by Layla Dorine
“But you will come visit when you get out, right?”
“Hell yeah. I want to see this backyard of yours. Maybe you’ll have the benches built and the Jacuzzi in by the time I get there.”
“Maybe.” Nicky crossed the room and hugged Raff, trying to convey how grateful he was for Raff’s friendship.
“Think you can get Gray to keep on sending me cookies?”
“I think I can manage that,” Nicky replied, pulling back with a grin.
“Thanks, man, for all of it. Hanging out and talking to me, putting up with my moods, just...thanks.”
“Hey, you put up with mine.”
Chuckling, Raff nodded. “True.”
“I plan on writing, so I hope you’ll write back.”
“I said I would, didn’t I?”
“Yeah.”
Raff nudged him with his shoulder and Nicky looked up. “You okay?” Raff asked.
“A little nervous.”
“Well, don’t be. Everything will work itself out, you’ll see. Just don’t try and rush things, and keep on doing your exercises. You don’t have to decide about work or the future right away. Get settled back into your life first, then think about making decisions.”
Nicky nodded. “I will.”
“Good. Now get going before you chicken out and decide to stick around and listen to me rant.”
“Ugh, no.”
Nicky dragged one of the suitcases out into the hall, Nurse Collins right behind him with the other, and his backpack too.
A short time later they were loaded up and on their way.
“Now, don’t forget to keep up with your stretches every day,” she cautioned. “Hit the gym and work with the weights as often as you can. You don’t want to let everything stiffen up on you.”
“I will,” he assured her. “The last thing I plan to do is be inactive. I’ve had enough sitting on my ass to last a lifetime.”
“Yes, well, don’t you go overdoing it either.”
“I won’t. It’s not like I could go back to work at the garage or anything; my body can’t handle it, at least not yet. Thanks to my sponsors covering my rehab bills, I still have some money saved, and they were really interested in those bike designs I sent them, so who knows. We might be working together again in the future.”
“Do you think you can handle that? Watching other people race around on bikes you designed, knowing you aren’t able to join them?”
Nicky sucked in a deep breath. “Right now, I’m not even sure I’ll be able to handle watching a race. I guess only time will tell. I’ve got that list of classes I was interested in. I plan to look into those when I get back, so we’ll see. I know I can still ride if I want. Maybe…maybe that will be enough.”
“Just don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re smarter than you give yourself credit for, and you’ve got an amazing personality when you’re not moping.”
He laughed. “Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself when you’re not being a tyrant.”
“What can I say? Listening to grown men complain like two-year-olds just really brings it out of me,” she said with a wide smile.
“Is it okay if I write you?” Nicky asked suddenly. “It’s just… I feel like you’re my friend as well as my nurse, and I really don’t wanna say goodbye and have that be it.”
“Sure. You won’t be the only one, actually. I like knowing that the people I helped are out there living great lives. It’s the same for me, you know. There are just some who come through the center who end up feeling more like friends than patients.”
She gave him her address after she’d parked and helped him take his bags inside. It would be a wait before the bus came, so he bought his ticket and they sat talking until it arrived. He had never taken her for a surfing fan, but it turned out she loved to watch and had even tried it a few times too, before she’d moved so far from the ocean. They talked about some of the amazing rides they’d seen, the awesome waves, and who should have won the Hawaiian Big Wave Classic. Then the bus pulled in, and she kissed him on the cheek and wished him well. As Nicky settled in his seat the nerves crept back in. How much had changed since he left?
***
By the time the cab pulled up in front of his house, Nicky was exhausted, sore, and kicking himself for not listening to Nurse Collins’ advice. The whole trip had taken over three hours longer than when River had driven him up, and the leg room on the bus had not been helpful. He paid the cab driver and groaned as he got out. The long journey up the walk with his bags felt like forever, and he was breathing hard as he fumbled with his keys. It took his eyes several seconds to adjust to the scene that greeted him when he walked into the room.
The TV was on, Terminator was kicking ass, but neither Vic nor River were watching it. Open beers on the coffee table looked forgotten as they kissed one another aggressively, gripping each other’s clothes and hair. Nicky blinked, brain ping ponging between arousal and curiosity. River nuzzled Vic’s neck and bit him gently, causing Vic to arch against him, and Nicky to groan.
“Holy shit,” Nicky muttered, louder than planned. Both men flew apart, chests heaving as their wild eyes settled on him.
“Nicky?” River stammered, untangling himself from Vic. “What the hell? Why didn’t you call me to pick you up?” River rushed to his friend and hugged him. Vic soon joined in the hug, and for a moment Nicky blushed, feeling a little awkward.
“Surprise?” he said flippantly, trying to look anywhere but at their faces.
“Umm, yeah.” River laughed.
“But a damned good one,” Vic said as he stepped back. “You look good. How long have you been walking, and why the hell didn’t you write and tell us you could?”
“I wanted to surprise you guys.” Nicky blushed. “I guess I did too good a job at that. And why the hell didn’t you guys write and tell me you hooked up?”
Both of them looked sheepish. “It just kinda happened,” River admitted.
“Yeah.” Vic nodded. “We’re not even sure exactly how.”
Nicky looked between them and grinned. “You look damn good together.”
A slow smile spread across both of their faces as they shot one another sudden glances, then returned their gazes to Nicky.
“Well, there goes our big idea for a welcome home party.” Vic chuckled.
“Oh, we can still party,” River said. “Only now I won’t have to worry about keeping my mouth shut while I’m trying to get him here.”
“Not to be rude, guys, but I really need to sit down.” Nicky moved past them, leaving his bags in the doorway as he made his way to one of the easy chairs and dropped into it. He snagged one of the beers from a six-pack on the floor and popped the top. He took a long drink, eyes closing as he blissfully enjoyed it. “I’ve missed this.”
River and Vic picked up his bags and moved them over by the stairs, a little shocked when Nicky told them to leave them, he’d get them later. Shrugging, they let them be and joined him in the living room.
“Thanks for moving all of my shit back upstairs,” he told Vic. “I can’t wait to sleep in my old room again.”
“No problem,” Vic said. “It’s really good to see you back to your old self again.”
Nicky sighed. “I don’t ever get to be the old me again, but in a couple months I can maybe do mechanic work again. If I want. I’m still not really sure yet if I’m gonna try. I mean, I could probably do all the easy stuff now, but anything that requires a good deal of finesse or dexterity, my fingers are still not up to. Can’t even go bouldering with you guys yet. I don’t have full strength in my arm, but I can go surf and, damn, I really, really want to.”
“It’s supposed to be nice tomorrow. We can blow off work and head down to the shore,” River suggested.
“No way, guys,” Nicky told him sternly. “I’m not gonna have you messing up your lives for me again. I’ll go to the beach in the morning. It will be awesome to drive my truck again. That way, if I fall on my face, I won’t
have an audience.”
It was clear they both wanted to protest.
“Look guys,” Nicky said as he finished the beer, “I’ve been dying to do this, but it’s something I really need to do on my own. No one would let me test my limits in that place, so now that I’m out, I need to figure out what I can do. Don’t worry, I’ll be careful, and I won’t overdo it. It would suck to have spent all that time doing PT just to come home and drown.”
River snorted. “Yeah, that would kinda suck.”
Even Vic had to laugh as Nicky opened another beer. “Just let me sit here and drink this, and then I’ll get out of your way and let you get back to your movie.” He made air quotes with his free hand. “I’ve got a nice hot shower and a soft, warm bed calling my name right now.”
“So, I take it if we didn’t know you were coming back, Gray doesn’t have a clue either?”
“No,” Nicky said with a shake of his head. “I plan on surprising him too. I, umm, I’m just not sure how to go about it yet. Figure I’ll plan it all out when I’m on the beach. God, I’ve been dreaming of sand. I don’t ever wanna be away from the coast for so long again. Do you know how odd it felt to be outside and not be able to smell the ocean?”
Neither responded, but Nicky didn’t mind. He headed up to get his shower and go to bed.
***
River watched him take the steps, a little shaky, but having no trouble reaching the top; however, neither he nor Vic seemed too quick to resume their previous activities.
“Shouldn’t that have been more awkward?” River asked as he grabbed a hard cider and popped the top.
“Umm, I would have thought it would be, but then, it’s Nicky. I guess we should have figured he’d be cool with it,” Vic said.
“So umm…” River began, glancing over. “What are we?”
Vic met his gaze over his own bottle. “Don’t know. Does it matter?”
River was quiet. Did it matter? “I’d like it to,” he said.
The response made Vic pause. “You sure? I mean, I’m not really up for sharing, or at least, I don’t think I’d be. I mean, I never have, so I guess I don’t know, but…”
Vic’s rant was cut off by River’s laughter, and then suddenly River was kneeling right in front of him, gazing up into his eyes. “I don’t want other people, right now. All I want is you. So let’s see where it takes us, okay?”
Vic nodded and leaned to caress his cheek, desire slamming through River as he watched Vic’s tongue flick out to lick his lower lip.
“Okay,” Vic said, and then leaned forward and kissed him.
***
Nicky had considered going to the bakery where Gray worked, but in the end he decided he didn’t want a reunion where they could look at one another and wouldn’t be able to touch. He’d missed curling up with Gray too much for that. Now, however, as he stood outside the door to Gray’s apartment, he really wasn’t sure just coming over out of the blue was the right thing to do. He should have called. This was stupid. What if Gray wasn’t even home? Kicking himself, Nicky squared his shoulders and knocked on the door. It took several minutes for the sound of Gray’s footsteps to reach his ears, and in that time Nicky was proud that he never considered walking away.
When the door opened Nicky could see exactly why it had taken so long. Gray had a towel wrapped around his waist and rivets of water running down his hair and body. For a moment, all Nicky could do was stare as his jeans became unbearably tight. He licked his lips, his breath coming out in little pants.
“Nicholas,” Gray murmured, a bright smile lighting his face before he crushed Nicky to him in a tight hug. Nicky hugged him back, just as tight, the pair remaining that way until a soft giggle broke them apart. The elderly lady across the hall was smirking at them, with a little dog prancing around her feet. Gray waved to her, drew Nicky all the way into the apartment, and closed the door with a soft click.
“When did you get back?” Gray asked as he held Nicky at arm’s length and looked him over.
“Last night. I didn’t even tell Vic I was coming, just sorta showed up and interrupted him and River,” Nicky explained, blushing a little.
Gray chuckled. “Pretty sure I can guess what you interrupted. God, it’s good to see you,” Gray said, pulling Nicky back into his arms again. He rested his head on top of Nicky’s and kissed him. Nicky felt Gray shudder, heard him draw in a ragged breath before he began to sob. All Nicky could do was hold him tighter and murmur to Gray that he loved him and was right there and had no plans to go anywhere again. When Gray regained his composure, he still didn’t let go, and Nicky shifted his weight and groaned. Finally, Gray drew back, only for Nicky to reach forward and wipe the tears from his cheek with his fingertips.
“What’s wrong?” Nicky asked softly.
“I was so scared I was gonna lose you, even with the letters you sent. I felt like we were disconnected somehow, especially with everything that happened before you left. I guess I figured you wouldn’t come back to me once you were home, so to see you here... I’ve missed you something fierce.”
Tears had begun to slide down Nicky’s face as Gray spoke and he hastily moved to wipe them away, only to have Gray still his hand and lean forward to kiss them from his cheeks. The whole time he was doing so, all Nicky could think about was that this awesome guy who he’d tried so hard to push away had been sitting here alone, worried about him, and wondering if he’d get him back. In all his life, Nicky couldn’t ever remember anyone caring about where he was, or needing him, or missing him, or opening a door and seeing him there, and looking at him with such joy and enthusiasm as the man who was pulling him in for another hug.
Nicky curled against Gray molding himself into Gray’s chest. Gray stroked his hair, and both of their breathing fell into sync as they settled on the couch, the low sound of the Grateful Dead filling the space around them.
“Are you hungry?” Gray asked softly. “When was the last time you ate? Do you need anything?”
“You,” Nicky declared. “Just you.”
Gray exhaled a slow, shuddering breath and held him tighter. Nicky closed his eyes and lost himself in the feel and scent of Gray. They inched together slowly, reclining more and more until they were lying down. Nicky’s head rested on Gray’s chest, his ear over Gray’s heart, the steady rhythm comforting. Nicky sighed and shifted. His leg was beginning to ache a little, but he didn’t want to move. Still, he couldn’t stifle a groan a few minutes later, when his leg gave a painful twinge.
“Hey,” Gray said, “let’s move to my bed. We’ll be more comfortable.”
“Okay.”
Gray took his hand and led him to the bedroom, and onto the queen size bed. Nicky curled against him, one hand on Gray’s abs, fingers spread.
“I want us to do things different this time,” Gray said gently as Nicky trailed his hand south.
Nicky stilled, and he raised up a little to look at Gray, unsure of what he meant.
“I want to take you out,” Gray explained. “I want us to do things together, go to the beach, go to the movies, let me show you the things I love, and I want you to show me the things you love. Let’s go horseback riding, teach me to surf, let’s go camping and sit out under the stars all night. Let me cherish you, and not just in bed either. Let me love you this time, Nicky.”
Nicky shivered, then rose above Gray, his eyes shimmering with joy and unshed tears. He lowered his lips and kissed Gray passionately, trying to convey his answer without words. Gray kissed him with the same fever, until Nicky drew away.
“I’d like that,” Nicky said, curling back against his side. “I’d love that. I love you, Gray.”
For the rest of the night, they talked. Gray told him about his new job and all of the things he did each day, and Nicky told him about the classes he was thinking about taking, and the confusion he still felt over what to do now for a career. They talked until neither could do more than slur together a few words. Then they fell asleep in each other
’s arms.
Epilogue
Soft, golden-pink tones of sunrise still lingered over the fields as Gray and Nicky rode past. The low clop, clop, clop of their horses hooves created a gentle rhythm that barely disrupted the musical tweeting of the birds. Nicky’s long hair was pulled back from his face in a heavy braid that swayed across his back. Gray had done it for him right after their morning shower, trailing lingering kisses on Nicky’s shoulders and neck as he worked. Nicky shivered at the memory and let his eyes drift closed.
“You’re not still tired, are you?”
Gray’s concerned voice jarred Nicky from the pleasant recollection and he opened his eyes and smiled.
“If I was, it would be all your fault,” Nicky informed him, but there was no rebuff in his voice, only warm affection.
Gray shot him a knowing look. “I didn’t hear you complaining.”
“And you never will.” Nicky laughed, raking his eyes over Gray’s body. His mouth watered a little at the way Gray’s knees hugged the horse’s sides, the tightness of his flannel across his muscular chest, and the way the rolled-up sleeves showed off the definition in his arms.
Gray chuckled. “Better watch where you’re going, before your horse runs off with you.”
Nicky looked up and realized his horse had drifted off the trail and into a field of wildflowers.
“Maybe I’m exactly where I want to be,” Nicky challenged.
He halted his horse and slid carefully off her back. He stood with the reins in his hand as he looked around. Cattle grazed on the other side of the fence, while the sun hung halfway over the horizon. A flock of turkeys wandered nearby. Gray dismounted and moved to stand beside Nicky, sliding his hand up Nicky’s back. Nicky heard Gray’s horse nicker and shift from foot to foot before lowering his muzzle to nibble the grass. He was a beautiful gray quarter horse with a deep black mane. Nicky shivered as Gray’s fingers teased the back of his neck and squeezed gently.