by Jan Drexler
“Danny’s walking!”
“Ja, almost.” A walking Danny would be twice as much work to keep track of, but she had known this day was coming. Time never stood still.
Susan let go of one of Danny’s hands to brush some stray hair out of her face, and the baby plopped down on the floor.
“He’ll need a bit more practice before he’s ready to take off on his own.”
“Can I take him outside?” Susan helped Danny stand again.
“Ja, but stay in the grass.”
“Can we go to Grossmutti’s house?”
“Ja, sure. I’ll be coming soon. Walk at the edge of the garden so Danny will have a soft place to land when he falls.”
Danny crawled after Susan to the door and scooted down the porch steps. Ellie watched as Susan helped him to a standing position, and they started the tedious journey to the big house. Back at the sink she could see their entire route through the window while she finished washing the breakfast dishes. They were both growing up too quickly.
As thoughts of Bram crowded into her mind again, she scrubbed at a spot of dried egg yolk on a plate. Why couldn’t she stop thinking about him? He had left for Chicago more than a week ago, and she needed to put him out of her mind. She had feared losing him to death, but losing him to the world wasn’t any less painful.
The dishes done, Ellie took one last glance out the kitchen window. Mam had seen Susan and Danny coming and was holding the door open for them as Danny climbed up the back-porch steps toward her. She had probably already finished one canner full of tomatoes this morning, and it was time to get over there to help.
Ellie rubbed the crease between her eyebrows, easing her headache a bit. A buggy coming up the lane to the big house caught her eye and she paused. Who would be visiting this early in the morning? Matthew Beachey got down from the buggy, and then he went around to the other side to help someone else out. Had Annie come for a visit? Ne, it was a man.
Dat came out from the barn to meet them, Johnny running behind. When the man stepped forward to shake Dat’s hand, Ellie saw he was wearing Englisch clothes.
Bram. He was here.
Johnny stopped in front of him. She could almost see the shy hesitation on his face before Bram bent down to gather the boy to him with one arm. Johnny flung his arms around Bram’s neck.
The sight of Bram and Johnny’s reunion held her captive at the window. Why hadn’t she seen how completely Bram filled the empty place in Johnny’s heart? Her son didn’t just need a father; he needed Bram.
She needed Bram.
Ellie wiped tears from her cheeks with quick motions. If he meant to stay, then why was he back to wearing his Englisch clothes? He had to be here to say goodbye.
How could she bear that?
* * *
“Bram, I missed you.”
The boy’s words, whispered in his ear, brought tears to Bram’s eyes.
Ignoring the ever-present pain in his shoulder, Bram held Johnny to himself for a moment with his good arm and then pulled back far enough to look into his face.
“Have you been taking good care of your memmi?”
Johnny nodded, his eyes shining. “Ja, Bram. I always take good care of her.”
“And your sister? And Danny?”
“Ja, Bram.”
“That’s my boy.” Bram half choked on the words.
Would Johnny be his boy? He hoped so. It was what he had been praying for.
Before he could stand again, Susan appeared at his side. Her shy smile told him just how much she had missed him, too. He wrapped his arm around her small frame and held her close, her little-girl body as fragile as a newborn chick. He wished he could lift her up in both arms, but that would have to wait until he had healed more.
He stood to greet Elizabeth as she came out of the house carrying Danny, but he couldn’t help glancing beyond her through the screen door. Where was Ellie?
“Come up to the porch,” John said, ushering them all toward the shaded front of the house. “We have some tea, don’t we, Elizabeth?”
“For sure we do. I’ll bring it out.”
As Bram hesitated, John turned to him with a smile.
“We’ll wait for you on the porch, Bram. Why don’t you go to the Dawdi Haus and tell Ellie you’re here?”
Bram grinned at John, thankful the older man understood. He wished he was strong enough to run along the lane, but he had to content himself with a slow walk.
At the edge of the garden, Bram paused to straighten his jacket. The Englisch suit was uncomfortable, but he had insisted that Matthew bring him straight to the Stoltzfuses’ from the train station. He had to see Ellie.
Movement at the Dawdi Haus kitchen window told him she knew he was there, but he still hesitated. What could he say to her? Just blurt out how much he loved her? That he wanted to marry her?
Ne, he had to take it slow, win back her trust. He took a deep breath and whooshed it out.
Even when he'd faced Kavanaugh straight on, he hadn’t been this scared. The worst Kavanaugh could do was shoot him.
Ellie could sentence him to life without her.
Swallowing hard, Bram adjusted his hat. The distance to the back porch wasn’t long, but before he reached it, the kitchen door opened. Ellie. She stood in the doorway watching him, her face unreadable.
“Good morning, Ellie.”
“Hello, Bram.” Her voice was cool.
His mouth was as dry as cotton.
“I’ve missed you.” He tried smiling at her, but his face refused to obey. “Will you come sit on the glider with me?”
“Ja, I will.”
Bram brushed a couple fallen leaves off the glider as they sat. Ellie gripped the edge of the seat on either side of her skirt, betraying how nervous she was. Somehow the thought comforted him.
The summer locusts began their daily serenade in the trees at the edge of the field.
“Six weeks till frost.” He felt like kicking himself. Where had that come from? He wasn’t here to talk about insects.
“What?”
“Something my mam used to say when she heard the locusts in August. There’s six weeks until frost.”
“Ja, you’re right. My mam says the same.”
They fell into silence again. Bram moved the glider with his foot. Where should he start?
“I’ve been—”
“Dat says—”
They both stopped.
“You go on, Ellie. What were you going to say?”
“Just that Dat says your farm is doing well.”
“Ja. I’m thankful John and the other men kept it going for me.”
“With Partner over here, you had no animals for them to tend to, so it wasn’t too much work.”
More silence.
Bram pushed his foot against the ground, setting the glider into motion again.
“I have to tell you something.”
She tensed, but didn’t look at him.
“I’ve requested to be baptized.” Her head shot toward him, her eyes round. “Bishop has been coming to Matthew’s for my instruction, and I’m joining the community next Sunday.”
* * *
Ellie waited for his teasing grin. He wasn’t serious, was he?
“You’re joining the church?” she asked, watching his face.
Bram smiled, his eyes warm and sincere. “Ja, at the next Sunday meeting.”
Ellie gripped the edge of the glider seat harder, willing her trembling hands to still. A thin shaft of light pierced her thoughts. He wasn’t saying goodbye; he was staying.
“But I thought...well, your trip to Chicago, your Englisch clothes...”
Bram reached up, pulled off the necktie and stuffed it into his p
ocket.
“I didn’t let Matthew take me home to change. I had to see you.”
“Bishop is allowing you to join the church even though you shot a man?”
“I had to shoot him. He had hurt you, and he intended to kill all of us. It was my job to stop him, one way or another. He didn’t leave me any choice.”
“But won’t you keep working for the FBI?”
Bram’s left hand closed over hers, warm, strong and confident.
“Ellie, that life is behind me now. I’ve confessed everything to the Bishop and your father. What’s more important is that Gott knows everything. When Kavanaugh found me, I was on my way to find him and have it out with him, once and for all.” He squeezed her hand. “I knew I wasn’t going to survive. I knew I’d never see you again. But I did survive. It’s like I have a new life, and I don’t want to waste a minute of it.”
His clear, steady eyes told her more than his words, but she had to ask...
“If it happened again—if you run across someone from your past like that—would you do it again? Could you shoot a man?”
Bram looked at the ground, his grip on her hand tightening. “I can’t say for sure unless I was in that situation again.” He looked back at her, his eyes moist. “But I hope I would act as Gott desires, that He would give me the strength to do the right thing. I still believe I need to protect my family, my friends, but I hope I would be able to do it in a way that protects the other person also. That’s all I can promise.”
“And Bishop believes that’s enough?”
“Ja. He says desiring to obey Gott and praying for His help is as much as any man can promise.”
Bram leaned across her lap, taking her other hand from the edge of the glider. He cupped her two small hands in his large one. Ellie let them rest there, birds surrounded by a protecting hedge.
“I know this is where I belong, Ellie, with you and with this community.”
The small shaft of light widened, plunging into her soul with the dawn of understanding.
“You’re really staying?”
“Ja, Ellie.” He rubbed his thumb along the side of her finger, his touch sending tingles up her arm. “I’ve done some terrible things, Ellie, but I’ve never lied to you.”
She looked into his eyes, meeting the hope she saw there.
“I was wrong not to trust you, Bram.” Ja, she should have known she could always trust him.
Bram raised his hand to her face, catching the stray lock of hair.
“Ellie, I couldn’t bear to live without you.” His voice was a whisper as he drew her close.
“You don’t have to.”
Bram’s kiss was gentle, tentative. He brushed her lips with his and then drew her to him in a close embrace. Ellie lost herself as he held her with his good arm, pressing her ear against his chest to listen to the reassuring beat of his heart. She could rest here forever.
* * *
Two weeks later, Bram sighed as he pushed away his empty plate and leaned back in the chair. Miriam’s sugar-cream pie was the best he had ever tasted.
“There’s another piece left,” Miriam said, pushing the dish toward Bram.
“Ne, denki, I couldn’t eat another bite.”
“I’ll take it.” Reuben reached for the dish and dug into the last piece as if he was starving. He shouldn’t be. He had been living with Hezekiah and Miriam since the accident, and Miriam had doted on him with her cooking.
Hezekiah chuckled. “I sure like that young man’s appetite.”
As Miriam started clearing the table, Bram turned to the older man. “I’ve told you what I have in mind, and you’ve looked at the house plans.” Miriam paused to listen to Bram, and he glanced up at her. “What do you think?”
“Well,” Hezekiah said, reaching for Miriam’s hand, “it was hard to hand the work over to Reuben this summer, but I have to admit the rest has done me good. I feel better than I have in a long time. I know Miriam has worried about what would become of us when I couldn’t work anymore, especially after we lost Daniel.” He looked at Bram, his eyes bright and sure. “We’ll move in as soon as you’re ready for us.”
Miriam squeezed Hezekiah’s shoulder. “Ach, and I have to thank you, Bram. To live so close to Ellie and the children...” She smiled as she busied herself with the dishes.
“Now, don’t say anything to Ellie yet.” Bram looked at Reuben. “She doesn’t know anything about this, and I don’t want her to until I get a chance to tell her.”
Reuben grinned at him as he got up from the table to head back to his chores. “You had better let her in on the secret soon, then. I know my sister. If she hears a rumor about a new Dawdi Haus being built at your place, she’ll ferret out the truth faster than anybody.”
Bram went out to his buggy, leaving Miriam and Hezekiah to discuss their packing. He hoped to get the Dawdi Haus built before winter, but he had one more thing to do first. It was time to let Ellie in on his plans.
He couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought of this solution before. Having Hezekiah and Miriam close would help ease Ellie’s mind, and he was looking forward to having the older man’s help to build up his farmland.
Hezekiah may not be able to walk behind a plow anymore, but his knowledge of farming would never go to waste.
Partner pranced and blew a couple times before he settled into his steady trot, enjoying the cooler fall weather as much as he did. Bram settled in for the drive to the Stoltzfus farm, watching the corn crops in the fields he passed.
It had been a long, hot, dry summer, but it looked as if the farmers would have enough of a harvest to survive. His own crop would give him enough to use for the winter and enough seed for next spring, but nothing extra to sell.
It didn’t matter. Bram still couldn’t shake the feeling that he had opened a door and discovered a wonderful new world. Now if he could only convince Ellie to share it with him.
He had spent nearly every evening with her since coming home from Chicago. He would meet her on her glider at dusk, after the children had gone to bed, and they’d sit for an hour or more.
Sometimes they talked. Bram thought they’d run out of things to talk about, but they never did. He grinned to himself. They wouldn’t run out of things to talk about in a hundred years.
Other times they sat quietly, holding hands, or with Bram’s arm around Ellie’s shoulder, while he kept the glider swinging with one foot. He wouldn’t get tired of that in a hundred years, either. He’d have to make sure he built a glider like that for their own place.
Their own place.
Bram chirruped at Partner, suddenly anxious to hear Ellie’s answer to his question.
* * *
The tomato plants had started producing again with the onset of cooler weather. Ellie pushed aside the old, dry stems from the summer to find the tomatoes that grew amid the new, green leaves. A second chance at life brought new fruitfulness to the tomatoes.
Ellie glanced toward the glider at the side of the Dawdi Haus. The tomatoes weren’t the only things with a second chance. She couldn’t keep a smile off her face at the thought. How would she ever have known love could be so sweet a second time? She couldn’t bear the thought of waiting until this evening to see Bram again.
“Memmi, help!” Susan’s cry came to her ears yet again.
Ach, there was Danny, heading for the cow pen at the side of the barn. Ever since he had learned to walk, the cow pen was his favorite destination. Until school started last week, Susan had helped Mandy or Rebecca watch the toddler while Ellie did her chores, but now that Susan was on her own, Danny was proving to be a handful.
Ellie caught him just as he reached the fence and swung him up in her arms as he giggled. The little stinker! He liked being caught as much as he wanted to see the cows. She tickled his belly to hear
him laugh again as she carried him back to the toys Susan had set up in the grassy yard.
“Ach, Danny, you play here with Susan for a little while longer while I pick the rest of the tomatoes.”
“Won’t he just run away again?” Susan tried to get Danny to play with a toy cow.
“Ja, probably. Just do like you’ve been doing. Call me when he does.”
Buggy wheels in the lane caught her attention.
“Memmi, look. It’s Bram.” Susan ran to the hitching rail by the Dawdi Haus to wait for him.
Ellie forgot the tomatoes when she saw Bram. He glanced her way with his crooked grin as he pulled Partner to a stop, then turned his attention to Susan while he tied the horse.
“This is a nice surprise,” Ellie greeted him as he held Susan up to give Partner a pat on the nose.
“I have another surprise for you,” he murmured in her ear as he gave her cheek a kiss. “Do you think your mam can take care of Susan and Danny?”
Bram wouldn’t wait for her to change out of her work dress or even wash her hands. As soon as the children were taken care of, she was in his buggy and they were heading down the road.
Ellie sat close to him, her hand tucked in his arm.
“Where are we going?”
Bram leaned over and kissed her kapp.
“I have something to show you at the farm.”
“Will I like it?”
“Ja, I think you will. But the more you pester me with questions, the longer it will take to get there.”
Ellie laughed. “I think Partner could take us there himself, no matter how many questions I ask you.”
Bram just grinned and slapped the reins on the horse’s back.
Ellie hadn’t been to Bram’s farm since the shooting, but everything looked like a normal, quiet Amish farm as they drove up the short lane. She looked toward the house. Which stove had he ended up buying? And was the sitting room livable? It must be. Bram had been settled there for several weeks. She climbed down from the buggy and started toward the house.
“Ne, not that way. Come with me.”
He took her hand and led her around the house and down a slope to a level spot near the creek.