by Jane Odiwe
‘What do you think?’ I jumped at the touch of his warm breath in my ear. Josh was behind me.
‘Are you having a lovely time? I’m sorry if I startled you and I’m so sorry I’ve neglected you for so long. Can you forgive me?’
My heart was beating fast. I felt so silly, almost as if I’d been caught out doing something I shouldn’t. I tried to answer calmly.
‘Of course I can forgive you. People are bound to want to talk to you. It’s fabulous … no, fantastic! It’s just brilliant, Josh, you must be so pleased.’
He beamed a wide smile. ‘Thanks, Sophie, for coming. I couldn’t have done it without you. It’s been so good to see a friendly face and one that I knew was not expecting anything from me.’
I smiled back. It felt good that he regarded me as a friend. I could imagine it was difficult for him right now with everyone wanting his attention.
‘Oh, and I nearly forgot,’ he exclaimed. ‘You still have my surprise to see.’
I’d forgotten it also. He grabbed my hand and pulling me through the throng of people took me to the opposite end of the room. Off on one side was a portrait of a young girl dressed in white muslin and velvet slippers with a green parasol in her hand, set in a gilded frame. Seeing her like that in full colour made every hair stand on end. I immediately recognized the portrait of Jane from the monochrome engraving in the book I’d bought.
I stood gaping, unable to say a word.
‘Do you know who this is?’ Josh asked.
I turned my head to look at him. Something in my expression must have told him that I knew because he looked most disappointed.
‘You know, don’t you?’
‘I think so. It’s Jane Austen, isn’t it?’
Josh grinned. ‘I might have known you’d seen it before.’
‘I hadn’t seen it until recently, I must admit, and even then it was just a small copy in a book, not even in colour. But, how wonderful to see it like this – it’s such a good likeness, so obviously Jane with her teasing expression.’
Josh laughed. ‘You’ll be telling me next that you know her personally, that she’s popped round from next door for a cup of tea.’
I realized how stupid I must have sounded. He’d think I was completely mad. ‘It’s amazing, Josh, beautiful in fact. Wherever did you find it?’
‘I know the family that own it. I have it on special loan for a while. They agreed to let me exhibit it at the last minute. I couldn’t wait to show you, I knew you’d love it as I do. Isn’t she exactly as you imagined?’
‘Yes, it’s the Jane I see in my head,’ I added truthfully. ‘The details are gorgeous and seeing it in colour makes all the difference. She looks so pleased with herself, all dressed up for a party in that divine gown of diaphanous gauze. The sparkle of those tiny spots and the glimpse of pink underskirt just stirring in an autumn breeze, really bring it to life.’
‘And the sky is such a dramatic backdrop, almost as if the artist knew he was painting someone very special.’
Standing before the painting got me thinking. I couldn’t remember any specific mentions of portraits or paintings in Jane’s books or letters, but one of her novels came leaping into my mind.
‘There’s a passage in Mansfield Park when Fanny Price goes to dinner at the Grants. She wears a new white dress with glossy spots just like that one, a present from her uncle. Perhaps it was a favourite gown of Jane’s and why she remembered it when she wrote her novel.’
‘I don’t think I know Mansfield Park that well to comment,’ said Josh. ‘Isn’t that the one where the heroine falls in love with her cousin?’
‘Yes, but it doesn’t ever look as if it will work out, though Fanny does marry Edmund in the end.’
‘Look at the locket, Sophie. It’s the painting in it that intrigues me because there’s definitely something there. The family says that her Great Uncle Francis had her portrait painted. Perhaps the miniature round her neck is of him.’
I was suddenly reminded of another book of Jane’s. ‘Oh, that’s Sense and Sensibility! Now, who is it? I can’t remember exactly, I’m going to have to look it up, but it says something like Marianne and Willoughby had not known each other long before she wore his picture round her neck, but then it turned out to be only the miniature of her great uncle.’
As we stood there trying to remember who’d made the comment and whether we’d remembered it properly, Alison the receptionist appeared.
‘Excuse me interrupting. You’ve got a visitor, Josh,’ she said, in that triumphant way people do when only they have privileged information.
‘Oh? Who is it?’
‘I’m not allowed to say.’
She winked conspiratorially at me.
‘Alison, please. Can’t you work your magic and make them go away for half an hour.’
‘I can’t. She said it’s a surprise and she won’t take no for an answer.’
‘Please tell me you’re joking,’ Josh said, with a weary sigh.
‘No, look, she’s over there by the door.’
I saw Josh’s eyes follow Alison’s pointing finger. His expression changed dramatically from disappointment to one of complete astonishment and joy.
Over by the door was a girl. Tall, dark-haired and dressed in a sheath of peacock blue, which set off her glowing skin and hair, the whole room turned to look at the attractive beauty who presented herself like an extra special birthday package. All she needed was a huge satin bow to undo and the image would be complete.
Without another word, Josh was pushing through the crowd, threading his way through the throng of people to reach her side. I watched him greet her with a shout to stun the whole room into a moment’s silence, before he picked her up in his arms twirling her round and showering her with kisses.
‘Who is she?’ I asked Alison.
‘I don’t know exactly,’ said Alison rather coolly, taking it all in with an expression that clearly showed she hadn’t taken to the young lady at the door. ‘She said her name is Louisa and as far as I know, that’s the name of his girlfriend.’
It was a shock to hear that and suddenly, without being able to reason why, I felt completely deflated. Josh had never mentioned a girlfriend, though I remembered hearing about Louisa from Alison before. Why I’d imagined that such a good-looking guy wouldn’t have someone is anybody’s guess. I’d never heard him talk about anyone, but then we hadn’t exactly discussed affairs of the heart.
‘I knew she’d be beautiful,’ murmured Alison and didn’t say anything more, but I could guess what she and every other female in the place were thinking. If they’d only had a slim chance with Josh before, they had absolutely none now. It was impossible not to watch them. They were so animated, it was as if they only had eyes for the other and appeared so clearly in love. Suddenly, I felt completely in the way. I didn’t want to hang around any more and I certainly didn’t want to play gooseberry. Besides, I was feeling rather woozy from too many glasses of champagne.
‘Oh, don’t they look lovely together? Josh looks so happy,’ I said in my breeziest voice. ‘You know, Alison, I’m feeling rather shattered and I’m ashamed to say I think I’ve probably had a little bit too much champagne. Could you give Josh a message for me when he’s not so busy? Just tell him I’ve gone home and I’ll speak to him tomorrow, sometime.’
It may have been my imagination, but Alison’s expression looked both haughty and gloating at the same time, as if she had seen through my excuses to some other reason for my early departure. I knew what she was thinking, that I was upset about seeing Josh with his girlfriend, but I really couldn’t be bothered to say anything more and knew that whatever I did say would only seem to confirm, rather than deny her reasoning. At the earliest opportunity, I slipped out and made my way home.
Seeing Josh with his girl in his arms left me reeling. I felt an inexplicable stab of jealousy, or did I mean envy? Either way, it made me long to see Charles and I knew that was impossible. I let myself in and
managed to get up the dark stairwell before I burst into tears. The living room felt cold, it was too late to light a fire. I turned on the lamp and slid into the winged chair, shivering as I did so, kicking off my sandals to pull my legs up underneath me in an effort to keep warm. I totally misjudged the action, most likely due to my over consumption of champagne and ended up knocking over the occasional table with such a force that I sent a vase of flowers, a photo of my Dad and the rosewood box crashing to the floor.
I saw immediately that the secret drawer in the box had sprung open. I carefully picked up the box to assess the damage and to my amazement found that all was still intact. From within the drawer came a gleam of gold shimmering through the layer of paper that bound it, which made every hair stand on end. I could only just see the curve of the back of a gold, oval frame, but knew before I took it out exactly what I’d found.
Charles’s face looked back at me, and the memory of that last afternoon in Sydney Gardens came back with such clarity that it hurt. I held the frame to my face as though doing so would bring him nearer; bring him back to me. I knew it was just my mind playing tricks, but his eyes appeared to look deeper than ever into mine. He seemed to have even more of a smile about to break upon his lips, just like he had on that magical day.
The sound of the front door shutting made me jump. I heard voices, laughter, and then Josh’s door shut with a finality that made me feel lonelier than I ever felt in my life before. Rising up through the floor, muffled voices trying not to be too loud were punctuated with giggles and then there was silence. I’m ashamed to say I could only imagine them kissing and that thought brought me back again to Charles. He’d kissed my hand with feeling and tenderness. Such a small gesture, but it was one that had filled me with intense longing.
Another sound from downstairs had me sitting up. Josh’s door banged shut once more and then I heard the thump of footsteps on the stairs. I held my breath. There was a knock on my door.
‘Sophie, are you in there? Are you still awake?’
I couldn’t speak. The truth was I didn’t want to answer. Perhaps I shouldn’t have rushed off like that, it had been rude of me not to say goodbye, but my feelings were so mixed up. The sight of Josh being so happy had the green-eyed monster inside me whimpering pathetically to myself about my own feelings of insecurity and envy. If I was quiet, he might think I’d gone to bed. I just couldn’t face him.
Holding my breath, I twisted into a more comfortable position in the chair and rested my feet on the footstool. I didn’t hear footsteps going away immediately, so I guessed he was still outside waiting to hear for a response. It felt like ten minutes passed by but eventually I heard his retreating footfall on the stairs. Heaving a sigh of relief, I felt disinclined to get up now just in case my movements around the flat betrayed the fact that I was still wide- awake. In any case, the effects of the champagne were making me feel drowsy. Still clutching the miniature of Charles, I gave in to sleep which stole over me blotting out the world sending me into velvet darkness. My dreams were so vivid that on waking once more to daylight streaming through unshuttered windows, I couldn’t decide which time I occupied at first.
Chapter Twenty Six
There is nothing like the beginning of a new day for helping you to see things differently from the night before. Once I’d realized I was very firmly in the present, I kept thinking how rude I must have appeared to Josh by just going off like that and resolved on getting up and going to apologize. I’d slept for longer than I’d realized, I had a stiff neck from lying at a strange angle and combined with the inevitable hangover meant not only did I feel rotten, but I looked it too.
Charles’s portrait looked even more spectacular in the light. I wondered how long it had been in the box, but guessed it must have been for some considerable time as the painting looked as fresh as if it had been done yesterday. I couldn’t think how it came to be in the painting at the museum and then decided that what I’d thought had looked like a similar object might have been something completely different, a piece of jewellery perhaps. Yet, I couldn’t get away from the feeling that I had been meant to find it, however it had got there.
By the time I got dressed, attempting to make myself look as if I hadn’t got bags under my eyes and a headache that was threatening to turn into a spectacular migraine, it was midday. I was just about to go out and call on Josh when one particular thought held me back. What if his girlfriend was still there? I considered that she might well be and there was also the possibility that they may not want to be disturbed. That thought made me feel uncomfortable without really knowing why. It was silly, but I almost felt that I should have been the person allowed to vet his girlfriend first to see if she was good enough for him. I felt protective towards him, though I knew I had no right to feel like that and rid myself of the thought. I’d just have to wait, perhaps call on him tomorrow.
I was standing in the hallway dithering as I weighed up the pros and cons, when I spotted an envelope wedged under the door. It felt a bit knobbly on closer examination and had “Sophie” written on the front in Josh’s handwriting. I snatched it up and took it into the sitting room to open. Inside was a folded letter and a key on a keyring, which incongruously had the words, “You pierce my soul”, written in fancy script, not unlike Jane Austen’s handwriting engraved on its silver metal tag.
Dear Sophie,
Alison told me you weren’t feeling well last night – I’m so sorry, I hope you’re feeling better. I didn’t have a chance to tell you how grateful I was for your company and it meant so much to me that you came. I must apologize also for not introducing you to Louisa sooner. I really wanted you to meet her, but that can wait for another day.
What I’m writing to say is that we are going away for a few days, heading further west to the Dorset coast, and I wondered if you could do me a huge favour. I’m expecting a package in the post any day now, some books that I ordered last week. I thought they might have come before I left, so I’m sorry to bother you with the inconvenience. If you chance to hear the postman calling, would you mind very much putting them just inside my flat? I’ve enclosed a spare key, (I hope you like the keyring) and I’ve left you a very small something to say thank you for your trouble on the kitchen table.
I didn’t like to wake you this morning – I hope you had a good night’s sleep – take care of yourself!
We’re not sure of our plans, but I should be back in a week or so.
Love Josh.
Turning over the keyring in my hands, I wondered if it had been a present. Perhaps Louisa had bought it for him. Somehow, that thought irritated me and I couldn’t put my finger on why it should straight away, until I realized that I’d already taken a dislike to her. That didn’t seem either very nice or fair, but I decided I wasn’t keen on Louisa for three reasons. Firstly, Josh had obviously not been expecting her. Last night, she’d rudely turned up out of the blue, unannounced without letting him know. Secondly, if she really was his current girlfriend, why had he asked me to go with him to the launch? I reckoned she’d turned him down, or worse, she was an ex-girlfriend trying to get him back. After all, he’d talked about broken hearts when we were at the museum. And then there was reason number three. Well, that made me wince with shame, but I just felt that she was one of those people who knew what a devastating effect she had on men and was toying with his affections. Josh, I felt sure, had been completely taken in by her. He was my friend and I didn’t want to see him get hurt. Well, there wasn’t anything that I could do about it. All I could hope was that Josh would be happy and he had very clearly been deliriously happy to see Louisa.
I am, by nature, a very nosy person and I’m further ashamed to say that I was very curious to see inside Josh’s flat. I had a crazy idea that if the glove was going to work anywhere, perhaps it might do there. Without waiting another moment, I let myself out, glove in hand and hurried downstairs. Hesitating at the door, it occurred to me that perhaps I ought to wait for the books
to arrive before I went snooping round. And what if Josh and Louisa hadn’t really left yet, or if they’d just popped out to get something for their journey? But, the place seemed deadly quiet, so I told myself I was just going to peep in through the door and have a quick look. I was just about to put the key in the lock when I was frightened out of my wits by the sound of the doorknocker and the buzzing of the front door bell going simultaneously. To say that I jumped does not cover it and as I opened the door my heart was racing.
‘Package for Mr Strafford. Is he in?’ said the postman.
‘It’s alright, I’ll sign for it,’ I said, shoving the glove in my pocket and staggering under the weight of the box that he handed into my arms. I put it down, scribbled something hardly legible on his electronic slate and muttered thank you, before closing the door with some relief.
Having now got a legitimate excuse for opening Josh’s door, I returned key in hand. I don’t know why I felt so nervous as the door opened, but I suppose it was because I knew that I had no intention of just putting the books down and leaving straight away. I tried to justify the fact that I was going to have a look round by pretending that I didn’t know where the kitchen might be and so wandered first of all into the living room. I knew Josh would have had nothing to do with any of the decoration as he’d rented on a short term lease, but I was pleased to see that at least he had some updated furnishings and new curtains amongst the inevitable litter of antiques that made up the rest. The mix of ancient and modern seemed to work. A red leather chair by the fireside looked comfy but contemporary and I could just imagine him sitting there listening to music or reading a book. On the table next to his chair were a couple of books. There was a biography about Jane Austen but he hadn’t got very far, judging from his bookmark, and the other was about the history of the Royal Navy, which apart from being connected with Charles in the slightest sense did not interest me so much being all about fighting ships and battles. I didn’t want to pick anything up, I felt it would be wrong, so I just stood and looked around me noting the jacket left slung across the sofa on the opposite side and a solitary, forgotten wineglass smeared with lipstick on the floor. The box was feeling heavier than ever, so I returned to the hallway passing another room barely furnished with a desk in the middle of book-lined walls and carried on to the kitchen. Painted a fresh white, a range of modern kitchen units and built-in cooker contrasted with the green painted dresser on one side of an old Aga at the other end of the room. The dresser looked a picture filled with pretty floral china, art deco tea sets and the occasional Staffordshire figure, but I couldn’t imagine that it would have appealed to Josh. For a kitchen, it seemed a very feminine room with its embroidered samplers on the walls and rose-covered cushions on the rustic chairs. An oak refectory table in the middle of the room gleamed with polish and the markings of many years of use. The delft bowl of planted lilies placed upon the surface perfumed the air with its scent, as the waxy petals warmed in a sliver of sunlight. There was a package next to the bowl which made me feel an almost childish sense of excitement such as I always get when presented with a pile of birthday presents.