He heard the guilt in her voice and looked into her smoke-grey eyes.
‘I really thought you weren’t coming back,’ she added softly.
He wanted to say she should have known he would. But how would she? He’d behaved like the worst cur imaginable. He shrugged. ‘It took longer than I expected.’
She took a deep breath. ‘Did you see anything of them? Those men?’
‘No.’ Her face said she didn’t believe him. She was too clever for such an offhand assurance.
‘Not that I’m thinking we’ve seen the last of them,’ he continued. ‘But they’d be here by now if they’d followed us last night, and I saw no sign of them on the track. And if they’ve waited for morning’s light, as I believe they have, then it will be a while before they make their way here. By then we’ll be gone.’ He pulled a thin, flat rock from his pocket and set it on top of the fire. As a skillet, it wasn’t much, but it would serve a turn.
* * *
Soon the little stone room was filled with the aroma of roasting meat and they were taking turns at sipping from the mug containing the last of his tea. He broke the remains of the roll in half and offered her one.
She shook her head. ‘You need it more than I.’
He raised a brow.
‘There’s more of you,’ she said, her smile tentative.
A soft feeling invaded his chest at the kindness of her words. He’d forgotten that women could be kind. She had always eaten first and thrown him whatever scraps were left. And if he had angered her, she’d given him nothing but punishment. It still shamed him that he’d let her treat him that way. Let her use him, at first out of gratitude and then out of weakness.
But he couldn’t let Rowena’s kindness sway him into being soft. It would make it too difficult to keep his distance. He grunted. ‘Your choice.’ He turned the meat on the stone. It looked ready. He cut into a piece with his knife to ensure it was cooked through.
‘How did you catch them?’ she asked.
Surprised by her interest, he looked up. ‘With a snare.’ He pulled a piece of looped string from his pocket. ‘I learned a great deal from the Indians. They are clever hunters.’
He skewered one of the strips and held it out to her.
She pulled out her handkerchief and took it from him, blowing on it to cool it, then took a small hesitant bite. A smile spread across her stern face, making her look younger and almost pretty, more like the woman he’d pleasured in the night. He hardened. The devil confound him, why would his mind keep going back to that?
‘Oh, my,’ she said. ‘That’s delicious.’
Warm pleasure at her compliment spread through him. Warmth he should not be feeling. ‘Because you’re hungry,’ he said curtly.
She flinched. And he ground his teeth at the look of hurt in her eyes. He preferred her anger.
He divided the strips between them and they tucked in. He ate his with the bread. It didn’t take very long and he wished there was more, but he was used to an empty belly. She wasn’t. He could see it in her face.
‘Let us be on the road, then,’ he said. ‘If we are lucky we will reach our journey’s end in time for supper.’
The look of longing on her face filled him with guilt. He couldn’t even feed her properly. He was supposed to be protecting her, not putting her in danger. She’d come to him for comfort and he’d treated her like some low class of woman. But it was too late to put the beast back in the cage. All he could do was go forward so she would not have to suffer his presence for very much longer. Soon she would not be his responsibility.
The thought caused him to suffer a pang in his chest. Bloody indigestion, that was all.
He rose and began tidying up. ‘We’ll leave it just as we found it. For the next traveller.’
In silence, they began packing up.
Chapter Eight
After an hour or so of slow riding through the drifts, the sun came out. The glistening snow made it hard to see, but despite the cool wind, Rowena felt the warmth of the sun on her shoulders. She watched with interest at the way Drew had looked up at the sky, then adjusted their course.
‘Do you know where we are?’ she asked during one of their stops to rest the horses.
‘Roughly.’ He pointed ahead. ‘That way is north-west. The map I saw showed that mountain due north of where we are headed.’ He pointed at a distant jagged peak.
‘How do you know that is the mountain you saw on the map?’
‘I’ve been here before.’
‘You have?’
‘A long time ago. I was on my way to London.’ He urged his horse into motion and she followed suit, catching him up.
‘You’ve been to London?’
‘For my sins.’
She had the feeling he didn’t want to say any more about it, but she could not hold back her questions. ‘Is it as large as they say? As grand?’
‘It is much bigger than Edinburgh, certainly. And crowded and dirty. Except for the small area occupied by the very rich. Mayfair and St James’s. That is grand enough, I suppose.’
She digested this in silence. ‘You don’t sound very impressed. Why did you go?’
‘Family business.’
And that was all he was going to say on the matter, she realised from the finality in his voice. A stab of hurt twisted in her chest. She forced herself to ignore it. Men did not like women poking their noses into their business, private or personal. She meant nothing to him. She couldn’t even bring him the most basic of pleasures.
Heat rippled across her skin at the memory of the pleasure she had found in his arms. And the disgust she had seen on his face. Perhaps if she could make him understand that she had been true to her husband until that very moment, he wouldn’t think her quite so wanton. And perhaps if he understood she planned never to marry again, he wouldn’t fear he’d be trapped. She was a widow and she could do as she pleased, provided she was discreet, if that was what had bothered him so.
Clearly what had happened had been a mistake. For both of them. It would not happen again. Because he didn’t want it to. The hollowness inside her grew.
They mounted up again and as the path narrowed she let her horse fall back, content to follow, and only glanced back over her shoulder occasionally, when she heard the sound of a bird or some other small noise.
Just in case it was those horrible men.
* * *
When they arrived, late that afternoon, the house was nothing like Drew expected. It was a mean and ill-appointed stone two-storey dwelling, lying ten miles from the duke’s residence and five from the nearest village. It stood at the edge of a small forest of pines with a burn wandering through an overgrown patch of snow-covered garden. Why send her to a place so far from anywhere? As if he didn’t want her talking to anyone.
It wasn’t as bad as the bothy they’d so recently left, but not far off.
Rowena looked about her calmly, though also clearly disappointed. He could not help but admire her calm manner when dealing with adversity.
She had not been so calm when she thought he had abandoned her, he acknowledged wryly, but who could blame her? He had walked out on her without a word, shamed by knowing he should have stopped what had happened. He still could not believe he had treated a lady so roughly. He’d expected recriminations. When they hadn’t come, he’d felt worse, realising she feared he would abandon her to her fate.
But there was little he could say to explain.
He leaped from his horse. ‘The place looks deserted.’ He helped her down.
‘It does,’ she said, glancing up at a chimney absent of smoke.
He tied the horses to a fence post and tossed the saddlebags over his shoulder. ‘Let us take a look inside.’
She handed him the key the Pockles had passed on from Jones the morning they had left. The front door opened with a painful shriek of rusted metal. He wanted to curse the duke. Instead, he stepped over the threshold. Inside it smelled musty and dusty and dam
p. He grimaced at the smell. ‘I think you might have to take rooms at an inn until the place has been aired out.’
She stepped around him and peered into the first room leading off the hallway. A parlour, of sorts, furnished with a sofa and a chair and table for eating. The room at the end of the hallway was a small kitchen with a door out to the garden, the path leading to a shed at the end, which might be assumed to serve as a stable. There were holes in its thatch and boards missing from the walls.
‘You can’t stay here,’ he said as she turned back.
The glance she gave him caused him to close his mouth with a snap.
He followed her up the stairs. Two bedrooms. The one at the front a decent size. He trailed her into the one at the back. It overlooked the untidy garden.
‘Is there an attic?’ she asked. ‘For servants?’
He went out to the landing to check. ‘Not that I can see.’
‘You’ll stay in this room, then.’
He shook his head. ‘I’ll stay with the horses.’ He didn’t trust himself to sleep so close to her. ‘We have enough explaining to do.’
Was that disappointment he saw in her face as she turned away to look out of the window? Surely not?
‘You can’t sleep out there,’ she said.
He huffed out a breath. ‘Well, I canna sleep in the house. There is no excuse for it. And Mrs Pockle will need the room when she arrives.’
‘What if the smugglers come after us?’
‘They willna’.’ He huffed out a breath. ‘But if they do, I’ll hear them long before they get close. Dinna fash about that.’ He gave her a mischievous grin to take the force out of his words. ‘And Pockle will ha’ to sleep out there, too, since there’s no separate quarters for servants.’ It wasn’t right for married servants to cohabit with a single mistress. What could Jones have been thinking?
‘Poor Mr Pockle.’ Her eyes were large and sad, her smile tight. ‘As you wish.’
Dammit, it was nothing to do with what he wished. It was what was right. ‘It won’t take me long to repair the worst of the holes and we’ll be as snug as bugs for a night or two. Then you will send a message to the duke and tell him that this really won’t do.’
‘I can’t afford to stay at the inn.’
‘But the duke—’
‘Mr Jones was very clear. This is all the duke is prepared to give until my claims are settled. I am to stay here and await his pleasure.’
‘It isna’ right.’
She turned to face him. ‘I know. And that is what makes me think there is something underhanded going on. I intend to get to the bottom of it.’
The determination on her face made him want to smile. ‘I can’t argue with your sense of unease. I have it, too.’
She frowned. ‘I am to wait here until the duke sees fit to receive me. In the meantime, I have only sufficient funds either to hire a maid or to buy food.’
‘I have what is left of your husband’s money,’ he said.
‘But he gave that to you.’
‘He gave it to me to see you safe home to his relatives.’ He winced. ‘There isna’ verra much left.’
She sighed. ‘Samuel was not blessed with the ability to hang on to his coin.’
‘Or yours.’
Her smile was brief and pained. ‘And what about you? Do you not need the money to continue your journey? It seems once you have answered the duke’s questions you will have more than met your obligation. Indeed, the money is yours by right. You must keep it as payment for your service.’
He stiffened. ‘I didna’ do it for pay.’ It was guilt that drove him. But that was something she did not need to know and so he lied. ‘The money is yours.’ He pulled the pouch from his pocket and held it out to her.
She looked at it for a long moment. ‘My honour tells me I should refuse. My need tells me I do not have the luxury of honour.’
The bitterness in her voice struck a painful chord deep in his chest. He knew that feeling only too well. ‘You can pay me back, then. When things are settled.’
‘I will.’ Determination filled her voice. She turned away, but not before he saw her cheeks flush with embarrassment. At being in debt to him, no doubt.
‘I’ll light a fire in the kitchen and take care of the horses, then see if I can snare some fresh meat,’ he said, as if he had not noticed. ‘The Pockles are sure to be here in the morning with our luggage.’
She turned away from the window with a sigh. ‘I had hoped they might have arrived before us. I do hope they are not lost.’
Or attacked by the smugglers. He tried to look confident. ‘Pockle’s travelled the route many times before, winter and summer, he told me so.’
‘Let us hope he was telling the truth. The duke might not be pleased if we have somehow mislaid his cousin.’
Drew narrowed his eyes at the thought. Hell, it might even give the duke the excuse he needed to refuse to acknowledge her at all. It seemed nothing about this affair was straightforward. ‘If that time comes, I will see to it that he is found.’
‘It seems I do nothing but accept your help, Mr Gilvry.’ She pressed her lips together for a moment, then released a breath. ‘Would you leave if I told you to go?’
‘No.’
‘Then it seems I have no choice but to accept your assistance. Thank you.’
Feeling very much like an intruder, he turned and clattered down the stairs. ‘I’ll be back with something for supper.’
* * *
What was she going to do? Rowena turned in a circle at the bottom of the stairs, looking at the little house in which she was supposed to live. A house that was hers, yet belonged to the duke. In the middle of nowhere.
She loved the Scottish countryside. The grandeur. The wildness. From a distance. She’d been raised in Edinburgh and lived there all her life. A city full of culture and education. How could she live in a place like this?
She could not. Not for very long, at least. Somehow she would have to find a way to see this reclusive duke and either convince him to honour the settlement left by her husband, if any, or seek another position.
Having come to a decision of how to proceed, she set about dealing with her circumstances. When the Pockles arrived, she would have a change of clothes. In the meantime, if Drew was going to hunt, she was at least going to make the place habitable.
She turned up her sleeves and went into the kitchen, the only warm room in the house, and gazed in disgust at the dust and the dirt. First things first. Water.
She trudged through the snow in the garden to fetch water from the little stream to fill the kettle. Hands on hips, she surveyed the shed, now containing the horses. It was worse close up than it had been from a distance. It was barely good enough for a horse, let alone a man. And so she would tell him. Her heart sank. Perhaps he preferred to be out here, rather than inside with her. Perhaps he feared she would attack him while he slept.
She wouldn’t. She wasn’t that bold. Not now that she knew he found her unattractive. An antidote. Bad enough to make a husband run off to America.
She sighed. No, he wouldn’t stay in the house, even if she begged him. She struggled back to the house.
Very well. She was on her own. An independent woman. Not even the duke could take that away. And if there was some money owed to her from Samuel’s will, perhaps she could start her own little school. For girls. Teach them to think for themselves. She blinked. Could she?
A sound at the front door sent her heart leaping in her throat. She ran to the window in the parlour that overlooked the front door.
A short middle-aged man stood on the step, knocking the snow off his boots and looking perfectly respectable. And behind him, at the gate, stood a cart. The man knocked.
Smugglers wouldn’t knock. But still her heart raced painfully. The man knocked again and stepped back, looking up at the second storey as if he thought she might be still abed. He must know someone was here given the smoke no doubt issuing from the chimney.<
br />
Taking a deep breath, she left the room and hurried to the front door. She pulled it open and stepped back warily. Whoever he was, he might think she had no right to be here.
‘Yes?’ she said.
The man doffed his hat. His gaze took in the kerchief on her head and the rag in her left hand. ‘I am here to see Mrs MacDonald.’
Startled by the use of her name, she stared at him. ‘Who are you?’
‘Jeffrey Weir. Duke of Mere’s steward. To see your mistress, if you please.’ She took the card he handed over. The duke’s steward. Just the man she wanted to see. And since it seemed unlikely he posed a threat, she gestured for him to enter. ‘Come in.’
She led him into the parlour.
He sat down. She followed suit. He frowned as if puzzled.
‘I am Mrs MacDonald,’ she said.
He popped up from his seat, looking thoroughly discomposed. ‘I beg your pardon, madam.’
She raised a brow. ‘Who else did you expect to answer the door?’
He swallowed and tugged at his neckcloth. ‘Your servant?’
With a theatrical sigh, she glanced around. ‘This house hasn’t seen a servant in months, if ever. As the duke’s steward, you must be aware of that fact.’ She really shouldn’t be so cruel to the poor man, whose face was now as red as a carnation, but she could not help it. If he was the duke’s steward, then it was his responsibility to ensure the house was habitable, surely?
‘A couple by the name of Pockle,’ he managed to gasp. ‘They were to accompany you, I understand.’
‘Ah, yes, the Pockles,’ she said with a lift of one brow. ‘Unfortunately, they became separated from me on the road, where I was subsequently attacked by smugglers and forced to flee in the middle of the night. By the good offices of Mr Gilvry did I escape with my life. Only to arrive at a derelict house.’
‘I beg your pardon, ma’am. I had intended to be here several days ago. The duke sent me with supplies, but with the snowstorm...’ He gestured vaguely at the window. ‘The Pockles...’
‘At this moment, I have no clue what has happened to the Pockles.’
He swallowed. ‘Mr Samuel—’
The Regency Season Page 35