by Jan Drexler
Bram stopped working and looked out the open door of the barn to the quiet lane and the road beyond. If Kavanaugh ever found him, all he had gained would be lost, just as quickly and cleanly as this strap had been cut.
Ellie. Knowing she was close, just a few miles down the road, was like money in the bank. He grimaced at that thought. Not like money, something much more secure, fixed, immovable, like the North Star. No matter where he went or what he did, she would be his center.
Bram tried the strength of the splice, and it held. Time to harness Partner and then get cleaned up for Sunday meeting.
Taking the brush from the wall, he moved into Partner’s stall. The horse looked at him, his brown eyes calmly accepting whatever Bram wanted him to do. The horse trusted him.
Ellie’s nod last night was her acceptance of him, the one thing he needed. The one thing he craved. She trusted him.
That thought whooshed through him like a north wind, and with weak knees, he leaned against Partner, the brush dangling from his hand. How could he ever live up to her trust?
There was one big problem, though. He couldn’t live up to her trust. He knew that and God knew that, so why had he even asked it of her? All he could do was his best. He prayed it would be enough.
* * *
Deacon Beachey’s sunny farmyard emptied quickly after families finished the Sunday dinner of cold-cut sandwiches and potato salad. The sweltering heat made activity impossible, and families left early to find some relief in their shaded yards. Mam came out of the house with her empty dinner basket hanging from one arm.
“Dat’s ready to go home, Ellie. Are you?”
Ellie shifted Danny in her arms. “Ja, I’m ready. The children are so hot, and Danny is ready for his nap.”
“Ach, let me take the sweet boy. I’m sure heat rash is bothering him.” Mam reached for Danny and then nodded past Ellie. “Besides, I think you might have plans for the rest of the afternoon.”
Ellie didn’t have to turn around to know Bram was walking toward them; she could see that by the smile on Mam’s face. Bram had gotten on her good side when she saw him working so hard at the barn raising yesterday.
“I’ll see to the children. They can nap at our house in the downstairs bedroom. It will be cool for them there. You won’t need to worry about getting home soon.”
“Mam, ne. You don’t need to...” But Mam took Danny to the family buggy, rounding up Johnny and Susan as she went.
“Is she stealing your children?” Bram was smiling as he walked up to her.
“Ja, Mam and Dat are taking them home. It will be cooler for them there.”
“So you’re left on your own?”
“I’ll be able to get a ride from someone, I’m sure. Lovina and her family are still here.”
“You don’t need to ask them as long as I’m here.”
Bram’s eyes dropped as if he had said more than he meant to, and Ellie felt her face heat even more as she remembered the last time they had spoken and how close he had held her. Was he thinking the same thing?
“Will you let me take you home? We can drive around by the lake again. It will be slow, but we’re not in a hurry, are we?”
“Ne, I’m not in a hurry. It would be a nice drive.”
As Bram headed off to get his buggy, a niggling feeling told Ellie he was worried about something, but she had promised to trust him. She let herself watch his shoulders move easily beneath his Sunday coat as he walked. He was a handsome man, pleasant to talk to, and his smiles made her heart flutter. Any woman would be pleased to have his attention. Ja, any woman, so why would he think she was special?
“Ellie, do you need a ride home?” Lovina joined her at the edge of the drive with Rachel.
“Ne, denki. Bram is taking me.”
Noah drove up, and Lovina helped Rachel climb into the buggy, giving Ellie a knowing smile. “Then you’ll be busy the rest of the day, ja?” Lovina made sure Rachel was settled next to Noah, then stepped closer to Ellie. “Is he taking you somewhere special?”
“Ne, just home.”
Lovina gave her shoulders a squeeze. “You’ve been looking too happy lately for this to be just a ride home. I think Bram Lapp is good for you.”
“Get yourself on home and take care of your family.” Ellie gave Lovina a quick hug before she climbed into Noah’s buggy.
What did Lovina mean, Bram was good for her?
Bram’s buggy stopped beside her and she looked up at him, smiling as he held the horse quiet so she could climb up to the seat beside him. His dimple winked under his whiskers, making her heart flip as he held out one hand to help her.
Ja, Bram was good for her.
* * *
Bram kept Partner at a walk. He could smell the lake as they got closer. Emma Lake stretched away to the north from the road, the low water exposing black, silt mud. Lily pads covered the water at this south end, but the rest of the lake was a mirror under the flawless blue sky.
Turning north onto Emma Road, the black silt gave way to a sandy shore separating the lake from the road. Bram pulled Partner over to a spot where someone had placed a bench under a lone tree.
“Do you mind if we stop here for a bit?”
“Ne. We can sit in the shade.”
Bram helped Ellie settle on the bench near the shore where the overhanging trees made a shady cover.
“This is a great fishing spot.”
Ellie didn’t answer. She looked out over the quiet lake with that worry line between her eyebrows again.
“Last night...” Bram stopped. He had never felt like this before—as if he was one man torn in two directions. He wished Kavanaugh would just disappear.
“Last night you told me you never intended to stay here.” Ellie kept her eyes on the far side of the lake, where a heron stalked in the shallows. “I know I said I’d trust you, Bram, but I don’t know what to think. You’re like two different people sometimes—sweet and tender one minute, and then harsh and almost frightening other times.”
“Ja, I know, and I’m sorry.” Bram paused, his own eyes on the motionless heron. The bird was nearly invisible in the shadow of the trees, his gray-blue coloring a shadow within a shadow. Living undercover. How did a man stop living a lie?
“I want to stay, Ellie. But I don’t know if I’ll be able to.” He took her hand in his, and she looked at him.
“Even if you stay, we can never be more than friends.” Her voice was soft, almost a whisper, her blue eyes reflecting the water.
“Aren’t we already more than friends, Ellie?”
Her face flushed and she turned away again, drawing her hand out of his grasp. “Just because you kissed me once doesn’t mean anything. I’m not a woman you should be courting.”
Bram picked up a stone from between his feet and threw it into the water. She was right. She wasn’t the woman he should be courting, especially now that he knew Kavanaugh was in the neighborhood, but why did she think so?
“You know I can’t marry outside the church, Bram.”
She said it softly but firmly, as if she had rehearsed the words again and again. He wrestled with the overwhelming desire to prove her wrong, but she was right. He couldn’t marry her, at least not now.
“You’re going to marry someone else, aren’t you?”
Even though she kept her face averted, he could see her eyes filling with tears. “Ne, Bram. There’s no one else.”
“So you plan to remain a widow and raise your children by yourself?” Should he tell her she was crazy for thinking she could do such a thing or admire her for her courage?
“Ja. I have to.”
“And where will you live? With your parents?”
Ellie swallowed hard. The tears had stopped, leaving her face mottled in the afternoon heat.
“I still own Daniel’s farm. Our farm. There are tenants there now, but...” Her face paled.
“What’s wrong?”
“Ach, I try not to think about it, but the tenants haven’t paid their rent and I can’t pay the taxes.”
Who would leave a widow without an income? Bram had a brief flash of what he would do to that faceless man if he ever saw him. “Tell me who they are. I’ll get them to pay.”
She laid her hand on his arm. “Ne, Bram. You can’t do anything. Mr. Brenneman lost his job. The family has no money.”
The faceless man had a name, a family. Bram’s anger disappeared like sand washed away by a wave. “Have you thought of asking John?”
“Ja, Dat would help if he could, but he doesn’t have that kind of money. And the church would help, but Bishop wants me to marry Levi Zook. He wouldn’t say so, but I know he’d expect me to obey his wishes if I took their help.”
Levi Zook? The man’s round face danced in front of his eyes. Would Ellie consider marrying him? Could he stand by and watch that happen?
“I can help you. When are the taxes due?”
Ellie looked at him, her eyes wide. He’d do anything for her to see her look at him like that again.
“I can’t let you do that. It’s a lot of money.”
“We’re friends, aren’t we? Can’t you let a friend help? You can pay me back after your tenants pay you.”
She shifted on the bench. She was considering it, but he knew she had run out of options. Bram prayed she would let him help her. He longed to do so much more than just give her some money.
Ellie turned to face him. “I have to know one thing, Bram. Where did you get your money?”
That wasn’t the response he was expecting. “What do you mean?”
“I know you paid cash for your farm. You’ve spent a lot of money fixing it up, plus buying your buggy, the horse, equipment for the farm... Bram, where did you get that kind of money?”
Bram felt cold in spite of the summer heat. If Ellie was wondering, who else had listened to Samuel’s attempt at rabble-rousing yesterday? Would Kavanaugh hear rumors about an Amishman spending cash when no one else had any?
“I earned it working in Chicago. It was a reward for...” For ratting out his friends? Ne, for getting murderous scum off the streets. “It was payment for some work I did for the FBI.”
Ellie nodded, the line between her eyes relaxing. “All right. I’ll let you help me, but only if you don’t tell anyone.”
That suited Bram perfectly. He’d rather keep any money transactions as quiet as possible.
It wasn’t until after he was home and settling Partner in for the night that he remembered he had forgotten to warn her about Kavanaugh.
Chapter Thirteen
Streaks of lathered sweat covered Partner’s flanks by the time Bram turned him into the Stoltzfus family’s drive on Thursday afternoon. Today’s trip to Goshen, through Middlebury and then to Shipshewana had been exhausting and fruitless. Another day of hunting with no sign of Kavanaugh.
He should go home, but he couldn’t pass this close to the Stoltzfus farm without seeing Ellie. Four days had passed since their Sunday drive, four days with thoughts of her crowding every moment. He craved one glimpse, one sure confirmation she was safe.
Tying the horse to the corral fence next to the barn, Bram loosened his harness and made sure he stood in the shade of the tall maple trees. He filled his cupped hands with water in the nearby trough and wet the horse’s nose and mouth. Partner was too hot yet to let him drink his fill.
Bram removed his hat and wiped his forehead with a sleeve. The yard was deserted, but that wasn’t surprising. In the middle of the afternoon he expected the children to be napping. Ellie and her mother were probably working in the cool house.
The metallic squeak of a pump handle rang through the heavy air, the sound coming from near Ellie’s Dawdi Haus. Bram turned that direction and then pulled up short at the sight of Ellie and her two brothers carrying buckets of water to the field beyond Ellie’s house.
What was she thinking, working like that in this heat?
He met her as she returned to the pump for another trip, and her pale face and bleary gaze told him he hadn’t come any too soon. She tried to wave him off as he took the bucket out of her hands, but she let him steer her toward the shaded glider in the side yard.
“The strawberries,” Ellie said. Her voice lacked strength, as if she was falling asleep. Bram’s stomach clenched, and he hoped he wasn’t too late.
Ben and Reuben were at his side.
“We tried to get her to stop,” Reuben said, “but she said she’d do the whole field by herself if we didn’t help her.”
“I can believe it.” If he had ever seen a more stubborn woman... “We need a bucket of water and some towels.”
While Reuben ran to fill Ellie’s abandoned bucket, Bram started to unfasten Ellie’s dress at her neckline.
“What are you doing?” Ben reached out to stop him.
“She’s suffering from heat exhaustion. We have to keep her from having a heatstroke.”
Ben didn’t argue; he ran into the house for towels.
“I have to water the plants before they die.” Ellie tried to refasten her dress, but her movements were uncoordinated and slow.
“Ellie,” Bram said, “we have to cool you off first. You shouldn’t have been working out in the heat.”
Reuben set the full pail of water next to Bram as he knelt on the ground. “Will she be all right?”
“Ja, if we can get her cooled off. Where’s John? And your mother?” Bram took the towels Ben brought and plunged them in the cool water.
“They took the girls over to Lovina’s. They’re making jam, and Dat was going to a sale with Noah.”
Ben had brought a dipper, and after Bram gave Ellie a drink, they all took turns.
“The children?”
“In the house sleeping.”
Bram took one towel, wrung most of the water out of it and draped it over the back of Ellie’s neck. Her eyes were closed, and her breathing was rapid. He took another wet towel and began sponging her face. It wasn’t enough.
Bram took handfuls of water and poured them over Ellie’s feet and lower legs. He wet his towel again and went back to sponging her face, hands and arms.
Ellie caught the towel in one hand and took it from him.
“I can do that, Bram. Denki.”
Her face was returning to a normal color. Her eyes looked tired, but the glaze was gone. Bram’s stomach unclenched, and he sat back on his heels. He glanced from Ben’s flushed face to Reuben’s. Ellie wasn’t the only one suffering from the heat.
“Do you boys have a swimming hole?”
“Ja, but what about Ellie?”
“I’ll take care of her. She’s out of danger now, but you need to get cooled off, too.”
Ben looked at Reuben. After a long minute of indecision, Reuben nodded.
“You’re right. We’ll take care of your horse before we go.”
Bram nodded. “Denki.”
* * *
“If I were a different man, I’d throttle you right now.” Bram’s voice was gentle as he sponged her cheeks with a wet towel.
Ellie didn’t answer, but sniffed back threatening tears. He sounded angry with her, but why? She was only taking care of the work that needed to be done.
Bram took the towel off the back of her neck and rinsed it in fresh water before handing it back to her. She held it to her face and neck. The cool cloth felt wonderful-gut on her bare skin.
“What were you thinking, working out in that field in this heat?”
“The strawberries. I watered them early this morning, but this afternoon I saw they were dying.” She was too w
eak to stop the tears that fell. “I can’t lose those plants.”
Bram sat on the glider and offered her another dipper of water. She drank it slowly, the water seeping into her body in cool swallows.
“Those are your strawberries?”
She nodded. “That’s why I don’t have enough money to pay the taxes on the farm. I used my savings...” Ellie glanced toward the dusty field dotted with shriveled bits of green. “But I’m going to lose them all, aren’t I?”
“I’m afraid you’ve already lost them. It’s just too hot. My corn is drying up, too.”
Ellie reached a hand to the front of her dress where it hung loose. How did she get this way? She started to refasten it, but Bram stopped her by taking her hand in his.
“Not yet. You haven’t cooled down enough.”
“But I must look a sight.”
When Bram twitched the corner of his mouth into that secret grin reserved just for her, any resistance she had to him melted away to nothing. Ja, she trusted him, and more. Much more.
“You sure do. Are you feeling better?”
“Ja. I didn’t realize how exhausted I was until I sat down.”
Bram still held her hand in his. He reached up with his other hand and tucked some damp hair behind her ear.
“You don’t have to worry about the money, remember? I said I had enough.”
“But how will I pay you back?”
He squeezed her hand with reassuring pressure. She let the tension drain out of her shoulders.
“You will somehow, but I’m not in a hurry.”
Ellie closed her eyes. Bram put his arm around her and pulled her close to him.
Resting in his embrace, Ellie let herself lean into him, giving way to the comforting strength of his presence. Long minutes went by before she thought about moving, but she should.