by Sarah Morgan
The memory felled her at the knees and was the only reason she didn’t slap him for his inability to see his own part in their break up. ‘You are accusing me of breaking promises? In sickness and in health, Cristiano.’ In that small intimate space they’d created, she threw his words back at him. ‘Nowhere in our marriage vows did it say, Just as long as neither interferes with your husband’s business deals.’
Furious with herself for opening up a wound she’d wanted to keep closed and even more furious with him for being so blind to his own shortcomings, Laurel thrust her glass into his hand, twisted free and virtually sprinted across the terrace towards the steps that led down to the private beach. She felt like Cinderella on the dot of midnight, except that she didn’t want the Prince to catch her.
She could lose both shoes for all she cared. That wouldn’t be enough to stop her running.
Santo stepped in front of her, his expression deceptively benign as he blocked her path. ‘Where do you think you’re going?’
Laurel ground her teeth, silently cursing everyone with the surname Ferrara. ‘Back to the villa. Not that it’s your business.’
‘You’re hurting my brother. That makes it my business.’
‘He’s big enough to look after himself.’ But that wouldn’t stop Santo and her insides twisted with envy because she knew he was just looking out for his brother.
The fact that no one looked out for her didn’t bother her.
She didn’t expect it or want it. Never had.
‘Having you here messes with his head. I just want to say one thing, Laurel—’ Three parts drunk, ten parts angry, Santo blocked the steps. ‘Hurt my brother again and I will crush you like a bug. Capisci?’
‘Non capisce niente,’ Laurel shot back, her Italian almost as fluent as his. ‘You understand nothing. Stay out of my business, Santo.’
Hurt my brother—
What about the way his brother had hurt her? Apparently that counted for nothing.
Distress breaking through the barriers she’d erected, she pushed past him, aware that by doing so she’d made herself the object of curious stares. Doubtless everyone wanted to know what Santo had been saying to his brother’s disobedient ex-wife to make her run.
She virtually flew down the steps that led down to the beach. At some point while she’d been suffering on the terrace, darkness had fallen and the solar-powered lights that illuminated the path down to the beach glowed like a million bright eyes watching her flee. Feeling her chest tighten ominously, she slowed her pace. The last thing she needed right now was an asthma attack. She was ruthless about maintaining her fitness levels but her downfall had always been stress and she’d been stressed from the moment the wheels of the plane had touched the tarmac.
As her feet sank into the soft sand the chatter behind her faded and the music became a distant hum. Here, the dominant sound was the lap of the sea on the shore and Laurel tugged off her shoes. The solitude was a soothing balm to her raw feelings, the silky sand triggering memories of happier times. But memories couldn’t change the present.
They were all furious with her. She was about as welcome as a deadly virus at a children’s party.
And she was furious with them for assuming that all the blame lay with her.
She was here because of Dani, but it was clear to her now that once her friend accepted that Laurel and Cristiano really were finished, their friendship would be over too.
Depressed by that thought, Laurel sank down onto the sand and wrapped her arms around her knees, her bag and her shoes abandoned by her side. The sea stretched ahead of her, the inky black broken by the occasional shimmer of light from a passing yacht.
She’d been stupid, she realised, to think that her friendship with Dani could endure, given what she’d done.
Desperately she struggled to control herself, aware that her chest was growing tighter and doing everything she could to breathe slowly and keep herself calm.
She didn’t know how long she sat there staring through a mist of tears, but she knew when she was no longer alone.
Infuriated that he didn’t have the sensitivity to leave her alone, she tensed her shoulders. ‘Go back to the party, Cristiano. We have nothing more to talk about.’ The moon sent a shaft of light over the sea, illuminating the hard, masculine features.
‘I want to talk about the baby.’
So he’d been saving the worst for last. ‘I don’t.’
‘I know, and that’s why we’re in this mess. Because you refused to talk about it.’
The injustice of it knocked the last of the breath from her lungs.
Even now, broaching this most delicate of topics, his body language had all the subtlety of one of the many invaders who had plundered Sicily for two thousand years of its colourful history.
His legs were planted firmly apart, one hand in his pocket, indifferent to the effects of the sand on the sheen of his designer shoes. Laurel recognised the stance. This was Cristiano troubleshooting, those broad shoulders set for battle and those charcoal eyes narrowed to two dangerous slits as he assessed the opposition and realigned his strategy.
He was six foot two of furiously angry Sicilian male, ready to fight until victory was his.
And even as part of her loathed that side of him, another part admired that strength and focus.
Telling herself that raw masculinity was just not attractive, she gritted her teeth.
Kill it right now, Laurel. Those tiny, dangerous shoots of desire needed to be culled before they spread and threatened to choke common sense.
‘You want to talk about the baby? Fine—let’s talk. I was ten weeks pregnant. I had abdominal cramps. You were away on business. I called you, but you decided it would be fine to carry on with your business trip. You made your decision. Things became worse. I called you again but you’d switched your phone off. You couldn’t have been clearer about your priorities. There’s nothing more to be said on the subject.’ The idyllic setting did nothing to dilute the tension that throbbed between them.
‘You are twisting the facts. I called the doctor. I spoke to him and he assured me that with a few days’ rest you would be all right. No one expected you to lose the baby.’
She’d expected to lose the baby. From the first cramp she’d known with a woman’s instinct that something was badly wrong. ‘Then that’s you off the hook.’
‘Accidenti, why do you refuse to discuss it?’
‘Because this is not a discussion. Just another monologue where you tell me how I should be feeling. You want me to tell you that it was all my fault, that I behaved unreasonably, but I’m not going to do that because I didn’t. You are the one who behaved unreasonably.’ The rhythm of her breathing was unsteady. ‘No, not unreasonably—that isn’t the word. You were cruel, Cristiano. Cruel.’
‘Basta! Enough.’ His voice thickened around the word. ‘You make it sound as if this was a straightforward decision but my role in this company comes with huge responsibilities. The decisions that I make affect thousands. And sometimes those decisions are difficult.’
‘And sometimes they’re just plain wrong. Admit it.’
He exhaled and swore simultaneously, exasperation and frustration etched in the perfect symmetry of his face. ‘Of course, with hindsight, I admit I may have made the wrong decision that day.’
It was the closest he’d ever come to an apology but it made no difference to the raw pain inside her. Swept along in an avalanche of emotions, she forgot her promise to herself not to revisit the past. ‘It shouldn’t require hindsight for you to know you messed up badly. You knew how much it took for me to call you and ask you to come that day. When had I ever asked for your help or support before? Never. Just that one time when I was alone and terrified. All you needed was just a gram of sensitivity but no, you were too busy playing the big tycoon. And do you know the worst thing?’ Her voice shook. ‘Until I met you I had never needed anyone. I was strong. I relied only on myself. I sorted my own life ou
t. But you prised me open like a shell on a beach, removing all my protection. You demanded that I open up. You made me need you and stupidly I gave you that power. And then you let me down.’
Cristiano yanked at his bow tie and dragged open his top button as if it was strangling him. ‘I am running a global corporation. I am a man with enormous responsibilities and on this occasion—’
‘What you are, Cristiano, is a man who puts his wife second to his business interests. Do you know what really depresses me? The fact that even now you’re not willing to admit you made a lousy decision. The words “I may have made the wrong decision” have to be virtually dragged from you because you don’t believe yourself capable of getting anything wrong. Well, I’ve got news for you—you definitely made the wrong decision.’ She flung back her head and her hair slid loose over her shoulders. Like a samurai falling on his sword, she uttered the words that she knew would kill their relationship for ever. ‘And I hate you for that almost as much as I hate you for making me need you. You’re an insensitive, arrogant bully and I don’t want you in my life.’
‘A bully?’ Those powerful shoulders were rigid. ‘So now I’m a bully?’
She noticed that he didn’t challenge her on the charge of being insensitive and arrogant. ‘You push and push until things go the way you want them to go. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing, you always have to win. When there’s something you want, you develop tunnel vision. You wanted that Caribbean deal so badly you told yourself I’d be fine. You justified your behaviour by reminding yourself how many people were depending on you, that it was your responsibility to stay and finish the meeting, but the truth is that you stayed because you never think anyone can do the job as well as you and also because you love the buzz of winning. I’d have more respect for you if you were just honest enough to admit it. But you have to tell yourself it’s my fault because the alternative is recognising your own error and you don’t make errors, do you?’ It was possibly the longest, most revealing speech she’d ever made to him and she saw the shock in his eyes as he registered the change in her.
In the shaft of moonlight two livid lines of colour streaked along his enviable cheekbones. ‘I have already admitted I made the wrong decision. But once again you’ve managed to divert the conversation from the baby you lost.’
We lost, she thought numbly. We lost it. And as usual his answer to her suggestion of any failing on his part was to brush over it as virtually inconsequential.
‘You’re so proud of the fact that you talk about your feelings so easily, but they’re your feelings, Cristiano. You have no interest in anyone else’s unless they match your own. The reason you want to know my feelings is so that you can tell me I’m wrong. So that you can change my mind and tell me what I should be thinking. You have the sensitivity of a tank and I hate your macho, caveman approach to everything.’
The atmosphere snapped taut and his eyes glittered lethal black in the dim light. ‘I can remember a time when you liked my macho, caveman approach.’
The sudden punch of sensual heat horrified her. ‘That was a long time ago.’
‘Really?’ She was hauled to her feet before she could do more than gasp his name.
Unprepared and off balance, she tipped against him and was forced to plant her hand against his chest for support. Through the fine silk of his shirt she felt hard male muscle and could feel him literally vibrating with anger. His dark features loomed over her and she swayed towards him like someone in a trance. The heat was suffocating but she had no idea whether it was the sultry Sicilian air or their scorching passion that seared her skin.
Safe in another country, it had been easy to rationalise the chemistry, but the reality was raw and frightening.
Two years of self-denial weakened her still further and, instead of pushing him away, her fingers fisted in his shirt. Helpless, hopeless, she watched as his head lowered towards hers, the sheer inevitability of it melting her resistance.
She was so ready for his kiss, so desperate, that it was a brutal shock when he released her suddenly.
In a smooth movement he uncurled her fingers from his shirt as if she were an insect he didn’t want touching his flesh. ‘You’re right—’ he spoke in a tone thickened with contempt and disdain as he thrust her away from him ‘—there is no point in conversation. Nothing, nothing, justifies you walking away from our marriage. You think you’re so tough and independent but you’re a coward who would rather run than stay and fight.’
And run she did. Right then, with her feet bare and her heart exposed. She sprinted along the sand, her hair flying in her face as she ran towards the safety of the villa.
Coward, coward, coward—
Each time her feet hit the sand she heard the word in her head and she increased the pace, trying to outrun the noise.
The tightness in her chest was back but she ran without pausing, without looking back. She ran until her lungs burned and by the time she reached the villa, she could hardly breathe.
Doubled over, she paused by the door. And knew instantly that she was in trouble.
She needed the inhaler now. Right now, if she were to avoid the attack that threatened.
A few minutes before, her biggest fear had been the way she felt about him, but suddenly that fear had been surpassed by something even more dangerous. The need for air.
Her lungs burned and breathing was becoming harder and harder. With hands that shook she automatically reached for her bag, only to discover she was no longer carrying it. She’d put it down on the sand next to her and she’d forgotten to pick it up when she’d been trying to escape from Cristiano.
Laurel knew a moment of real terror and she mentally cursed herself for being so stupid. She should have used her inhaler earlier instead of arguing with him.
Her chest was growing worse by the minute. Her breathing tighter and more laboured. Knowing that she didn’t have her inhaler made the stress worse.
Being on her own with an attack was something she dreaded more than anything.
Knowing that she was in serious trouble, Laurel let herself into the villa and sank down onto the floor with her back to the wall. Breathe. Breathe. Slowly. Relax. She needed to go back and find her inhaler but at the moment she wasn’t capable of walking that far.
Telling herself that she’d be fine if she could just calm down, she forced herself to focus on the lamp glowing in the corner of the room and forget her encounter with Cristiano, but it was hard to be calm when every breath was an effort.
Her chest became tighter and she heard the whistling sound that came with the onset of an attack.
No. Not now.
The door crashed open. ‘Always you run, but you and I are going to—’ Cristiano broke off as he saw her huddled in the corner, struggling to breathe. In one stride he was beside her. ‘Laurel?’ He dropped into a crouch, his hand sliding into her hair so that he could tilt her head and look at her properly.
‘Asthma?’
Wordless, she nodded.
‘You’re a fool, running like that. Where is your inhaler?’ He displayed that same ability to focus and prioritise that had brought him staggering success in the business world. For those few crucial moments everything between them was forgotten.
‘Bag—dropped it—’
‘This bag?’ Her tiny silver purse dangled from his fingers and her shoulders slumped with relief as she nodded. Already the wheeze was becoming worse.
Hands shaking, she reached for the bag but he was already opening it, his movements swift and purposeful as he extracted the inhaler.
‘This one?’