And Tom, she's planning something even worse for you than what she's already done. You both need to get out of Giles."
I grasp her even tighter. "No. Hell no. I'm going to pull that bitch out of you if it kills me. There's no reason for me to keep going if you're gone." As I say it, I realize I've never before said anything so true. I spent forty-five years hanging on to the hope I'd escape Eunice, but now that I have, if I can't save Cassie too, I might as well be done. Why would I want my life back if I can't spend it with her?
She twists her fingers in my hair, and we lock eyes before we move in again for a kiss. Not the right place, not the right time, but more right than any other kiss could be. I linger there, not caring about our audience. Not caring about anything except her.
When we part, I want to speak, but my throat is constricted with emotion. I communicate with my eyes, and hers return the feeling, unwavering.
Then she whispers, "If you're going to help me, you need to hurry. Because the longer I stay in here, the smaller I feel. It's like she's trying to dissolve me."
"We'll figure this out. I swear it. Just hang on." I cradle her and smooth her hair, unable to stop smiling despite my fears. Cassie's here in my arms. Every moment is a miracle.
Suddenly, her eyes widen, and she trembles. "She's waking up. I can feel her. I'll fight to keep her down, but you have to go! I'm not strong like my granny was. I can't hold her back from hurting any of you." I resist her as she pushes me away. How can I let go of her knowing that this could be our last moment together? "Now, Tom! She's going to do something terrible to you with the box she brought back from Egypt. She's going to do what she did to me." Then she pushes me hard, her eyes pleading.
I need more time so I can tell her how I feel, but I don't hesitate any longer. If I get caught now, I'll never be able to help her. I'll never be able to show her that I love her. That doesn't make what I have to do any easier. I run for the woods, say my words, and shift. A small black cat runs out of a discarded robe and disappears into the bushes at the edge of the clearing.
***
I find a safe place in the shadows and listen in as Eunice wakes up. The wind sighs through the trees, but Cat has excellent hearing. I swivel an ear to tune in the sound from the witch's circle.
"What the hell? Get away from me!" Very un-Cassie like. Then she remembers herself. "I'm sorry. You all startled me, standing so close like that."
The well-faked and much-rehearsed concern begins.
"Are you all right, dear?"
"Anything injured in the fall? You gave us quite a start!"
"At least it happened where we can do a really effective healing ritual if you need one."
She brushes herself off and stands up. "No, I'm fine. Fine. You don't need to fuss over me. I'm just overwrought. I had a…breakup with my boyfriend, Dan. And, of course, there's Granny's sudden death. It's been upsetting."
Gilly steps in. "At least let me take you home now, sweetheart."
"No, I can drive." Even from a distance, I'm sure I hear the Cassie-thing gritting her teeth.
The gathering breaks up. People lower their hoods and split off into loose groups, walking toward the parking lot.
Natalie's really laying it on. I know she's enjoying herself. When it comes to keeping things hidden, Natalie is top shelf goods. "Janice, dear, we'll rearrange your cleansing. At the full moon?"
"Yes, Nat. Thanks. I'll see you then."
It's not the best outcome, but we didn't get caught, either. It's progress. And we know for sure now what's at stake—one amazing girl who's still alive in there. One caring girl who thinks of my safety before she thinks of her own. I don't deserve her. And I sure won't lose her.
Cat hears the rustle of night things and our adrenalin-heightened senses track them through the brush, begging Cat's body to follow. Robert will be home before me tonight.
I'm covered in the gushing concern of the choir, and it feels disgusting. I need a shower. I drop my clothes on the floor in the parlor and travel upstairs to the bathroom naked, air rushing against all of my fresh, new parts. Cassie's certainly kept up with the latest trends in hair removal, and I'll continue the practice for a while, at least. It was the expected thing in my distant past as a nod to hygiene, but it's been several lifetimes since I've bothered. I feel like a Chihuahua.
We'll see how my lover likes it. Tom should be home any minute now. I know him. He won't go too long as Cat. Plus, he'll be concerned for me, I know he will. He tried to protect me against Kevin's venom, after all, when he discovered that Kevin was poisoning me. That wasn't a surprise. He'd always served me well and endured his reprimand when he strayed.
However, today's events confuse me. Why would I faint like that? Was it some backwash from the cleansing spell? Some undiagnosed physical complaint of Cassie's?
Oh blood of the gods, if she's pregnant…
Why should I be alarmed? How repulsively human of me. It's a small matter. I can easily rid myself of the thing. Tansy and pennyroyal are out: I don't want to accidentally poison her. I didn't groom her all those years to bury her right after taking her. No. Mugwort? Ashwagandha root? It depends on how far along she is. I'll sort it out if I need to. And, of course, there's always that newfangled medical abortion that's made the need for a visit to the witch woman obsolete.
I can't believe I have to make a trip to the drugstore at my age. I'm not going to wait until the thing starts to squirm.
It's time I found out what's happened since I've been gone.
***
It's a short trip down the street to the corner drugstore for the test. I imagine the girl would be anxious while waiting for the results, but I feel nothing. It's amusing, really, the way mortal women look forward to pushing another snot-nosed brat into the world.
When the time is up and there's no plus sign on my stick, I'm neither relieved nor saddened. But I'm glad that I won't be risking this body to get rid of the thing. I like
the way it fits.
Now, it's time to procure the help of a sneaky little weasel who isn't smart enough to put anything over on me. Kevin will do nicely.
When he opens the door, he looks alarmed to see me. Or, more correctly, to see Cassie.
"Hello Kevin, I have a proposition for you."
His look changes from alarm to suspicion. "What kind of proposition?"
"I need you to fill me in on what's been happening in Giles. There may also be some small favors to perform. In exchange, I'll make sure you are soon ensconced as high priest, as I told you I would when we made our previous arrangement."
"I don't understand. What are you babbling on about? We're hardly on speaking terms. I've followed your rules. My father made sure of that. He won't let me break them any time soon."
"You don't recognize me, dear? I'm Eunice."
He narrows his eyes. "Eunice is dead."
"Was dead. Look closer."
"This is a trick. I'm not falling for it. Tom will pop out of the bushes any minute to pound the hell out of me for looking at you." He slams the door.
Curious.
Why would he mention Tom? Why would Cassie tell Kevin, of all possible confidantes, about her werecat housemate? What has she been up to? And how did she discover any of this, anyway?
And I do want to get my nose into what's going on between Kevin and Robert. It intrigues me. I like a good intrigue. I like it even more when I can stir the pot. I do so love to see what's on the boil beneath the lid of any black kettle. It's often quite delicious.
It's clear that Kevin is going to be of little use to me until I sort him out, and I haven't the time nor patience for that just now. I suppose I could prove I'm Eunice easily, but why bother? He would probably just end up being a liability again. Zelda and that slattern daughter of hers can help me just as well.
Now, here's a thought: I was going to find a hobo or an orphan to provide a sacrifice during the quickening ritual. This feckless little man might be of use to me after all.
***
"No, I'm not dead! Not anymore!" I slam the phone down. A good slam is the one benefit of an old-fashioned corded phone. So satisfying to have on hand when everyone you speak to is an idiot.
I rush to collect a silk scarf for my trip. I rescued a few from the bottom of a drawer where I found some of Eunice's more valuable or memorable items of clothing—including the feather hats that Cat had so much difficulty staying away from. Suitably attired in a crisp suit with my hairstyle-preserving scarf tied just so and my makeup and powder impeccably applied, I head off down the sidewalk after locking the front door of the shop behind me.
When Zelda opens the door, she looks like she's seen a ghost. Now, that's more like it. I must be projecting an increased aura of the old me now.
"Let me in," I say, coldly. "Right this minute."
"Of course. I…I…do come in."
She steps aside, and I head for her shabby living room. I had no idea she lived this way. No wonder she was so hungry for any scrap I could give her. Her home screams ready-to-assemble.
At her insistence, I perch on the edge of her suspicious-smelling couch next to a big calico. I'm sure one of the outcomes of my visit will be flea bites, but I need to find out what happened when I was gone. I can't continue forward in the dark.
I feel myself glowering. I try to relax and present a more appealing appearance. "First things first—let me assure you that although I look like Cassie, and the rest of the town will know me as Cassie, I'm very much your old friend, Eunice. You know I am. I could see it in your eyes."
"I…you…" She gapes and hems and haws.
I lean in closer, conspiratorial now. "Do you remember when dear Dora came down with that nasty case of pregnancy just as her rich and celibate boyfriend was ready to propose?"
Her eyes widen. She's catching on.
"I did her such a nice service with my potion, didn't I?"
"Yes, you did."
"Go on then, say my name."
"Yes, you did," she says, then continues with emphasis, "Eunice. But how…"
"How have I ever done anything? With a strong will and a huge amount of power. Now, fetch me tea. Then call that useless daughter of yours and get her over here. We're going to talk."
An hour after the daughter arrives with her nails half-painted, I'm no wiser than I was before. Neither of them know anything about Tom or Kevin's relationship with Cassie. Neither of them know what Robert won't let Kevin do. They do report that certain members of the coven have been on the outs under the new leadership and have been subtly discouraged from attending. Maureen and Dora have felt unwelcome along with Zelda and her spawn, although Dora was never a special follower of mine. She didn't like Natalie much, though. But everyone else was certainly team Gillian, and I'm sure they were just waiting for me to pop off.
None of this makes sense. But at least I know where my followers stand. With a little prompting, they'll be back in the coven at the full moon to lend "Cassie" their support when she asks for it. I doubt that Natalie would actually block them from the circle. Subtle has no power against the direct approach.
What was that song about the moon Tom liked so much in the seventies? He would sometimes dance me around to it when he wasn't blaming me for his lot. I remember; I feel a bad moon a'risin'. My, oh my. Poor Natalie. That moon is rising soon.
My black fur blends in to the shadows in the narrow space between Eunice's big Victorian and the smaller one next door. Both of them are converted shops now—no one in Giles wants to live that close to each other. Too many secrets in this town. Who would want the neighbors listening in? Eunice is one of the few owners who still lives in the downtown area.
When she walks past the break between houses, I pull Cat in as small as he'll go and try to disappear into the patch of darkness around me. Cat alarms me with an impulse to dart out behind her and catch the hem of a pants leg as she passes, but I distract him with the thought of his blue bowl inside the house, imagining the fishy scent of his favorite glop. It's a good thing Cat's impulses can shift like leaves in the wind. He settles again, dinner on his mind.
I know Natalie promised that Eunice won't be able to sense me now, but I'm still not willing to take any chances. What Cassie told me about her has sharpened the edge of fear I've been living with since my caring girlfriend turned away from me that night in the attic and a devil turned back.
I look out from around the corner when enough time has passed, and Eunice is well down the street. At the corner, Robert greets her and they enter The Diner of Earthly Delights together.I've got my cell phone strapped to my collar so Robert can contact me.
I considered using the invisibility suit, but there's no way to test if it works on Eunice without potentially giving myself away. Better to assume that since she created it, she's also immune to its effects.
I can't believe I'm counting on Robert to make sure this thing goes off without a hitch. If she balks and heads home too soon, the only thing between me and slavery is his arthritic thumbs tapping me out a text in time to get me out of there before she arrives. Although he's been the soul of hospitality since I started staying at his house, and I know I owe him, I still can't fully trust him.
I'm swift as I run around the house and leap to the window Eunice usually leaves open for Cat. Cat is ecstatic. He's still thinking of dinner. He's going to be disappointed today. We leap into the parlor, and I head him toward the stairs instead of the kitchenette.
He cooperates until I get to the top of the stairs, but he decides he's focused long enough now and bats at the phone swinging around on his collar, hoping to take a break for some fun on the landing. Too bad for him it hangs in too close to our body, and he can't quite figure out how to reach it.
Whose idea was it to combine a tiny typewriter with a tiny phone and make people carry them around, anyway? The alarm function is useful, but I don't need to carry an alarm clock, or a phone, or a typewriter around all the time. If someone needs
to talk to me and it's important enough, I'll respond to a message as soon as I can. And if it isn't important, why bother? I don't understand why everything has to happen the minute you think of it. Cassie says I'm too "old skool". I have no idea what that means.
Cassie. Always there in my thoughts. Cat's pulled me off the point again. I focus and say the shift words in my head: good Tom. After the transformation, I fumble with the stupid keyboard on the phone to send Robert a text, "I'm in."
He sends back, "crfl."
Sure. Whatever that means.
I glide up the stairs and into Eunice's old room. Cassie had redone it, but it's back in full Eunice mode now. The spare set of bedding has returned from its attic storage spot, bringing with it Eunice's satin and velvet debauchery. I freeze for a minute, terrified. She's preparing herself for me again. All the reds that Cat can't see are back in place. They were her special treat for me whenever she let me be a man.
Like hell. Not going to happen. I go to the closet and start sifting through what's stored there. I find nothing. I was sure this would be where she'd put the box now that she's back to nest in her lair. As important as it's turned out to be, she'd want to keep it close.
I look under the bed, but it's not there. The same with the other two bedrooms. Cassie's room is how she left it. Mine is still as empty as it was when I moved into hers.
I've got to go prowling through the rooms downstairs to try to find it. I don't want to. This house feels like a cage again instead of the home it had become.
My hand goes to my neck for the phone, just to reassure myself my early warning system is still in place.
My heart skips a beat.
It's not there.
But where? Where is it? I can't leave it in the house. I have to find it.