by Regina Green
Everyone laughed, clinking glasses. Phoebe and Ben looked like they were enjoying it, being in this surreal world.., to them. To me, it was merely a show. Edward and Jane had been wonderful “hosts” to me as well, I remembered. I tried to breathe easily, careful not to drink too much this time. Ben sipped his Champagne cautiously too. It warmed me to see him. He probably preferred his nightly beer! I would ask him later.
Phoebe was laughing, her blue eyes sparkling. Jane was being particularly attentive. She refilled Phoebe’s glass.
“Phoebe, it’s so warm in here! Would you like to come upstairs and put on a normal dress and take off this horrid outfit that Jake has stuck you in?”
“Yes, all right, thank you, Miss Webster,” said Phoebe, glancing at me.
I nodded.
“Oh, please. Jane! You must call me Jane. We’re all friends here.”
Ben was completely silent, taking it all in. I sensed some strong emotion building up in him (jealousy? rage?), but I couldn’t dwell on it.
Once they had left, I looked at my watch. I didn’t want to lose track of how long they were upstairs.
“If you like,” Edward said slowly, “you and your coachman could go home now. He could come back later for Phoebe.”
I was silent. Ben made a slight movement at my side, but I didn’t look at him.
“Or,” continued Edward smoothly, “we have a guest room where you could rest and be very comfortable.”
Decisions, decisions. I glanced at Ben. He was looking at me curiously, as if seeing me for the first time.
“I don’t think we need to go home yet, do we, Ben?”
He spoke for the first time, blushing slightly. “I’d rather stay here and wait.”
Edward nodded, ushering us to a nearby room which contained a large bed and very little else. He left us to it without a word. Ben drew the thick white curtains. There was a key in the door. I locked it.
Ben sat down on the bed, removing his boots.
We heard a few bumping noises from up above. Laughing. Clearly, there was “fun” going on upstairs.
“That’s them,” I said, as if to myself. “God, they’re so perverse.”
“As are you,” Ben blurted out suddenly. “Damn it, Jake!”
“No, it would have been more perverse if I’d made you watch it,” I said in a low voice. He didn’t answer.
There was an unopened bottle of red wine by the bed with two glasses. I used the corkscrew, poured myself a glass, and drank deeply. Glancing at Ben, I saw him nod slightly. I poured him one as well.
“I know this isn’t your style, Ben,” I said. I had to say something.
“But it is yours,” he answered. His face was deadpan.
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
He sighed, sipping the wine. I sat on the bed with him. The main action was going on upstairs; we were peripheral characters in the drama. Yet there was nowhere else I would rather be.
“Thanks at least for not dragging me into it,” Ben went on.
I nodded.
“No, I couldn’t have stood that,” I said.
“You don’t like these people,” he observed.
Silence.
“It’s more complicated than that.” I took a swallow. “I used to. Ten years ago, we were all... very close.”
He looked surprised at that. Mulling it over.
“I loved Jane, if you can believe it.” My voice was becoming ragged and I felt like I was coming apart in some way as he watched me. “Yes, Jane. But the minute I said anything to Edward about her, it was over. That’s how I got this scar.”
I touched my cheek and he leaned over and put his finger on the scar. His breath on my face. I trembled.
“Tiny now, but it hurt like hell at the time.”
“I’m sure.”
His mouth was inches from my face. Slowly he drew me in to him and our glasses somehow got back on the table by the bed, or on the floor, I’m not sure. I pulled him on top of me... there was always a first.
“You need me,” he said quietly.
“Yes, I need you.” I stared into his eyes. “I’m sorry, Ben. I know you don’t think I’ve played a good role in all this.”
“A good role,” he said, mocking me. “No.”
There was another burst of laughter upstairs. I could hear a woman’s faint keening voice. Close to climax. I couldn’t tell which of them it was...
“I swear, if you want Phoebe back with us, I’ll make sure that happens,” I said. “She can visit them if they want her to, and she wants that. I don’t care. But if she wants to stay at the Abbey, she can stay.”
He said nothing, but his hand began slowly undoing my buttons. My shirt buttons, then my breeches’ buttons. I shrugged off my shirt.
Slowly he lowered his head to my chest and began tonguing at my nipples.
“Ben,” I whispered.
He had my cock in his hand now.
I was sweating like mad.
“Ben,” I said. It suddenly occurred to me to tell him what I wanted. “You can fuck me.”
He stilled. It had been a day of shocks for Ben, I could tell. And this was a big one.
“Why?” he whispered.
We both started laughing then. Yes, why? A good question. Of course, I’d always been the one to be on top. But there was no reason that had to continue.
“I’d like it,” I answered. “Would you?”
“Are you drunk?” Ben asked curiously. He smiled at me.
“A little. Please, Ben.”
He began taking off his clothes, which took longer than I would have liked. Distractedly, I opened the drawer by the bedside table and of course, yes, our hosts had thought of everything. I set the small glass bottle of oil out on the tabletop.
“I don’t get it,” Ben said, his naked body strong and supple. I gazed at him, happy suddenly.
“Don’t get what?”
“How did they know we were even ... together?”
I’d wondered that too. “Edward saw our closeness, I suppose. It could have been that simple. Or...” I smiled lazily. “Maybe this is the bedroom where they always put gentlemen who prefer gentlemen.”
“There’s not even a word for us, is there, Jake?” Ben mused.
I loved him in this mood. I wanted his arms around me. Soon, they were. His hands oiling himself, turning me over, touching me, his body atop mine. His cock slowly entering. Pressing down into me.
I sensed that part of what drove him that day was anger, that there was a part of him that had always been angry with me. I understood that. What was harder to understand was his loving quality. After all I had put him through...
I breathed raggedly against the pillow, hearing his gasps too. The bed barely budged, it was that solid.
“Oh God, Ben. Oh God.”
I was flying. He had pushed me into a different, dreamlike world where I could give up control. I gladly surrendered it. Our bodies were slippery and salty now, twisting together almost as one.
“Jake,” he breathed in my ear. With a huge sigh of release, he stilled. I spurted onto the sheets.
I felt pervaded by an immense calm, almost unable to move. My eyes were unfocused. I looked around to see Ben’s face, finally, worried he might already have disengaged, pulled away, and started to dress.
He was right there beside me.
TWELVE
(Phoebe)
I made my way downstairs on rubbery legs, out into the cool dim evening, where Ben sat atop the carriage, smiling, and Jake was waiting for me inside.
Jane and Edward had both urged me to stay. We had got on so well! they said. And it was true. There was a lightness about that house, and a lightness and giddiness to my mood as I said goodbye to them in the hall, kissing Jane, kissing Edward, my uniform hastily pulled on and rumpled but still intact.
Because, of course, I had never got changed into Jane’s dress. The minute we reached her bedroom she began to undress me, and by the time I was
undressed I wanted to do nothing except lie on the bed and get pleasured, which lasted a very, very long time. Everything about her was completely different from Flo. It was more of a sisterly feeling; we were not that far off in age after all. I wasn’t sure how old they were; Jake would know. But she was so light and soft and delicately sensual in her movements. She managed to make it all like a lovely game so there was never any feeling of guilt or embarrassment. What a skill that is!
And her brother, too, when he joined us, was equally pleasant. After I climaxed, we switched so that I was tonguing Jane and he was behind me. His skin was softer than either Ben or Jake’s, the blond thing, I suppose. Only his movements were more vigorous. And that’s really what I needed. A little bit of roughness after days of anxious waiting was very welcome.
Because even Flo had stopped making love to me. She was more distant when she brought me tea and breakfast in the morning. It felt like I had become a servant over there in Burling Abbey, whereas in Crawford Hall I was a pampered and welcome guest.
You can imagine where I wanted to be now. It wasn’t a very hard choice.
So, I thanked Jake, in the carriage, by sliding over to him and kissing him on the mouth. As he held me, I sensed him breathing in my scent, which was a mix of myself, Edward, and Jane. And he smelled like a mixture of himself and Ben. So we had a good laugh at that, acknowledging it. I asked outright if he would like to fuck me because I always wondered what doing it in a carriage would be like—when it was moving, that is. Jake just said, “hmm, perhaps” in an intrigued sort of way, and we had this kind of sloppy, joking, but ultimately quite delicious encounter, me braced against him, grinding, him holding my bottom in his big hands. Looking back, it didn’t have a “last time” feeling about it. It wasn’t serious enough for that.
And then we reached the Abbey.
It felt chilly as we walked briskly across the courtyard, Ben putting the horses away behind us. The house was quite dark. Jake and I had never walked into the house together like this, like people returning. The back door, which we always used, was locked. I remember Jake saying, “that’s odd,” and fishing around for a key somewhere.
“Maybe Flo is with Mr. Tootle,” I said.
“No, her day off is tomorrow. That can’t be.”
Then we let ourselves in. It was still and dark in the Abbey. Nobody was in the kitchen. Jake lit a lantern and we began walking toward the drawing room. There was no fire in the grate, as normally there would have been at this hour.
Jake whistled. The painting hung slightly askew. He pressed the spring.
The painting slid grudgingly aside, as if it had been handled roughly by the previous person who touched it.
The little niche was empty except for one piece of paper, which Jake took out, looking at it wonderingly.
I’m going. Jake, sorry to ‘spring’ it on you like this, but there’s a time for everything and my time here seems to have run out, along with my patience. I’m sure the Websters will help with any financial matters and you won’t miss the few guineas in this bag. I didn’t touch that cheque upstairs. Don’t blame Tootle for anything—he doesn’t know where I am. If it makes you feel any better, I know where he keeps a few pounds put by, and I’ll be taking those as well. But by the time you get this, I should be long gone. It’s been an interesting twelve years! I have to thank you. I was happy for some of them and I think you were too. You will manage better without me than you think. Take care of Ben and Phoebe, or allow them to take care of you...
FLO H.
Ben had come in. We all stared at each other, Jake as white as a sheet.
I moved toward the grate. Lighting fires was not my best skill, but I would at least give it a go, since Flo had given me some rudimentary instruction in it over the last couple of days. Dad always lit the fire at home since Mother’s death. I allowed myself one moment to think of them and then stared soberly into the empty grate.
Behind me, Jake and Ben were embracing. Kissing. I thought it was odd that they would embrace in a moment like that. I heard them talking to each other in low, intimate voices, but I concentrated on working with the kindling and loading the wood.
Then I lit the first match.
Jake and Ben were in each other’s arms now, on the sofa. Something must have changed when I was at Crawford Hall, I thought. Something must have happened between them.
The kindling lit, flared.
I wondered why Flo hadn’t confided in me. Those were bleak thoughts. I’d actually wanted to come home and bury myself in her bosom, confess my naughty misdeeds to a sympathetic ear. Now I never would again.
I suppose she hadn’t wanted to see me traipsing off to Edward and Jane’s, I thought. Could that be it? Could it really have anything to do with me?
The room was beginning to warm.
I heard a moan. They were really getting into it now. I watched them dispassionately. Jake was caressing Ben’s cock in the firelight. A vein pulsed in Ben’s neck. For a moment I felt like Flo must have done, always watching us all, seeing us all infatuated and in love, and never being the one who was beloved—just needed. No wonder it had become intolerable.
I warmed my dry hands over the flame, dirty and smudged as they were.
I felt a sharp restlessness come over me. God, what would happen now? “Take care of Ben and Phoebe”? Well, how was he to do that, with so little money! I had best be off, too, I thought. This wasn’t my home. It had never been my home.
I heard a noise from the kitchen and decided to investigate. Perhaps Flo had thought better of it and come back. I had wondered if Mr. Tootle would show up. Maybe he would come tomorrow, wringing his hands. “What possessed her to do a thing like that, I’ll never know,” he would say.
I walked out on the two lovers, shutting the door firmly behind me.
* * *
In the almost dark, candle-lit kitchen, holding a full bottle of brandy, stood Edward Webster. He smiled, gesturing toward the back door. “Unlocked.”
“Yes,” I said, with a catch in my throat.
“I wanted to bring Jake something. Jane and I talked, and we decided we’d like to have you with us permanently. God, look at the state of this place,” he said, waving his hand at the cold, empty kitchen.
“But it’s not usually like this,” I babbled defensively. “Flo’s gone—left!”
He uncorked the bottle and poured two small glasses. “All the better,” he said, after a moment. “Having that old dragon there really held Jake back. He was practically keeping house for her. We couldn’t understand it.”
I swallowed the warm, glowing liquid down.
“You can come back with me now,” Edward said. He was a lithe, vibrant presence in the kitchen, rather feral, like a panther. Or what I imagined a panther to be. “Will you, Phoebe?”
“I don’t know,” I said restlessly, knocking back another shot, for Edward kept pouring them.
“You liked Crawford Hall, didn’t you?”
“What I saw of it,” I said with an amused smile.
“I’d like to show you more,” he teased. “Phoebe, you won’t have to be a servant there. I’ll give you a job... you can be my sister’s companion.”
“That sounds very nice,” I said honestly. I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.
“Everyone will approve,” he said. “Your father... I actually had a word with him down at the pub. And he exclaimed, ‘oh yes, Phoebe should be quite happy at Crawford Hall. Excellent news!’”
“Does he have any idea?” I asked in a low voice.
“None. But Jake’s reputation is worse than mine. And now there’s no older woman here. It would look very odd if you stayed.”
As he said it, the moans from the drawing room became more apparent. He glanced at me.
“It can’t be easy, knowing Jake prefers to bugger that young man. Ben, is it?”
I shrugged, looking down.
“I can assure you, my tastes are much more straightforward, in t
he main. Although, there is one thing that I wanted to do with you...”
“What is that?” I asked, after a moment.
He took a few steps toward me, sliding his hand onto my leg, then up my thigh, then cupping my bare buttock. (I had removed my drawers in the carriage prior to my encounter with Jake and had forgotten them in the dark.) It was all very convenient for him.
His finger found the spot he wanted, touching it gently.
I gasped, wriggling.
“You told Jane you’d never been buggered,” he murmured. “It got me thinking.”
He turned me around so that I faced the table, pressing my torso down onto the solid wooden surface. Pushing his fingers into the butter in the covered dish that always lay there, he anointed me in that secret place.
I struggled faintly, which seemed to excite him. It wasn’t that I didn’t want him to do it; I felt shame at the thought of Jake and Ben coming out and interrupting us.
“Stop struggling. I’ll make it quick,” he said. “They won’t know a thing.”
Time stopped as he seemed to roll up inside me. I felt the deep, almost pinching, push of his cock in my bottom-hole.
It felt... I don’t know how to describe it. Being held down and fucked in that taboo manner is a momentous thing. I had wanted Jake to be the one to initiate me that way. But he had chosen not to be. Edward showed me that he could be an intense lover. I thought Flo, whose powerful spirit still hung over the kitchen, would have approved somehow.
* * *
Edward waited while I fetched my things. It didn’t take long. He left an envelope on the kitchen table for Jake that I assumed contained a note and a cheque. It would be another windfall for Jake, to be sure. And happier times for me... I hoped.
I was nearly certain of it.
I did not say bother to say goodbye to Ben and Jake that night. I knew our paths would cross again sometime soon. Perhaps in London, where Edward and Jane had already promised to take me when they moved house. The thought of a winter in London, with all of its novel pleasures and experiences, drove me wild with quiet, purposeful excitement.